abraxaslogs | [October Catch All]

That's why you're my dashing dhampir in resin corset, Adrian. I would have had to suffer with pinched toes until I teetered back to the loft to get someone else to take them off for me.

[ She says it all dramatically and with a swoon as the cherry on top. The back of her hand presses to her forehead while simultaneously answering his tug by extending her leg a little further. The dress rides a little further up her shin as she does.

Dramatics are quick to fall away however when he mentions that he had done the thing she had hoped he wouldn't do. The faintest line of concern appears between her brow but she doesn't comment on it because she'd rather talk about how he felt wearing the corset. As quickly as the line appears, it's gone again in an instant. ]

Good, I'm glad. Because you did look amazing in it and I appreciate you going out of your comfort zone and wearing it. I didn't want to put you under more duress after those awful spiders we encountered.

Edited 2023-10-16 01:58 (UTC)

Have you and Jaskier been learning dramatics from each other? Because honestly, between the two of you, I don't know who has more of a penchant for it these days.

[The boot comes off with a gentle tug, and so it goes softly onto the ground. His eyes do move up with how the dress rides, but it is only for a moment. There is the other boot to address, and he starts on it immediately.

It also means that he misses the tiniest bit of disapproval. If he had caught it, there'd be no regrets. Hilda's a skilled artisan, the corset was collaborative, it should be recognized as such. But no matter.]

The spiders were nothing, although the forced vulnerability was...not great. At least here, I could decide to put my coat on and cover up if I wished.

[At no point did he though. And it forces something a little softer out of him.]

Apparently around you, I don't mind being more vulnerable or forced out of my comfort zone.

I happen to like Jaskier's dramatics. And actually we've actually been practicing together just to aggravate people like you.

[ It should come as no surprise that her response is said mischievously. As to the validity of that second statement, well. She was neither going to confirm or deny it because she enjoyed keeping him on his toes.

Speaking of toes - her stocked feet give a little wiggle, happy to be freed from the confines of her very pretty, but not suitable for standing and walking for long periods of time for, boots.

She doesn’t really want to talk at length about the spiders. For one, they had been an awful thing pulled from the stuff of nightmares. And the other should have been the obvious. Seeing Alucard paralyzed and helpless in that state had shot a pang of fear through her that she’d prefer not to relive. All it takes is that momentary mention of them butting up against the next thing he says to ensure that it flies right over her head. ]

Really? [ Once again she seems taken aback. Quite quickly, it dissolves into a gentle smile. ] I’m glad. I worried a little that this would be too much but I’m proud of you for wearing it out this evening, bragging rights aside. You deserved every compliment you got.

I knew it.

[Alucard's grin is one of victory, even if he suspects it is all a joke. They don't need to have a feedback loop, Jaskier and Hilda are excellent independent operators on the topic of drama.

Both booths are on the floor now, placed side by side and scooted off a little ways so that no one knocks them over by accident. Alucard suspects his new lot in life may be a foot rest, which is fine for the time being.]

I wouldn't have done it at all if we hadn't gotten into that ridiculous back and forth. Which...[There's a lot of ways to approach this next part. Alucard's not sure what he's going to go with, and he's better at actions rather than words. He's also just not going to randomly kiss a friend, because that would be weird.]

It isn't as if I'd just let anyone grab my chest and touch everything either. It's...I think there's been an emotional element in it, for me.

It's not like it's a secret.

[ It's said with a scoff but there's the telltale sign of a smile blooming in the corner of her mouth that tells him she'll let him have that victory. Most of it has to do with how her heart is warmed by the triumphant smile spreading across his face and how he seems so comfortable now.

Some of it might also have to do with yes, he is indeed going to be a foot rest of the foreseeable future (ie. until she leaves). A put on look of hurt flits across her face. ]

You mean you wouldn't have worn it because I'm your friend? What if I wanted to make you something really nice or needed a model?

[ It appears that this second attempt of his has also gone right over her head. ]

[Well, there's two ways to deal with that hurt look. Either playing along, or going for something much blunter.

So right.

Second one it is.

Alucard lets out a slow exhale, then turns to Hilda.]

I think I may have a deeper affection for you.

[ From an early age, Hilda had grown up knowing full well how pretty she was. It wasn't simply lip service from the brigade of nannies like some children had grown up telling them how handsome or pretty they were to bolster their egos - she really had just been graced with naturally clear skin, glossy hair, an attractive face and a shapely body. It would be a lie to say that she didn't use that to her advantage. There were no scruples when it came to weaponizing her big doe eyes so long as she thought she was going to get something from it because the way she saw it, what was the point of having those things if she didn't use them?

Knowing when people were receptive to her outward appearance soon became second nature. It was easy to tell whether it was the form of a telltale blush, the way she could feel their eyes on her, the subtle lean of bodies and if they were behind closed doors, well. Then it was rather obvious. But knowing when people had actual feelings for her? Before arriving in Abraxas she would have been easily convinced that she was in fact very good at figuring that out. Now? She isn't so sure. Even now faced with Alucard quite literally telling her something that sounds vaguely along those lines has her in utter confusion. ]

What?

[ The fake hurt dissolves in seconds replaced with confusion. She searches his face waiting for some sign of a joke because...this has to be a joke right? There's no way that Alucard would like her. She blinks several times, her mouth twitches slightly as if she doesn't know whether to laugh or not. ]

[There's.

There's really no joke at hand.

Alucard understands it only from where he sits. Hilda is a friend. He trusts her, and has told her the worst parts of him. She's taken it all in, and they've moved along with a light and easy back and forth that is familiar and well worn in, as if they've known each other for longer. They've accidentally locked lips twice by accident, and it has only ever been a little awkward. This entire corset business made it clear that there's no part of him that panics around her. That means trust, and it has also meant weird little feelings.

Ones he is not expressing well, if the what? is anything to go by.

Actions are always easier, aren't they?

Alucard leans in. He's slow, giving Hilda plenty of time to shove him away, reiterate the what????, or otherwise tell him to knock it all the hell off.

This isn't an accidental kiss. It is on purpose, Alucard's be-corseted chest close to Hilda's, his lips on hers, and angling it so that she can also roll off the sofa if so desired.

Alucard doesn't know what reaction he'll get when his lips meet Hilda's. That part is terrifying, and he might in fact be making a very good friendship go sour. But that he's willing to try is also growth.]

[ Hilda feels like she’s watching him move towards her in slow motion because, in many ways that’s what he’s doing on purpose. Telegraphing his movements so that she can dodge him or maybe meet him halfway — except even with that faint knowledge in the back of her mind it feels like she’s a deer caught in the headlights up to the very moment that his lips press tentatively to hers.

This feels nothing at all like the way they had accidentally kissed twice before this. Or anything like the purposeful kiss on the cheek she had given him in the Feywilds as a teasing challenge after he had given her permission to do so. This is on purpose. This is Alucard initiating something that he had confided in her that he had been so averse to doing. Her mind reels.

For a moment she wonders if he’s drunk. Why would he want to kiss her otherwise? But she smells no strong alcohol on him and doesn’t even think it’s possible for regular spirts to affect him. So if it’s not that and he’s totally in his right mind that means — oh. Her eyes widen. Time seems to resume.

It’s only several seconds that pass by but it feels like an eternity stretched between them. Hilda pulls mere inches away but not before she lets out the breath she had been holding in. Without realizing it her hand has gone to brush the side of his cheek. Whether or not that’s a means to hold him there or push him away even she can’t be sure. Somehow she manages to form words with her tongue even though her mind is screaming something along the lines of timing, fate, the Gods or all three were really trying to test her. ]

Oh, that kind of deep affection.

[ It probably goes without saying that she’s incredibly shell-shocked and by the chastest kiss no less. ]

Edited 2023-10-17 06:55 (UTC)

I knew I was bad with words sometimes, but I didn't realize how bad.

[The joke at his own expense is very much an attempt to lend Hilda time to react and think. To demand an emotional response now is a very, very large ask. Alucard knows that, and while the silence is terrifying, he's aware that it is to be expected. Understandable.

So he pulls back a little further and turns his head, allowing Hilda what privacy the moment permits.]

[ Recognizing the joke for what it is, Hilda is quick to try and reassure him. Continuing with the joke is par for the course but most of those jokes hadn't been preceded by him confessing that he had feelings for her. ]

No, no it's not that. It's more like -

[ Her voice falters but her eyes stay trained on him. In any other scenario Hilda would have immediately kissed him back. It would have been a total lie for her not to admit that she had thought about it before. Accidental kisses aside, Alucard was - is - nothing short of stunning, graced with ethereal beauty that is almost statuesque at times. But it was more than his physical traits that she found attractive. It was his mind. His heart. ]

I didn't think that that was the case.

[ It's not just that though and as much as she'd much rather never speak about it she knows she has to. He's owed that much. Pink patches of embarrassment bloom on her cheeks. ]

And it's not that I don't care for you. Because I do. It's a really confusing time right now because I'm trying to sort through feelings for [ She halts again before deciding that there's little else left to do but bluster through her awkwardness again. Eloquence probably isn't expected in a moment like this. ] several people. And I can barely wrap my head around those. I don't want to give you the wrong impression or lead you on but I do care for you, Adrian.

[ Her thumb brushes gently across his cheek, shame edging into her voice. ]

There's also just a lot of expectation around someone liking me like that. I don't think I can bear the thought of you being disappointed in me. And it's not that I don't enjoy kissing you either because it is nice. Better than nice. But I also don't want you to think that I'm only with you for that reason either.

Edited 2023-10-17 23:02 (UTC)

The fact you're being this honest and thoughtful in your response alone means I cannot be disappointed.

[Alucard's own blush comes as Hilda's thumb brushes gently over his cheek. It is also a moment for him to take total stock of what she has just said. Not the bit about thinking. The part about things being confusing, because there is a surprising little thrum of familiarity. One that almost hurts, because he has been in that exact spot before.

Gently, he pats Hilda's knee before leaning back. A soft huff of a laugh follows.]

I've been there before, you know. I've had large, romantic feelings for two people at the same time. Still do, if I'm honest, although they're not here and I'll be shocked if they ever do arrive. Making sense of it is...I'll call it diffcult and acknowledge that it is an understatement. It made me do some very foolish things, thinking I would have the same sort of whirlwind, over the top, dramatic romance that my parents had.

[The words tumble forth easily, before Alucard can realize what he's actually saying. It is true enough that he blamed himself in part for what happened with his two would be murderers, but the question of why he never felt suspicion had never come out of his mouth before or been articulated so clearly until this moment. He blinks, surprised at himself.

Not the right topic at the moment.]

--Apologies. This isn't about me. And I very much have enjoyed kissing you as well. Both by accident and design.

Edited 2023-10-17 23:08 (UTC)

[ A breathy laugh that holds no humour pushes past her lips. For once she doesn't try to tease him for the blush bringing colour to his normally pale skin. ]

That makes you a better person than me. I'd be so disappointed if the situation were reversed.

[ As he leans back out of her reach her fingers trail against his cheek before falling back into her lap. A beat later however she decides to reach for his hand instead and gives it a squeeze. Trauma and awful ending aside, hearing that Alucard had had feelings for more than just one person does bring her some comfort. It makes her realize that she's in good, miserable company. A part of her wants to ask him for advice, but that might seem awful considering what they had just talked about. ]

Don't apologize. I know how difficult this must be considering everything you've been through. ...I think that's why I'm so surprised. And why I had never tried anything before.

[ And by extension had never done anything more than what they had done. Were it not for his past history she probably would have been bolder. Flirtier. ]

I think we both have to try and temper our expectations about dramatic, whirlwind romances. [ Her lips quirk wryly as her thumb absentmindedly brushes over his knuckles. ] Life seems to know we want it too much and look where it landed us. Although I guess we could do worse than kissing one another.

Then it is a very good thing that the situation is not reversed.

[Alucard's tone is warm. It'd be painfully awkward, he knows that much. He'd probably hide or become distant for a few days in order to make sense of his own emotions.

But that's not the case. Which helps. As does Hilda's hand, which he gently squeezes back.]

I...think your not trying anything is a factor in this. It let things happen naturally and under my own steam. Not that it makes things any less awkward for you now.

[It's good, knowing that the expectation of a dramatic true love is not limited to himself. He wants to ask about Hilda's, but all in good time. Besides, maybe there's something in her last statement.

Worth trying.]

Maybe that's all we do. Be friends who sometimes sit around and kiss each other. Nothing more elaborate or defined or exacting than that.

[ Painfully awkward Hilda can deal with. That’s an easier emotion to stomach than blinding anger or annoyance with both being a ripe environment for her pettiness to shine through. After going through months of that, she needed a break from herself. ]

Awkward?

[ She snorts, swinging her legs off his lap so she can curl into his side and rest her head on his shoulder. ]

I don’t feel awkward, what are you talking about?

[ And that isn’t a total lie either. There’s some level of relief knowing that Alucard didn’t seem to be taking this too badly and that her response hadn’t completely shattered their relationship. Her head hadn’t rested long on his shoulder though when he says something incredibly surprising. Pink eyes go wide as she looks up at him. ]

…You’d really want to do that? Even after what I said?

[Well. Alucard's never seen his side as the comfiest thing to lean into - especially not with all the detailing on the corset - but so be it. Hilda can lean as much as she likes.]

Maybe we just need something low stakes to help figure out larger questions that we're both not ready to address yet.

[ If she isn’t comfortable she’ll move. And she didn’t really have a chance to settle into his side for very long before she has to shift herself to sit back and ensure that she’s seeing all of his face instead of just the profile of it to make sure that - once again - he’s sound of mind and that the corset hadn’t somehow cut off oxygen to his brain. ]

Alright but - [ This is an odd turn of events. Normally she would never be the sort to turn down kissing someone that she finds attractive. Then again, Alucard isn’t just someone, nor are the circumstances that she finds herself in normal by any stretch of the word. ] even with your hesitations? And the things you’ve experienced in the past?

[ Her mouth opens and closes before and her teeth worry her bottom lip. ]

I just wouldn’t want to put you into sort of awful position, Adrian.

[When Hilda looks back at him, Alucard's face is entirely serious and sincere, with a warm sort of underglow. He understands what she's asking, and that she's asking at all means the absolute world.

They haven't really let go of each other's hands, so Alucard squeezes hers again. It is a little harder than before, but only by a hair.]

If something happens, you'll know. And...I feel safe around you, with regards to those things. We've kissed twice by total accident and I was okay. It feels like progress, and perhaps something I've avoided out of fear.

[Alucard exhales slowly, because this is all very hard to articulate.]

I've realized, over the past few months, that maybe it is time to deal with those fears if I feel comfortable doing so.

[ The warm expression takes her aback, struck as if she's been faced with a phenomenon that she's never been privy to before. Faintly she can't help but think that it's one of the loveliest things she's seen on him, perhaps even lovelier than the corset.

She's incredibly still as he speaks, so attentive as if she doesn't want to miss anything that he says for fear of mishearing or misinterpreting it. There's still some hesitations on her part, her own feelings for multiple people and her own reluctance to untangle them or look at it for longer than need be not withstanding. It's a complicated situation which is probably one of her least favourite things if she's being perfectly honest. Someone had once said that growing pains were uncomfortable but necessary, but she can't say that she remotely agrees with that statement. What's wrong with being blissfully unaware of things and never getting so close that feelings could become a terrifying thing?

But a small voice asks - does this have to be complicated? A kiss is just a kiss so long as you don't make anything more of it. And the situation with Sylvain and Claude well - just because she might have feelings doesn't guarantee any ending with them. It makes her heart pang to think about but that's not the situation at hand here. There's a moment's silence as she sits up again, slowly telegraphing her actions. She pulls their tangled hands together, slowly presses the lightest brush of her lips against each of his knuckles. ]

We'll only do what you're comfortable with. [ There's a gentle laugh against his skin. ] And we should probably talk about it every step of the way. For both our sakes.

[Alucard thinks he can be afforded the grace to flush a light pink as Hilda's lips brush against his knuckles, and that commentary about it spreading down his neck and into his chest will not be uttered. It is an impossibly tender gesture, perfect for the moment. Overwhelming in the best way, not because it is a return of some affection but because it is so clearly announced without having to say a word.

It makes everything feel...right. Even if this is nothing more than kissing and the occasional round of intense dress up.]

Agreed. And if any time you feel that this is not working out for you, you need only let me know. Regardless of anything, you are my friend first.

[That part is important to emphasize. Whatever this is may very well be fleeting, but Hilda's companionship, skill, and enthusiasm is something to hold tightly to and never let go of.

Alucard leans in slowly. There's voices outside, and perhaps these things don't need to be listened in on.

Or perhaps he's telegraphing a request.]

[ Her heart swells at his words. Knowing that their friendship would always come first is more comforting than he knows and unexpectedly brings about a small lump in her throat. ]

You'll always be mine too, Adrian.

[ She's nervous. She can feel it under her skin. There's more at stake here than just some fling. The next kiss she presses to his knuckles is a lingering one, a firm one, as if that will seal his promise - their promise - much like how she'd press a flower between pages to preserve it.

Being so close she feels the slight shift of his body. As her eyes rise to meet his, surprise flits across her face. Recognizing what it means, something quiets in her head. A smile blooms at the corner of her lips. Her free hand comes up to cup his cheek, before slowly, tenderly, she closes the space between them to press her lips to his. ]

[Alucard can't tell what makes his heart go faster. The undertone of we are agreed to the kiss to his knuckles or the way that Hilda's hand presses against his cheek. It is impossible for him not to lean into it. To articulate that he wants this, this exact moment and know he's understood without saying a word.

Kissing with intent is different. It requires more honest consideration of how much pressure is enough, if an angle has to be readjusted, and yet it is the easiest thing in the world here and now.]

[ When he returns the kiss, she smiles into the kiss. She untangles their hands, shifting herself into his lap so that she can cup both sides of his face, tenderly brushing her thumbs over the bones of his cheeks.

Unlike the other times they had kissed, she has time here to explore the shape of his mouth, the taste of him. He's as delicate as the rest of him with artfully shaped lips that she yearns to explore more of but holds back from doing so.

So long as they did this it would all be on his terms, she resolves. ]

[October Catch All]

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