abraxaslogs | [OPEN] cold wind blowing beneath my wings

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[OPEN] cold wind blowing beneath my wings

WHO: Estinien Wyrmblood and YOU
WHAT: Estinien is back in the real world and not particularly happy about it, at least until he manages to meditate his way into the Horizon again. Meanwhile, his cellmate Relena goes missing and he gets very angry about it.
WHERE: In prison and also the Horizon.
WHEN: From July 24th to August 12th
NOTES: If you'd like something more specific with Estinien feel free to hit me up on the Discord or at

quixocalypse.

I➔ And Back Again

The descent from the Horizon feels akin to being summoned back to a dead body, both in terms of power and relative comfort. The aches and pains of his imprisonment return with merciless acuity. While his energy had been boundless in that higher realm, here it is reduced to scraps as the ravages of hunger and exhaustion weigh down on him. It's the contrast itself that is the most jarring, along with the fact that he wakes up in shackles.

Yes, the fear that had been haunting his subconscious his entire stay in the Horizon has come back into context. This is what he'd been desperate to escape, and now that he's returned to it, he feels no less dread. Even worse is the fact that Ambrose seems perfectly chuffed with himself for what they've experienced.

Upon being returned to prison, he wonders what it was all for. Any connection to the power of the Horizon seems to be gone, and given that somehow accessing the Singularity was his one hope of escape, their return leaves him in a rather dire mood. To make matters worse, it seems that the guards haven't forgotten about his aggression on the way to the portal, and also on the way back. They decide to deny him food entirely on his first day back to his cell. He should be glad he's not been simply put back into solitary, something in his gut says.

The atmosphere around him is one of miserable defeat, during those first few days back in prison. Even during the recreational hours, his accumulated frailty can be seen. As much as he tries to flex his muscles, he soon finds himself slumping against the rec yard wall. He's tired, starving, and clinging more and more tenuously to any sort of hope. Was the Horizon an escape at all, when it was all according to the High Mage's plan?

II➔ To The Horizon

Fortunately for him, his obsession driven life means he is not one accustomed to giving up for good. It takes only a couple of days before he realizes the futility in surrender - especially when he's hardly explored all his options. The Horizon was something experienced outside the body, was it not? So why not see if the connection remains?

He spends the rest of that day attempting to sink back into the Singularity's power, carefully clearing his thoughts. He is used to stilling his mind from years of being connected to Nidhogg's eye, but it has been a while since such intense concentration was required of him. He's not sure when it happens, but finally, something clicks.

Instead of awakening on his prison mattress, he wakes in a field of rolling grass - and not long after, a pile of snuffling karakul. Everything comes rushing back. He'd remembered his time in the Horizon, but something about experiencing it again reforges the connection between those two states of mind: the mind of the dragon, and the mind of his true self. To think, that all of this had been made by his hand.

He frees himself from the overzealous affection of his flock, a lifetime of memories allowing him to better keep his reflexive fear of them at bay. He wanders the valley for a while, his memories casting all he sees in a new light. What did it mean, that his unshackled soul decided to build this? Was this what he wanted, after everything? He comes along the long bit of housing within his domain, a single-family household carefully crafted of timber, but left completely empty inside. For all the time he'd spent in the valley, he spent little time dwelling on this creation. He thinks he can understand, the emptiness of its walls resonating with a similar emptiness in his heart.

He traces his fingers along the windows, across the door, but he doesn't dare open it. Instead, he decides he'd rather go somewhere else.

Without his memories, he hadn't been particularly curious about other people's domains, mostly interested in his own creations and keeping them safe. Now, though, a lifetime of experiences draws him to the outside world. He wonders if anyone else has reawakened to this place. He traverses the Horizon on foot this time, and occasionally in soaring leaps and bounds that are nearly akin to flying. Yet, he summons no wings. He can't imagine he made a particularly good impression on anyone, the way he was before.

III➔ The Weight of Absence (Aug 5+)

And then, some days later, Relena is taken.

He doesn't know the meaning of it, at first. The guards simply come to remove her from the cell, saying it's for some manner of 'trial', and she goes, with nothing he or Himeka could do to stop it. He demands answers at the time, shouting at the guards, but receives none. Initially, he wonders if she'll be freed, much like Kay was. It'd make sense, he thinks. If the trial was just, he could see no reason for her to be put in solitary or anywhere else, and he knows she has at least one friend on the outside.

Yet, when he doesn't hear anything from her in the coming days, he can no longer rely on that hopeful thought. Kay has been allowed to come and go, just like the other guests. Would Relena not have come to speak to them, after being freed? If not for him, for Himeka or the others?

As each day passes, his frustration and worry increases. He'll start attempting to flag down any passing guests, asking if they have seen her amount the others upstairs. On the way to recreation, he will check to be sure she hasn't simply changed cells, and ask around the other prisoners.

"Relena - the girl from my cell, with the long sandy hair - the guards have taken her somewhere. Have you seen her?"

With fewer and fewer kind possibilities in his mind, he'll start turning his aggression to the guards, shouting at them to ask for her location, and trying to grab at them through the bars when they inevitably ignore him. Finally, he manages to catch sight of a guard he thinks he recognizes from the day she disappeared. He manages to catch them by the arm, dragging them back against the bars of the cell.

"Where is the girl?" he snarls.

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"She's a child," Estinien snaps, having little patience for that comment. "She was simply one of the people assigned to this cell, so I noticed when she was taken. Allegedly for a 'trial', though if that was the case, nothing has been heard of the royals' verdict."

His teeth grit, anger turning his gut, and not just because of Nero being a creep.

"She did nothing to deserve their punishment... she was arguing in favor of pacifism, even, not long before she was dragged away. If they have harmed her, they are little more than beasts."

Nero steps back away from the bars; he holds his hands up in surrender due to the tone of Estinen's voice. His head drops slightly in apology as he turns his expression to a somber one.

Touchy, touchy.

The elf can't help but feel his face scrunch up to offer an incredulous expression at the idea of some little girl arguing peace. Well, shit kids are always getting themselves into trouble. He does feel like the guards dragging some kid out is going a little overboard, however.

But then, again, so is locking away everyone who doesn't fit the bill. So, whatever.

"Aren't they already little more than beasts, cousin-dear?"

Edited 2021-08-17 02:23 (UTC)

Estinien pauses, even in his anger, casting Nero a more careful glance. What does he mean by that exactly? He raises an eyebrow at him.

"Is that your opinion of this kingdom? Or are you simply waxing poetic about the state of mankind? If it's the latter, I've little interest in semantics."

He's spent enough time pondering over the monstrosities of mankind already. It's nothing new, and he certainly doesn't think it's something that can be assigned to people without their deeds speaking for them.

Edited 2021-08-17 02:28 (UTC)

"The state of mankind?" He echoes the statement back. His face starts to scrunch up almost immediately at the man's comment. "I hope that you're not saying that you think of them less than us."

His expression darkens considerably. "Because it'd be real upsetting to me. I get to see two elves after a hundred years and one of them is already spouting the same fucking shit I heard in the clan all those years ago."

His tongue slips out from between his lips. Saliva drips down from the roof of his mouth and down his chin. Nero draws in his spit before turning his head to lop a thick loogie down on the ground. "So, why don't you tell me what you mean by arguing semantics with me, Estinien?"

Sweet Halone, this man really never ceases to be a nightmare. Estinien gives him an incredulous, and also disgusted, look. He has no idea what he's talking about and it shows.

"You don't consider yourself a part of mankind?" he replies, somewhat taken aback by how purely over the top this reaction seems. Like, what in the seven hells? "Elezen are a race of man as much as any other... or elves, as you put it. I was speaking of men proving their beastliness by the cruelty of their deeds - you're the one that suggested they were already subhuman."

He scowls a little, his confusion flipping right around to anger.

"Do you always begin to drool on yourself the moment you hear something that displeases you? I'd have had hoped that someone as old as you would have learned some self control."

Edited 2021-08-17 03:14 (UTC)

His anger settles down almost immediately. He takes in what Estinien says and feels all the tension fade out of his body. Taking a step back away from the bars, he completely drops all of his aggression. He barks out another laugh, but this one is much more jolly than the ones of before.

"Ah, what a misunderstanding." Nero takes a step back so that he can slap his hand over his forehead. He acts as though the two of them had just a simple miscommunication and not that he wanted to rend the other elf into multiple pieces.

"Most elves when they talk about 'mankind' are only talking about humans." He points to his face. "I don't think that way at all. We're all in this shitty world together and gonna suffer its cruelty one way or another. Doubling back... I'd say that some of the people of Thorne are, indeed, subhuman. They can justify and ignore the pain that they cause others while also denying any accountability."

It's probably troubling that he can admit that with an easy smile. But hey, that's his motto! If a person is going to make someone's life shit, they need to take responsibility for it.

"Still... drooling? I guess I never thought about it." He wipes his chin with the back of his hand. "I might? But anyway, age has little to do with self control. In fact, as you get older, you find more reasons to excuse the things that you do."

A beat.

"But don't worry. I don't excuse my drooling. That was my bad, cousin-dear."

Estinien can't actually deny that there are plenty of reasons being old may result in one being more unhinged than they were when they were young, so he isn't going to debate it. The drooling, though - that's going to stick with him, even after the veneer of friendliness has fallen back into place.

Defensive about the personhood of humans, then? Or should he say 'Hyur'. Eorzeas history was paved with conflict between Elezen and Hyur, and he's sure in the past many might have called those on the other side savages. In modern Ishgard, however, it's become less and less of an issue as time goes on...

"Regardless..." Estinien says, still visibly uncomfortable. The fact that he generally agrees with the sentiment of 'we're all in this shitty world together' does take a bit of the edge off of it though. "The races of man from my star came in many forms. I've no scorn for any of them based on the origin of their birth, only in what they have done to the world around them."

"And here... the leaders of this nation... I am inclined to agree - but I would not want to assume the same of their people." He shakes his head a little. "The common folk have little sway over our fates. I doubt the Royals have seen fit to tell them to the truth of what has happened."

Edited 2021-08-17 03:43 (UTC)

"A cousin after my own heart." Nero presses his hand over his chest to further emphasize his statement. He closes his eyes before opening one to look at Estinien. "Well, maybe not. To borrow your words... I hold no scorn for anyone save those that refuse to admit what they've done."

A person could betray him and he would have no desire for revenge just so long as they admit they did so. They could spit in his face; they could denounce him and use him as bait, as fodder, but he will only want them dead if they don't take responsibility in their words or actions.

Simply, the elf would come for their lives if they dared to say that he is the only one to blame. So, why does he turn against Ambrose? Because the man locked the people away because they are the wrong ones and ignoring any fault in making the decision.

"I guess I'm just too easy-going a person." He chuckles, lightly, ignoring the disturbed expression that his cousin has. "Still, what you said there -- the truth of what happened. The truth of what happened is only what the loudest voice says is what's real."

Nero sighs. "Even if you get out of here, very few will believe your truth. So, what will you do?"

Estinien finds that to be a curious distinction, but not one he can find unreasonable. He values honesty as well, and while he couldn't go as far to forgive someone simply for admitting their crimes, he would find it a bit more savory than one too stuck up their own arse to realize it.

As for the rest... it's something he's thought about a great deal, as much as he possibly could with the limited information he has available to him.

"I shall find someone who will," he says, simply. He is resolute in this idea. It's the only one he can see accomplishing what he needs. "Thorne has enemies... it's why they wanted us to fight in their name. If the nations they combat with lack the means to summon their own champions, they may be interested in welcoming those that Thorne has lost."

"Mayhap they will be less beastly in their intentions. And if not... they may still be our best option, if we are ever to direct our own destiny."

"Oh?"

Nero twists his head about as he takes another serious look at the elf. He really does like the way that his cousin thinks. It isn't quite like him, but it is interesting enough that he can't let it go. Estinien's hatred for Thornes might be enough to join in with those that would start a war with it.

People murdering and slaughtering each other. The amount of death that would start piling up in the streets. The promised bloodshed is extending out past the castle and flowing out into the streets and city. He can feel himself drooling yet again, but he swallows it back this time rather than let it slip out his mouth.

"You're right. It's not like we can just be on our own. The enemy of our enemy is our friend."

Estinien is not at all enthusiastic about participating in another war, but he's even less happy with the idea of leaving work undone for the sake of keeping his hands clean. Someone has to do this, and if Thorne really intends to take control of the Singularity... well, he does not think they are equipped to do so.

"What's more, Thorne intends to use the power of the Singularity for its own devices. To take control of it, and attempt to bend it to their will. Given the questionable morality of their leadership, I cannot see this as a viable option. Mankind can rarely be trusted with such power... I have seen it play out myself, again and again."

He looks downward, his frown thoughtful.

"I cannot allow this fate to be forced upon anyone else."

"That, so?"

This sort of news is not all that new to Nero. But he hasn't been paying that much attention to it, either. The elf believes that Thorne has a very good chance at destroying the world -- and all worlds -- with their meddling and summoning, but it isn't the end that he's really wanting to witness.

He loves the way that Martin talks. He loves the way that Estinien talks. The way that they carry themselves makes his mouth salivate because it promises so much more death and destruction. It also promises the look of harrowing realization of just how far they were willing to go for goodness.

He absolutely loves it!

Ambrose has the swagger and talk of someone who would be able to look at the horror of what he brought and blame it on someone else. Even if Nero fired a crossbow between the man's eyes, Ambrose seems like the type that would still claim that he did nothing wrong. That sort of shit is so fucking boring. But the two men that he met -- they have the making of something truly horrible.

"I am absolutely with you, tall cousin!" He spreads his arms out. "This sort of shit happens all the time. People build up so much power and end up destroying themselves. We can't allow such hubris to get in the way of everyone else's safety and lives."

His eyes start to shine. "Even if they're willing to accept the sacrifice, it doesn't mean that sacrifice had to happen in the first place. Am I right?"

Nero's bombastic reaction has a way of making Estinien almost feel defensive, as if its raw enthusiasm is too much for his response to be genuine. If nothing else, this 'cousin' of his has been keeping him on his toes. He shakes his head a little.

"Make no mistake, I am willing to fight to save my world, and this one too. But I can't do that from here." He's kept his voice fairly low for this whole conversation, but Nero has been a bit less subtle. "And you'll be doing yourself, and I, few favours if you get yourself locked up before you can do anything of use."

He feels like he might be barking up the wrong tree, expecting this guy to accomplish anything at all, but there's no reason to deny his offers yet.

"Yeah, right, of course." Nero replies in a dismissive tone. He figures that if Estinien really was willing to work with Ambrose and Thorne to save the world, he would figuratively (or maybe literally) suck the High Mage's dick so that he could leave the dungeons.

"Don't worry. I've been playing nice with everyone." That may or may not be his saving grace. He is willing to do whatever is asked of him and offer no arguments should anyone of Thorne request him to carry out any act. It doesn't really matter how tedious the task might be, either, since he just doesn't care enough to not do it.

"I've already promised to help two people escape." Nero lowers his voice as he "confesses" his plan to his tall cousin. "Do you want to join in that promise with us?"

It's more that he doesn't truly believe that Thorne's method of 'saving the world' is to the true one - or, at least, he isn't willing to believe that it is until he sees evidence from something other than the man that decided to imprison him for dubious reasons. In his experience, people can have very different ideas of what saving the world entails.

He certainly doesn't think someone like Ambrose controlling the Singularity would lead to that.

To Nero's offer, however, he can't help but narrow his eyes. He really isn't sure why he thinks that he'll be able to uniquely get people out of here... but there's also no reason to turn him down on such a simple offer. After all, other guests have made similar promises. He shrugs his shoulders.

"I don't see why not," he says. "Though there are others I will need to bring with me."

"Others?"

Nero gives him a look that says he is not running a charity. He likes his tall cousin and looks forward to watching the path of death that the elf creates. He likes Martin and looks forward to seeing his goodness lead to his downfall. But he isn't sure that he wants to extend his helpful hand to everyone in the dungeon.

He fucking hates planning. He misses simple plans like "go into a city and murder every single person in it." Simple. To the point. Only way to fuck it up is get overrun by people that want to live.

But he feels like if he leaves them, Estinien will be difficult. He feels like the other elf would be difficult enough to not abandon those he wants to bring with him and end up with his ass captured, again, and killed before Nero can see what horrors he commits. Lame.

The elf thinks more on it. He decides that it'll be fine to "bring" people with his tall cousin and the two he wants to save. Estinien is only saying to bring them along and not that they'll survive the escape. If they die screaming, he'll be curious to see how his people will react to it.

"All right, what others?"

In return, Estinien gives Nero a look that seems to suggest that if he's only talking about freeing Estinien in particular, he's as good as useless to him. Honestly, if he had to make the choice, he'd send out Himeka before himself. Leaving by himself would be out of the question.

Being difficult doesn't begin to describe it.

Estinien lifts his arms into a gesture of challenge, only crossing them again when Nero seems to relent.

"Himeka Sui. The horned woman that shares this cell with me." Usually, at least - right now she's in the rec yard. "She is my priority, above all else." He hesitates for a moment, before he adds: "I would like to bring the girl as well, Relena... but..."

He falls silent for a moment.

"The more days pass, the more I worry 'tis no longer possible."

"You had two sweeties in here?" A beat. "Guess only one."

His mouth opens as he lets out an annoyed sound. He bobs his head around as he has to accept that Relena is apparently a child, so it isn't like he could diddle Himeka while she is asking why Mommy and Daddy have different parts or whatever. Still, he's a little jealous.

But it seems like the two of them have to get serious.

Nero decides to show a small ounce of sympathy for his cousin. He breathes in deep, letting out a long, agonized sigh. His head drops as he works himself up to finally say with a sincere and consoling voice, "You might have to accept that she's dead."

Estinien has been fighting the urge to slap this man silly on and off during this whole conversation, but the subject of Himeka and Relena is something he's much more sensitive about. Particularly Relena, on account of that she may already be lost, somewhere he was helpless to reach. They've not known each other long, everything considered, but given their last conversations...

They'd spoken of the future, of plans they might follow - everything on hold, until they were free. And if Nero's right, if she's really gone, he's already failed. She'll never get the chance to grow that he'd tried to help her believe in.

He clenches his fists.

"I'm well aware," he growls, looking away from Nero, irritated by his theatrical sigh. "If the worst has already happened... it will fall to me to be sure the perpetrators pay dearly for it."

That's the spirit!

Nero wants to break out laughing, but keeps his expression somber. He just thinks that it is hilarious that Estinien would carry out revenge for a young child that advocated peace until her dying breath. His throat vibrates pathetically as he keeps his laughter inside.

I love it.

He turns his head to let out a shaky breath, attempting to regain control over himself.

"Yeah, really chokes me up to think your little darling might be gone." He breathes in sharp and finally gets control over his desire to laugh. "So, for now, we'll just have to think of cute Himeka, huh?"

Estinien would hate to hear that sentiment, if only because he would recognize the merit in it. As it is, he can't stand to think of how vengeance would accomplish nothing. Not when it's the only thing he has to hold onto, in sea of helplessness and despair.

His only consolation is the idea that, someday, the scales may be balanced. In some ways, it's the only coping mechanism he ever learned.

Now that he's been forced to think about it, to really confront that Relena may be beyond hope for something as pragmatic as escape plans... he can't handle Nero's line of conversation anymore. Not his weird reactions, not his disturbing ways of referring to them... he needs to be alone now, he decides.

"Spare me," he says, his voice clipped and this throat tight. "If you can find a way out, I will follow your path. Until then, we needn't discuss it further."

"Aw, we done?"

He thinks of imparting some wisdom onto Estinien. It's the same that he attempted to give to Link. The three of them are elves; they are going to outlive a lot of the people around them. They may very well outlive Thorne itself if they are unable to be returned to their "stars."

Hundreds of years will pass, the three of them might still continue to live on this fucking piece of shit world, and watch as everything around them rots and the names of everything cease to matter.

And it will just be the three of them that know the "truth" of the world and their own existence in it.

But he looks Estinien over carefully, and decides it is something better to say when he sees the light and hope drain out of his cousin's eyes. That will be when he'll be able to hear Nero's words.

"Okie dokie. I'll be sure to bring you more bread tomorrow. Try not to be too upset ... but if you are, you can probably cry your tears into Himeka's chest, right?"

With his already spiraling mood, that is apparently one too many perverted comments than Estinien is willing to put up with. Though it is not the most cutting he could be, he certainly sounds out of patience with Nero's quirks for now.

"Get out of my sight, you cur," he says. If he had the ability, he would have disengaged from this conversation already. As it is, Nero has a captive audience, which is something else that sets him on edge.

He goes to sit on his mattress, scowling. This is stupid, anyway. He has no reason to believe that Nero is capable of anything uniquely capable of setting them free. He's just playing along with the whims of a madman at this point, out of sheer desperation for any trace of hope.

If something comes of this, he'll be shocked.

"Okay, okay..."

Nero holds his hands up in surrender as he takes steps away from the cell. He drops his head like he understands that he has gone too far, and begins to slink away like a scolded dog.

It is only when he gets further away that he realizes that he should have been attempting to convince Estinien not to use his magic. Any elf that uses magic near him will activate his seal. However, seeing how different they are from one another in looks, Nero doesn't think the elf has the same kind of magic as he has, so he didn't attempt to really get on his good side like he does with Link.

Well. Shit. Guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Not a great situation, but hey, the conversation could have gone worse.

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[OPEN] cold wind blowing beneath my wings

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