abraxaslogs | [Open] this doesn't look like a party

[wanda sets the bottle of vodka to the side, reaching inside the fridge to grab a convenient bottle of apricot pálinka. she grabs two glasses from a cupboard, and sets it down by the windowsill, taking a seat, too.]

I worked on the house and its details, but— out there?

[she serves one glass, filling it a few inches from the brim, and then the other.]

I let my magic do as it wanted. I have no idea how the forest has decided to grow. There are spots I haven't been to at all.

[but it is beautiful, calming. almost like a cabin one rents out in the mountainside, when one needs a break from civilization. the autumnal colors of the tree leaves paint a picture worth remembering, the mist that blankets the canopy adding a familiarity to the more temperate climates they might be more used to.

she sets the bottle down on the side, grabs at her glass, and, quietly—]

Na zdravie.

[—clinking their glasses together before taking a sip. pálinka isn't meant to be downed as a shot, so wanda just enjoys the flavor, nose crinkling a touch.]

...Tommy and Billy. [she offers, knowing that natasha will be able to connect the dots easily enough.] Tommy was born first. We weren't expecting twins, so Billy was a surprise.

[wanda knows, too, that questions are bound to follow.]

Edited 2022-11-29 04:07 (UTC)

[ She echoes the words, clinking her glass against Wanda's with a smile as she savors the first sip with a contented sound. She lets the quiet fall between them for a moment, because this entire place seems to have that sort of atmosphere about it.

But she's listening intently when Wanda does choose to speak again. For a moment, she stares out into the woods, cataloging what she wants to say and how to say it. But when she glances over at Wanda, it's with a small smile and a fond look in her eye. ]

Will you tell me about them?

[ A request, one purposefully worded. If it's too painful for Wanda to speak of them, she won't press. But if she feels open to sharing a peek into that life, Natasha is happy to listen. ]

[—has anyone ever asked her to talk about them? what they were like? no, not really. somehow, this much strikes a chord for wanda, and although her expression falls a little, she is quick to find her words.]

Tommy's the one with long hair. He — had freckles over his nose, chubby cheeks. Billy had dimples, and his teeth would show when he smiled. [wanda smiles, too, remembering, just for a moment, before she closes her eyes and swallows—as if trying to remember them just as they were. her eyes open again.] They chose me to be their mom.

[looking up at natasha, there are tears bordering her eyes, threatening to spill, but wanda braces herself, unblinking.]

I know that what you did, you did with love, for our sakes. [and she hates that there's a but.] But I came back, and I found out about what I lost with Vision dying, and I — I wanted to be dead. I couldn't bear it. My powers, my magic, it created a world for me where I could be with Vis, live the life he wanted us to have. My boys were born there, with my magic, but they chose me, Nat.

[your sons are not real, wanda.]

They were real to me.

[a desperate plea, (a desperate echo).]

[ Magic is not her in her realm of expertise, not by a long shot. She can't explain it, wouldn't even know where to begin in understanding it, so when Wanda says her magic did such a thing, was capable of making this, Natasha believes her and doesn't question it much.

How could she, when she'd traveled back through time and across space, only to die on an alien planet nine years in her past? She was well past the point of expecting anything in the universe to make actual sense.

But that desperation in Wanda's voice is real and she leans forward on her stool, foot hooked around one of the rungs for balance, and cupped Wanda's cheek with one hand.

She wasn't sure why Wanda thought she wouldn't believe her?

But oh, those words, how they cut deep, and there's a jagged flash of pain as she hears them echoed - not in Wanda's voice but in Yelena's. It was real to me! And she has to close her eyes for a moment, choking back that emotion, because that's another time, a different sort of loss. A grief she hasn't yet had a chance to come to terms with. ]

Of course they were. I'm the last person to doubt the things you could accomplish with your magic, Wanda. I don't understand it, but I didn't exactly understand all the time travel science either. That didn't make it any less real.

I saw that smile, when you spoke of them a moment ago. That was one of the few truly happy smiles I've seen on your face in the time I've been here. Of course they chose you, Wanda. They're lucky to have a mother who loves so deeply.

[natasha doesn't know that with her magic so much more powerful now, she can easily cut through the noise and pinpoint thoughts and emotions without even trying. wanda knows that what she's said brings to the surface something painful, something natasha has kept to herself, and wanda needs not look at her face to know so.

is it selfish, to focus on herself when all of them have suffered so much loss? maybe her puzzle is the biggest one to put together right now.

wanda places her hand over natasha's, lets the warmth seep through. touch feels like the real thing in the horizon; this much must be felt. it brings to question why wanda would ever have thought natasha of all people wouldn't believe her? if anything, she's the one who's always held them together, with humanity and compassion running so deep, it made wanda forget any doubts or fear she may have felt at any given point.

except there's one thing—]

They don't exist anymore. My spell was broken, so I'd never be able to... anchor them to the real world even after undoing it. [a pause—for the explanation to come—pulling herself and her hand away, just to take another sip of the pálinka.] You— you know that thing you and Steve asked me to never do? Using my powers to control the minds of others?

[her fingers roll the glass a bit, nervous.]

For this life to work, I needed actors. I needed people to play the roles of the perfect neighbors of the perfect suburban neighborhood.

[she shakes her head.]

It had been days when I realized what was happening. So, I let them go.

Edited 2022-11-29 13:13 (UTC)

[ There's a lot to unpack there. A lot that Wanda leaves unspoken. But Natasha pieces together what she can. It's clear, in the nervous way Wanda admits all this that she's expecting Natasha to be angry, or perhaps just disapproving.

But there's no denying Wanda knows her actions were wrong - she wouldn't be acknowledging that she broke those rules she and Steve had set down so long ago. And on its own, it would indeed be a grave misuse of the powers she had.

But there's a truth there in her phrasing that, while it doesn't absolve her actions, changes the perspective of what may have happened here. A thread Natasha tugs at, to see if she's understanding this correctly. ]

It was your magic that spun out this spell? Something subconscious or written out of your need and grief. [ That's not so hard for her to see. She had five years of seeing exactly what grief could make a person do. How desperate it could make one's actions.

So she talks this through, trying to piece together what she can see happening, to the Wanda she'd once known. ] I'm assuming you got lost in it, because it felt real. You needed it to be real and you were happy there. [ The picture had been evidence of that. They'd all been happy. ]

But you're too smart for even your own magic to fool your for long. Your own mind to trick you with what isn't. So you unraveled it. You figured out what was going on and you stopped it.

[ But oh, that meant...

Natasha searches Wanda's face, aching for her. ]

You broke your own spell.

[ And lost them all over again. ]

I had to make it right.

[is what wanda says after natasha's gone through all the logical steps to figure out the layers of information wanda isn't quite providing. it's hard to remember something so shameful—so painful.]

Just not for us.

[the white-picket fenced home and the perfect family life, boring and mundane, it was not hers to have. at the back of the house, there is a patch of land where she keeps tombstones for her loved ones: parents, brother, vision, her boys. since the last flux of the singularity in the horizon, echoes of tommy and billy have come to be, appearing when wanda is around, talking to her about so many lovely, childish things, taking her hands, bringing her gifts in the form of smooth stones or pretty leaves.

this is not something she'll admit. only matt and kyle know about it; matt because he had found her there, kyle because she led him there. wanda is aware that it is not healthy, and she knows how it'll look.

so she says nothing of it.]

I went away for two years, and every night I dreamt of them. I saw them grow, I saw their birthdays, I saw myself—a version of myself—getting to hold them, tuck them in at night. They exist elsewhere, in every universe—

[she's pulling at a thread of understanding here that natasha may not actually have a basis on, unless stephen has given her the whole spiel about the multiverse already.

quietly, she raises the glass with her drink,]

—except ours.

[and takes another sip to swallow the grief that comes with those words, the unspoken i won't ever get to be their mother again.]

Edited 2022-11-30 20:03 (UTC)

[ The whole multiverse spiel is still mostly a mystery, but considering she's in another universe at the moment, she'll take it at face value. Besides. She doesn't want to think too deeply on the fact that there might be other them somewhere in the vast universe. Or other universes, she supposes. Something to have a freak out about at a later date. Right now, she's too focused on Wanda.

And the reality of those painful words. Of what she had to witness. And what she couldn't have.

She's not sure Wanda will accept it or even welcome it, but she reaches out and tugs her closer, offering her a silent hug of understanding, because that grief is so heavy she can practically taste it. What can she say to that? There's nothing she can do here to make this better. To ease the depth of this heartache. There aren't enough words in all the multiverse that could accomplish that.

So she doesn't offer any. Just hugs her tight against her. And instead lets herself feel that grief that she knows Wanda is feeling tenfold.

I'm sorry doesn't touch this and I wish doesn't make anything better. Even if she is, and she does. So she settles for what she can offer. I'm here. ]

[wanda thinks that if there were someone who could understand what it feels like, to be a woman in this world of superheroes and of making sacrifices, it would be natasha. wanda knows enough that her upbringing was also marred with some amount of tragedy that the older woman hasn't divulged to her—tight-lipped as the black widow is expected to be—but the passing glances between her and steve, the way she'd turn away from conversation whenever bruce was mentioned—

she thinks of the time they've all lost, of how as she herself had wanted something so easy and mundane, that it was likely the same for everyone else. would natasha have liked to settle down? to have a family of her own? a place to call — home?

(wanda wonders if she ever envied clint.)

hugging natasha back tightly is not difficult at all, even if this in and of itself is unusual. suppose — suppose they have all changed, since thanos came to earth, right? but natasha is here now, and wanda doesn't feel embarrassed showing her that she does care, too, that she appreciates this all.

her kids may have been 'imaginary', created with magic, but they were real to her. they were real, beautiful souls she could give a home to with her magic; losing them was like losing a part of herself—which is what the darkhold took advantage of.]

You'd have loved them.

[and they her. wanda knows this for a fact.]

Edited 2022-12-01 13:28 (UTC)

I have no doubt about that.

[ Her voice is still thick with emotion as she holds the other woman, her hand stroking comfortingly against Wanda's hair. She lets the hint of a fond smile creep into her voice as she considers that. ]

I would have loved them, too. Being 'Auntie Nat' twice more would be a delight. Although you might have had regrets when I started spoiling them ridiculously, because that would definitely happen.

[ Of course she had envied Clint. Tony, too. That was a life she was never going to have. Even if the snap and Vormir had never happened... she doubts that would have ever been in the cards for her. She'd let herself hope, briefly, with Bruce... But that failure had hurt far deeper than she'd anticipated.

Her home, her family, had taken a different shape in the form of those she'd loved. And it had been... enough. And if she'd been wistful for more a time or two... well, that had always been one of her many-kept secrets. ]

[natasha says she would have had regrets about it, but wanda thinks that her boys would have deserved all the spoiling in the world. wanda catches on, though, to the emotion in the other woman's voice, onto what goes unsaid spilling from her in droves of a well-kept secret.

wanda pulls back, keeping a hand tucked against natasha's.]

You know— The Summoning spell breaks people from across different universes, not just ours. Universes that are incredibly different, where time fluctuation is inconsistent, but there are also worlds very similar to our own. Almost parallel ones.

[like the ones wanda had peered into when dreamwalking.]

There is someone here from such a universe. A young man called Billy.

[wanda is more than certain that natasha can put two and two together.]

Another Wanda's son. [—even if it's fucking confusing—] He carries magic like my own, and I can — feel my son in him, in some way, even when they're not the same.

[ Natasha absorbs that information with a hint of surprise, pulling back to study Wanda's face, even while keeping the other woman's hand tucked warmly in her own. A point of contact, a grounding - what little she can offer. ]

One of your sons is here? A Summoned?

[ Even if he came from another world, that didn't change the fact that he was still, in some way, Wanda's son. ]

In Solvunn.

[right there with her, for better or for worse. for the better, at least, in more recent happenings. billy being there brings her a sense of fulfillment, a chance at something adjacent to being the mother she wishes she could continue being.

a tight smile curves over her features.]

I could introduce you both some time.

[ Natasha smiles as well, her expression warming as she nods. Leaning back in her chair, she reaches for her glass once more to take another savoured sip. ]

I would like that. I'd like to meet your son. Sort-of son? [ Although something else occurs to her then and she pauses, frowning instead. ] Wait, are you saying they've Summoned children here?

[ Even if he did share Wanda's power... that was beside the point here. ]

Sort-of son.

[she repeats, quieter, right after natasha says it, as if to confirm what billy is to her. in a way, she manages to confirm it for herself, too. it's been a long-winded process, of wanda coming to accept billy for who he is and who he represents to her.

they've come a long way, from wanda attacking him with her magic.]

He's... hardly a child. I'd say early twenties, if I had to give him an age.

[and she is thirty-two, right now, so it creates a great disparity between who they are to each other. her billy is a young boy, ten years old, not a young man like this billy. she's still working through that.]

[ Natasha blinks, digesting that information. Then coughs around a laugh, emotional though it might be. ]

Well. In that case, let me congratulate you, because you look great for your age for having a twenty-year old kid. [ Irreverent humor, maybe, but that's also skipping quite a few steps here.

Still she casts Wanda a curious look. ] What's he like? Is he different from... what you remember?

[irreverent humor is something she missed, especially coming from natasha. wanda scrunches her nose at that, barely avoids rolling her eyes, before settling to look down at her hand with a small smile. she's turning the glass over with her fingers, not seeing but sending natasha's curious look.

she is far too aware that a lot of this is incredibly new—the magic, the multiverse—and there is still so much wanda hasn't shared.]

He looks different.

[the raven that's been accompanying them gets a glance from wanda, and it glides off back into the hallway, returning a short moment later with the framed photo and setting it down for wanda to hold. she stares at it for a moment, before passing it on towards natasha.]

The Billy here has dark hair, but their eyes feel similar. [a pause—] They were ten years old then, it had — happened so fast, so I only knew them for a few days. I... guess there are just a lot of blanks I wish I could fill. What my Billy and Tommy would have been like, their favorite movies, things like that.

[it's hard to make a comparison, basically.]

[ Natasha takes the picture, studying it intently now that she has context for it. Her gaze lingers on Vision's face for a moment before studying each of the boys thoughtfully. She can see hints of Wanda in both of them. ]

The Billy here... was his life similar or different?

[ The multiverse is still a mystery to her and she doesn't quite understand how this even works, but at least Wanda's story helps put some of it into context. She has a feeling this is going to be something that would take a bit for her to wrap her head around anyway, even outside of what Wanda explains. ]

[that question is a little difficult to answer, truth be told. wanda shakes her head, silent for a moment. it's hard to reconcile how she calls herself a mother who loves her boys, but the moment the alternate version of one of them shows up — she reacts the way she did—

wanda brings her hands down to rest against her lap, wriggling at her fingers nervously. how much does she want to explain? about why she had reacted the way she did? how the memory of tommy and billy, scared of her, asking her not to hurt them, was so fresh in her mind when this billy showed up, calling her mom.

maybe she can circumvent that entirely?]

I've... had a hard time talking to him. We've done better lately, but it's — difficult, sometimes.

[how every wanda in the multiverse gets to have their boys, one way or the other, but not her.]

I know he didn't go through what my boys did, though.

That's not that surprising, considering it's such a painful topic for you to begin with.

[ Natasha's quiet as she watches the way Wanda falls quiet and fidgets, clearly uneasy with the topic. Or maybe that's just the lingering memories. She takes another low, measured sip of the drink they're sharing, eyes drifting over the woods outside while she thinks. ]

I'll have to keep an eye out for him, when I'm in Nocwich. Or when we come together here in the Horizon, I guess that's an option now too. Which is a really strange thing to wrap my head around, even now that I'm here.

[wanda's face pinches in amusement, looking at natasha for a moment before turning away. she appreciates that, how the other woman reads the room and shifts the conversation into less emotionally-charged territory.

straightening her shoulders, she leans an elbow onto the table.]

You'll get used to it.

[if anyone can accommodate to the new, it ought to be the black widow.]

Billy's has Avengers in his own world, so he might be familiar with another version of you. I'm sure that'll be fun to wrap your head around, too.

[ Actually, she just makes a face at the very idea, tone wry and a little sarcastic. ]

Yeah, because that's exactly what the multiverse needed. More of me.

[it's typical natasha, working a joke with all seamless sarcasm and the wryness to deliver it. it does land, except for the fact that—]

Too soon.

[—wanda thinks that the multiverse could do so well if there were more of natasha around. they lost her what feels like too long ago, but now she's here; wanda hopes that this could be a more permanent state of how things are around here.

the raven pushes itself onto the table between the two women, pecking at wanda's rings, as if trying to alleviate whatever dark place this conversation would go towards. she flicks lightly at its beak.]

Thought of a name yet?

Edited 2022-12-23 22:40 (UTC)

[ Natasha just shrugs, spreading her hands to the side, because if she's not going to make light of it, most of her conversations with her companions are going to end up way too depressing. Besides. Hadn't you said it had been a few years?

But her eyes drop to the raven and her lips quirk as she reaches out, stroking a single finger down over smooth dark feathers. After a moment, she tips her head to the side and offers an answer. ]

Argus. [ She glances from the raven to Wanda, lips quirking faintly. ] In Latin, it means 'watchful, vigilant', or in some cases, a guardian. It seemed fitting, considering.

[Open] this doesn't look like a party

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