"Usually I'd do anything for a compliment like that." Caitlyn doesn't give them often and he can be heartfelt about that while about to confess something dark. Jayce can create incredible things. His mind has always been so bright, his hope so high. He saw things that to everyone else were impossible. But he didn't have the wisdom yet to understand that isn't always a good thing. It was a bitter realization, knowing in some ways Heimerdinger was right about him. Moderation has never been his way.
"It was her plan, but I wanted it too. I just wanted to do something, anything. I was so tired of feeling helpless." Jayce was thrust very suddenly into a position of power and authority, and yet he found out immediately he couldn't really do much with it. That came with red tape and he found himself trapped faster than he expected. Between what happened on the bridge, when Caitlyn herself nearly died, and the reality of losing Viktor, he was out of control. Nothing he did was good enough. Vi gave him the easy way out and he took it.
Maybe a part of him wasn't sure what Caitlyn would say, but in the end, he's not surprised at how kind she is, how forgiving she is. That's why she has always been the better person.
"I'm not sure forgive is something I can do, but I've tried to find a way forward. A better way." Jayce wonders if forgiving himself would mean that he's just decided it was okay to kill a child, if that's holding him back. But he has turned it around to focusing on doing the right thing now, on doing penance by remembering the better parts of himself.
"It's not either of your jobs to keep me from making mistakes, but ... I'm still grateful to have you." And if she leaves, if they both leave, he'll find a way forward, in their name. Jayce does hate himself a lot less than he did months ago. That self-hate turned into normal guilt, and it remains, but it's bearable. He's able to get through weeks without having bad dreams now.
"He said he kept us from going here before in part because he thought it was selfish. Being with me when he knew he was going to die." Jayce learned so late, Viktor never planned on telling him at all. "I'm not sorry though."
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"It was her plan, but I wanted it too. I just wanted to do something, anything. I was so tired of feeling helpless." Jayce was thrust very suddenly into a position of power and authority, and yet he found out immediately he couldn't really do much with it. That came with red tape and he found himself trapped faster than he expected. Between what happened on the bridge, when Caitlyn herself nearly died, and the reality of losing Viktor, he was out of control. Nothing he did was good enough. Vi gave him the easy way out and he took it.
Maybe a part of him wasn't sure what Caitlyn would say, but in the end, he's not surprised at how kind she is, how forgiving she is. That's why she has always been the better person.
"I'm not sure forgive is something I can do, but I've tried to find a way forward. A better way." Jayce wonders if forgiving himself would mean that he's just decided it was okay to kill a child, if that's holding him back. But he has turned it around to focusing on doing the right thing now, on doing penance by remembering the better parts of himself.
"It's not either of your jobs to keep me from making mistakes, but ... I'm still grateful to have you." And if she leaves, if they both leave, he'll find a way forward, in their name. Jayce does hate himself a lot less than he did months ago. That self-hate turned into normal guilt, and it remains, but it's bearable. He's able to get through weeks without having bad dreams now.
"He said he kept us from going here before in part because he thought it was selfish. Being with me when he knew he was going to die." Jayce learned so late, Viktor never planned on telling him at all. "I'm not sorry though."