abraxaslogs | ❂ open!

Entry tags:

❂ open!

Who: river & you!!
When: over the first week of december!
Where: nocwich and castle thorne
What: exploring nocwich for that good cross-faction CR and then a week later when river's canon powers return with a suckerpunch
Warnings: possible mentions of human experimentation, torture, and child abuse. there are content warnings for canon themes and an opt-in/opt-out post for her psychic abilities over here, please check it out!

☾ backdated - nocwich

[ being new to abraxas - alarmed and terrified at being stolen away, having spent the first day traversing castle thorne in a daze as she tried to accept the reality of this world - there is no small amount of trepidation as she steps through the portal to nocwich. as far as the theoretical physics of it all, a portal is more outlandish than teleportation, which makes more sense from a logistical standpoint. although she's not a fan of the molecular deconstruction of her body just to be reassembled elsewhere, so maybe a magic portal won't be so bad...

anyone by the castle thorne portal might hear her mumbling about this for a long while before she finally takes a deep breath and steps through.

more than the notion of magic being real how is magic real, river's main curiosity is the fact of being allowed to go to nocwich at all. she isn't used to her captors being willing to let them leave, even if it's on a tight leash. nowhere close to freedom, but it falls to the back of her mind the moment she finds herself in the bright and lively nature of oleuni square.

with no money to spend and no inclination to buy anything in the first place, river spends her time just wandering around looking at everything with eyes the size of saucers. with a staunch lack of propriety, she'll pick up anything she's curious about and may or may not put it back where it belongs. she watches the performances on stage with rapt attention, stares a little too long at any non-human folks walking about, and otherwise seems to float about in a happy daze as she wanders alone through the streets.

might be best she's not left unattended for too long, lest she overstay her welcome and disturb the locals. ]

☉ current date - castle thorne

[ despite her early misgivings and intense mistrust of those what brought them to this world against their will, there is so much about the castle that excites the childlike wonder that encompasses river in her entirety. it's stunningly beautiful, and she spends a lot of time aimlessly wandering around ( generally barefoot ) as she takes in the architecture, hangs out in the gardens, and puts her fingers all over anything that even remotely looks magical.

more often than not, it looks like she's having fun. she might get shy or suspicious when people approach her, especially any of the thornean mages, but she does well enough to explore with a brightness to her features.

in many ways, it's a blessing of her eyes being closed, her mind shut to the influx of noise and chaos that ordinarily floods her senses. river knew better than to hope the silence might stay forever, but it still catches her by surprise when the moment comes during breakfast on her eighth day. like a tidal wave crashing over her, the thoughts and emotions and worries and fears and secrets and everythingeverything around her overloads her senses.

anyone in the dining hall might hear a loud scream and the clatter of dishes as river flings herself out and away from the table. she winds up on the floor, eyes wide and shaking like a leaf in the wind, ready to be blown away by the slightest breeze. she rambles in distress, seemingly without seeing anyone in front of her even as she sees everything. ]

No, no no no. No! You can't - you can't be here, you can't! Qǐng shàngdì liánmǐn - stay away!

[ tears in her eyes and screams in her ears, river may be hard to console as she tries and fails to fight back the rising tide of panic. let's just hope nothing sharp or pointy finds its way into her shaking hands... ]

[ ooc: as a reminder, hover over any chinese text for a translate, and please hop on over to her opt-in/opt-out post to let me know how you'd like me to play her psychic abilities around your character. feel free to reach out to me at ragemarshmallow on discord or

varooooom if you want to plot anything out! 💚 ]

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All right, all right! I'm staying away.

( he'd heard the commotion, her words as he'd been getting his own food and he couldn't turn away from it. but as she'd come into view, she'd started speaking another language and warned him away.

he doesn't know this woman, doesn't know what she can do so he keeps his distance and raises a hand towards her to show that he's staying where he is. )

Hey, can you hear me? Are you hurt? You're safe.

( or as safe as one can be while somewhat trapped in an opulent castle with people she probably doesn't know. )

Can't say it's safe and then drill holes into my skull!

[ she has her hands buried in her hair as though she could keep it all from falling apart if she just holds tight enough. maybe in theory, the cacophony of voices in her head is the same as it's ever been, but she's never had to deal with it stopping and coming back again like this. a week of blissful silence and now - ]

It's too loud. Please stop screaming at me!

[ he's not, though; she knows this and she doesn't at the same time. hard to pinpoint one kind voice under a thousand others. ]

I'm not, I'm not.

( but he does make an effort to lower his voice, just above a whisper and he crouches down. he still has a hand up to show that he's not getting closer, not trying to encroach upon her. )

It's as safe as can be here. No one's — no one's going to touch you if you don't want them to. Look around and you'll see. I promise.

( thorne isn't the best place to be but she's not going to get holes drilled into her head. not if he can help it. )

[ it takes several long moments for his words to settle in, for river to finally uncurl enough for her face to be visible. she seems manic, eyes wide and red as she looks around with the odd twitch or flinch like there's something visceral to dodge.

they're not the only ones in the dining hall but the rest are at their tables, either ignoring them or shooting concerned glances in their direction. nikolai is the only one nearby, keeping himself at a careful distance as he tries to placate her.

it doesn't make sense. it never makes sense. ]

They're - they push their fingers into my brain and start digging, or ripping, and. And it was quiet, it was s-safe, but now...

[ she sobs and stares at him, stricken. ]

I don't want the sun to eclipse again. I can't see you but you're here and you're in my head!

You and I have never met before.

( and he doesn't know what to do in this situation. he wants to help her but he doesn't know how she'll react if he gets closer. he doesn't want to hurt her and he doesn't want her to lash out and hurt him because of whatever's going on.

he swallows and scoots closer, trying to keep himself still, keep his voice level. )

I'm not in your head. My name is Nikolai. What's your name?

[ she doesn't flinch away as he approaches but she continues to stare, confused and frightened as the words spill out on their own. ]

Nikolai. Lantsov. Are you a prince or a king? Or - or a stranger? We haven't met before.

[ that's not right. she's not supposed to know. river shakes her head and covers her face with both hands. ]

Qǐng yuánliàng wǒ, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to look!

Edited (ack, a few word changes - i hope this works okay!) 2023-12-15 06:37 (UTC)

We haven't.

( he says that thinly because they don't know each other but she's somehow guessed his name and what he is, something that he's told no one.

he's just glad they're alone so no one else can hear them. )

Looked? Where did you look? What do you mean? How did you know any of that about me?

[ how can she explain it when it doesn't make sense to her in the first place? river keeps her face hidden and her voice quivers as she speaks. ]

It's... noise. Everywhere. From everyone. I shouldn't know and I don't -

[ a soft sob and she finally looks at him again. ]

I don't want to know! I can't see you past the you that exists in my head!

( he is way out of his league here, not sure how to help but not wanting to walk away and just leave someone in pain. he can't.

he shakes his head. )

It's okay if you know. I don't mind. Are you in pain?

( he asks because he doesn't know what else to say or how else to help her. he asks because maybe then they can figure out how to get past it. )

[ at least that's an easy question to answer. a few seconds pass before she just nods silently. it hurts. it always hurts. but... he said it's okay, and somehow that's strange to her. she blinks at him through a quiet sniffling. ]

You don't mind? Not supposed to take things that don't belong to you.

[ said like a properly chastised child that's received this lecture many a time. ]

As long as you keep it between you and me, I don't mind.

( nikolai puts a finger to his lips and taps it, saying shhh quietly befor he lowers his hand and sits down, still keeping his distance. she seems to be calming down a little so he wants to keep that up. )

I haven't really told anyone else here about some of those things you pulled out of my head.

[ she wants to smile at the way he presses his finger to his lips, but it's weak and it fades just as quickly as it came. instead, river sniffles again, wipes the tears from her face, and then stares down at her hands as they fall into her lap. ]

There's secrets. They're... jumbled, and confused. O-or confusing.

[ she can't make sense of the noise in her head. it feels important that he should know that for some reason. her voice becomes insistent, still tearful. ]

They wanted me to tell but they're not mine and I - I won't, I promise. I'll do my best.

It's okay, it's okay.

( he doesn't care about his secrets right now. they're not that important so he waves them away and shakes his head. )

Doing your best is all I ask. Hey, look at me. What's your name? Can you tell me that?

[ it takes a moment longer for her to wipe her face dry before she lifts her head to face him again with as much calm as she can muster. ]

River. My name is River.

[ he's been kind and patient and he said he doesn't mind when he has every right to, so a beat later, she tacks on a quiet: ]

Thank you. I'm sorry.

You don't need to apologize.

( he still doesn't know exactly how she'd been able to know all that about him but he's learned that abraxas is a strange, confusing place.

and he's not going to question it especially when she seems to be calming down slightly. )

River's a good name. It's calming. Did you just get here, River?

[ she exhales shortly, not quite a laugh or a sigh or a sob. by design, there's nothing "calming" about her. but it's a nice thing to say. ]

Approximately eight days, two hours, and thirty one minutes. It's getting harder to count, though.

[ don't even get her started on the issue of time equivalency across solar systems and alternate dimensions! but she still asks anyway. ]

Are you - have you been here much longer?

Yeah but not too much longer.

( well, it was kind of a lot longer but in comparison to some other people, his stay had been very short. )

A few months and it's been okay. Not too bad.

( he's trying to be reassuring here. )

[ she's quiet for a second as she considers 'not too bad' before muttering. ]

I heard there were dragons.

[ that's a selling point, tbh. river eyes him curiously. ]

Is - do you like being here? There are things to do, back home. And people...

[ oh, gēgē. her eyes are tired and afraid as she asks quietly: ]

Do you need to go back? Or... is being here good, for you?

I haven't seen the dragons yet but that would be something, wouldn't it?

( and now he kind of wants to see them if that's true. he has no reason to doubt her, after all. )

I don't...hate being here but I do have things to do back home. You picked out that I'm a king, didn't you? My home needs me to come back eventually. But this isn't the worst place that I've ever been.

You have a duty. They're all dead. Laid down. Can't get back up. All the king's horses and all the king's men. Can't put her back together again.

[ her voice gets progressively thicker with emotion as she speaks until she realizes she's mixing up the stories, can't tell which skeletons are hers or his or someone else's. she shakes her head and asks a different question. ]

Do you want to go back? Do you have to go back?

I don't know if I can stay here permanently.

( thorne's not really the kind of place that he thinks he can stay longterm and be comfortable. there's something about this place that sets him on edge but he can't place exactly why.

he shrugs a shoulder. )

I have to go back, yes. I'm the king and a kingdom needs its king. There's no one else after me.

[ she nods silently because he's right. he has a duty. ]

Do you know what happens when we're here? At home, are we just... gone? An empty throne and a missing poster?

I've heard that...time stops. Like when we return, we return to the same exact minute we left from.

( but that's just what he's heard. he can't prove that. )

I think other people would be better to ask about that than me. I've only been here a few months so I don't know. I'm still getting used to this place myself.

[ at this, she makes a face. ]

It all sounds fake. Time doesn't work that way, but they explain everything with magic.

[ a note of disdain; she's having a hard time buying it. ]

Are you worried? They need you.

Of course I am but there's little I can do right now.

( as far as he could see, there was no way out of thorne or abraxas. this place somehow brought you here and it would be the one to send you home. )

So, I try and make the best of what I have. I try and live my life as fully as I can while stuck in this castle. It's not great advice but it seems to be working for me.

( castle thorne )

hello!! ♡

hi hi!

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totally fine!

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