abraxaslogs | [closed] when my depression works the graveyard shift

"Then you would've gotten your own when you were old enough, yeah? Like him?" Jesper is gentle when it comes to the topic of Wilhelm's brother for the obvious reasons, same as his lover that he left behind. He's a very empathic person and he likes to be available for heart-to-hearts, but he can laugh things off instead if that's easier.

He looks at him out of the corner of his eye and he does look very cool and sexy at the moment. Jesper would probably be inappropriate at this point if he didn't have to focus on making the road and knew it was his brother's car. All of his mischievous thoughts would end up in disaster, although nothing bad can really happen to them in the Horizon. It would be pretty typical for the first 'death' in the Horizon to be him doing something dangerous during sex though.

Instead he focuses on what they're doing and he loves it. The thrill of the speed is like nothing he's ever experienced before. His eyes are bright and his smile wide. "Very expensive too, I can tell." Jesper thinks it's funny that he's with another rich soft boy but he really does have a type. Now that Wylan's actually here it's even more of a reality. He hasn't talked about that with anyone other than Mat so far because it's in a state of flux.

"A rich boy and a criminal. Perfect material for a good sexy book." And one he's been in before. He reaches out to ruffle his hand through Wilhelm's hair, taking the sunglasses and putting them on his own face. Obviously he can make his own in here, but this is more fun. "Would your family wonder why you were running around with a bad boy?"

The car swerves a little as Jesper snatches the sunglasses off his face, and Wilhelm lets go of the wheel to playfully smack his arm in retaliation.

"Hey!"

While he could just pop a new pair into existence, where's the fun in that? He'll have to plot to steal them back later. For now, he likes the idea of Jesper wearing something that belongs to him. Like they're swapping pieces of themselves to stitch each other closer. They're not in love, but their relationship doesn't mean nothing. He likes what he has with Jesper.

Even if he sometimes wishes he could have someone who's just his.

"Oh, my mom would kill me," he chuckles, which is only slightly hyperbolic. He couldn't inherit the throne if he were dead, after all. "But she's not here, so..."

Reaching across, he sets his hand on Jesper's knee and slides it up his thigh — and back down before his teasing can get too bold. By now, he has leveled out their speed. The needle hasn't hit the top of the speedometer, not even close, but he's hit the top of what he can handle without worrying that he'll lose control of the car. Especially with Jesper being so distracting...

What the two of them have is theirs entirely. It's not only a friendship and it's not a grand romance, but it's the perfect melding of the two into one. A romantic friendship. Jesper likes that with Wilhelm they always are at ease with who they are to each other and together. Any hesitations have long since been dropped, probably around when Wilhelm admitted to his recent lost love and the pain that cost him. His heartache was understood and supported, and then they had sex for Wilhelm's first time. Everything feels right and easy with them now.

"Oh ho, what a flirt." He laughs after the reckless and suggestive touch and reaches over to run his fingers through Wilhelm's hair. Jesper smiles and leans across the dash to kiss his cheek too, not going straight for the kill like Wilhelm did. Instead he speaks softly into his ear.

"You're really hot when you're confident, pigeon. Makes me want to take you in my mouth right now. But I don't think you could handle it." Jesper's voice is like honey when he's on the hunt and he sucks on his earlobe, pulling away from him abruptly so he's not touching him at all. Otherwise he will be bad and they'll both end up crushed in the Horizon somewhere. Although you can't really get hurt in here without permission.

"My parents would have adored you. My father always prefers when I have friends who are good influences, and you may be one of the only ones."

Oh. With Jesper's words still sizzling in his ear, which already misses the heat of his lips, Wilhelm has to stamp out his imagination quick before they hurtle right off the road. Though he wouldnt admit it out loud, Jesper's right. He couldn't handle it.

"There's a name for it, you know. Road head," he shares with a furitive smile, a swipe through his wind-tousled hair. He thinks Jesper, a scholar in all things raunchy, would like to know.

By now, they've left his domain behind. The road Jesper extends before the car's wheels cuts through other people's landscapes. There are only so many miles to cover in the liminal space of the Horizon, but it's easy enough to pretend that they can go anywhere they want. This place is limitless.

"Really? Have I influenced you to do any good?"

Half joking, half probing.

"Road head, I like that. Although it's obviously a one-way ticket to certain death." Jesper isn't so stupid as to think he could run one of these while getting one either! It might be fun to do as a risk, that's him, always risky, but he wouldn't want to put anyone else's life at risk. It's only fun when it's him in trouble. He smiles, knowing he got to him at least, kissing his cheek chastely afterward.

Since they're zooming through people's domains the easy thing is that he can simply extend the road into them and they go back to normal as soon as they're past, so they're not really bothering anyone, as far as he can tell. Jesper likes to feel like it's longer out there than it is. He doesn't spend as much time in the Horizon as other people do, his reason for coming here almost always has to do with seeing people from the other factions when it's not Nocwich weekend. Like now.

"All I ever am is good around you, Wille. I need to deserve that sweet part of your heart you gave me." He looks ahead at the Horizon as it moves all around them, still creating what they need to continue, settling comfortably in his seat. "You know, when we first met I thought I took a shining to you because you reminded me of someone else, but now I know it's the opposite, you're like no one I've ever met." Because he's not from Ketterdam or Kerch or Ravka or anywhere in Jesper's fucked up world.

It's a terribly fucking romantic thing to say. Or it would be, in different circumstances. What they've built together isn't some great romance, but it's a lot of other things: fun, warm, comfortable, safe. A kind of love, even if it's not love. Wilhelm isn't sure how to react, biting his smile, eyes pushed to the road. His heart pulls in opposite directions, half touched by Jesper's words, and half lonely because he misses that other kind of love.

"You deserve it," he reassures. "You're a good person, Jes. I keep forgetting you're supposed to be a bad boy."

This last part tilts into teasing, but he's fully sincere.

"Actually...you used to remind me of someone too. Simon. Just your smile, I think, and how confident you are about, like, who you are."

It doesn't hurt so much anymore to talk about Simon. The thing is, Wilhelm can still pinpoint the moment he fell in love with him, but not the moment he fell out of love. The moment it finally let him go. Moving on was sad in its own way, like shutting the door of the house you grew up in for the last time. The ache of it, though, was quieter than that of loving someone you were maybe never meant to be with.

"But there's nobody else like you. Period."

Edited 2023-06-28 22:46 (UTC)

Jesper doesn't even say these things meaning to make big romantic gestures, he doesn't have a filter. He think something and he says it. It's only Wylan that gets him really flustered sometimes; he's better now around him, but through familiarity. Whenever Jesper thought about Wylan before they got together, it was flowery and sweet and symbolic, but he opened his mouth and said maybe I liked your stupid face. He's gotten better, luckily.

"You reminded me of Wylan. I spent far too long missing him." They've talked about their lost loves before. Jesper just seems a lot better at dealing with it than Wilhelm, but that's not entirely true. It took him time. He sighs, resting his head against the back of the seat. "And now he's here. He arrived after you all were rescued." Jesper was in a horrible state of mind between the things he did and his break up with Mat.

"When we got together back home, we were going to try a monogamous relationship. And I know that we continued that for a while, and it worked." A whole year, actually, of just him and Wylan, and since those were the terms they agreed to, and Jesper made his life about helping his merchling, it wasn't a big deal. "But I'm not willing to give up anyone here. I value my relationships." Including the one with Wilhelm. His life changed here. His wants changed.

"I feel shitty about it, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him. I love him too, but I don't think of love as something that runs out or has to be given in percentages." Loving Mat doesn't mean loving Kaz less, for example. Jesper just can't change his heart and he wouldn't want to.

"I told him it's up to him. We're just friends right now. We were friends first." He's only confessing all of this because Wilhelm is his friend. He trusts him. He was a little more sparse with Mat because he didn't want to admit to the extent of how complicated this was, when they were just getting back together.

As it becomes clear that Jesper has a lot weighing on his mind, Wilhelm gives him the space to unload it all without interruption. He periodically flicks his eyes over to check on him, and hums sympathetically when it's called for. The irony of it doesn't escape him, both of them seeing in each other pieces of the boys they loved back home, only to come to the realization that it was just the holes in their hearts casting illusions. As time passed, he came to cherish all the things that make Jesper so different from Simon. It's good, that they've arrived in the same place.

Well, that's another thing that makes Jesper different, the fact that they're on the same page in their relationship, and they can stay there for more than ten minutes.

"Are you...okay with that?" he probes gently.

Selfishly, Wilhelm is relieved that Jesper isn't willing to trade his constellation of relationships to settle down with Wylan. This thing they've got has done wonders for quieting his loneliness, for brightening his confidence in who he is. It's very much a selfish thought, because he knows that...if he found the right person, and they found him right back, he would want to devote himself fully to them and them alone.

"I hate that I'm hurting him. Wylan has a lot of self-esteem problems, he had a truly evil father who hated him and let him know it. But he has a beautiful heart and the type of kindness you wouldn't imagine someone coming from that would be capable of."

At first, Jesper couldn't understand how Wylan would fit in with them, all the broken Crows who nested together, but he was broken too. So they patched themselves up together. He thinks he's made that clear to him, how much he appreciates him, that he hasn't lost that love. It's just complicated. Jesper hasn't talked about it with Kaz or Inej yet, he doesn't know what to say when they're all pieced together.

"He wasn't the first person I loved," that would be Kaz, "but he was the first person to love me. I want to be with him but I respect that he didn't sign up for this. If he wants someone who will only love him, I want him to have that." It's love in an unselfish way. Jesper would even set him up with someone else, if it made him happy. It would make him sad, but whatever Wylan needs, he deserves.

"I know you'd want that too." Jesper looks at him. "When you find the right person. And I would never stand in your way either."

Jesper says the right person, and Wilhelm's thoughts turn back to a prince with golden eyes and a kind heart. He crumples up that fantasy before it can get too far. He's not here to talk about his own love life, which exists only in these in-between places. Friends-but-more, lovers-but-less. Fooling around with two boys but having none. He's here to support Jesper while he carries all these hard, heavy feelings, as Jesper has done for him.

"It's hard. Loving someone, and knowing they love you too, but...for whatever reason, it still doesn't line up."

He'd been there with Simon.

Trying out the optimism he associates with Jesper, he continues, "Maybe things will change, and someday you'll line up again."

Wilhelm reaches over to squeeze his hand in reassurance. The touch is brief, as he has to take the stick shift again to change gears through a turn, but he hopes it conveys his feelings. Really, for all that Jesper calls him sweet, he has a heart like sunshine, all golden and warm and beaming everywhere. Wilhelm doesn't know if he would be able to let go of someone he loves so gracefully — he would have to be pried from his grip.

"Maybe they will, I'm letting him think it over. Wylan's smart and methodical, he won't agree to it unless he's positive he can handle it." Which is good because it would obviously be difficult for them to think they can do it and then be hung up instead. Wylan's all in or he's not, and that is why Jesper knows giving him time is the best way.

"We're still friends regardless. And he knows he'll always have me that way." Jesper feels confident about that. Wylan knows he has his loyalty and his affection so on that front they seem to be doing well. And he's been doing okay staying with Kaz and trying to figure out his life. The friendship is not in any danger.

He smiles at the hand squeeze and he reaches out to run his long fingers through Wilhelm's hair. "You're a good listener, Wille." Jesper doesn't often take advantage of other people listening to him, he generally prefers to be that support for others. And this is his first time really talking it through. He leans over to kiss his cheek.

"I am very tempted to get us Horizon killed right now," he murmurs into his ear. "Your lap is just so inviting." Can he take a quick turn himself? Absolutely.

Well, they veered from joking about road head to having a heartfelt conversation, so it only makes sense that they would swerve right back. Playfully, Wilhelm pushes at Jesper's chest to keep him corralled in the passenger seat.

"If you give me, like, two minutes, I can just park the car, idiot." That's a pet name, for the record, the way he says it. Then his smile softens. "You know I'm here for you, Jes."

He isn't sure where their temporary road has led them, but they're in a forest. No buildings in sight — the trees even block out the familiar silhouettes of the Horizon's grander structures, which stand against the sky. Slowing down, he pulls in closer to the trees and creeps and jerks to a stop. Puts it in park, kills the engine. Leaves the keys in the ignition. Even as he clicks off his seatbelt, the road sinks back into the ground and the trees crowd more densely around them in answer to his unspoken wish for privacy.

It takes some maneuvering and some cussing, but soon Wilhelm has wriggled into Jesper's lap. He runs his hands down his chest, touch light like a whisper and heavy like honey. He rests their foreheads together.

"Let me take care of you," he murmurs.

Jesper has been called an idiot many, many times, and a good portion of them are in this exact same tone. Affectionately. Because he can be an idiot (affectionate). He just grins at Wilhelm a little wolfishly since he knows exactly what that means. He likes when they talk and enjoy each other's company, sex is never a requirement for their good times, but he'll always take it when it's offered.

He doesn't know which one of them kind of requested the Horizon mask them, it was probably both. Jesper was certainly thinking it once they parked and he thought it wouldn't be that difficult to be subtle here. His continuous desire for semi-public sex never ends, the implication of maybe getting caught, while not.

Jesper laughs quietly when Wilhelm moves a little clunkily onto his lap and he cups his face in his hands. "You can make more space in here when you want, darling." Although there is something fun about this being more awkward and needing to maneuver, it feels more realistic. He has done a lot of unrealistic sex in the Horizon at this point though.

He pulls Wilhelm down for a deep kiss, parting his sweet lips, getting a taste of him on his tongue. He slides his long fingers through Wilhelm's lovely hair. "Who am I to argue with such an enticing offer?" Jesper's smirking as they come out of the kiss and he digs into Wilhelm's shirt, pulling it up. "I want this off though. Want to touch your skin."

He is so soft and smooth and Jesper loves being tactile.

The thought of getting caught in the act still sends a pulse of dread through Wilhelm, but in the deep shade of the trees, with no road leading to them, he feels safe enough. Jesper is good at distracting him from any feeling that isn't want and warmth. When he's around, desire feels like a thing curled up under Wilhelm's skin, waking and stretching and ready to pounce when the time is right. And Jesper definitely poked it awake with that teasing in his ear earlier.

He sinks into the kiss, parting his lips for Jesper, not waiting but chasing. Plucking the stolen sunglasses off of his face, he chucks them blindly into the abandoned driver's seat. His fingers dance along Jesper's jaw, down his neck and into the collar of his shirt. All of this is familiar by now, but it's not routine — it's exciting, like going back somewhere you remember having a good time at once.

"I have all the space I need," Wilhelm insists when they come up for air. As if to make a point, he reaches down for the little lever at the base of the seat. Pulling it, he pushes at Jesper's shoulder so that the seat lies open at a slightly wider angle. A little rough, but he knows Jesper doesn't mind.

As he tugs his shirt off, he treats Jesper to a little show by arching his back, inviting him to touch anywhere he wants. He feels more confident under the other boy's gaze after so much time spent naked together. Well, and there's a little more to show off after half a year of early mornings with Kyle. Still soft and smooth, but with more distinct ridges of muscle underneath.

It is funny sometimes to think about where they started and where they are now. Time has a way of changing people, but so do good relationships, and the Wilhelm so boldly hiding them away in the Horizon to have sex is different from the shy and uncertain boy he seduced on Kaz's bed. Jesper likes to think he had something to do with that, and he's glad. Wilhelm is a beautiful soul who carried too much on him, and Jesper has always been about taking the weight off other people.

He doesn't know cars so he doesn't expect the lever and laughs when he is pushed back. Rough is far from a problem for him and Jesper comfortably stretches out on the seat beneath Wilhelm. He watches him with warm gray eyes as he shows off and smirks, reaching out to run his fingers through his hair, along his shoulders and back.

"I never get tired of looking at you, Wille. You're gorgeous." Jesper has a suspicion this car is about to get hot, although it's in the Horizon, they don't have to let it. But he wants it to. He likes getting hot and sweaty, he likes Wilhelm dripping on him. He pushes his own shirt off and tosses it to the side, all lean brown skin.

"How are you going to take care of me?" He caresses Wilhelm's cheek and intentionally runs his thumb slowly along his perfect lips. "Are you going to put your pretty mouth around me?" He spreads his legs in a very suggestive way. It would be easy to simply blink off their clothes, they can do a lot in the Horizon, there are no boundaries.

But there is fun in letting Wilhelm do it. In letting Wilhelm explore his sexuality; it's been one of the best things about Abraxas for Jesper. Being his sexual guide and partner.

He loves the feeling of Jesper's eyes on him, transforming him into something beautiful. There's a weight to his grey gaze like there is to his touch skimming his spine, sparking across his skin. Like they're holding a conversation without words, Wilhelm grins as he follows the familiar pathways of Jesper's muscles and tattoos.

He's learned a lot from the other boy, on afternoons just like this. How to voice the things you want. How to tease, which is just another way of lighting a fire. As Jesper draws his thumb across his lip, Wilhelm smudges a kiss against the callused pad before taking it into his mouth to suck. Gentle and sweet, but there's nothing so innocent about the look he sears Jesper with.

"You want me to suck your dick?" The question drips softly into Jesper's ear, punctuated with a kiss dangled from the lobe. His fingers trickle down his tan stomach, tugging open the buttons on his pants, tracing the heat of Jesper's cock through fabric. Wilhelm could just will all of his clothes away on a whim, but this is more fun. "Mm...but I'm so comfortable right here..."

He feigns reluctance with a pout that's not to be trusted. His body, though, tells a story about impatience as he rolls his hips onto Jesper, sighing into the friction burning between them.

Jesper runs a hand down his back and then slips right under his pants, underneath all the fabric to directly cup his sweet little ass and squeeze it. It also means he has a grip on it to pull Wilhelm closer to him, rising his hips up at the same time to keep rolling that friction between them.

"I created a monster," he says on a breathy laugh. He's hard as soon as Wilhelm's fingers caress him, blood in his brain dropping instantly, that's how good Wilhelm can get him sometimes. It's the playfulness, he loves it, he loves to see Wille relaxed and having fun, that positive energy an aphrodisiac.

"If you're impatient we can switch places and I'll ride you. That's what you want, don't you?" His other hand cups Wilhelm's face and he leans in to kiss him deeply, moaning into his mouth, sucking the air out of both of them. Only once they have to come up for more does he bite Wilhelm's bottom lip. "You can't resist being inside me."

Being his first time is a badge of honor in Jesper's opinion and he is very thirsty for it. He leans up and kisses Wilhelm's neck, licking his way down his throat and nipping at his collarbone. "I can be instantly open for you here. You can slide right in."

If Jesper jumps in, Wilhelm jumps too. That's what it feels like, a current taking him away as he unzips his jeans to let Jesper squeeze his ass with greater ease, and grinds, and grinds, and grinds against him. Only, he's not drowning — he's floating, all warm and weightless in the heat of Jesper's kiss, basking in the sweltering hardness pinned beneath him.

"Who's impatient?" he teases, as if he isn't half breathless and hard as a rock in his suddenly too-tight pants. His head lolls back to encourage Jesper's mouth to slide down his throat, and his touch spins around Jesper's Wheel of Fortune tattoo. "Anyway, I didn't say I wouldn't..."

As comfortable as he is perched in Jesper's lap, he's pretty damn fond of the view from between his thighs too. Less gracefully than he hoped, Wilhelm slips off of him to kneel in the footwell. Whether there should be enough space for him to curl up there is up for debate, but somehow he fits. Wedged between Jesper's knees, he kisses a slow trail down his stomach, slips his hand inside his trousers to pet him. When his lips reach the top of the waistband, he tugs, pants and underwear both hooked in his hungry fingers, to spring his cock free.

"First, I'll suck you." He presses his lips to Jesper's shaft, a messy open-mouthed kiss to preview what comes next. "Then..."

He tilts a mischievous smile up at Jesper, on the verge of splitting into a laugh, letting him fill in the blanks to finish the rhyme.

"Me, I'm impatient," Jesper says with a laugh. He also feels like he's floating or dancing on the cusp of something powerful, light-headed and thrilled, and he smiles as he cards his fingers through Wilhelm's hair. He makes room for him between his legs as best as he can, he has very long lean limbs, probably too long to be comfortable in small convertibles. But he's having fun so it doesn't matter.

His breath catches when Wilhelm's hand touches him and he moves his hips up so he can tug his pants and underwear down. Jesper shivers at the first press of lips to his hot and hard cock, the hand not tangled in his hair caressing Wilhelm's cheek. "Then you'll fuck me." He fills in for him with a laugh. "You better, been thinking about riding you since we got in this vehicle."

He doesn't care which seat it's in, but Jesper at least thinks very much about how obvious it is to find this sexy. The high speed, the power of the car, Wilhelm seeming so confident and easy behind the wheel, it was inevitable. And he suspects it was all on purpose, outside of a fun date Jesper's never been able to experience before.

"Anyone ever told you that you have perfect pouty lips? They look like they were made to suck me." Jesper smirks and purposely moves his hips so that he touches Wilhelm's face where he lets him, his shaft rubbing against his mouth and cheeks. Suggestive and pleading all at once. "It was one of the first things I thought when I saw your pretty face."

He lets Jesper slide his cock over his face, lowered eyelashes and parted lips mimicking passivity even as he angles his head to nuzzle into the movement and ghost his lips against Jesper's shaft. So appealing, his impatience, Jesper reaching for him with his whole body. The thing that's awakened deep in his belly and prowls under his skin is hungry for it.

"Naughty." Wilhelm pronounces it like a judge passing a sentence. Guilty. Straight to horny jail.

But apparently he's a lenient judge, because he's curling his fingers around Jesper's cock and poising his "perfect pouty" lips over the flushed head. He teases his tongue over the slit, gaze bending upward to watch Jesper. He has learned his reactions by now, the shape Jesper's mouth makes around moans and gasps, whimpers and groans. The angle of his adam's apple when he throws his head back, the heated slate his eyes color. He loves them in the way you're predisposed to love familiar things. So, as he wraps his mouth around Jesper's cockhead and starts sucking like he's trying to drink him, he keeps watching.

Edited 2023-08-11 05:45 (UTC)

"The naughtiest," Jesper agrees. As if he's been an innocent a day in his life, especially around Wilhelm, who he has wanted since he saw him. And yes, he wants a lot of people, but each one is special, and what they have is unique. They can go from sweet to serious to hilarious to sexy in the space of a few seconds.

He breathes uneasily when his tongue caresses so simply across him and he tips his head back with a soft moan. Wilhelm knows exactly what to do with him, as familiar as anyone could be. "Yeah, baby, perfect." That perfect mouth. Jesper caresses his cheek and pushes just a little bit up so he can feel himself thrust against the skin there.

He pets his hair, tangled fingers in it, forcing himself to push his head forward and meet Wilhelm's watchful gaze. It makes his cock twitch inside of Wilhelm's mouth and a shiver go up his spine. Being looked at like that. He's always been into voyeurism, and this is partly why, seeing the pupils dilate and the lust in his eyes.

"Fuck." He didn't expect him to go all like that fast but Jesper prefers it that way, being impatient. He watches himself go in and out of Wilhelm's mouth, trying not to push up into him fully without permission, but he's strung tight as a bow.

As soon as Jesper starts pushing, Wilhelm loosens his jaw to let him in, cradling the underside of Jesper's cock on his tongue. He tilts his head to let him rub against the inside of his cheek, gaze sizzling like lightning, and then he changes the angle to take him in deeper. Past a certain point, it becomes impossible to hold eye contact, but he can be satisfied by the breathy weight of Jesper's voice.

It used to be that he didn't know how to react to the dirty talk dripping hot and heavy from Jesper's tongue. Now it's a game, drawing the words out of him. It's part of the fun.

He starts bobbing up and down, sucking in his cheeks for a snugger fit on the upstroke and at the top of the rhythm swirling his tongue around the velvety head before taking the plunge again. One hand holds Jesper's cock steady, but the other hooks in the loose fabric of his trousers, still trapped around his gorgeous thighs. That's appealing too, the evidence of their shared impatience, the carelessness of it all — something he couldn't afford in his old life.

Soon enough, though, the urge to finish tugging them off wins Wilhelm over. The awkward, dogged maneuvering that should ensue gets smoothed out by the magic of the Horizon. One moment he's yanking at Jesper's pants, and the next he's already tossing them aside.

[closed] when my depression works the graveyard shift

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henceforth nsfw

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