abraxaslogs | january catch-all

Or they've found someone who isn't asking for gold in payment.

[ Like those that helped the Summoned in Thorne escape, during the execution Geralt told him about. But that's a large leap. He'd grown up during something vaguely similar in Basawar, though. The common folk slowly abandoning their cities, escaping to the hills and joining up with the Fai'daum.

Sometimes he remembers being very young, all of his family still alive and living with others. Together, with a blond dog... ]

Either way, living in hiding like that is difficult. Especially now with the food shortages, and during the winter months... I hope that if they are leaving on their own, they have found somewhere safe.

The mages in Nott who are willin' to risk portals would only take gold. I mean, far as I know, anyway. I can't think of anythin' else they would want more than money.

[ And she doubts that anyone is just traipsing through Thorne, offering the kind of escape the Summoned got. Those people had exerted a massive amount of magic, and no one has heard from them since. And, at the heart of it, the Summoned are special. Saving a group of people from other worlds, all with a connection to the Singularity, is different than saving random fucking townsfolk. ]

Sure. But I think it's probably more like a serial killer or somethin' pickin' 'em off.

[ She might be right. What could the common folk have to offer? That would take more organization, and there's no proof that any of that is happening. It sticks in the back of his mind, though.

He pulls another face when she mentions serial killers. ]

I hope not. Though that would be an easier problem to solve.

[ Relatively speaking, anyway. ]

Mm, not if it's a lady serial killer. Y'know, back home, the FBI had this theory that like, 90% of female killers are never caught. [ She takes a knowing sip of her drink. ] Who's better to clean up a bloody mess than a woman?

[ Julie is pretty sure that she could clean up a single dead body if she really needed to. Thousands of them, no, but one dead body that's not carrying an extra fifty pounds of fluid? A body that, presumably, she would have less objection to dismembering than her own parents? She thinks she could handle it.

But it's all just a dark joke. She doesn't really believe that there's a prolific lady serial killer roaming the countryside of Thorne. It would probably be a lot more interesting than the truth. ]

In all seriousness, I think it's probably somethin' a lot less dramatic. Usually is, right? Most people who disappear want to disappear.

[ Considering what Julie just told him about her and her friends' surgery skills, he'd believe it. His eyebrows still raise, though, smiling a bit at that way she takes her drink. ]

Women aren't treated much like equals, where I'm from. So, I guess that makes sense. [ That they could get away with it, since the rashan'im and local authorities wouldn't consider a woman at all, unless they were investigating her for witchcraft.

He stretches his legs out for a moment, then folds them up again. ]

Most people. Especially in a city. [ Said in agreement. He glances up at the sky, white clouds rolling over blue. ] When I was young, I used to try to run away from the monastary. But I always ended up returning.

[ A part of him couldn't leave. ]

[ Skills that were ironically gained at a point in time where hiding a murder victim was really the least of most people's worries. There were few repercussions to killing in a world that subjective.

She snorts a bit. ] Yeah, women weren't really equal back home, neither. We sort of had the label, some of the perks, at least for most of my life. We could vote and work and men were supposed to get in trouble for hurtin' us. Stuff like that. But it wasn't real equality. Paid less, treated worse. And then...

[ Julie can't help but trail off. After society collapsed, being a woman was easily the most risky thing left. Men kidnapped women, raped them in plain sight, kept them as slaves. Even in New Vegas, which did have enforced laws against such things, those rules didn't apply to the pleasure girls, people enslaved for encroaching on the territory without intention to join them willingly. Those girls were given as prizes to death match winners and Flagg's favored. And even women like Julie and Nadine were treated as objects, gifts to give and entice others into whatever Flagg wanted. She doesn't suffer any delusions that they were ever anything more.

Welcome to the 21st fucking century, same as every other in history. ]

When everythin' you ever knew is in one place, it's hard to leave it behind. [ There was a reason that Julie didn't leave Kansas until she had to. Before Trips, there had been nothing stopping her from just getting in a car and driving away from Pratt forever, if she really wanted to. People without money move all the time. But everyone she had ever known and loved was in that tiny shithole town, and she didn't know how to walk away from that. ] But you give someone the right incentive, and they'll make it happen.

Maybe somewhere out there, in another world, it's all the opposite. Men wear wedding chains and black tattoos on their fingers while they mind the children, and the women sit on council seats.

[ He lets out a huff like a laugh, though it lacks all that much humor. That's only the same problem turned around the other way. But these things seem ingrained in humanity so deeply that they traverse universes. It's funny how it seems that in most worlds, witches are hunted down and burnt at the stake, Wanda had only just recently said to him.

She's not wrong about the last part, either. If not for Rousma and the trouble she would get in, maybe he would've really tried to leave. But also - Rathal'pesha was both prison and home. What he missed of that place is here, in his domain. He can touch the familiar, cool stone within the temple. He can summon the scent of pine trees and incense. He can bring what he remembers of the old tomes from the libraries, the ones he likes with the illuminations (he's so, so tired of reading). He can even sleep on his old cot, if he wanted to.

He brought a piece of John's house here. Horizon can give them that much, when they miss it. ]

[ Julie starts to agree, but very quickly stops and gets caught in a series of rapid blinks. ] I'm sorry, chains? You put chains on women when they get married?

[ Look, Julie has heard of all manner of absolute bullshit that women in other countries go through. Forced to cover up or not allowed out without a man. But she has never heard of a culture where it's normal to chain women. Like, to the ground? She's baffled. How do they get anything done? ]

[ He blinks back at her a few times, confused - then, oh. ]

Not ah - these chains. [ He motions by pressing his wrists together, the cup of fathi held in both hands for a moment. Then he points to just above his knuckles with one hand. ]

They are shorter and lighter to attach to silver rings on the fingers. Only the wealthiest families use them, the nobles and merchants whose women don't have to work. The common folk get black tattoos on their fingers instead.

[ He gives a slight shrug after explaining. It's the norm in Basawar. ]

When a rich man is looking for a wife, he carries many silver chains on his belt.

[ But he doesn't have to wear them himself. To Kahlil they just look annoying, the ladies must practice how to keep them from getting in the way at their fancy dinners. ]

Edited 2023-01-28 05:44 (UTC)

[ She honestly doesn't think that's much clearer; she understands the idea of maybe a chain linking a single wedding ring to a bracelet, she's definitely seen jewelry like that. But is he saying their fingers are essentially chained together? It's not the wildest thing she's ever heard. She knows about foot binding and those tribes that make their necks so long that their heads flop over if they take off the coils of their necklace. Chained rings make sense in that way. Julie just doesn't see how it's functional, even for rich ladies who don't need to work. Don't they do all that dumb fancy shit like embroidery or whatever? (Julie's never been rich in that kind of context. When she was "rich", she mostly just partied and picked out new, expensive outfits every day. She has no idea what real rich people do with their time.)

She shakes her head a little as she takes another drink. ] Sounds more like a jailer, just wanderin' around, lookin' for women like we're animals to catch in a trap. They know they're allowed to actually talk to women, right? Like, we know how to use words?

[ Another light huff. ]

That analogy isn't all that far off... [ There's something sinister about them the night of the ball, knowing the murderous plans of the men who carried them. And how fearful the women looked when they whispered about Jath'ibaye. He had entered the Bell Dance with no chains on him, though, and he swore he heard some of those same girls sigh in relief.

John had looked beautiful and frightening that night - but he shrugs those thoughts away. ]

I think some would prefer if they didn't have to speak to their women at all. Love matches are rare. [ He feels some measure of sympathy for the younger gaunvur'im, but he knows the women of the nobility can be as vicious in their schemes as their men. They are not people he would have been willing to work for on his own, except for Alidas and the fact that he had no where else. ]

My world had arranged marriages too. Always has. But the whole idea was that you're supposed to... grow to love the other person, I guess? Or at least get along with 'em well enough. It seems weird to me to decide to marry a woman at all if you don't want one around.

[ Julie obviously comes from a culture that's predominately biased toward love matches, but it's not like she's never heard of arranged marriages and betrothals. But to her understanding, it's never been geared toward couples detesting each other. Even if it's all political or monetary, shouldn't a marriage be some form of partnership? Wouldn't a man want to like the mother of his children, at least to a point?

Then again, she knows plenty of poor people who have gotten married and probably shouldn't have. But they don't hate each other like she thinks would be necessary to treat someone the way Kyle describes. ]

Do your people not have like, IVF or surrogates yet?

I think a large dowry is supposed to smooth out any ah, personal incompatibility.

[ There's something wry in his tone. He doesn't really feel this way himself.

The expectations for the wives of the gaun'im in Basawar are very different compared to even the common folk of the country - even in the decades after the fall of the Payshmura. They are meant to produce healthy heirs and not cause any issues for their spouses.

It's only getting slowly better for women in general, but he imagines that change is even slower for the gaunvur'im. It's not something he really thinks about, though, outside of his assignments that put him in their orbit.

In his mind, cobbled from bits of broken memory and sifting through what he was told by the priests and what he realizes might not have been true: he imagines his parents must have loved each other. ]

IVF? [ He looks confused, trying to parse the meaning from surrogate. There are things he can recall easily, and others that never came up in conversations (or television). ]

Don't dowries go to the woman's family? [ She squints. ] Some bastard gives my dad some money and thinks he's allowed to treat me like shit for it, he's got another think comin'. Like I wouldn't straight up Lorena Bobbitt a dude and smile while I do.

[ She glances to the side, eyebrows raised archly as she takes another sip. No, only a very stupid man would try to mistreat Julie. She might be easy prey for manipulative demons, but she has no qualms destroying a regular old human man on the spot. ]

Yeah, In-vitro fertilization. Like, test tube babies? Babies without the fun part, basically. But real useful for rich gay dudes who only marry women to pump out some kids. They pay a lady to carry the baby and give birth, then they get their kid and they never have to really deal with havin' women they don't want around.

[ The payment usually goes the other way around, oddly enough. And he can only give her an odd look at Lorena Bobbitt, though the intent behind her analogy is easy enough for him to understand, which gets a sly upturn of his lips again. ]

I think I'm happier not knowing what that means... [ He laughs, then shakes his head at the next part thoughtfully. ]

We don't have that. Probably for the best, all things considered. [ Under the Payshmura he doesn't know that it would've necessarily made things better for women - though it's an interesting image: two rich gaun'im openly flaunting a child that came from an unmarried woman's womb. ]

And what about the children? Don't they ever wonder about their mother?

[ They are still a part of her, even if she is divorced from the whole process. ]

[ She shrugs. Julie has actually never met anyone born of IVF, let alone someone with gay parents. She's from rural Kansas -- IVF is expensive and gay folks don't live happily in places like Pratt, unfortunately. So she can't rightly say how they might feel about it. ]

I mean, I don't know. I'm sure it depends on what they learn growin' up. It's like, every family is different. Some people probably tell their kids where they came from, they might know the biological mom. Some kids might not care, if they have two really good dads. I know some people who never met their dads, and usually it's the idea that somethin' is... missin'. That gets 'em. That there's somethin' they don't know and lost out on. But lots of 'em never wanted to find their dads at all. [ She sighs. ] Not sure if that's more about bein' satisfied with their lives or just knowin' that deadbeat dads who ran off don't turn into better people just 'cause time's gone by.

[ She grew up with both parents. They probably would have been better off not married, and they were both pretty neglectful due to both poverty and alcoholism, but they both tried, she thinks. It felt like they loved her, even if they didn't pay much attention except to fight when she ran wild, and they both made efforts with her, at least when she was young. But circumstances were what they were, and Julie eventually sort of wound up raising herself. ]

[ It takes a wise person to understand and accept that some people never change. ]

I'd want to know. [ He says this decisively after a brief pause. ]

Not only because I'd want to know where I came from - but I think it'd also make me wonder if I had siblings out there, somewhere. [ It'd make him sad, he thinks. What if he and Rousma had been separated at an age where they were too young to remember each other? He shakes his head again, and a grin slowly spreads across his lips. ]

It also seemed like a very important topic on the talks shows in the morning.

[ A wise person, sure, or someone who's been burned enough times to understand that when people tell you who they are, you should believe them. She's never known anyone who felt better off for meeting their father when said father had willingly walked away in the first place.

She arches her eyebrows. ] Oh, it's real important to the mom that she proves who the father is. Can't get blood from a stone, and you can't get child support payments from a man without proof it's his kid. But people who go on Maury and Springer and whatever else, their kids are almost always babies. Maybe toddlers. When you fast-forward fifteen years, will those kids still want to meet their dad? Knowin' that he fought so hard to not be their dad? I don't know that I'd feel inclined to push for a relationship.

[ With a sigh, she tilts her head to one side. ] I suppose there's some value in like, knowin' about diseases or whatever, that they may have passed on. But I don't know about siblings. I never had any, at least not unless my daddy was real good at hidin' 'em. I had lots of cousins, but no brothers or sisters. In this case, though... I mean, what would you do if you do go hunt down your birth mothers, and you find out that you do have siblings, but they've spent their whole lives poor and miserable, while you've been livin' it up in the lap of luxury? Wouldn't you feel shitty for somethin' that ain't your fault and you can't change?

[ There's nothing that ruins relationships faster than jealousy, and when there's no relationship there to start with, well. Julie can't say how she would feel if she were suddenly to find that she had a sibling who grew up with the life she'd always wanted. She thinks she'd be angry. Resentful. ]

[ He thinks about that for a second, then shakes his head again, unable to agree with her argument in the end. ]

You can't change the past - but if I were so rich, I would offer what support I could to them.

[ That much he could change, instead of wallowing in his own guilt. And then if they still wanted nothing to do with him, well - the door would remain open. He sighs. This is all hypothetical and he can only half remember how they even got from point A to point B here in this conversation. But then there's a pause, and he lowers his voice slightly, his brow pinched. ]

I had a sister. We were separated when she was still very young. But... my life would have been very different if I never had her in it at all. Much harder.

[ That is why he seems so sure of his position.

And also, he realizes, because he hadn't known about her at all for a time. He'd forgotten her completely in those two years.

Thinking about it now makes him grimace again. ]

Edited 2023-02-12 05:41 (UTC)

[ She can think of dozens of reasons it would never go that smoothly in real life. The truth of the matter is that trauma isn't undone by simple kindness, especially childhood trauma. And losing your entire youth to poverty isn't fixed by having money as an adult. Resentment and pain fester underneath the bandage of surface fixes, and missing time is the only thing money can't buy. Bonds made at young ages are different from those made as adults. Dysfunction is the natural state of things.

But she doesn't say any of that. It wouldn't do any good, and anyway, she doubts that either Kyle or herself will suddenly be discovering hidden siblings any time soon.

She tilts her head a bit, considering. ] I think I'm glad I never had any brothers or sisters. My life woulda been a lot harder if there was someone else I had to take care of. I'm from a tiny town and I had a lotta family, but I still kinda raised myself up. My parents worked a lot. I don't think anyone else shoulda gone through it with me.

[ And a sibling would have been just another person to lose to Captain Trips. Few, if any, of the immune were related to each other; from what everyone could tell, immunity wasn't a guaranteed genetic trait. People lost their children, their parents, their grandparents. Entire family trees felled to a single branch in just weeks. And Julie doesn't know whether any babies had been born after the superflu. There were pregnant survivors, but who knew what would happen when the babies took their first breaths? It was probably a 99% chance of death just like everyone else born before. ]

january catch-all

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