Reality doesn’t always give us the life that we desire

[magicalarchaeologist]

WHO: Istredd and anyone!
WHAT: Catch-all for April
WHERE: Thorne, Horizon
WHEN: EARLY April for now, will put later prompts up as time goes on
WARNINGS: PTSD from the event, NSFW thread in comments





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Comments

[thedevilwhorose]

Maybe the fun kind, he allows.

He considers Istredd's words, thinking about ever time there was a slip of affection, something just a little off and out of place, but that--that was just Istredd. Arguably that had been Situation Normal from the man, far as Lucifer was concerned. Nothing specifically for Lucifer, nothing that wasn't just Istredd as Istredd when it came to friendship.

It's really difficult wading your way through first-time friendships when both your best friends are telepaths.

"Yeaaaaah," he drawls, mildly miffed. But then if he had recognized any of the slip-ups for what they were he'd likely have just stared at them in confusion and just let them go again. Because really, what the hell else was he going to do with them? Pick them apart? Talk about them like normal people?

Ha!

"Thaaaat... sounds the most likely." He thinks about their bond reestablished and finally seeing Istredd in Nocwich. "... You know, in hindsight, you were awfully sloppy."

[magicalarchaeologist]

"We've never had a normal bond, that's part of it. How I felt has always been what you knew between us." The fact that Istredd had it bad for him was why they ended up here. Too close. Too intertwined with one another. He probably should feel bad about it since like he told Lucifer before, he didn't really know what he was signing up for.

I told you when we did it that it was just for communication and I'd avoid emotional bleed as much as possible. An appropriate bond would be more like.... Istredd pulls back and builds a wall of a kind between them. As he once described, they can feel the bond there, it would be easy to reach out to communicate or connect in an emergency, but none of his emotions are felt now. It's more like a polite handshake than the mental equivalent of what they're doing in bed now, on top of each other.

Showing it probably puts into view how much Istredd messed up what he was supposed to do. Lucifer warned him about his anger bleed and that was not what happened. He drops that block. Sorry. I really was the screw up this time. Istredd is a little sorry but not a lot.

[thedevilwhorose]

Lucifer nearly swats at the block in irritation, which is far kinder than Istredd banging on his own wall the one time Lucifer forced something up between them in order to keep Istredd's raging mind from Lucifer. Of course this being an example means it's nothing at all like that night's had been, but it's still something off-putting. Something that shouldn't be there.

Maybe had it always been like this from the start it wouldn't bother him so much.

"Eh." Peas in a pod we are. Lucifer had all but snarled at him about being the screw up for the bond being the way it was. Screw ups bonded together.

[magicalarchaeologist]

Being without it in the pit was one of the worst things. And that is saying a great deal considering they were starved, dehydrated, hunted by monsters, and experimented on. Not that I would have wanted you to experience any of that. Istredd probably would have put up a wall to protect him regardless. It's more about the ability to reach out and touch him.

His fingers trace patterns on Lucifer's back, tucking his nose into Lucifer's neck and staying there contently. Warm and close. Maybe he shouldn't talk about that when they're in a good mood, but it came into his mind.

I've never had a bond this deep. We are trained to be very careful. Most of them have the exact one he just displayed. They can communicate easily but that is mostly it, outside of an important distinction or emotion. He is saying it's deeper than the one he had with Yennefer, although that one was cut off pretty sharply.

[thedevilwhorose]

To be fair Lucifer would have equally walled off during it all, for nearly just the same reason as to why he avoided the Horizon. Keep that distance, yes, only he'd want to keep his rage from saturating Istredd's mind.

But it would have been nice to feel that mental pulse that Istredd was still alive. Some bit of reassurance that may have helped him sleep better, anyway.

I bet if someone in your group had an un-boring mind like an archangel that would've been different, he argues. Istredd's curiosity getting the better of him and all that.

[magicalarchaeologist]

It would have made him feel less alone, maybe given him more will to live. Istredd did try to care, but he was tired. Yennefer did find him in the Horizon on the second week and got it into his mind to keep fighting when he was flagging. That is what he needed. But his bond with her is temporarily broken. All they had was those five minutes. He wanted Lucifer.

Impossible though, and probably not the best to keep lingering, although it's difficult not to do that when he still has troubled dreams and a scared mindset. Sleeping with Lucifer every night has done wonders but it hasn't fixed the problem. That will just take more time.

Mmm, doubtful. You're special. I love your personality too. Even when you're being a prick. That's what Istredd meant about falling in love with his mind first. It wasn't the last or only thing he fell in love with. Sometimes especially when you're being a prick. He smiles into Lucifer's skin and kisses his shoulder, biting it gently. He is generally attracted to not-so-nice people, it's true.

It explains why no matter how much Lucifer tried to push him into anger or leaving him, it wouldn't work. Istredd is drawn to the very things he thought would push him away. There were a lot of should I strangle him or kiss him moments.

[thedevilwhorose]

It's not like Lucifer sleeps much better. There's usually some part of him, physically or mentally or both, that is making contact with a pulse point. That if Istredd wakes up, he typically does too, that he might know Istredd's resting heart rate better than his own.

He might, eventually, work through that.

Maybe.

I would hope that does it for you considering I am a prick most of the time. If Istredd wasn't about that they were not going to last for very long, but then they've made it this long for being friends. Months? It really has been. So you did neither and instead just simmered on low heat.

[magicalarchaeologist]

You're only sometimes annoying. With me, at least. Lucifer's always been very tolerant of Istredd's eccentricities too. He pulled him out of the library a few times in the start, and out of the Horizon. Dragged him to Nocwich. Got him out into the world when they were still merely roommates, he didn't leave him behind. Other people are a different story.

Low heat until now. Istredd smiles and lifts his head, drawing Lucifer into a nice slow kiss. It isn't to start anything up though, it's the opposite. You need your beauty sleep. A tease.

"I love you." Now that he's allowed to say it, he's going to. "Go to bed."

it's a wrap

[thedevilwhorose]

Only sometimes? Well, I suppose that's from you simply being accustomed to me. Because really, Lucifer would've driven most people up the wall for his being exactly who he is, with no training wheels. He wasn't going to hide it. If he was going to share space with someone he wasn't going to sleep in masks, even he needed a break. Either Istredd was going to put up with it, or he was going to find a new room.

He stayed.

Well, they both did.

He does, briefly, quirk a smile in response. The small, rare ones. I really do. You wore me out. There you go, Istredd. A parting gift for your smugness. He settles in closer to the mattress, still close, and makes sure the blankets are around himself comfortably.

Don't forget about the glass in the morning.