"He's both. He knows that I'm sorry, but I've been sorry many, many times before."
So there is a cycle involved in this. That's why even if rationally they understand no one was themselves before, and it's hard to blame someone for acting out when they were under the influence, it's connected to past mistakes. Plus Jesper really did lean into the influence. He reveled in it at times, he's been so good avoiding temptations and he wanted to let it go.
"Our relationship change makes it more complicated. I'm not just letting him down as his team member now."
As his boss and team member, Kaz is used to Jesper being the one who messes up, but because they've agreed to become something more, it made him more vulnerable. More likely to trust him and be disappointed. Jesper just remembers that rage on his face but the disappointment too, the hurt when he tried to use their new romance. It's painful feeling like he's going backward, when they were hoping to go forward.
Jesper sighs, some emotion getting through his careful mask, a sort of hopeless sadness.
"It's always been this way, me messing up, him being strong enough for both of us. He was tortured over what was going on too, but he had to take care of me. I wanted to prove that I could be an equal partner to him, but I'm just always going to be the fuck up."
no subject
So there is a cycle involved in this. That's why even if rationally they understand no one was themselves before, and it's hard to blame someone for acting out when they were under the influence, it's connected to past mistakes. Plus Jesper really did lean into the influence. He reveled in it at times, he's been so good avoiding temptations and he wanted to let it go.
"Our relationship change makes it more complicated. I'm not just letting him down as his team member now."
As his boss and team member, Kaz is used to Jesper being the one who messes up, but because they've agreed to become something more, it made him more vulnerable. More likely to trust him and be disappointed. Jesper just remembers that rage on his face but the disappointment too, the hurt when he tried to use their new romance. It's painful feeling like he's going backward, when they were hoping to go forward.
Jesper sighs, some emotion getting through his careful mask, a sort of hopeless sadness.
"It's always been this way, me messing up, him being strong enough for both of us. He was tortured over what was going on too, but he had to take care of me. I wanted to prove that I could be an equal partner to him, but I'm just always going to be the fuck up."