[ CLOSED ] tooth and nail, tooth and nail

[gynvael]

Who: Geralt + Various
When: December
Where: Cadens; Horizon; Nocwich
What: Catch-all for December
Warnings: General Witcher stuff, will add more as needed.



(( starters in the comments below. find me at discontinued or at Noa#1979 to plot stuff! ))

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[gynvael]

[ Out? Jaskier has not mentioned that. He'll need to ask, though he isn't sure the bard is inclined to talk about it.

His eyes linger on Nadine for a second more before he looks ahead again. When he asks next, it's gently prodding. ]

Because of Flagg?

[ He does understand. He's seen—felt—the demon through Julie's eyes, when they'd been trapped in her dream together. There is an influence to him. One that he imagines that would've reminded Nadine of. ]

[nadine_he_loves]

Yeah.

[Of course, it always goes back to Flagg. Everything she is, it all goes right back to him.]

He could do that. Influence people, make them give into dark impulses and all those little nasty thoughts we have but never intend to act on. And just generally make them do what he wanted.

[It didn't always work on everyone, she knows that much. But it worked on plenty. Nadine has the feeling it's a power he used very often, and was greatly skilled in. She doesn't even know how much he'd worked it on her, just that he surely had. She can tell by it's absence, how different things looked once he'd gone.

But it hadn't all been his influence. Plenty of it had been her choices.]

[gynvael]

You weren't him. [ Geralt offers that quietly. ] And magic is magic. It only turns dark in the wrong hands.

[ Chaos, controlled or corrupted. That's all it is. Which begs the question of what exactly grew so corrupted that the Heralds, the blights, spread across the land. Given the amount of destruction, the continual summonings for the past year—could be anything. Who the fuck can say.

But the important part is, he doesn't want Nadine worrying about what this means for her. To Geralt, it doesn't mean anything. She had magic she didn't understand nor intend to use, and she was seeking to defend herself. ]

[nadine_he_loves]

[Nadine's eyes stay forward, fixed on the space between her pony's ears. It's easy for Geralt to say. He doesn't know. No one does, but Julie, and Nadine's not even certain if the other woman remembers.

Maybe that's stupid, and dangerous. Or maybe it doesn't matter at all, she doesn't know. But she trusts Geralt.]

I could have been. Really easily.

[She doesn't think it's so simple, when it comes to magic. Some magic is dark, and twisted, and wrong. Hadn't Flagg implied as much, when he'd gifted her a bit of his own? Talking of the price, and how his magics changed a person.]

And I'm not talking about the powers the local god gave me the other month.

[gynvael]

[ At first, Geralt thinks she's referring to what she did under Flagg's direction. But it sounds like more, the way she refers to powers. Doesn't it? ]

What do you mean?

[ Nadine's held secrets for a long time. Since he met her, in truth. Geralt's uncovered more than most, he imagines, but by and large, he's allowed Nadine to be. She's been good to Jaskier, to Ciri, to all of them. Who she was before that...

It's not that her past doesn't matter. Everyone's past matters. But it also doesn't change who she is now, to him. ]

[nadine_he_loves]

If he hadn't disappeared, when he did.

[It's the safest version of the truth, Nadine thinks. Or at least the easiest way to lead into it, if it seems she should.]

I don't think it's any surprise to say that what he was and what I am aren't exactly compatible in the long run. And I knew that. When he was the entirety of my world, that was okay. The idea that I could....become like him. Because we'd be together and then I wouldn't care about what was good or bad or anything like that.

[It had seemed just a necessity. To be with him, to be able to be with him like that, as man and wife. She'd agreed to it, not tacitly but clearly and directly before he'd gone from this world.

How different things would be, had he remained. What would she be now? Who would she be? Something terrible, probably.]

[gynvael]

[ It's a difficult thing, isn't it? To have to ask what shapes you? Geralt hasn't got an answer. Flagg found Nadine incredibly young. Even if Flagg had no magic, no power—he would hardly be the first to prey on a child to do his bidding. It doesn't take a demon for that. Just a man. ]

He did disappear. [ In the end, what-ifs are only that. A path not walked. ] You aren't like him. And I believe, were he to return, you'd no longer want what he has. No matter the mark he left behind.

[ That, Geralt does know. She isn't the same person he met. Who she may have become is not who she is now. She can't forget the past—nor should she—but he doesn't think she should let the weight of it continue to anchor her. She deserves more than that. ]

[nadine_he_loves]

No, I don't want that now.

[Nadine is certain of that, at least. It had been a defense mechanism, in a way. Be like him and all the guilt and shame and doubt would go away. Without him, without his influence...it's all different.

She's different.]

But sometimes the fact that I'm capable of wanting that...bothers me. Which I guess is a good sign. A decent person would be bothered by that.

[gynvael]

[ A question exists of how much Nadine can even be held responsible for the things she wanted, the things she did and tried to do—but Geralt knows it'll not ever make a difference for how she feels. There's no point in asking it. Or trying to answer it.

Absolving blame never quite helps, in his experience. It's a case of moving on how you can. ]

You are. Just as you're capable of wanting better things. [ He glances at her little pony. (Technically, a large pony.) ] Besides, your horse is fond. They have good instincts. Like I do.