abraxaslogs | • OPEN •

Mary’s here since I destroyed his, some time ago.

[during that time the beasts were circulating in the world thanks to the rifts. it’s not something she’s particularly ashamed of, though she hates not knowing the particularities of it all—hates knowing how difficult it is for him to keep the ‘structure’ of the place looking decent and realistic for those who, unlike him, are not blind.

and she swept all that away within a moment of not being herself.

wanda turns her head, smiling at hilda, squeezing lightly at her friend’s hand.]

Maybe a little less that, more just wanting to hang out with him? I don’t want him to think I have people checking in on him. [it’s always been a bit of a thing, his wanting to be his old introverted self while wanda pushed him to go out a little more. she doesn’t want to be that kind of girlfriend.] But— what about you? With Claude?

[that’s the last thing she knows… updates might be necessary.]

[ There's no hiding the questioning eyebrow that Hilda raises when Wanda brings up destroying Matt's domain. It's not an inherently difficult thing to do, she imagines, if the rift beasts were any indication. They had flattened her little meadow in no time at all. Even if she hadn't done much to it, everything here was malleable and ephemeral. Magic and imagination. And even with that, there was an unspoken respect amongst the Summoned (or at least she thought so) that kept everyone mostly in line, not altering or changing anything that wasn't theirs to begin with.

So to hear that Wanda had destroyed it in what Hilda assumed was an accident was troubling to say the least. Wanda doesn't seem to want to dwell on it, doesn't offer anymore information aside from that and is quick to move on. The shadow of worry doesn't disappear, but she nods, the smile not moving from her face. ]

We can hang out with him. Hopefully he's okay with me being a chatterbox though.

[ Their little Nocwich get together should have proven that.
It's only fair that the topic turns from Matt and Wanda to her and Claude. There's still so much unknown there. With them. With he and Sylvain. With her and Sylvain. But if there's one thing for certain... ]

We...talked a little about everything that happened.

[ She can't help but flush at the thought and her lips twitch, as if they're hesitant to smile because of everything else that made this complicated instead of easy. Hilda manages to wrangle it into place but the sheepishness still shines in her voice. ]

We both care about each other. Or rather, we both have feelings for each other. We have for a long time.

[it seems like they are engaging fully into gossip-mode. wanda's never really had someone, before, to talk with about things like this, but she feels certain and sure about it with hilda—about how maybe this is meant to be normal.

which is why she sits up (mostly to stretch out her back) and looks down at the other woman, follow-up questions clearly formulating.]

Doesn't that complicate things a bit, then?

[what with sylvain and claude...? unless—]

—how does Sylvain fit in all of this?

[ Wanda's question about Sylvain and complications weighs like an anchor on the corners of her lips, quashing the sheepishness in its wake. She can't bring herself to look up at Wanda for fear that it would produce tears. Absently she picks at the blanket between them. ]

I don't know.

[ If she sounds a little helpless, it's because she is. She had never let herself want for a grand love story, but at the very least she had hoped it would be easy. This was neither grand or easy. ]

I can't speak for Claude but I know he isn't going to step away from whatever it is he has with Sylvain. [ She swallows, the jealous creature gnashing its teeth. ] I can't tell him to either because I want him - them - to be happy. They deserve it more.

I'm going to pretend you didn't say that they deserve it more than you.

[because that's just not how happiness works, borrowed or otherwise. karma doesn't work like that. the universe drops fortune and misfortune on their laps willy nilly, and wanda has to believe that it isn't ever targeted.]

Is Claude asking you to forget about your feelings for him, then?

[ Wanda's voice hadn't been unkind but it makes her shrink all the same in shame.

For what isn't the first time she wonders when she became so gloomy about where her path would take her when she hadn't given it much thought before. Things always just worked out for her without little effort on her part. Maybe a part of her hoped that this would sort itself out too. ]

No. [ The beginnings of a lump forms in her throat out. Hilda's selfish wants crawl at her throat straining at the leash she had put them on. Shame begins to creep at the back of her neck. ] He's letting me decide what I want. I've just asked for time to figure out how I feel about it all.

[ Her eyes skip up towards Wanda, lips lifting humourlessly. ]

I can't say that I've made much progress.

[that's hardly much help, if wanda has to be honest. still, she isn't an expert about matters of the heart because she herself can be rather envious and selfish about it, and she's never—well—been in the situation that hilda has been in. always quite monogamous, her relationships, and never with a threat of someone else being in the picture.

not quite in this way.

it's not quite like her, but hilda has earned her trust; has earned seeing wanda like this, and this friendship is so unlike any of the ones the avengers had bestowed her with. she moves to lie down with hilda, slightly atop the shorter woman, wrapping her up in an embrace.]

You're allowed to want anything you desire. I'm sorry that you feel that you're the one getting in the way.

[it cannot be easy.]

You're not.

[ When Wanda's warmth wraps itself around her, Hilda curls into her instinctively. It continues to chip away at the front she's been putting up that she's been fine about this whole time. That, despite having made up with her best friend, discovering that feelings were returned, still didn't help heal the hurt that had sunk deep into her bones over the last several months.

Wanda's words and comfort aren't some magic spell that will change her greedy, conflicted heart. But they do help soothe it some. Reassure her that in some way her greed is okay even if it goes against everything she's tried to form herself into. Her arms go to wrap around her friend to draw closer, Wanda's faint floral scent enveloping her. ]

I feel like I am. [ And then quietly, almost ashamed - ] I think I like Sylvain too. But he's... [ Dead in their timeline. ] He and Claude can't ever be together in our timeline. Shouldn't it make more sense for them to be together here?

Would it not make sense for you to also be together with either or both here, then, by that logic?

[the future, the world— it is full of uncertainties, and just because someone doesn't have a future outside of here doesn't mean that it gives them a pass or to have priority over something as complex and delicate as a relationship.

she reflects upon her own circumstances.]

Matt and I have decided to be together not because of the uncertainty of what will happen in our world, or if we should ever meet. We want to be together because of the promise of a future together.

[and that's, irrevocably, also perfectly fine as far as relationships go.

wanda rubs at hilda's back, gentle to not tangle her long, pink hair.]

Matters of the heart don't generally make sense, you know.

[ What Wanda says is right. Truthfully it's been something that she's asked herself too. Why not just be with them both? Why not just see what could happen? Hilda lapses into a contemplative silence but the answer to Wanda's question comes almost instantly.

Because it was easier said than done.

Maybe if she had remained blissfully ignorant and ignored the rift she felt between her and Claude she would have had an easier time slipping into this scenario she found herself in. Maybe if she hadn't been sucked into an undercurrent of gloom and insecurity, she would have had an easier time adjusting. Instead Abraxas had undone her and pulled the soft gossamer that she had worn for so long to reveal the jealousy and greed beneath it.

She burrows herself deeper into Wanda's embrace with a watery laugh. ]

I wish they were easier. Then I wouldn't have felt like this for months. [ The next words spill from her lips despite herself. ] I just don't think I'm the best fit for either of them. They're both better together than with me. I haven't done anything but hurt them.

Edited 2024-01-03 07:59 (UTC)

• OPEN •

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject