abraxaslogs | [closed] they told me all of my cages were mental

[While at first Wilhelm tenses under the touch, soon his shoulders soften. He lifts his gaze to Elrond before casting it aside.]

Not exactly.

[Picking at his cuticles, he sorts out the story in his head.]

We were all on, like, a diplomatic, goodwill trip in Nocwich. It's this other country. [Some...where. His grasp of Abraxan geography remains loose.] Anyway, a representative from each faction was supposed to meet with one of the leaders of this place, but they were attacked in the middle of the meeting. There was an attack on the castle the same night.

Thorne must have already been on alert, because messengers from the castle found us and gave us these cards that had a spell, like, written into it or whatever. It just had to be activated. It was supposed to be a protection spell, but...something went wrong.

[He swallows.]

So...a man was killed, and a city was burned down in retaliation.

[ this is useful information. tangible and worth noting. it gives elrond a way to mitigate the war, now that he knows what caused its escalation. ]

And you blame yourself?

[His shoulders stiffen as his countenance tightens. Yes, his heart thuds.]

What? [It flies out sharp, more kneejerk reflex than question. He's quick to shake his head.] No, I never said that.

[Jesus, is he that obvious? Or is Elrond just that perceptive? Just calm down. Catching himself picking at his nails, Wilhelm crumples his hands into fists and crosses his arms. He gathers and releases a sigh.]

Isn't it natural to wish you could have done more?

Yes.

[ elrond concedes that easily, in a soft tone. his voice remains gentle, without any sort of condemnation. ]

But I sense you feel rather strongly about it.

[Elrond's gentle tone, as neutral as a truce, does nothing to lower Wilhelm's defenses. He feels cornered in this conversation, anxiety and paranoia compounding into one wild beast inside his chest. Until now, his room has provided him the space to ignore anyone he doesn't want to talk to. The space to fall apart when he's too exhausted from trying to hold himself together. Now that space is robbed from him by this bewilderingly serene and penetrating presence.

He knows that thought is unfair the second it cracks open in his head. Elrond has done nothing wrong; he's had no more choice in the matter than Wilhelm. But he thinks it nonetheless. Shrugging tightly, he grasps for something to say.]

Well, yeah. It's just super fucked up.

[There's a stubbornness in the set of his jaw, the furrow of his eyebrows.]

[ elrond hums, carefully stepping back so that wilhelm has some space. he can tell some barriers have been erected. unsurprising, considering elrond is a stranger. he is not hurt by it. ]

Yes, I imagine so.

[ he glosses over the slang, picking up on the meaning intuitively. ]

[His shoulders slope with a quiet sigh as Elrond steps back across some invisible divider. He feels bad that he isn't exactly providing the warm welcome that he's probably supposed to, but just because he has to share a room doesn't mean he has to share everything that's on his mind.

To make up for it, he considers offering to show Elrond around the castle town.]

Hey, um...

[The pause lingers awkwardly — his heart is still pitching a fit, as it often does when that night gets retrod. Clearing his throat, he scrubs a hand through his hair and wills himself to calm down. Just be cool. And strangely, as if he's invoked a magical incantation, all the tension burns away.]

If you want, I can show you around a little.

[Elrond, however, may feel a sense of dread creep in. It could be a worry that hides in the darkest corners of his mind, now loping to the forefront — or it could be a shapeless, nameless anxiety sinking its claws in.]

[ what is this strange sensation? elrond feels it curling around his heart like a vice. he inwardly frowns, as he attempts to process it without cutting his attention from wilhelm. ]

Yes, I would like that.

[It's strange to him too, the abrupt absence of that weight that so often presses on his chest and boughs his every thought. Unaware that he's once again stumbled upon some magic, Wilhelm supposes it's just because he's shifted his focus away from all his problems. (Though, it's never been this easy before to untangle his thoughts from them...)

Standing up, he offers Elrond a little grin.]

So, do you want to see more of the castle? Or we could explore the town. I know a few good spots.

[ elrond shifts on his feet. the weight is cloying, squeezing him in. something has taken hold and his attention span wavers. ]

The town sounds lovely.

[Busy pulling on a jacket — one that's padded for the chilly weather — Wilhelm misses the sideways shift in Elrond's demeanor. He's planning out where to take his new roommate. The sun won't be up for much longer, so maybe one of the taverns would be a good place to land.]

Okay. Well, if you're ready...

[He slants his head toward the door before he starts walking.]

[ elrond lets out a quiet, shuttered breath. he hasn't felt like this since — since — ]

Yes. I'm ready.

[Now Wilhelm notices — maybe because he himself has tried to steady himself with such a breath hundreds of times. Concern pinches his expression, and his hand pauses on the door.]

Hey, is everything okay?

[Maybe the full reality of the situation is sinking in, slow like a pebble drifting to the bottom of the ocean. Maybe Elrond's collected calm isn't as easy as he makes it seem.]

[ elrond sees no reason to lie at this juncture. ]

My heart feels like a stone. I do not know what has come over me.

[Nudging the door shut again, he fidgets with the handle behind his back.]

We don't have to go, if you're not feeling up to it. No pressure.

[He gives what he hopes is a reassuring smile.]

[ elrond shakes his head. ]

If I give into despair, then I have ceded that ground forever. And I cannot afford that.

[Whatever he anticipated Elrond might say, it wasn't that. Combing a hand through his hair, he tries to work out what to say to that, but no response seems commensurate with its...profundity.]

That was...kind of a badass thing to say.

[That, and a little laugh, is the best he can come up with. Then there's nothing to do but push open the door and hold it for his roommate.]

[ there's a wry twist to his smile. he wished elros was here. elros would remember this feeling well. but elros is gone. dead for hundreds of years. no family, no home. just elrond.

despair, it seems, is not done with him. ]

It comes from experience.

[As they set off down the corridor, he claps a friendly hand to Elrond's shoulder and gives a light squeeze.]

Nothing a little booze can't fix.

[Half joke and half not. Healthy coping mechanisms remain a mystery to Wilhelm. Much like that guy who hacked the knot in half rather than take the time to untangle it properly, he chooses the easy route of dulling himself with distractions or feeling it all too much and hiding out in his bed.]

[ elrond tilts his head in confusion. ]

"Booze"?

[He looks a little taken aback, before he amends:]

Oh, uh, alcohol. There's a good bar I can show you.

[Tavern. Whatever.]

[ hmm. ]

This is a common meeting ground then?

Yeah, people are always hanging out there.

[Wait, does he know what hanging out means?]

You know, like, getting together.

[ getting together, huh. ]

A common past time for men, then.

[From the way Elrond says it, Wilhelm guesses that it must not be all that common for him. Wow, he may have actually met someone whose social awkwardness outweighs his. This discovery heightens his sense of responsibility toward the guy. He gives him a smile.]

Yeah, it'll be fun.

[He hopes.]

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politicians - 2023-01-05 11:06 (UTC) - Expand