so many wars we fought, so many things we're not

[tobeclosetohim]

Who: Jo Harvelle & You
Where: Cadens, Libertas, Nocwich, Hunting, Horizon
When: November
What: Event-Follow-ups & Nov Things
Warnings: Drinking, swearing, war, death, destruction; will add as needed






But with what we have,
I promise you that,
We're marchin' on
We're marchin' on
We're marchin' on

~*~

Comments

[wiedzminka]

It is what it is.

[ She sounds callous maybe, but it isn't said with malice. It is simply the truth. Ciri's been out to help in Libertas off and on since the attack. Sometimes, she works with the relief organizations, especially the citizen-led ones, for free. Sometimes, it's a job.

She doesn't really think of it as a moral imperative. The way Jo says it, she sounds like she already wants to get back there, as if her personal efforts are going to make much difference.

Ciri just shrugs and gets up to buy another ale.

When she returns, it's with two fresh mugs. One for Jo, and one for her in a few minutes so she won't have to get up again. ]

[tobeclosetohim]

I still hate that take.

[ For as strongly as Jo feels that statement into her bones, there isn't any malice or insult in the words nor fire behind their being said. She's stuck there; they all are. They have to deal with whatever bullshit rolls out to them as it rolls out—both the unpredictably bloody and the strange, politically gift-horsed. She can't fix it or change it, not that she's found, but it doesn't mean she has to let go of her dislike.

She takes the mug with a nod when Ciri gets back.] Thanks.

That all aside, how are you doing?

The last time I saw you— [ The Horizon nightmare maze was falling apart all around them after she'd started screaming, and it had kept falling apart, even once she'd remembered Geralt, falling out in some other place that hadn't been where she, Dean, and Geralt fell out. ] —we were all in a really bad place.

[wiedzminka]

[ ...take? Hm. Ciri doesn't ask, as context clues are enough, but she also doesn't answer. She slides the tankard across the table to Jo as she sits and lets out a grunt she could only have learned from Geralt. Nothing more to be said. It is what it is says it all already, and adding anything else defeats the point of the sentiment.

The new subject, however, isn't much easier.

Ciri takes a long drink, finishing off her first cup, and reaches for the second. ]

We all got out in one piece. That's all that matters.

[ Julie too, eventually. That had really worried her. But Julie had even still thrown her party shortly after, so she seems to be handling it all right. Jo may have glimpsed Ciri at said party, lurking near the bar or maybe dancing with Sephiroth briefly, Geralt or Jaskier or Julie. She hadn't stayed too long, and hadn't interacted much with anyone she wasn't already close to. They certainly haven't talked since-- ]

Jo. [ Ciri looks up at her again, with the sense that she doesn't want to, but that she has to say this despite how much she'd rather ignore it. ] You dreamt of one of those old gods too, didn't you?

[tobeclosetohim]

[ Jo takes a drink, savoring the flavor and then another for no more reason than more being even better. It really was a good time to take a break. Even with the weather more temperate here, it's like her body is plugged into needing more to drink to stay hydrated after all these months in Cadens.

Jo's not certain she agrees with what Ciri said there in the middle.
It's true and most important. But not all that matters.

The question right after sidelines the thought entirely.
She gives straight forward nod. ] Yeah.

The mirror one. You?

[wiedzminka]

[ Ciri doesn't really know the details. She knows what she saw, what Geralt saw. She'd spoken with Jaskier as well to find out his dream had been somewhat different, though neither of them had wanted to talk much about the details of their experiences. When she'd asked Sephiroth, he'd described something similar to Jaskier.

No one had mentioned a mirror, so 'the mirror one' means nothing to her -- but it doesn't particularly matter. She shakes her head, and doesn't answer Jo's brief question. It doesn't matter what she dreamed of. It doesn't matter that she can't get rid of those nightshade berries that insist on appearing in her cottage now.

That isn't why she's asking. ]

When we were trapped in the Horizon, in that labyrinth, I remember I was with Dean. We came upon you and Geralt.

Then, I forgot him. But I didn't forget you.

[tobeclosetohim]

[ Jo isn't entirely sure where this is leading, but she is comfortable enough with letting Ciri pick her—their—way there, opening that pathway up brick by brick. A lot of fucked up things happened during that time, especially at the beginning of the month in that maze with all of them.

She makes her question easy. ]

Just me? Or Dean and Me?

[ She tries hard not to think about that day. (It works about as well as closing her mouth and telling herself not to breathe. What she learned won't scrub out. Who lives side by side with their death in all its detailed glory?) But even when she's not wanted to focus on what happened to her, she's been keeping a weather ear out on other people talking about similar experiences. ]

[wiedzminka]

[ Ciri looks her in the eye. ]

Just you. For a few minutes, there was only you.

[ She takes a deep breath, realizes her fists are clenched upon the table, and slowly unfolds her fingers. ]

Did it happen with anyone else you touched?

[tobeclosetohim]

[ Jo's shook her head, hands curled around her cup without moving it, keeping her eyes on Ciri's face. ]

No. There were some other things that happened because of contact during those weeks, but they weren't like that.

[ Things Jo would say she doesn't want to go over, but the fact she's still waking up hard and gasping from dreams of both most nights would say her subconscious couldn't care the slightest about her avoidance vote. Those not having to do with forgetting, but death, from both its ends. ]

[wiedzminka]

[ Ciri doesn't say it -- it was your fault -- but the implication lingers, heavy between them. She lets out a breath, takes another drink, and looks away. It was no more within Jo's control than Ciri had been able to control how she affected others, when she'd realized it later. The visions of death. The withered plants and mold. Whatever those entities were, they'd had an alarming variety of influences all across the land and the Summoned. And all Ciri knows now is that they've retreated, those effects faded -- and not where they'd gone or for how long. It leaves her on edge still, and wary of the Horizon. ]

It happened again, with someone else, but I'm not sure what set it off the second time. [ She admits with a shrug, and looks away. ]

I don't expect I'll get an answer.

Just lucky no one got seriously hurt.

[ Not in the real world anyway. ]

[tobeclosetohim]

[ Ciri doesn't have to say it. It's already there in Jo. A complicated balance that shifts back and forth on onus, but never on guilty, and angry, ownership. She has no trouble with the truth that it's not truly not her fault any more than it was Geralt's, or Dean's. Inej. Wanda. Steve. Matt's. A too endless list. But she still feels the weight of it. The fault. That she was used as a conduit for it does not change the underlying fact they were still her own hands.

Which makes the first response hesitationless. ]

Except that people were. [ Geralt, with a blade slamming down into his chest, no matter that it was gone when the three of them fell out fo the sky. Ciri, sitting here, tense as a bow string. Conflicted accusation and hurt in her expression. As much as they are rare words for Jo to venture to the use of, they come easily this time. ]

I'm sorry you had to go through that either time. At all.

You know I would never have done anything like that to you on purpose.

[wiedzminka]

[ Ciri shrugs, as if to say not really, even though she can't bring herself to disagree aloud. Nothing lasting, nothing serious objectively speaking. Physically, it didn't carry over. She'd gotten her time with Geralt afterward, stayed close for a few days. No harm done that wasn't already there, clawed open and healed over again.

She meets Jo's eyes. ]

I know. I don't blame you.

Only trying to... understand. What happened.