abraxaslogs | am I a villain or a saint?

Istredd scrunches up his nose, annoyed that Lucifer apparently knew all this time! "Are you that surprised? I've been distracted and busy." Ever since he got here he has been busy. Now that he's gone to the Singularity the drive to learn hasn't changed. He is not the type to pay attention. In hindsight he can see where the misconceptions would come from.

It is somewhat amusing he heard it from Michael of all people. It blindsided him at the time, but he never did correct the assumption. It seemed better to say nothing. He smiles though after a beat. "He called me his future brother-in-law." That was funny. Both amusing and almost sweet in a way. He's sure he meant it in a sarcastic or negative way.

"Apparently he's not aware that you have no interest in any of that." Lucifer told him that and he accepted it without question.

No, he supposes he shouldn't be surprised.

"Look, people talk about me all the time, it's just background noise," Lucifer says in explanation. If it's not one thing, it's another. Not worth stressing over or acknowledging. At least no one's referred to him as a monster.

"But, wow, Michael, going straight on to the finishing line. Even Thorne's not that bad in their assumptions." He snorts. "The only opinion my brother knows of mine is how I feel about humanity and our Father."

"I suppose there could be worse things for people to talk about. But no, I had no idea. I didn't clarify for him." Let's not dig too deep into his reasons there are several of them! One being that he was blindsided, another being that he didn't feel it was Michael's business, third being he assumed Michael was trying to get a rise out of him. And the other thing.

"It is possible he was joking, but it was not easy to tell. He is harder to read and dryer than I am." Which is saying a lot! But he is an archangel and has perfected doing that over many, many years. Istredd can't become that perfect of an expression in less than a hundred. He crosses his arms over his chest, still leaning back on the desk.

"It is surprising, surely people have more interesting things to talk about."

"My brother doesn't have a sense of humor."

That might be putting it extremely, but of the four archangels, Michael is definitely bottom-rung when it comes to humor.

"People will find anything to gossip about." Especially when their queen's 'recently' firebombed another nation. "It is, quite literally, not going to disappear." They room together. In Thorne, in Nocwich, on the boat--actually he should have expected the rumor to follow them here just on that alone--and they're not going to stop rooming together anytime soon, if at all.

"Then I guess I should start calling him brother-in-law just for the sake of consistency. Roommate-in-law just doesn't have the right ring to it."

Michael may not have a sense of humor but Istredd does, and that would be a little funny. He doesn't really intend on correcting him any time soon. It is possible he opened up more than he intended because he was mistaken about the role in Lucifer's life. And his interest may have started in the first place because of that.

"It doesn't sound like they're listening to logic, so oh well. At least they're assuming good taste." His expression and mind seem particularly inscrutable for a few seconds, more blank than usual as he considers inwardly. No, best to pass by it and say nothing. Better for everyone.

"You don't mind if your brother visits?" Is that a distraction from a topic he might sweat about? Absolutely.

"Please do," Lucifer laughs, "he won't know what the hell to do with it, and if he hasn't treated you poorly, might as well milk it."

Although that does have the likelihood of getting back to Wanda--

Well. She's smart enough to not believe it. It's all just words, after all.

The fire is, finally, back to normal, with the occasional pop-sizzle. The blankness, momentary enough, throws Lucifer just a bit, but similarly how Istredd doesn't know the cause when Lucifer's mind sometimes blips, Lucifer doesn't bother pushing. Istredd likely is one to get lost in his own head, after all.

Lucifer's thoughts not having the same odd blankness, come across as if he's not a jackass about it at the same moment Lucifer says, "It's fine."

So. He still needs to get used to those kind of discrepancies.

"I called him a gossip," Istredd says with a smile.

Istredd thinks Wanda may have a few thoughts of her own about that, but she is not likely to assume anything. And she does have a direct connection to both of them. He's not worried about her hearing it, although he is slightly worried about how little he'll be able to block a reaction about it. The two of them are very free-flowing. A problem for a later time, if ever.

"Please watch the fire next time, don't burn the ship down. As much as I would like to get off it." Istredd has used the ship in no fun ways whatsoever. He likes Luna and new places to see, but the ship has been nothing but trouble for him. It makes him sick, forces him into conversations he's been avoiding. There are options that might be more entertaining here, but he has no idea of them.

"Maybe he'll add more interesting books to my library." Always the nerd route first. "Don't worry though. One of the first things I told him was I wouldn't share the things you've said."

There's a chime of delight at thinking Michael a gossip. He bets he can throw that back at his brother at some point. It'd be great.

"He's going to add the Bible," Lucifer says, annoyed. He supposed he might be able to touch it without his skin burning now though.

He blinks at Istredd. He hadn't even considered Istredd would say anything, at that is clear in his mind. It's just as he assumed the same from Wanda.

Istredd had a feeling Lucifer would like that, smiling and sharing in the amusement it might take to mess with Michael on it if he wants. Hopefully not in a way that will get him pushed off of something by an archangel though.

"The Bible? That's the book of fairy tales about all of you? I'd like to read that." Listen, Lucifer has made it clear that the book is false and whatever is in there is made up. So he is definitely interested in finding out what other people think they know about him.

"Anything else you might want me to know before your brother or the book mentions it?" Istredd is not asking a leading question, he wants to make certain he has the facts first from Lucifer's mouth.

He belatedly glances at the fire, then back at Istredd with a raised brow, completely unaware.

He doesn't want to tell Istredd more, no real reason, but he's sure Michael will bring it up. At least the part about being in the Cage, too, at one time.

"There was a prophesised Apocalypse. Heaven versus Hell, my brother versus myself and our two armies." Lucifer set it up all as it was to unfold, but he did not want to fight his brother. Michael saw otherwise. "Our showdown was foiled by Dean Winchester and in the end of it both myself and my brother, and the souls of who we were in possession at the time, were all shoved into my Cage.

"Sam Winchester, my vessel, got sprung, and then later I got out again and left my brother. Extremely spitefully." What? He can admit it. "I'm not sure when he got out again; he's further ahead in time than I am. It could only have been a few years though. He can be as pissy as he wants to be about it, but I still have millennia on him."

"Your vessel. You mean the body you're in." Lucifer did tell him before that this wasn't his real body. It was an emotional talk on a high place and he admitted that without explaining much else. The angels are somehow possessing bodies. They do have demons in his world that are capable of possessing bodies. Istredd's never come across one personally, but he knows they are real.

"Who is Sam to him? Family? I can see why he might have an issue with you if so." Also probably he didn't want their world to be destroyed. Reasonable concerns when these two archangels are trying to kill one another. But a possession of a loved one, that must be personal.

"You're both stuck here now on the same world and you can't start a war, so maybe this ceasefire can become a peace treaty. Sans spitefulness. Just a thought."

"We need a body to contain us. Our true forms are expansive. We need permission from our hosts, unlike demons which can take without permission." There are multiple ways to get that permission though.

"Brothers, yes. Sam the younger, my true vessel. Dean, the older, as Michael's. I'm sure you can see the connection there. Sam accepted me for devious trapping-me purposes; Dean rebuffed my brother.

"Adam, their half brother, Michael's current vessel, was the second-best option," a pause, "don't say that to him."

He makes no mention of his own current vessel.

"Dean, as much as I hate the guy, did the impossible and broke the prophecy."

He hums, ever the literal devil's advocate. "I could start a war," he says, but it's said so simply that there isn't any weight behind it. However, Lucifer purposefully does not close his thoughts that it had been an early-arrival consideration.

"And I'm sure you always ask the hosts very politely." He gives him a look that says that he knows choices aren't always choices depending on who is asking. Lucifer and Michael are primordial creatures with infinite power. They would have many ways to get what they want.

"Why not say that to him about his vessel? Also doesn't that mean you're currently in your second-best option as well?" He is supposed to be in Sam Winchester but he has his own body back. He wonders if it matters to the people they're in, being back ups. It's a very strange concept.

Istredd gives him a mental poke. "No wars." Another mental poke. Like he's spraying a cat with a water bottle. "I would prefer not to harm this sphere any more than we already have." So much has happened here as a result of their presence here. Istredd wouldn't call himself a pacifist, he just avoids conflict. Or at least he usually does. He made a bad choice right before coming here that says otherwise.

"Super politely," he drawls.

Some people just want to be in service to the divine. That's what happened to Jimmy Novak, Castiel's vessel.

That didn't go so well for him.

"I think Adam grew on Michael." Lucifer doesn't know the complete extent though. "He'll be testy about it."

"Second best," he agrees with a sigh, "and, courtesy of the demon who usurped my throne, I am permanently locked in this body. Only benefit being is it won't decay, as they usually do when it isn't the right match. No soul left though in here." He's not really sure what happened with Nick after he crossed into Abraxas.

Oh well.

Lucifer reacts exactly like a cat spritzed by water. Momentarily moody, but gets over it quickly.

"So you're not the only archangel with a soft spot for a crying ape." Apparently crying ape is also going to join his collection of things he will bring back up sarcastically at times. If that's his description of a human, so be it. Istredd is not a typical human, due to his power and longer life span, but he still is squishy and mortal when it comes down to it.

"Permanently locked, I see. I was going to joke about making you swear not to hop bodies. We may share a telepathic link but that would be a step over the line." And he is still joking about it. Even if Lucifer could, he'd have no reason to. Istredd does wonder about the body he is in though. Who was the soul? It doesn't matter big picture as the person is apparently gone, but he still thinks about it.

"You could always use your beautiful mind to do good instead of war."

His thoughts skip unintentionally: Gabriel was the worst with that and Lucifer doesn't even notice it.

"It would lead to a curious thought if the link would follow though... But no. I'm stuck like this. I think it's partially why even in the Horizon I can't get my appearance to shift, but I don't know. No amount of force of will has changed it."

But then he's grinning deviously. "Michael would hate that. Wouldn't know what to do if I played ball for the Light side."

Lucifer the point was to find a peace with your older brother!!

Another name. Gabriel. An archangel. Dean, Sam, and Adam Winchester. He's adding up the pieces for his own curiosity's sake. Istredd raises his eyebrows about the appearance thing and shakes his head.

"It's the psychic plane, Lucifer. If you can't make yourself look different, it's your own mental block." He sounds very certain of this because he is. There is always the possibility the Singularity can control some things, but it is unlikely to be for this one specific situation with this one angel. Maybe he should have said that more gently than 'it's your own fault' but they don't have to be gentle with each other.

That grin and commentary though only gets Istredd to roll his eyes, typical, but he laughs quietly. "Yes, by all means, whatever motivation gets you there." His smile is entirely too fond and his eyes are soft. Why is Lucifer so charming when he's being difficult? Annoying. "What would Michael do if you were the good guy?"

"Crow 'doppelganger' and kill me," Lucifer says. He sounds honest. His thoughts say otherwise, and this time that is purposeful. Congrats, Istredd, you can now be in on the jokes.

He finally ducks out from his place by the fire and Istredd's proximity, moving over to stand by the vanity, staring at his reflection with crossed arms.

"Do you want to know why I broke all the mirrors?" he says absently. It's mostly a trick question. Istredd's already expressed that he likes hearing anything Lucifer is willing to tell him.

Edited (order of operations) 2023-01-03 03:40 (UTC)

No, I hate when you tell me things.

The tone is playfully sarcastic and between them mentally, while physically he just turns to watch him, tilting his head curiously. Occasionally he can be the one making jokes to lighten the situation, but he also wants the truth.

"Why?"

The comment does crack a grin.

Point for Istredd.

"Every time I looked or caught a glimpse, the face wasn't mine. On occasion when it was my true form, it was warped beyond recognition--the monster that humanity saw, not the beauty my siblings recognized. Otherwise it was always my vessels. And I've had so many over the course of my existence."

He's probably burned through the most in the past year before coming to Abraxas, but that particular thought is kept from Istredd. The amount of times he had to hop-skip from vessels while being on the run until he found someone that could hold him for long enough, before they too died, burnt inside-out by the power.

"Even my appearance in many minds was often... this, specifically what I look like in the Horizon. Those that 'greeted' me at the Cage saw the same, even if by all right it should have been Sam Winchester, the last vessel I had possessed."

All of this to Istredd meaning... yes. There is very likely a mental block, but he's never been in control of his appearance since the creation of the universe and it only got worse after he took on Nick as a vessel.

Istredd had the same affliction as Lucifer during that time, but for him it was more about seeing people he didn't want to. Specifically Stregobor. Everywhere. And it wasn't just his face, it was him talking and taunting and laughing, and it was deeply upsetting. Tissaia sometimes too, Yennefer if he was unlucky. He didn't know why exactly. It's not the same fractured identity that Lucifer is talking about.

Istredd obviously knows his friend by this face, it is dear to him, but for a very, very old entity to only have worn it shortly, but be faced with it always, that could be disturbing. "Part of the initiation before becoming a mage is to enchant the way you look. You can create the image of what you want to be, and that will be who you emerge as. It is encouraged to be as appealing as possible." Istredd smiles faintly. "A lot of young mages want that, to start over." After the grueling process, it seemed like the way to break free.

"I can't imagine what it would be like, to look in the mirror and see a stranger." Meaning Istredd didn't change a single thing about himself. This is who he is. "I'm sorry. No wonder it's been messing with you."

He pauses before continuing. "Is it possible, to see the real you? Could you ... show me?" In their mind, or as an illusion, he doesn't know.

There's a lot of things that are constantly messing with Lucifer, but the affliction, that hit harder in more ways than he had expected.

(The mirror in his domain is at the bottom of his red lake, the only way he could get it out of sight, out of mind.)

He still misses that feeling, sometimes, from when he afflicted someone else.

He meets Istredd's gaze in the mirror, considering. "Normally seeing the true form of an angel would melt your eyes from your skull," he says informatively. But in their mind? Just an... image? It shouldn't have the same effect, shielded by Lucifer's own mind.

He thinks of his siblings who saw him an the epitome of beauty, once upon a time.

He thinks of the human Sam Winchester and the witch Rowena MacLeod. Both who are kept awake by nightmares of his appearance. He doesn't think he could stamp it out of Istredd's mind.

He shakes his head, immediately dismissive, and closes his eyes, putting layers upon layers of protections around the image conjuring between them. Istredd had only seen the two wings when they first connected, all that is, typically, linked to his vessel. All six wings unfurl from the figure, six clawed arms to follow--the lower set with backwards talons to match the backwards muscular-scaled feet. The head is wreathed with six golden horns, curled and coiled in different ways, flecked with sizzling red marks, and at the very back is the jagged gold halo, cracked and resealed again and again in many places, the ethereal material piercing the feathered skin at his neck. A tails lashes behind, sometimes feathered, sometimes scaled and purely serpent, dribbles of fire moving like veins beneath.

Holy light overwhelms, reflective off the pristine white wings, impossibly strong, and the image nearly whites out before Lucifer claps down on it and the protections lock in tight, saving Istredd's mind.

So, even just an imagined image has possible risks.

"Well, continue to try not to kill me."

It is interesting to know that his original presence is that strong. So much left to understand. He assumes an illusion would be safe. Istredd truly does not know what to expect. He saw the wings so that was a guarantee but even though Lucifer's mind is distinctly alien to him, the sheer reality of it is stunning. He doesn't recoil from the image but it is overwhelming despite being an image, because it is bigger. He saw one creature with Geralt and it was unnerving, although it did immediately display aggression.

"Wow." That is all he can say at first. His feelings are up in the air but all a version of positive. He will not forget what Lucifer looked like, and maybe after the initial shock he can pick apart the details. The many wings, the long arms and strange head. Interesting, he says, that word encapsulates many thoughts all at once.

"And you are stuck in a human vessel." It isn't as if he is slightly different. This is a drastic change. "If you could change your visage in the Horizon, would you prefer that? If the mental block went away and you could be anyone."

And maybe this is, truthfully, the source of the mental block.

"... No," he says after a long moment. He... trusted Istredd with it. He would perhaps trust Wanda. But he's far too accustomed to the negativity to be waltzing through as his true self, and some days he still doesn't know what that is.

And maybe there's a part of that he blames Michael for. Because the last time he was the image Istredd had seen was before humanity had weak little eyes and he was with his brothers. Before the Mark, before the Darkness. Where they could just be.

And then suddenly, for his actions, his betrayal, he was a monster.

"I suppose I don't even know what I should be," he admits. "Why not, then, follow the appearance everyone else has conjured?"

Going around in his actual form would definitely draw some eyes and perhaps some horror for those not more curious than reactive. And that could be more of a struggle than what it is currently. Istredd would likely take a human facade if he was something inhuman, just to avoid the drama. But his concern is for Lucifer's sanity.

"You could always see it as a for now situation. You're ancient, you have time to figure your thoughts and feelings out." Although Istredd doesn't know if him being locked into a human form means the body can die from age. He's assuming not, otherwise that might be something more to angst about. It may be preferable to get all the answers right away, but not logical. It is his fault bringing it up though that it's probably a mental block, and he's right.

"The heralds were amplifying all the worst things. I could put an illusion on your face if you want. I can make you look like anything to yourself." Istredd was taught by the greatest illusionist in the Brotherhood, his skill with it is expert, he just doesn't use it as openly. He did for Stephen, when they were doing the cards, creating an elaborate illusion in a second's notice to hide them as they worked.

Edited 2023-01-03 16:19 (UTC)

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