"It's not a delusion," he argues weakly, resting his chin on Jayce's shoulder, arm curling around him more protectively. "We've really done these things. We could do it again."
But by this point he's just reassuring himself. Jayce has made up his mind, and he doesn't need to say as much for Viktor to know this is the end of the discussion. That hurts, still--that Jayce would so thoroughly put his foot down, when he knows how important the Undercity is to Viktor, and how he might never be fulfilled, if he can't make things better for the people there. Improving lives here is objectively good, yes, but in a world that doesn't belong to him, it's not the same.
He'd spent so much time focusing on his own ticking clock that he hasn't really had the chance to grapple with Jayce's question. Everything is a different calculation now. Viktor allowed himself this relationship as an indulgence, to make the most of the time he had left. Now, he has all of the time that he wants, and he needs to reconsider almost everything about himself, in turn.
Maybe it is better, to think of all this as just a dream, and that eventually, one day, he might wake up from it.
"You can't ask me to choose. That isn't fair." Not when Jayce can have everything he wants, up to and including a relationship with Viktor uncomplicated by their social status and previous entanglements. "I wish it were as simple as you make it sound."
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But by this point he's just reassuring himself. Jayce has made up his mind, and he doesn't need to say as much for Viktor to know this is the end of the discussion. That hurts, still--that Jayce would so thoroughly put his foot down, when he knows how important the Undercity is to Viktor, and how he might never be fulfilled, if he can't make things better for the people there. Improving lives here is objectively good, yes, but in a world that doesn't belong to him, it's not the same.
He'd spent so much time focusing on his own ticking clock that he hasn't really had the chance to grapple with Jayce's question. Everything is a different calculation now. Viktor allowed himself this relationship as an indulgence, to make the most of the time he had left. Now, he has all of the time that he wants, and he needs to reconsider almost everything about himself, in turn.
Maybe it is better, to think of all this as just a dream, and that eventually, one day, he might wake up from it.
"You can't ask me to choose. That isn't fair." Not when Jayce can have everything he wants, up to and including a relationship with Viktor uncomplicated by their social status and previous entanglements. "I wish it were as simple as you make it sound."