Who: wanda and others When: november-december Where: solvunn, nocwich, horizon What: catch-all for both months! closed and open prompts within. Warnings: none at the moment, will mark as needed.
[at least they're on the same page about what they want, even if there is a distinct jumble of their emotions. that's fair though, isn't it? they've both lost so much, and they expect the worst.
wanda looks at him for a moment, quiet, before tugging him to follow her up the steps, up to the streets that continue along the different buildings, but leading him instead to stand with her by the lookout. from up here, she can see the oleuni square with all the stalls and shops, the gas-lit lamps, the crowd that comes and goes about their business.
her hand remains holding his.]
This place — it keeps pulling us into situations that we have no control over. It messes with our minds, makes us say and see things we don't want. [though abraxas has been kind to her, it has had its moments of awful torment.] But we would have never met if we hadn't been summoned here.
[her silence tells that she's not done talking, even as she continues looking down at the square.]
Matt. [she turns to him now] What do you see— when you see me?
( that's one of those questions that's difficult to answer only because he doesn't know if he can put into words what he sees when he looks at her or thinks about her.
he rubs a hand over his face and his shoulders slump slightly. )
I just see the one person in this place that's made me feel something, Wanda. That's made me feel like I want to be alive again. I'd given up on that back home.
( as she knows. )
I want to be alive and I want to feel things with you.
[wanda is patient with him as matt figures out his answer, because she's just like him. it's hard to get the words out; they stick to the roof of her mouth and she's unable to get out things that matter when it matters the most. they're similar in that regard, but she knows that he tries, in the same way that she tries for him.
it had always been easy, after all, as the love she felt for vision after she lost pietro transformed her into a better version of herself—one that would still see the beauty in the small things. losing him, getting him back and then their sons, only to have to say goodbye to them? all that was real, and it left a void in her, it left her wanting to be that person again, someone who could love and be loved and do good for others.
wanda turns to look at him, a sad look in her eyes, her throat a little tight, knowing how awfully real this impossibility is.]
You did promise me a day in New York. [she inhales, sharply, adds—] I wish we could have as many days as we liked.
[it's easy enough to dream. quietly:]
I'm sorry I didn't reply to your message. I was afraid, which sounds really stupid... [she huffs, admitting that.] And I've — missed you. A lot.
( he hopes that the answer isn't that she was afraid that he'd say things like he'd said to her while under the influence of whatever that was. he wants to say that he'd never do that again but he knows that he can't make guarantees.
this place has shown him that he can't really compete with it when it gets its claws into him. but what she says at least reassures him that whatever she was afraid of isn't keeping her away from him. )
[wanda wants to be able to tell him what he's told her before, that he knows she would never hurt him, even without truly knowing. she wishes to give him that benefit of the doubt, but these are promises they can't hope to keep, not without the singularity being unstable.
perhaps she has to move a little past that.]
Of what we are.
[surely, she'll need to explain a bit further.]
You've become so important to me, Matt. Having this— [she tightens her hold on his hand] it feels good, but I'm afraid of what it is. If you disappeared, like others have, or if I did, then what happens to either of us? —you know what I've been through recently, and it scares me to lose you. If I hold too tightly, or if I don't, then...
[no, wanda is not afraid of him.]
I'm afraid I'll lose you, just like I've lost all those I've loved before.
( he does realize what she's said. that she's mentioned love and him in the same sentence and he can put those puzzle pieces together.
but he doesn't think he should focus on that because — well, because he wants to focus on what she's afraid of. he wants to be reassuring and helpful but he knows he can't make guarantees about this place. )
I guess...you — we — have to decide if the risk of being lost is worth having what this is right now. I don't want you to be afraid of what this is and I don't want you to worry about me leaving.
( he knows that it might happen but he's trying not to think about it. )
I want you to just — I want you to enjoy being with me. And to not worry of what I might say or do.
[wanda appreciates that this conversation hasn't devolved in matt apologizing to her; she appreciates that he tells her what he wants, from her, from this, and it feels like they're falling back onto the same wavelength, that spark they had lost.
she nods at his words, a small smile on her lips, even if her voice is marred with emotion because— because she does enjoy being with him.]
I think it's worth it. [wanda says it quietly.] You definitely are.
( worth it. he swallows because the urge to apologize again is right there and he thinks about doing it just so she knows but instead he ducks his head and sighs. )
I can still give you time, though. Leave you...alone until you're ready.
( that's what she'd told him earlier, when he'd talked to her in the horizon. )
[wanda shakes her head at that. her heart is aflutter with hearing him confirm that she is worth it, and how thoughtful of him, in wanting to give her time and space. she hates to draw comparisons, but she can't help but point out similitudes between him and vision.
perhaps it's just something she feels because she found this one, pesky thing all over again, despite the odds? this kind of sentiment—to feel seen, to feel wanted.
she raises one hand to his face, to cup over his cheek, and wanda presses a kiss to his lips. gentle, easy, without the stress and tension of being wary. as she pulls back, her thumb presses in a gentle motion against his cheek.]
I don't want to regret spending all this time alone when I could have spent it with you.
[it was important for her to have her time alone, before now, and now that they're here, it feels right, to allow themselves this. to allow herself to be with him.]
I just — I want to be sure that when you look at me, you don't remember the words that I said.
( it's not an apology but it has been something he's been worried about. he wants more than anything to be with her, to hold her and touch her and revel in her presence but he doesn't want her to feel any discomfort or pain around him.
matt's eyes slip closed and he leans into her hand, reaching up and pressing her hand more firmly against his cheek. )
[so— that's what it is. this guilt that's eating him up inside. she can see it in the tension displayed on his face, the tightening of his jaw, the way his shoulders are locked. he allows himself to hold onto her hand and lean into it, but even that looks like he doesn't feel worthy of it.
he keeps apologizing without saying so, finding ways to incur his shame and guilt further.
wanda answers his question with another question.]
Will you help me find happiness, even when it feels that I don't deserve it?
[his words, her words; she can't exactly forget them, but she can try to make them better. she can try to change the rhythm of the effect they had on her, transform them into something positive.]
( that was the least he could do especially since he thinks that she always deserves it. he just doesn't know if he does considering he just keeps hurting those that he grows close to.
he nods though, still looking worn and a bit battered by everything. his own thoughts were his worst enemy and he couldn't forget what he said to her. )
I can try.
( he wants to try, he wants to be the one that helps her find happiness even if she decides it's not with him. )
[that's good— that's going to have to good enough for right now. wanda draws her hand away from his cheek, lets it smooth out over his shirt. she can feel it—this tension in his thoughts, the somber pull of guilt over him. as much as she knows where this is coming from, she hates to see it reflected in him.
the two of them, battered and bruised by their circumstances, with the potentiality of finding themselves unmoored from one another.
—she's reminded, then—]
I brought something for you.
[it's said in something of a mutter, and wanda pulls away entirely from him to dig her hands into the inner pocket of her vest. for all that she didn't reply to his message, for all that she hadn't sought him out, she sure did bring something for him. in her hands is a pouch, velvet to the touch. wanda sits on the ledge of the outlook, hoping he joins her at her side.]
I... was thinking of ways to make it easy for you to learn them.
[she puts the pouch over one of his hands, wherein he'll find small wooden pieces, runes carved onto them; turned over, the runes are protruding. two different tactile methods.]
Or you can just use ink to stamp them on surfaces.
( she pulls away from him and matt waits until he hears her sit. a moment later, he joins her, taking a seat beside her while she pulls out her gift.
he starts to say that she didn't need to do that but when she reveals what it is she got him, he laughs a bit, taking the pouch and rubbing his thumb over the softness. )
Did you make these or buy them?
( no matter what she did, they're still nice. he has been trying with the runes but he thinks that this might make it easier for him because he'll be able to feel them. )
[things had been relatively simpler back then, when wanda had first taught these runes to matt—or tried to teach him three of them, anyway. it had been fun, thrilling, to be near him, to traipse the line of will-we-won't-we.
she likes to hear his laugh, finds courage in that.]
I made them, though that depends on what you think making anything with magic counts as.
[wanda had gone and collected the wooden bits herself, though, carved and polished them with her magic, as it were. reaching for the pouch, she opens it up and pulls out one of the wooden chips, holding it for him to take.]
One side has them curved inward, and the other one juts out. [she leans against his arm, pulling her hand back.] How do they feel?
( his fingers brush over the runes, one finger tracing them while he tries to identify them. he recognizes the three she's given him and smiles to himself. )
They feel good. I like them.
( he gives her a smile, easier and less tight than previous ones before he puts them back in the bag. )
[he smiles, and it brings relief to wanda. she reaches her hand over to the pouch, lingering between his hands for a moment before taking up the pouch again, going through the runes before picking one out.
she presents it to him.]
I'd like you to hold onto this one on your person at all times. All runes together are a boon, but this one in specific is for protection. You can put it in a pocket. It won't really help you if you drop off a building, but...
[wanda sees as he places the rune into his pocket, already certifiably keeping to his promise to her of keeping it on him. she smiles lightly, and then tucks herself against him, leaning onto him, head on his shoulder.
she reaches for one of his hands, holds onto it, fingers lacing together.
they can stay here together for a while longer.]
Have you thought of a name for the raven that helped you before? It's been knocking at my window on the Horizon for a few days now, but I don't have an answer for him.
( matt laughs and then bows his head, trying to think of something. he's never named an animal. he's never really named anything so he goes with the first thing that comes to mind and that's — )
[she repeats, amusement in her voice and in the lilt of her lips upward. she knows that's the name of matt's best friend, and it somehow feels—special. special that he's decided to name the raven that, to let this thing that is so personal and his to be shared upon her own domain.
[in a day or so? wanda looks at him skeptically—but can tell that there is honesty in his words. the part she is skeptical about is the reason for his not eating.
that settles it, then.
wanda stands, bringing him along with her, her hand tightly holding his. the next thing she says is removed from any push towards judgement regarding his piss-poor diet, or trying to dig into the why.]
I could eat, too. There's a tavern we could go to.
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no subject
wanda looks at him for a moment, quiet, before tugging him to follow her up the steps, up to the streets that continue along the different buildings, but leading him instead to stand with her by the lookout. from up here, she can see the oleuni square with all the stalls and shops, the gas-lit lamps, the crowd that comes and goes about their business.
her hand remains holding his.]
This place — it keeps pulling us into situations that we have no control over. It messes with our minds, makes us say and see things we don't want. [though abraxas has been kind to her, it has had its moments of awful torment.] But we would have never met if we hadn't been summoned here.
[her silence tells that she's not done talking, even as she continues looking down at the square.]
Matt. [she turns to him now] What do you see— when you see me?
[metaphorically, of course.]
no subject
( that's one of those questions that's difficult to answer only because he doesn't know if he can put into words what he sees when he looks at her or thinks about her.
he rubs a hand over his face and his shoulders slump slightly. )
I just see the one person in this place that's made me feel something, Wanda. That's made me feel like I want to be alive again. I'd given up on that back home.
( as she knows. )
I want to be alive and I want to feel things with you.
no subject
it had always been easy, after all, as the love she felt for vision after she lost pietro transformed her into a better version of herself—one that would still see the beauty in the small things. losing him, getting him back and then their sons, only to have to say goodbye to them? all that was real, and it left a void in her, it left her wanting to be that person again, someone who could love and be loved and do good for others.
wanda turns to look at him, a sad look in her eyes, her throat a little tight, knowing how awfully real this impossibility is.]
You did promise me a day in New York. [she inhales, sharply, adds—] I wish we could have as many days as we liked.
[it's easy enough to dream. quietly:]
I'm sorry I didn't reply to your message. I was afraid, which sounds really stupid... [she huffs, admitting that.] And I've — missed you. A lot.
no subject
( he hopes that the answer isn't that she was afraid that he'd say things like he'd said to her while under the influence of whatever that was. he wants to say that he'd never do that again but he knows that he can't make guarantees.
this place has shown him that he can't really compete with it when it gets its claws into him. but what she says at least reassures him that whatever she was afraid of isn't keeping her away from him. )
Afraid of me?
no subject
perhaps she has to move a little past that.]
Of what we are.
[surely, she'll need to explain a bit further.]
You've become so important to me, Matt. Having this— [she tightens her hold on his hand] it feels good, but I'm afraid of what it is. If you disappeared, like others have, or if I did, then what happens to either of us? —you know what I've been through recently, and it scares me to lose you. If I hold too tightly, or if I don't, then...
[no, wanda is not afraid of him.]
I'm afraid I'll lose you, just like I've lost all those I've loved before.
no subject
but he doesn't think he should focus on that because — well, because he wants to focus on what she's afraid of. he wants to be reassuring and helpful but he knows he can't make guarantees about this place. )
I guess...you — we — have to decide if the risk of being lost is worth having what this is right now. I don't want you to be afraid of what this is and I don't want you to worry about me leaving.
( he knows that it might happen but he's trying not to think about it. )
I want you to just — I want you to enjoy being with me. And to not worry of what I might say or do.
no subject
she nods at his words, a small smile on her lips, even if her voice is marred with emotion because— because she does enjoy being with him.]
I think it's worth it. [wanda says it quietly.] You definitely are.
no subject
( worth it. he swallows because the urge to apologize again is right there and he thinks about doing it just so she knows but instead he ducks his head and sighs. )
I can still give you time, though. Leave you...alone until you're ready.
( that's what she'd told him earlier, when he'd talked to her in the horizon. )
no subject
perhaps it's just something she feels because she found this one, pesky thing all over again, despite the odds? this kind of sentiment—to feel seen, to feel wanted.
she raises one hand to his face, to cup over his cheek, and wanda presses a kiss to his lips. gentle, easy, without the stress and tension of being wary. as she pulls back, her thumb presses in a gentle motion against his cheek.]
I don't want to regret spending all this time alone when I could have spent it with you.
[it was important for her to have her time alone, before now, and now that they're here, it feels right, to allow themselves this. to allow herself to be with him.]
no subject
( it's not an apology but it has been something he's been worried about. he wants more than anything to be with her, to hold her and touch her and revel in her presence but he doesn't want her to feel any discomfort or pain around him.
matt's eyes slip closed and he leans into her hand, reaching up and pressing her hand more firmly against his cheek. )
Do you?
no subject
he keeps apologizing without saying so, finding ways to incur his shame and guilt further.
wanda answers his question with another question.]
Will you help me find happiness, even when it feels that I don't deserve it?
[his words, her words; she can't exactly forget them, but she can try to make them better. she can try to change the rhythm of the effect they had on her, transform them into something positive.]
no subject
( that was the least he could do especially since he thinks that she always deserves it. he just doesn't know if he does considering he just keeps hurting those that he grows close to.
he nods though, still looking worn and a bit battered by everything. his own thoughts were his worst enemy and he couldn't forget what he said to her. )
I can try.
( he wants to try, he wants to be the one that helps her find happiness even if she decides it's not with him. )
no subject
the two of them, battered and bruised by their circumstances, with the potentiality of finding themselves unmoored from one another.
—she's reminded, then—]
I brought something for you.
[it's said in something of a mutter, and wanda pulls away entirely from him to dig her hands into the inner pocket of her vest. for all that she didn't reply to his message, for all that she hadn't sought him out, she sure did bring something for him. in her hands is a pouch, velvet to the touch. wanda sits on the ledge of the outlook, hoping he joins her at her side.]
I... was thinking of ways to make it easy for you to learn them.
[she puts the pouch over one of his hands, wherein he'll find small wooden pieces, runes carved onto them; turned over, the runes are protruding. two different tactile methods.]
Or you can just use ink to stamp them on surfaces.
no subject
he starts to say that she didn't need to do that but when she reveals what it is she got him, he laughs a bit, taking the pouch and rubbing his thumb over the softness. )
Did you make these or buy them?
( no matter what she did, they're still nice. he has been trying with the runes but he thinks that this might make it easier for him because he'll be able to feel them. )
no subject
she likes to hear his laugh, finds courage in that.]
I made them, though that depends on what you think making anything with magic counts as.
[wanda had gone and collected the wooden bits herself, though, carved and polished them with her magic, as it were. reaching for the pouch, she opens it up and pulls out one of the wooden chips, holding it for him to take.]
One side has them curved inward, and the other one juts out. [she leans against his arm, pulling her hand back.] How do they feel?
no subject
( his fingers brush over the runes, one finger tracing them while he tries to identify them. he recognizes the three she's given him and smiles to himself. )
They feel good. I like them.
( he gives her a smile, easier and less tight than previous ones before he puts them back in the bag. )
Thank you.
no subject
[he smiles, and it brings relief to wanda. she reaches her hand over to the pouch, lingering between his hands for a moment before taking up the pouch again, going through the runes before picking one out.
she presents it to him.]
I'd like you to hold onto this one on your person at all times. All runes together are a boon, but this one in specific is for protection. You can put it in a pocket. It won't really help you if you drop off a building, but...
[—you know, the small things.]
no subject
( well, the last time they were in nocwich. when frank was still here.
he sighs but doesn't bring that up because they're both already dealing with a lot. they don't need to add a loss onto things.
he folds his fingers around the rune and squeezes it before he slides it into his pocket. )
I promise, I'll keep it on me.
no subject
she reaches for one of his hands, holds onto it, fingers lacing together.
they can stay here together for a while longer.]
Have you thought of a name for the raven that helped you before? It's been knocking at my window on the Horizon for a few days now, but I don't have an answer for him.
no subject
( matt laughs and then bows his head, trying to think of something. he's never named an animal. he's never really named anything so he goes with the first thing that comes to mind and that's — )
Foggy.
( foggy would be honored, right? )
no subject
[she repeats, amusement in her voice and in the lilt of her lips upward. she knows that's the name of matt's best friend, and it somehow feels—special. special that he's decided to name the raven that, to let this thing that is so personal and his to be shared upon her own domain.
the raven will be pleased.]
It's a good name.
[wanda glances at him.]
Are you hungry?
no subject
( he'd been a little nervous showing up here after he hadn't heard from her so that had made him a little nauseous. )
I haven't. In, uh, a day or so. Been busy.
no subject
that settles it, then.
wanda stands, bringing him along with her, her hand tightly holding his. the next thing she says is removed from any push towards judgement regarding his piss-poor diet, or trying to dig into the why.]
I could eat, too. There's a tavern we could go to.
no subject
so, he nods and doesn't even try and argue. )
All right, let's go eat.
( and maybe then he'll answer questions about why he hasn't been eating. but maybe not.
at least he gets to spend the time with her. )