abraxaslogs | i'm reaching for the clouds

Entry tags:

i'm reaching for the clouds

Who: Claude and various
When: January + early February (pre-event)
Where: The Horizon, Aquila, TBA
What: Catch all
Warnings: None currently, will add/mark as needed

( Closed starters in the comments below. Feel free to find me at

indech, arboria#1862, or by PM at any time to plot something! )

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[ Now he wishes he could've tried to get a closer look. He could ask Geralt or Himeka if they remember anything similar from their own Summonings, but he's already plied them with so many questions about what was a difficult time.

At the mention of the fortune teller he frowns, shaking his head. ] I received a strange card, but it only said something like 'your time hasn't come yet'.

[ He hadn't saved it, though.

Normally, he wouldn't push. But curiosity gets to him and his brow furrows: ]

What did she say?

[ Ah - Kyle would ask, wouldn't he? That's purely his own fault for putting it out there, phrasing it the way he had. It's the exact kind of loose end tapering off into nothing Claude would pounce on himself if the tables were turned.

Still. There's a long moment where he looks at his tea expressionlessly with any feelings on that well-concealed and hidden away, turning over how to pare down that fortune into something... something less what he knew it to be. ]

At first Lady Elin didn't say much. Seemed like she was just thinking with her eyes closed more than anything else, and it was a lot less over the top than some of the other fortune tellers I'd been to before. Not all of them are like that so it was nice that was the case here. [ This is the least subtle stalling of all time. ] Anyway, she told me I hold a tie to wrongs that were never righted. She's not wrong.

[ There's a lot of those wrongs, enough that this sentence could easily apply to some of the ones he's told Kyle about in bits and pieces, except that there's another half to it he's purposefully withholding and which provides greater context.

Now Claude looks up with that carefully crafted smile as a mask set back into place and shrugs like they're discussing something unremarkable. ]

Something I was on the path to correcting before I arrived here, so it'll have to wait a while longer. If she ever returns which it sounds like might happen what with it not being your time yet, I'll be curious to find if yours holds any weight.

[ It's the stalling and the way he seemed uncomfortable earlier. He leaves the topic be, for now. Whatever the fortune teller said was clearly enough to convince Claude.

Kahlil's own sister is/was an oracle. In other areas he might better trust his friend's judgement, but in this he will have to judge the woman for himself. Assuming she returns. He sighs again, looking up at the ceiling for a moment before glancing at Claude again, the other man's handsome smile masking his earlier discomfort - reminding him of someone else for a moment. ]

Besides righting those wrongs, what would be the first thing you'd do when you returned home?

[ From here. ]

[ That somehow is yet another unexpected question, and it's one more loaded than Kyle realizes. Or perhaps he does, given that Claude has the sense all of the Summoned are hiding things about themselves. As they should; despite the bonds they're forging between themselves and somewhat against odds, there's no guarantee information won't end up where it shouldn't.

Which is something he weighs within a deliberate pause as he studies Kyle, thinking less about what Abraxan officials might do with that knowledge and more of what his friends might. ]

Fodlan has a long history of being closed off from the other countries around it. A goal I've always had in mind from long before anything else was tearing down the walls keeping those from Fodlan in and the rest of the world outside of them. The aftermath of the war is the time to do just that.

[ When Claude thinks about it later, the fact that he immediately feels actual guilt over what he can admit is a deeply ambiguous answer is a glaringly bright sign he's come to trust Kyle to a level that it overrides his normal method of being outright deceptive when there's something he doesn't wish to reveal. For now, he sighs slightly since there's no fun way to go about this next part, but: ]

You'll have to forgive me for being vague. Those who are also here from Fodlan know... different things than I do in some ways, if you can include being from different times in that, and what they don't know are things I'd rather they wouldn't learn here.

[ With that explanation he understands Claude's reluctance to give a more detailed answer. Kahlil has no one here to worry about from his own world, but there are things he doesn't wish others to know, especially those he's become close to. He's alluded to it to some, the nature of his condition right before he arrived, at least in conversations about faith.

Many people here like to believe that the ones who disappear return to where they came from. But if that's true, what happens to those who were on the brink of death?

He doesn't want anyone to worry about him like that.

Later he'll ask if Claude minds him reading some of the texts in his domain, assuming the books are full and not blank pages - but he thinks Claude's the type to fill them in. He wants to learn more about his friend's world.

Claude mentions his companions, and Kahlil thinks of the White Space again. Different things than I do in some ways. He looks down, head canting slightly as he turns over his words in his head. ]

Do they only not know these things because they haven't happened to them yet - from your point of view, or - do they also remember things from the past differently than you do?

[ It's a confusing question, and he expects Claude to give him a funny look. But he doesn't know how to phrase it any better. ]

Edited 2023-02-02 19:56 (UTC)

[ Kyle asks something he feels coming instinctively, had the suspicion it was when he'd looked down to think something over, but the way it's asked rings a bell somewhere in the corner of Claude's mind. One he'll have to address in a moment since, despite himself, that Kyle's nailed down both specific problems he's having when it comes to time gets a short and rather dry laugh out of him. ]

It's not actually funny, but it kind of is because the answer to that is yes. [ Claude takes a second to grin before absently rubbing a hand along his jaw in thought and as if to scrub said wry amusement away. ] In the simplest way to go about explaining whatever this is, it's yes because at least one of my friends doesn't know what I do and there's things none of them do. And at the same time, it's yes because at least one of them told me of some things which happened for them that have no way of being possible for me.

[ I don't know how to reconcile that is something he's about to add. As if the other man might know some way to make it all fit, might somehow have a lens he can peer at everything through that'll give him an answer - but then he realizes what felt so recognizable about what was asked. Why it was said that way, maybe, and what it could mean. ]

You're the first person who's asked what you did rather than asking me what I meant. Even everyone else from Fodlan still had other questions besides that one.

[ He'll go for the indirect route for querying about whether this is something they have in common, even if Claude's also realizing he can't remember if Kyle's mentioned anyone else from his home here. ]

[ His eyes lower for a moment. ]

I don't have any answers.

[ He starts with that, a touch of apology in his tone. For how long he's struggled with this same issue, he's never understood what exactly it was that happened to him two years ago.

He lets his gaze meet Claude's again. ]

Something similar happened when I crossed through the White Space two years ago. I didn't have the protections I mentioned earlier, or the key required. [ He'd essentially brute forced his way through the gate, hoping that his connection to the Rifter would be enough to see him through. He'd had no choice. ] I arrived in my intended destination but... I'd lost time. And things were not the way I remembered them. Events didn't line up. My entire church had been destroyed in a war years earlier, something that couldn't have happened.

[ Because he remembered events happening differently. He shakes his head, grimacing again. ]

I was the only one who remained that remembered things differently. And then sometimes, as if I didn't feel crazy enough, I remembered things that made no sense to me. Like fighting in that war.

[ And other more intimate, embarrassing things. It was those that made him think it had to be his mind playing tricks on him. Some kind of strange wish fulfillment.

In any case, if the Summoning is similar to traveling through the White Space like he suspects, then it's not so surprising that Claude and his friends are experiencing the same issues.

He gives the other man a weary look. ]

I hope I didn't just make you feel crazy too.

[ Because who is to say what this is: reality being altered, or their minds? ]

[ What's close enough to an apology is enough for Claude to feel his assumption that Kyle knows something about what he's speaking of is an accurate one. While he waits for whatever might follow he studies the other man carefully, and when Kyle looks up he doesn't bother hiding that's what he was doing.

Though Kyle told him about what could go wrong when traveling, Claude had assumed it was just an abstract warning given to everyone. But to hear he's gone through it - actually lost time - is something else entirely. He wasn't moving much before but Claude goes still, keeps his expression deliberately neutral, and just listens. It's alarming to hear some of what's similar to what he knows but also that there's yet another possible twist to everything which could happen involving all the possibilities of time. ]

You didn't. [ That affirmation's offered quickly, but Claude does mean it despite the decidedly anemic smile he gives the other in return for that look. He presses his lips together in thought to sort through differences between what he knows and what Kyle does. ] There's... some parts of what you said that align to what I know for me and for my friends, but ours is more like all of us have lived different things. As if history was simply changed for all of us, or more like from what I know happened.

[ That's not a less confusing way to put it. For all his verboseness: for once Claude finds himself at a slight loss of how to explain further without getting into more technicalities of Fodlan. Or Teach, and - wait a minute. He frowns just slightly, wavering between asking because he wants to know and avoiding pressing too far. ]

In the differences in what you remember. There wouldn't have happened to be a person it all seemed to hinge around, would there?

[ None of this is easy to put to words, for either of them - and he mostly understands Claude's explanation. No, not exactly like what happened to him, but then none of the people from Fodlan had been traveling between worlds.

What Claude asks next gets a flicker of surprise, though. There's a slight pause before he answers slowly. ]

There is someone. He... in my wrong memories, I meet him much earlier in my life. And he is the one that leads the war against my church.

[ There's a pause, and he adds almost defensively: ]

He wouldn't have manipulated events this way on his own. He would've been happier if he'd never come to my world at all.

[ If anyone is to blame for the chaos and destruction, it's Kahlil's own failure. Not John.

Claude wouldn't ask this question if he didn't have someone in mind from his own world. He fixes his gaze on him again, waiting. ]

[ Claude catches the surprise and has a mere moment to consider whether he can take the question back or not, but Kyle starts to answer. At the confirmation that there is someone, he watches the other man and internally winces a bit over the defensiveness. Even if he doesn't know the source of it, that's a feeling he can relate to when revealing something he perhaps didn't want to or didn't mean to let slip.

Instead though, he nods yet again in recognition that yes, it's his turn to volunteer his own information of why he asked. ]

There's someone central in my life - well, technically all of our lives, and while they hold the same role to each of us from what I can tell, we each remember them differently in some ways. But overall, basically everything about them seems to be the same from what we've been able to piece together, because too much aligns for it to not be Teach. The other difference seems to be which house they taught at our school. Normally that would be meaningless except that it also means they aligned with that country in the war, though I can't say I understand what effects that might've had yet.

[ Something Claude finds more troubling since he still doesn't know how that's possible either, but thinking about it in too much depth also threatens to give him a headache. One more reason to volley the conversation back to Kyle. ]

It sounds like the person you know maybe wasn't supposed to be there at all, unlike my professor who ended up everywhere they were needed.

[ Or close enough to it. ]

[ There's another pause at that last part. Then, with a pinched brow. ]

He wasn't - but I think like yours, he was needed.

[ For everything to fall apart. For everything to change. Claude says he doesn't know how his teacher's different choices would affect things, but perhaps they too were meant to influence something greater. Their war.

To someone like Kahlil, it speaks of divine fate. It makes him think of the Issusha'im and their powers, but the train of thought eludes him as a headache starts to pound at his temple. He looks down into the tea again, frowning to himself. ]

His name is John.

[ The man who was so important. It's such a small thing to share, a name that means little when that person isn't here, but it means much to Kahlil to share it with someone else. ]

[ Names have meaning, and that Kyle chooses to share this name with him is not lost on Claude. In the importance of everything they've shared Claude has still been vague, left out names of anyone besides those Kyle might stumble across in the Horizon or in Nocwich. There's trust there again in telling him not just who John is but a way to refer to him, and that much he can also do in return. ]

I called my person in question Teach more than anything else but his actual name is Byleth. He's no longer just my professor but on some level I think he'll still always be Teach to me.

[ Maybe not the sort of thing one's supposed to call the king of a nation since Claude's sure it offends ten different levels of etiquette throughout Fodlan, but if all goes well - if they get to go home - it'll be one ruler to another, and he's never been one for formality anyway. All of that is a bit beyond what they're talking about since it's still yet to happen and they're dealing with changes in the past or present. ]

I won't profess to be the biggest believer in fate though the past few years have changed my stance greatly from what it was, but it also sounds like the two of you - you and John - were meant to meet no matter what if he's there in each timeline of your memories even though the point at which you met differs vastly.

I was always meant to find him. But how and when he arrived in my world shouldn't have been possible...

[ That he arrived thirty years before Kahlil returned to Basawar, and how things changed...

Claude is right about him and John, though. More than he realizes. He stares at his companion, looks him right in the eye again and says very seriously: ]

It doesn't matter whether you believe in fate, how much or how little. It exists, and it can be manipulated. I was bound to John, my fate and his - and I don't mean in the abstract. I was there for the ritual. I felt and saw it happen.

So I don't mean to say it is exactly the same for you, your friends, and your teacher - but if Byleth is at the center of all of it, then the god of your world has had some hand in it.

[ He's about to reach for his forgotten tea when Kyle meets his eye and whatever motions he'd started Claude stills. The sincerity - and the graveness - with which Kyle speaks is apparent. Then the rest of it sinks in: how if Byleth is at the center of it then that means a god is tied to it, and he can't resist a small smile of amusement. An inside joke with himself, though Claude realizes a second later smiling's not the best reaction here. ]

Sorry, nothing about what you said is funny. It's just... [ But he trails off and when no way to salvage that comes to mind, he waves a hand like that'll push what's tied to his reaction away lest he have to explain how Teach is now Fodlan's religion incarnate thanks to that little merging which happened. That's far too confusing to dive into in the midst of everything else. ] There's some of this that's probably a better conversation for another day, though more importantly you're not wrong about who's involved or how it could be changed.

Fodlan believes in a goddess but other countries in the world where I'm from believe in pantheons where there are gods responsible for different things like justice, wind, and harvests, to name a few of the many. Levels of belief might vary to go with those, but not for the Church of Seiros. But your religion has only one god in it as well?

[ The latter also comes with Claude holding a hand out to gesture to Kyle's cassock. The outfit is rather familiar as something the Church's clergy might wear, and he's not formally asked before. ]

[ The way Claude smiles gets a bit of an odd look from Kahlil, even when he elaborates by claiming there's nothing he finds funny about his words. The way he trails off doesn't help much either. He's generally good at reading the other man - and he certainly doesn't usually care when strangers are dismissive of his belief, but Claude is not a stranger and the sudden shift after what's been shared has him feeling a little guarded all of a sudden.

He purses his lips, then frowns at his hands. Concentrating for a moment - as a large tome appears on his lap. The cover is leatherbound and old, with crescent moons and other strange symbols decorating the cover in gold leaf. ]

Here. [ He hands it to Claude, frowning slightly. ] It's as accurate as I can remember it from the library at the monastery. Better than me trying to tell it.

[ The first few pages are an illuminated story of the Payshmura's version of creation: Parfir creating the world from his own flesh, blood and bone. The invasion of the demon army, the creation of the Rifter - the destroyer incarnation, by Parfir out of what little bits of his body remained. How the Rifter destroys the demon army and then the Payshmura subdue the Rifter, for it is a part of Parfir and the world itself, and the god cannot destroy a part of himself. ]

I will take one of yours, and we will be even. [ He waits, expectantly, for Claude to give him some kind of tome in return. ]

Edited 2023-02-13 23:09 (UTC)

[ The instant the book appears, Claude thinks - of course. It's such a simple solution given where they're sitting, what this place is capable of, that a large part of him feels rather ridiculous for not thinking of this before. He straightens up in his seat in order to take the book from Kyle and hold it gingerly in his hands and with the due respect such a source of knowledge requires if not demands.

For a second he studies the cover, and then a more genuine smile crosses his face. He should've just started with this from the beginning. ]

Thanks, Kyle. [ That gratitude is rather genuine not only for reminding him of how to share this without making Kyle sit here for hours, and for the trust in granting this sizable volume to him. The tea tray is magicked away so there's a safe place to set the book. ] Give me one moment and I'll find one for you.

[ No need to create it on the spot as one mere doorway away is his study with the shelves full of novels, reference books for research, and textbooks among many other topics. It doesn't come close to a fraction of what Istredd's library is like nor the monastery's just next door, but it only takes a minute or so of skimming titles before he returns with a sizable book of his own on the church to offer to Kyle. ]

Start with this though there's certainly others branching off from it you could read as well. This one will tell you much of what you need to know. And then the next time we meet, [ with a bit of a meaningful pause, since he meant it about some things left for another day, ] I'll tell you what else I learned from those who wrote this book, and not from the book itself.

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