[open] january/february catchall

[techmaturgy]

Who: Viktor and special guests and YOU
When: January through early February
Where: Cadens, the Horizon
What: open stuff, closed stuff, dangerous and illicit magical surgery, the usual
Warnings: the usual references to terminal illness including a steep decline and medical procedures/surgery. will list additional warnings as needed.

[open and closed starters in comments! This is also a general catch-all for Viktor’s do-or-die attempt to cure himself, and the events leading up to it, and his recovery (to come later). If you want a custom starter or something specific, just hit me up. full horizon details are here for any and all wildcarding needs. For everything else, I’m on plurk at whitticus and on discord at whitticus#8139.]

Comments

[techmaturgy]

Viktor shudders in Jayce's arms, trying to stifle the worst of it, but they both know it's pointless. He's allowed to feel this way--he's allowed to seek comfort, even though he knows it's too much to ask. What matters is that they're here for each other, and Jayce makes that known immediately. He's heard this before, of course--Jayce isn't stingy with his feelings, but the conviction and the sheer belief he has in the two of them is overwhelming.

Just like in the Council room, the day they first met, Viktor is won over by Jayce's passion. They have to do this, and he has to survive this, because there is no alternative.

After a moment, he emerges from the embrace, taking Jayce's face in his hands, brushing his thumbs across his cheeks. "We have a real chance." Viktor wants to sound braver than he feels, even as he somewhat unsuccessfully blinks away the wetness in his eyes. "But if the worst happens, you have to live your life. As completely and fully as you can. Promise me."

[hextechhead]

Jayce holds him through it, thinking it probably is for the best that Viktor allow himself to feel this way, and that is exactly what their relationship is for. So they can both be vulnerable with one another and take comfort. He is glad that they've reached a point where Viktor does feel safe with him this way, that he can let himself purge the sadness and fear. He feels so small in Jayce's arms and it only makes him want to keep him closer, wrap him into his larger embrace.

He lets Viktor take his face, his own tears wet on his cheeks, and Jayce knows what Viktor is trying to do. There is a part of him that rejects the very idea of ever moving on. Ever finding happiness again, whether with another person, or in his life in general. He can only ever see sadness without Viktor, the loss of the other half that can't be replaced. At least he hasn't gone to that dark place again, where living without him seems impossible. He knows that isn't what Viktor would ever want for him, and it would be betraying him to waste his life. So he won't consider it.

"I can't see a future without you. I just ... can't." He isn't meaning that in the bad way, it's just how Jayce is sometimes, and he knows that Viktor knows what he means. Jayce is always so forward-thinking, he can imagine a hundred different directions his life can take, but it just always requires Viktor in it. He's not rejecting the idea of moving on, it's simply not possible for him to think that way right now.

He cups Viktor's face in his hand, brushing his thumb against his mole by his lip. "I will try if I have to, I promise."

[techmaturgy]

He knows that there's no easy answer to this, and that in many ways asking Jayce to move on is an impossible ask. Viktor won't press--he thinks he'd be more eloquent about it in writing, anyway, so instead on trying to force the issue, he falls silent, pressing his lips to Jayce's and running his fingers through his hair.

"I know. It's hard to imagine." Too hard for him to even have this conversation, because they have the best chance they could possibly carve out for themselves and he doesn't want to say goodbye. "You don't have to, not right now."

For Jayce, this might just be a bridge he has to cross if and when they get there. Ideally, he won't ever have to face the reality of a future without Viktor. He won't, not if Viktor has anything to say about it.

"I'm here." He's here, taking Jayce's hands in his and guiding him down to his chest, where he can hold him properly. "I'm going to do everything I can to keep it that way."

Can wrap on this one and I'll jump to the other

[hextechhead]

Jayce doesn't want to be like his mother, forever unable to move on from the ghost of the only man she could see herself with. But he also thinks it's probable that is who he will be. Maybe they both just love too hard. But there are a lot of rewarding things about life that he can focus on in the future. That will have to be enough. It's not something he wants to consider.

"And I'll do everything I can to keep you." Jayce would probably drain out all his magic and his energy and his own lifeforce to give it to Viktor if he could. Maybe he even will. He goes back to holding Viktor against him and lets the quiet continue from there, and their comfort, cold or otherwise, stay between them.