Who: Alucard and open When: First half of June Where: Free Cities, Norwich, Al’s domain What: Getting up and functioning again, updating one’s domain, taking stock of his new physical change thanks to event 18 Warnings:Added as needed
[Alucard takes his hand back, but not before offering a very gentle pat of reassurance to Astarion's hand. It's fine for now. He then takes it back, running it over the grass.]
Agreed. But you know, I think the worst part of all of this is that even with that future? If that was what ended up happening? I'd take it over returning home and dealing with what was left behind any day of the week.
[He suspects his own feeling is not too different from that of Astarion. But he doesn't want to assume, nor force the issue.]
[ He continues to look at Alucard's glass finger, watching as the sunlight catches the individual panes.
His feelings are... slightly different. Or complicated in a different way. Haelva thinks they should return. Out of anyone, her opinion matters most to him. But leaving here means leaving her. ]
Truly, there's nothing and no one you miss from home?
[ They might've talked about this before, but perhaps the answer has changed with a different perspective. Likely not, though. ]
Two people. One of who was here for a time, which softened some bitter feelings that had built up between last I saw them and her arrival, but...
[He shakes his head no.]
Both of my parents are dead and neither have graves, I've never had an extensive group of friends due to my nature, and all I have at the end of the day is a giant, empty castle and a reputation as a patricide. If I miss the castle itself, I could always recreate it in the Horizon.
[It sounds sad, giving all of it voice. But Alucard's tone is simple and direct, suggesting that he understands the above as a series of facts.]
I hardly remember my family, if any of them still live. [ His own natural lifespan would've been many centuries, had he not been made into an undead immortal. Whatever family he may have had might still be around, but clearly they buried him long ago - if they even cared he was dead at all. ]
There are... one or two companions I made after my escape that I still think about from time to time. [ Cliffgate, his suggestion for the new hall, is Karlach's surname. ] But I have Haelva here. And, well... all of you now, I suppose.
[ Allies of convenience, now friends. People who do more than tolerate him. ]
[Alucard's not put two and two together for Astarion's naming suggestion, but it is the one he himself has voted for. Jaskier did not need a bigger ego and the other one felt like a joke he didn't quite understand.
Companions, but...no one to go back to. Or worth going back for. There's something like a wry expression on Alucard's face, but there's a gentle nostalgia mixed in with it. There will always be a few components of home worth missing but--
--this is getting a little too serious.]
Careful. That road might make you declare a few of us your friends.
[ He laughs loudly, then, with another raised eyebrow. ]
You know, I do remember you going by a different name. [ Adrian. He had only learned that one after they had spent quite a bit of time together. Astarion can't promise him that intimate sort of relationship again, and perhaps that means certain other details left to fade with their dream-like experience. Still - ]
Adrian is fine. [Astarion deserves to know this next bit if only because his reaction is going to be priceless. Alucard turns on his side, trying not to look like he's about to tell a shitty joke.]
Alucard is just my father's name - Dracula - anyway. My countrymen think they're very clever.
You highly underestimate the extent of paranoia I had when I first got here, to the point where I didn't want to give my actual name. [He was so normal, Astarion. So normal.]
At least it can be pronounced. I...can't imagine if your countryfolk decided to try that in your situation, it'd result in something that easily rolled off the tongue.
[ Perhaps. But he can understand that paranoia, at least. ]
Fortunately I've never been so infamous.
[ There's a rueful edge to his tone. ]
One day, though. Perhaps.
[ That was the plan, anyway. Everything he's experienced here is giving him second thoughts - about returning to his realm, about the Ascension. It puts a bitter taste in his mouth. ]
[The last word catches the dhampir's attention. For as long as he has known the vampire, there seemed to be one thing he was certain of: finding any and all means to address the vampire responsible for turning him into spawn. He thinks the polite curiosity in his voice is putting the real reaction mildly.]
[ Astarion sighs, glancing up at the cloudless sky. ]
If I am to return home one day, then I will have to deal with Cazador. [ He narrows his eyes. ] He plans for me and my siblings to be sacrificed in some devil's contract for power. An ascension paid in blood that will make him the most powerful vampire lord the realm has ever seen.
[ Maybe this triggers memories of conversation during their time together in the alternate history, of the scars carved into Astarion's back by his master - the contract written on flesh. ]
With the help of my erstwhile companions, I had planned to take the ritual for myself. Ascend in his place.
[ Take all that power for himself, so that no one would ever threaten his freedom again. ]
[Alucard exhales in a soft sign of empathy. Pieces of recollection from the 800 years that never was filter in, and yes. He recalls the ascension and the scars. It explained so much.
But that's not the point here.]
I notice you're using the past tense in discussing this.
[ He looks over at Alucard when he points that out, first confused - as though he hadn't used past tense intentionally, then irritated, then slightly deflated. ]
I suppose you would prefer me to set aside such ambitions.
What I'd prefer is hardly relevant. I'd have opinions, but I also haven't lived through the full of it either. [There is a small shrug before the dhampir tries to make a larger point.]
Just as I wouldn't look to you to what you'd prefer in the case of my father's murder.
[ He's used to companions having very strong opinions about his (potential) life choices. He's braced for it again in this case, and so when Alucard only shrugs, he's at a slight loss, shooting him an incredulous look until the father is mentioned. ]
Fair enough.
[ He sighs, perhaps uncharacteristically not in the mood to push back for once. ]
[ He shoots Alucard another perplexed look. There's a long pause before he continues, his eyes narrowed at the space of grass in front of them. ]
I don't want to believe that what we experienced holds any bearing on my situation back home...
[ There's a silent and yet, at the end of that. Alucard, of all people, had a front row seat to Astarion's misery after everything he built came literally crashing down. ]
Alucard looks at Astarion for a moment, considering what memories remain of the eight hundred years that never happened and then the matter of what Ascending promises. Being free Cazador is essential, Alucard is confident of that.]
Do you think that if you returned home with your memories of here in tact, they might guide you differently, even if you went through with the plan itself?
Do you mean why don't I think I ought to simply shove a stake in his heart and let well enough alone? And leave all that power to waste?
[ He gives Alucard an incredulous look, although there's something half-hearted about it. His lips form a tight, thin line. ]
He signed away our souls, he made what little excuse of a life I could claim a living nightmare for two centuries. Why don't I deserve that power? Why shouldn't I take it from him? [ It's lucky that it's a quiet day, that no one is walking nearby where they sit - he's near shouting now, barely contained rage in his voice. ]
It would mean no one would ever own me again.
[ It would mean all those years of suffering hadn't amounted to nothing. ]
[In the word power, Alucard thinks he's found at least a portion of what is really going on here. It is worth the incredulous look, and it also means Alucard isn't going to over-analyze how it looks not quite put upon, but close.
He waits for quiet to fall back in between them.]
--And you had that power, for the 800 years that only we experienced. [He can't guess at how much of it Astarion recalls, but the fallout of the messiest divorce likely hasn't faded.]
--Do you think there are circumstances back home that might change your thinking about the ritual, and just see him dead without taking up the additional power?
[Alucard's trying to keep his own voice calm, if only to offer Astarion something to recalibrate against. It's hard. And he's asking for a lot of vulnerability.]
None of this is to diminish anything of home. I want to be clear about that.
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abraxaslogs2024-06-01 02:10 pm
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Agreed. But you know, I think the worst part of all of this is that even with that future? If that was what ended up happening? I'd take it over returning home and dealing with what was left behind any day of the week.
[He suspects his own feeling is not too different from that of Astarion. But he doesn't want to assume, nor force the issue.]
no subject
His feelings are... slightly different. Or complicated in a different way. Haelva thinks they should return. Out of anyone, her opinion matters most to him. But leaving here means leaving her. ]
Truly, there's nothing and no one you miss from home?
[ They might've talked about this before, but perhaps the answer has changed with a different perspective. Likely not, though. ]
no subject
[He shakes his head no.]
Both of my parents are dead and neither have graves, I've never had an extensive group of friends due to my nature, and all I have at the end of the day is a giant, empty castle and a reputation as a patricide. If I miss the castle itself, I could always recreate it in the Horizon.
[It sounds sad, giving all of it voice. But Alucard's tone is simple and direct, suggesting that he understands the above as a series of facts.]
What of you, after the past two months?
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I hardly remember my family, if any of them still live. [ His own natural lifespan would've been many centuries, had he not been made into an undead immortal. Whatever family he may have had might still be around, but clearly they buried him long ago - if they even cared he was dead at all. ]
There are... one or two companions I made after my escape that I still think about from time to time. [ Cliffgate, his suggestion for the new hall, is Karlach's surname. ] But I have Haelva here. And, well... all of you now, I suppose.
[ Allies of convenience, now friends. People who do more than tolerate him. ]
no subject
Companions, but...no one to go back to. Or worth going back for. There's something like a wry expression on Alucard's face, but there's a gentle nostalgia mixed in with it. There will always be a few components of home worth missing but--
--this is getting a little too serious.]
Careful. That road might make you declare a few of us your friends.
no subject
[ He laughs loudly, then, with another raised eyebrow. ]
You know, I do remember you going by a different name. [ Adrian. He had only learned that one after they had spent quite a bit of time together. Astarion can't promise him that intimate sort of relationship again, and perhaps that means certain other details left to fade with their dream-like experience. Still - ]
Shall I pretend not to remember it?
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Alucard is just my father's name - Dracula - anyway. My countrymen think they're very clever.
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And so now... you choose to go by that, here?
[ Why? ]
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You highly underestimate the extent of paranoia I had when I first got here, to the point where I didn't want to give my actual name. [He was so normal, Astarion. So normal.]
At least it can be pronounced. I...can't imagine if your countryfolk decided to try that in your situation, it'd result in something that easily rolled off the tongue.
no subject
Fortunately I've never been so infamous.
[ There's a rueful edge to his tone. ]
One day, though. Perhaps.
[ That was the plan, anyway. Everything he's experienced here is giving him second thoughts - about returning to his realm, about the Ascension. It puts a bitter taste in his mouth. ]
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Perhaps?
no subject
If I am to return home one day, then I will have to deal with Cazador. [ He narrows his eyes. ] He plans for me and my siblings to be sacrificed in some devil's contract for power. An ascension paid in blood that will make him the most powerful vampire lord the realm has ever seen.
[ Maybe this triggers memories of conversation during their time together in the alternate history, of the scars carved into Astarion's back by his master - the contract written on flesh. ]
With the help of my erstwhile companions, I had planned to take the ritual for myself. Ascend in his place.
[ Take all that power for himself, so that no one would ever threaten his freedom again. ]
no subject
But that's not the point here.]
I notice you're using the past tense in discussing this.
no subject
I suppose you would prefer me to set aside such ambitions.
[ Given Adrian's own familial history. ]
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Just as I wouldn't look to you to what you'd prefer in the case of my father's murder.
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Fair enough.
[ He sighs, perhaps uncharacteristically not in the mood to push back for once. ]
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[The question is direct if only because it seems the best way to imply you seem like you really need to talk and avoiding a demand.]
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[ He shoots Alucard another perplexed look. There's a long pause before he continues, his eyes narrowed at the space of grass in front of them. ]
I don't want to believe that what we experienced holds any bearing on my situation back home...
[ There's a silent and yet, at the end of that. Alucard, of all people, had a front row seat to Astarion's misery after everything he built came literally crashing down. ]
no subject
Alucard looks at Astarion for a moment, considering what memories remain of the eight hundred years that never happened and then the matter of what Ascending promises. Being free Cazador is essential, Alucard is confident of that.]
Do you think that if you returned home with your memories of here in tact, they might guide you differently, even if you went through with the plan itself?
[Some benevolent uber vampire?]
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[ Obviously. He scowls at nothing. ]
But - unless I am wildly misunderstanding, returning with our memories isn't exactly an option.
[ But please, tell him differently if he's wrong. ]
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[Alucard exhales heavily.]
It is another reason I don't wish to return. But this isn't about me. [Maybe there's a better question to ask.]
Why did you think, at the time, that the ritual he's trying to accomplish would be better undertaken by you?
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[ He gives Alucard an incredulous look, although there's something half-hearted about it. His lips form a tight, thin line. ]
He signed away our souls, he made what little excuse of a life I could claim a living nightmare for two centuries. Why don't I deserve that power? Why shouldn't I take it from him? [ It's lucky that it's a quiet day, that no one is walking nearby where they sit - he's near shouting now, barely contained rage in his voice. ]
It would mean no one would ever own me again.
[ It would mean all those years of suffering hadn't amounted to nothing. ]
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He waits for quiet to fall back in between them.]
--And you had that power, for the 800 years that only we experienced. [He can't guess at how much of it Astarion recalls, but the fallout of the messiest divorce likely hasn't faded.]
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Which circles us right back 'round to the point that if I could remember all of it when I go back, I would do it differently.
[ He takes a very, very deep breath that his undead lungs possibly don't need, and then exhales. ]
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[Alucard's trying to keep his own voice calm, if only to offer Astarion something to recalibrate against. It's hard. And he's asking for a lot of vulnerability.]
None of this is to diminish anything of home. I want to be clear about that.
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