abraxaslogs | [ open & closed

Entry tags:

[ open & closed | july & august ]

Who: The Doctor + Others
When: July & August
Where: Free Cities | Nocwich | Horizon
What: Monthly Catch-All
Warnings: None for now, will update if needed!

[ ooc: please feel free to ping me if you'd like to plot a custom starter of any sort, i'm open to anything!
hit me up on plurk or PM | also happy to match prose or brackets~ ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"I'll be grateful for the Horizon so we don't only see each other once a month, but this I like." Julia smiles as he kisses her knuckles and she playfully dips down into a little curtsey since she's wearing a dress and she feels cute. He makes her all giddy inside in the best sense, and being near him again is almost euphoric after everything that's gone on.

Julia was worried that seeing him again would make her think about the times everything went wrong between them, but it didn't in their reunion, and it doesn't now. There's something about him that does the opposite, makes her think of all the good times instead. She's been trying to see the bright side of that experience and most days, it actually works.

Her smile fades just a little and she nods. "I woke up after our experience with them. They're pretty and all, but it's a little confusing, so I've kept my old shade in the Horizon." Since they've only seen each other there, he didn't know until now. Julia does genuinely like the color, but it's weird and another thing that was done to her without her permission, which is a little annoying.

In the same way that he doesn't take it for granted that she can trust him with being close to her like this — holding her hand, even kissing her — the Doctor also doesn't take those moments of her being playful with him for granted. It's strange to still feel twinges of those old memories in that shared dream, the feeling of missing her so desperately and not knowing if they could ever fix it. But they're here now, they're connected to one another, and she incrementally makes him less and less afraid of it — getting close, too close, only to lose her. He saves those moments of worry for when he's alone.

"What a strange thing to carry over, though — and more that's out of our control." He's most upset with the way his memories were stolen. To have their minds played with like that —

"A bit stayed behind with me as well." This, at least, he doesn't mind; he can be stroppy about the mechanism of it while still delighting in the fact that he can do this at all, and he smiles softly when he opens the palm of his hand, revealing a few small stars and planets swirling about.

On the other end of it, Julia understood what she wanted with him instinctively, because she didn't want to push him away once she was herself again. She wanted to see him in person, talk to him, remind herself that they still have time. Time to make things better, to not go down the same path, to make their own choices. Maybe this will end similarly but it won't be the same, because they're on a new road now. And one she chose with eyes wide open, and so did he. There is equal buy in here, and equal reason to run away.

She takes his hand so she can see the stars and smiles. While it's reminiscent of him locking himself away in his domain full of the same, Julia also knows that it's him. He's a man of the stars, a traveler of space, this is just a physical manifestation of what was already in his soul.

"It's pretty," she confirms. "But yeah, it not being our choice, not great." There is nothing they can do about it though. There have been permanent marks left on them. Julia doesn't plan on letting it hang over her head though. She threads their fingers together, pressing her palm to his stars, and tugs.

"I brought us treats. We could sit on a bench, unless you had another idea?" This being a first date, Julia's happy with just about anything. He can probably smell the apples in her basket, but also on her too, she often smells of cinnamon and apples, due to the orchard.

She might have guessed, perhaps, he's not the smoothest when it comes to planning and executing a date. He's fine at actually spending time together, he's thrilled to be in her presence, to have the ability to simply reach out and touch her without hesitation, the moment the thought occurs to him. Talking to her, laughing with her, listening to her, watching her countenance pulse with so much life — he loves it all.

It's the date part that he sometimes fumbles his way into. He's good at having grand ideas, not always the best at smaller details. He's also quite limited by the reality of them being trapped here. But he did have the presence of mind to consider perhaps they might want a quieter, more private space for a little while.

"Well — here is lovely. Or there," he nods to Oleuni Square. "Or over there." He nods to his left, to nowhere in particular. "But I wondered — I mean, I thought perhaps — a quieter space only for us? Do you want that?"

If she doesn't, he won't be disappointed, he only wants to make her happy.

Julia is someone who thinks of spending time together as dates, which is why she feels like they've been dating for a while and simply not calling it that. There is a small difference between friendship hanging out and dating, but they've had a vibe for longer than both of them wanted to acknowledge. Sometimes she and James would just go on a walk in the park or wander into a bookstore for a half hour, and that was just as fun to her as a fancy dinner or college party.

"Hmmm do I want to spend quiet alone time with you?" She taps her chin. "Yes, that's why I came!" Julia laughs and reaches out to take his hand, curling her fingers into his. She comes to Nocwich frequently so she looks consideringly toward the rest of the square, narrowing her eyes as she thinks about where they could actually be alone.

It's amazing how just being near him makes her feel all those butterflies and excitement and like this has already been the best day of the week by holding his hand. It's ridiculous, it reminds her of middle school, but it's sweet too. The Doctor has such a light heart and positive spirit, she thinks he brings her back to that time, a more innocent one. He knows her dark spots and she knows him, but they seem far away when they're together. The future they saw said otherwise, but she's ignoring it.

"I think I might know a spot, unless you already had one in mind?"

For this sort of thing, this designated time together, he tends to think of spending time out amongst a crowd of others as a first thought — being with each other, but not necessarily alone, where it's only them. Perhaps he's still quietly reeling from the implications of what they experienced in that...dream. That vision. That — future that may or may not be theirs. Well, certainly not all of it will be, at least as it pertains to so many of his own actions that he's not at all proud of and won't allow himself to repeat.

As she takes his hand, it feels solidly like a moment to catch his breath and anchor to this, to her, to what they are and could be. He's so used to fumbling this sort of thing before it even gets this far. It's so rare in all these long years that he's let himself get close enough to anyone to hold their hand, let alone to kiss them, to be thought of as — together. He does get in his own head, though, far too much of the time. This is just a pleasant night together, just them connecting again after too long apart. He's missed her.

None of the thoughts tumbling about in his mind are betrayed on the surface, of course, though he does look briefly at their joined hands like it's a marvel to study. And he smiles softly, briefly running his thumb across her knuckles.

"Good news, then, Julia, you have all the time with me that you could possibly want," he teases back, fully at ease in a way he's not entirely in his own head. "But I thought — the Arcanis, perhaps?" That night had meant more to him than he knows how to say. He's not sure why he's nervous about a room alone with her later, but that's a thought reserved only for later so, he won't consider it or worry about it.

Julia's been an overthinker her entire life and it's important sometimes to do that, but when it comes to him, from the start she's just sort of wanted to throw her hands up and go with her instincts instead. She's wanted to be drawn closer to him every time they spoke, every time she's been near him. No matter her fears or the shadows in her mind, he's pulled her in and made her feel safe. The disaster of a marriage doesn't change her mind. They made it work for centuries first. And there was still so much love there. The potential is in them.

"The Arcanis!" She flashes him a bright smile. That's definitely more exciting than her little picnic date idea and she's pleased. Her red eyes glow with warmth and she squeezes his hand, leaning into his side. "I want to go back there with you, yes. We had a great time before." It meant a lot to her too. She feels like they're these two shooting stars who have somehow been pulled into the same gravity for a time, and moments like those stand out because of it.

It also fills her with excitement and nerves, since this is more intimate than she expected, and it causes a little flush in her cheeks. She'd accuse him of being a romantic if she didn't know he'd get flustered about it and protest otherwise. Being whisked away to a fancy boat for the night sounds like heaven to her. She isn't going to overthink the future, only the time they are actively together.

"Come on then!" Julia rolls up onto her tip toes to kiss his cheek again and laughs, tugging him toward the Luna side. This is a much preferred distraction from the fact they're in a land that's at active war. For now, they can think about anything else, although it wouldn't be them if they didn't also address what was going on.

With that in mind she presses her head against his shoulder while they walk. "How are things in Cadens now that the initial ahhhhh is over?"

The Arcanis isn't anything at all like setting foot on a new planet and exploring a place they've never been before. There aren't untold dangers to quell or people to save on what promises to be a relatively calm and predictable evening, but if there's even the slightest chance of small thrills to latch onto — exploring secret passageways or somehow finding themselves in a bit of delightful, good trouble — he wouldn't at all mind. Quietly, he does lament that he can't simply pull a few levers on his TARDIS and take her for drinks on the moon, or an evening on the planet Florana where the seas are made of milk. He wishes for a moment he could show her starfire and mountains that sing. To see it all anew through her eyes — it's all that he wants right now as he holds her hand and they make their way towards the great ship.

But he's trying very hard to keep hold of the simple joy that's found in small moments like this, too. There doesn't always need to be the majesty and grandeur of a journey through the stars, perhaps. Though, he's loath to admit that out loud. That's his life. But nearly a year here, and — his life is other, smaller moments. Moments where, evidently, he can make her smile, make her look forward to the evening ahead, bring a bit of joy to her.

His mind is always in a thousand places at once, so while they walk and she leans against him, he's contemplating how very strange it is — or maybe not strange at all, maybe this is normal — that he could feel such contentment from the simple act. There's not much to it. She's simply laying her head against his shoulder. This is a basic and expected gesture, yet he feels — warmth. Comfort. A feeling like all is well. How could that be, just from this? And why has it escaped him all these years?

— at the same time, she speaks about Cadens, and his mind is there, too. Thinking of all that's gone wrong, all that could still go wrong, everyone he wants and needs to keep safe. That's his duty of care, here — to protect the people of this world.

"There's been unrest, infighting, worry and panic and fear," he starts. First with the straight answer, blunt sometimes, but just as quick to find the hope and the goodness as he adds, "And so many people doing absolutely everything they can to help others. To keep each other safe. The noisier the bad stuff gets, there's far more of people stepping up to say, not on my watch. I don't think any of us believes it won't get worse before it gets better, but we take care of each other, don't we?"

Julia would love to go on any of those adventures. She's an explorer at heart. She got bogged down in the real world and not believing in magic and excitement, she planned on settling down in a boring normal life where she could do good things but not find the invigoration of the life she used to dream about. And then everything changed and while she's glad for it, it took her down such dark roads. She had magic, but at what cost? The Doctor doesn't deny her darkness or try to push it away from her, he understands that it's in her to stay, but that he can offer so much light to counteract it. The two of them are the yin and yang in a lot of ways. Both seeking balance.

But if there is a future where they can run across the stars together, she'd take it in a heartbeat. They've found in each other someone in simpatico, who can step in stride. Maybe all they have are little things in this world, but they're worthy. She never thought she would want to be near a man again, let alone want to be with a man. The Doctor's swept her off her feet and now he continues to.

Julia listens to him attentively, grave for a moment, but she smiles when he immediately tries to look at the bright side of things. It's a skill. She's such a pessimist in comparison. She takes his hand and threads their fingers together, holding it with a squeeze. "I just adore you, you know. My endless optimist." It's one of his best qualities without question.

"Solvunn on the other hand is fine? I think the Elders are concerned about Thorne getting all power-hungry so they're calling on the gods to watch out for Solvunn, but otherwise life is pretty normal. And weird because it's normal." The rest of the world is not normal at the moment, but Solvunn's always been neutral and avoidant of trouble. But they're ready to defend their borders with the gods, which is a pretty smart idea in Julia's opinion.

"Michael and I were talking about maybe testing out the boundaries between Solvunn and the Free Cities. We don't know if everyone's just accepting that we can't cross over without testing it out more." Julia's not saying she's defecting, she's just curious if they are imaginary lines. "Teleporting out doesn't work but I don't know about just walking." People almost never think about leaving Solvunn.

"But we're going to bring a normal human with us maybe, because a goddess and archangel aren't the proper tests for these things."

Big things or little things, good moments and bad moments and sad moments, and every single point in between — he'll take it all with her. Everything they can have now, everything yet to come. He can't stop his mind going ahead of itself, too far ahead, thinking of the inevitable pain that's forever a possibility, but hope sits alongside it, too. It always does with him. He's pragmatic, he knows reality even when he seems to live in dreams. He just prefers to do everything he can to make the hope louder than everything else.

It's heartening to know it means something to her, just as much as she's meant to him. Grounding him, keeping him steady, ushering in the glimpse of a life he never really thought he could have.

He adores her, too, and he's clunky sometimes in saying the words, skirting around them, but he kisses her knuckles when she threads their fingers together, and he smiles against her skin.

"Yours. Lovely," he hums under his breath. It's perhaps the understatement of the year for him, but it's also more directly about his feelings than he's usually capable of conveying without a bit of fumbling. But now he's focused on hearing about Solvunn, listening with rapt attention.

"It's a good theory to test! You have any volunteers for this or yet to be determined?"

"Mine. Yours. If you don't mind." Julia's not possessive in the way that she would say mine over everyone else, and she trusts that the Doctor knows her well enough to guess that. He's the type of person who draws other people to him, and she knows that he's made beautiful connections here, the same as her. But he is hers, in the ways that matter to them. A piece of her belongs with him too. Whatever this is they built, it's incredibly genuine, and she doesn't take it for granted. Weirdness aside.

It's not the same thing as asking what they are because frankly, she figures the two of them know exactly what they are to each other. Titles seem kind of silly after a Time Lord and a goddess were married for centuries in another timeline. Mine and yours seems like a good enough explanation. They get onto the ship and through check in, and she tugs him eagerly toward the deck. It's not far from where they stood before, although the sky is very different now from then. The company is no better though.

"We were going to ask Claire, she's close with both of us and probably would be up for a little adventure. I don't think she'll mind being the test human." Claire's everyone's friend, to be fair, but she is especially close to Julia and Michael. And neither of them would ever put her at risk so she will be extremely safe. Julia knows there is a barrier to teleportation but it'll be interesting to see what they run into if they try to walk. Will it just be like an invisible wall they bump up against? It seems worth finding out.

"I assume someone has tried before, but who knows." No one's said so if they have! Julia believes in the scientific method, testing the theory is necessary. She releases his hand only so she can go up to the deck and put her hands on the bannister instead, looking over the side. "I can't believe I missed out on meeting the Fey in real life, it's the only place I haven't gotten to see yet." In the AU they did, obviously, but that was all mental, it might not be the same in reality.

He's not possessive in that way, either, though he finds himself enjoying the words once they're said out loud.

Mine. Yours.

That's not a terrifying thought, not like it might have been to him once. It's steadying, comforting, a truth that feels known already when he considers the memories they still hold from that shared vision. Despite them not ever really explicitly discussing it, he's almost sure it's something understood between them; that they can belong to one another while not only belonging to each other. What they are to one another feels bigger than all of that, as big as a heart (hearts) can hold, which is as grand as the universe itself.

He follows her, though just a touch slower, just so he can watch her movements with affectionate curiosity. He loves to hear her mind working through theories, too, planning practical ways to test the limits of this world. At the mention of Claire, there's a fond smile. "Claire! Oh, she's brilliant, that one. You couldn't have picked a better person to ask. She's always testing things herself." She's so very dear to him, too. And if it were anyone but Julia and Michael testing this, he'd be more worried, but he of course trusts Julia implicitly, in turn trusting anyone that she trusts.

"You never know, of course. Meeting the Fey," he gives a little nod, following her to position himself near the bannister, too.

Then he looks around briefly before looking back to her. "This would almost be the perfect spot to dance."

"I know, she's been doing this archaeological thing in Solvunn, which involves a lot of digging and we've been helping out." Julia's not sure how helpful they're being or what they're learning but Claire seems very happy with the experience. She's beloved in the Solvunn community so people are just glad to do something for her.

"We've been closer since the whole god thing. It's rare for me to find a positive female role model." AKA a surrogate mom. Julia has a horrible relationship with both her human mother and her goddess mother, so her mommy issues are a driving force at this point. Claire came in and made that so much more tolerable. If only she had someone like her growing up, but she has her now. Everything feels better with Claire around. Julia hasn't expressed some of her darkest sides with her, she cares about her opinion almost too much, but she knows she could if she needed to.

Julia hopes they do meet the Fey. She heard they threw a rocking Masquerade party and that's something she'd love to do. She turns when he says that and flashes him a flirtacious smile. "Oh Doctor, are you asking me to dance?" The last time they danced was in Ikorr right before things went a little wonky. It was the first truly romantic thing they did together, when they stopped being in denial about what was growing between them.

She doesn't care if there are other people around or if there is no music. In fact, she can solve that. Julia flings up her hand in a cross and then twirls a hand, and the air around them turns into the sound of a beautiful rendition of Make You Feel My Love. People do look over at them after hearing the piano sound out from nothing, but she doesn't look at them.

"There's a spell for everything." Julia offers him her hand and steps closer, her red eyes soft. She's shorter than their last dance although infinitely more comfortable without those heels. "Another version of it makes us sing our feelings." A favorite of Quentin's.

Edited 2024-10-11 16:40 (UTC)

He's glad to hear that Claire's involved in some way, of course, thrilled for all of them and whatever they might discover. But then everything shifts, along with his focus; he's danced before, of course, and most recently with Julia herself only a few months ago. But this is different somehow, this is, well, it's obviously different just by the music alone that's being played. He doesn't pay much mind to the words at first, he's concentrating on holding her hand, wrapping his arm around her to keep her close and steady. He's always loved dancing; mostly. Even when he'd forgotten for a time, even when it hurt to embrace that bit of joy so soon after the very worst had happened.

Now it feels easier, so much feels easier, especially with Julia. It's hard to let himself feel that sometimes, even now. There's still always this instinct to pull or run away from that, the joy that lingers. It's that worry in his mind that he'll ruin this or ruin her in some way by being him. But she tugs at his hand and she steps close and she knows what he's done and she's here dancing with him regardless.

"I suppose this is better than the song I'd had in mind, which was the old classic, Twist and Shout." He can't help teasing a bit, but there's a softness in his eyes as he smiles and briefly kisses her forehead as he holds onto her.

"Oh here I am being the romantic when you wanted to cut a rug!" Julia laughs and purposely lifts his arm high so she can spin underneath it, moving back into him. "Do you know how to waltz? We can do a middle-ground. It's a one-two-three."

Of course Julia with her fancy education and being raised by socialites would know all the ballroom dances. She was a little girl when she could waltz among the best of them, and she can lead him if he doesn't know how. They can make a little box area around them to dance and not bump into other people. That way they have some movement while also slow dancing. Plus she considers it the most romantic of the dances.

"I had a coming-out party and everything, it was so embarrassing." Debutante city here. New Jersey elites weren't the same thing as New York ones, but her parents managed to be as close to both as they could. That was not a good time in her life, actually, it was a miserable time, but she can find some humor in it now. "At the time I was like, didn't these things go out of fashion centuries ago?" If only!

"Did they have anything like that on your planet? You don't talk about it much." Julia knows why or at least guesses at why, the obvious painful reason, but they're on a date and grilling people is part of it. They've shared so much information with each other and yet some other topics have been left by the wayside.

He knows the waltz — he knows many dances enjoyed by humans — but it's been...a very, very long time since he's ever danced it. This is certainly far more memorable to him as well. He doesn't mind enjoying a more romantic dance, either, but it's more difficult for him; he doesn't resist all of the things that come with a relationship, not in the strictest sense, he's just never had a traditional relationship with anyone. It's always been about locking his feelings down, or on rare occasions when he could let his emotions out more fully, moments were held onto out of order, never to last long.

This is all so new to him and he wants to continue getting closer to Julia, he is just a bit slower at it than most.

"Embarrassing it might have been, but I'd have enjoyed being a fly on the wall for it," he teases her a little as he spins her, then pulls her close again. And truthfully, he never much cares to talk about Gallifrey, at least not in direct ways; something she's obviously noticed by now. "We had nothing quite like that, not like you had, not even close." But that appears to be all that he'll freely offer. He's not trying to be purposefully secretive, he wouldn't avoid answering if she poked him more about it, but he's quick to move onto what he thinks is a happier subject.

"Now, the waltz, yes, I know it! The forbidden dance. Quite the scandal, in its early days. Do you know the history of it? Fascinating, really! Started in the countryside, small village near Vienna —" He stops himself abruptly, a slightly sheepish look on his face. His rambling isn't out of the ordinary, but his unsteadiness is a new thing. For all his confidence about many things, for all his bluster, he's a bit nervous, too, even though they've danced before. Imagine that.

Julia knows that this is all pretty new to him. She'd be blind not to see the nerves, for one, and he's already expressed to her that this isn't usual. It does make her feel special, to be honest, but then again, he is too. She never thought she'd date anyone again, let alone feel the way she feels for him, and have it untainted by darkness. She may know more about traditional dating than him, so she can poke them around the corners to make it work, but she doesn't mind his lack of experience in this area.

Julia does remember facts about Gallifrey, both from him and their long life together, but she isn't going to point that out to him if he'd like to keep quiet on it. She knows it's a point of pain for him. She's curious, of course she is, it's pretty typical to ask about someone's home in a relationship, but they both have things that bring them pain to talk about. They've shared what they could together but some buttons don't need to be intentionally pushed. She does sort of raise her eyebrows at him, very I know what you're doing as a look, but lets it go.

She moves with him to the one-two-three beat, with an occasional spin, gracefully and without a foot out of place. Some things she doesn't forget. She hasn't danced with anyone like this since she was younger. James didn't know how and she never got the chance with Richard. She taught Quentin how to do it, that's one of many fond memories with him.

"I like when you ramble," she reminds him, reaching up to ruffle his hair playfully. "Relax, Doctor. This is sort of a first date but it's sort of like a 200th date, so there's no pressure." It doesn't have to be perfect. Neither of them are. It's already great that he's put in the effort to make it special by bringing her here. "You can ramble at me about anything."

"Well, if you're going to encourage me — and you always should," he teases under his breath, "then another tidbit for you! The novelist, Sophie von La Roche, called the waltz the 'shameless, indecent whirling-dance of the Germans.' Of course, like everything, once the nobility latched onto it, it was entirely acceptable."

He huffs a little laugh under his breath, but truth be told, as they dance and as she talks and plays with his hair, it serves to settle the Doctor. She has that amazing ability, it seems, to do that quite often. It's not just that she's a comfort to him, it's not only that she can steady him and keep him anchored, but it's how easy it is to laugh with her, to feel joy again, like he's not known in so very long. Oh, of course, there have been many, many happy moments in his long years. More than he could count. That's life, of course — joy and pain in equal measure. But all along here, it's been so remarkable to realize that with Julia there's been this — life he never thought he'd have. Oh, it's not usual, it's not typical by any measure, which is how he likes it. But it's...letting himself get close, closer, ever so close, and not running from it. He remembers the life they had years from now, and whether it all goes that way or another way entirely, he hasn't forgotten a single thing. Not even the pain, because it was real. It was all real, even in memory. And she came back for him, and they held onto each other even when they'd drifted. They were together again.

"I hope there are many more," he confesses. Dates, that is. He never wants to let go, and that's always been the trouble. Too selfish to let go of the people he's loved, who needed to go on and live their human lives, or — who were already lost to him.

But not Julia, no, she's here, and while he matches her step for step, his demeanor shifts, softer and more serious, a tender smile on his face as he holds her close and momentarily breaks the rules of the waltz.

"You picked the perfect song."

"If they only knew what modern dancing would end up being!" They would be horrified far beyond what the waltz is. "I get it though, it is very intimate." She can say that given they are literally in each other's arms right now and it requires moving together, it requires a trust between partners to whirl the right way. It may not be a bump and grind like what her generation prefers to do in clubs, but she'd prefer this any day. It feels like a whirlwind, like all of their romance.

The Doctor is dizzying but also grounding. The feelings that they built for each other make her excited and calm all at once. She finally understands what she's been told, that sometimes a person just sweeps you off your feet, and you understand what meeting the right one feels like. They might not be each other's One in the forever sense, who knows what their future holds, but they have it as long as they're here.

"There will be. And this time, if we have hundreds of years ahead of us, I'm not going to make the same mistakes." Fred did them a favor. She and Annabeth agreed that it was a warning, one they should take to heart. People may think that means they can stop this, but Julia was already looking at many lifetimes ahead of her. It wasn't as scary with someone by her side.

She looks up at him and makes a promise to herself she's telling the truth. She's not going to let him go this time. They'll find a way to make it work. Julia's smile is hopeful, a little shy. "I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue. I'd go crawling down the avenue. Know there's nothing that I wouldn't do to make you feel my love." She's not a professional singer but she does have a nice voice, enough to carry a tune for him.

He can't recall a time that anyone's ever sang for him quite like this before; there are others around them, yes, but it's really just for him, for the pair of them, and it's beautiful. A moment that's somehow so private and intimate, yet laced with the playful ease he feels like they've always had with one another. He can be silly and serious, of course, despite his default towards whimsy. And she's not the first person he's ever been able to connect with so deeply, but Julia is noteworthy for being the first in a very, very long time who's made him feel less afraid to explore the depths of his hearts with, to be his whole self with. Loving others comes easy to him, but letting himself genuinely fall in love is...that thing he always runs away from. Because he must.

But they're dancing and she's singing to him about love, and he's quite sure he hasn't known this particular manifestation of joy in so long. He might even blush a little and duck his head and smile when he presses a kiss to her forehead. As her singing fades and their steps naturally slow, the Doctor's too restless to lead her to one of the cabins — there's still too much to do and see, after all! It's only when the night naturally begins to wane a bit that he offers to lead her to the cabin if she's ready to settle in for the night.

"Not that we have to sleep right away, of course," he smirks a little, teasing, perhaps trying to set himself at ease. "I brought a deck of cards if you're itching to play Go Fish or Gin Rummy!"

Julia's last two relationships ended badly and she barely got any time at all to be truly romantic with Richard. She and James were always that couple who just gelled well and they weren't particularly passionate, just a solid duo that seemed obvious to continue on into marriage someday. A sensible match. Julia used to be very sensible like that. She's already felt things with the Doctor that she never has before. A thrill, a connection, like minds coming together, and a deeper attraction than what she's used to.

They go on their adventure throughout the day and she's nervous but in a good way when he says they should go back to their cabin. It's so easy being around him and she knew from the start of this that they would be sleeping in the same room. There is no expectation there for anything, she is well aware. The Doctor is the last person who would apply pressure and he's just as nervous about this as she is, she's certain of it. They're both stepping outside of their comfort zone.

Julia sets down her bag in the cabin and fluffs out her hair. She is glad she's wearing a dress, it makes her feel pretty and feminine, although she's sure he likes her in anything she wears. But it's been a while leading to this moment and she turns to look at him. He's trying to make things less awkward, which she adores him for, but there is an elephant in the room. And Julia's mind is made up.

"I'd suggest strip Gin Rummy but you'd lose so fast, you have no idea." Julia smiles at him and tells her nerves to cool it, stepping forward to meet him. She reaches out to take his hands. "I'm about to be super vulnerable so, uh, be kind about it, okay?" She knows he will be, but still. Julia looks up at him. "I haven't wanted to be alone with a man or with a man since everything that happened, but I ... do want it now. If you want it."

He is oblivious in the best of times, he needs to have these sorts of intimate things spelled out for him plainly and in great detail generally speaking, but Julia is direct enough that it sinks in quickly and he doesn't need to play the fool in an effort to skirt around a topic that is so generally distant from him, so — terrifying and thrilling at the same time. But, a bit more terrifying at the moment.

She's kind and gentle like she always is, easing him into it. Hearing what she says, though, feeling her hands around his, it grounds him. He can feel and hear her nerves and he wants to steady her, which helps him put aside his own trepidation.

"What I want is..." He takes a breath, leans down briefly to kiss her wrists. "I know you just said it, but I do need to ask one more time. You're absolutely sure? There's no going back, which is the point, I realize, but there's you right here in front of me and you're so very, very important and I need to make certain." It all comes out in a rush, and he squeezes her hands, moving his thumb across her wrist. "What I mean is, I — I haven't done this...well, you know. A long time. And if we do, I would be yours. Completely yours, Julia."

And that scares him, but not nearly as much as the thought of ever losing her. Which is usually why he never gets this close to begin with, and he's trying so very, very hard to just keep holding onto her and not pull away. She's been brave enough to say this at all, and he's going to be brave enough to stand here in it with her.

It's knowing that possible future, it's feeling the depth of emotions swirling in him now — it's all of that together that makes it feel like a step towards unspoken commitment, which would normally terrify him even more and have him running for the door. Except this isn't his life, nothing close to the life he's lived for so long. There's something about living all these long years and being trapped here now, and having the glimpse at a life he's never had that makes him want to know it for the first time, with her.

Julia remembers a lot of the time they were married in the AU and that they had a healthy sex life, so she knows it's possible and that there was a point where she stopped being so unnerved about it. And this is when she feels it too. When she says it, and he kisses her wrists, she feels her nerves settle, and certainty fill in. It helps that he so quickly wants to double check because he knows her past and what this means to her. They've built so much trust between them.

She also knows that this isn't something he does very much either. The Doctor puts space between him and others at a certain level of intimacy, she's noted it before, but for whatever reason the two of them have been very good at getting past each other's defenses. She felt safe with him from early on, and he's felt vulnerable with her. She smiles up at him, lifting her hands to cup his face, running one through his hair. His dear, dear face.

"I'm sure. Believe me, there is nothing in this world I want more than for you to be mine." She goes up on her toes to kiss him and this isn't like the few they've shared before. This is with heated intent. Julia used to be very good at this and she always loved this part of relationships. It was one of the things Reynard took from her, the joy she had with intimacy and physical need. She gives him a knock your socks off kind of kiss full of the want she's been missing.

Julia only pulls back when they both need to breathe and deliberately runs her hands over his chest, pushing his jacket off his shoulders. "Do you want me?" It's been a long time since she felt wanted in a way that was good. She longs to hear it from him.

Before she even speaks a word in return, that touch as she cradles his face is assurance enough. The smile, the affection, the words of affirmation that follow — they all serve to settle his own nerves, and make his hearts ache in a way they haven't for so very long. There wasn't all of this uncertainty on his part in that shared dream so far into the future; he remembers being content, he remembers forgetting why he'd ever thought the idea of settling down was something to run away from. Nothing was ever mundane with Julia, in that future. There was always adventure, things to do, but even the quiet moments were something he'd come to appreciate. No matter what, there was love, even in the worst of times. Always that.

But this isn't that future, and their shared nerves are a very real thing, but he feels settled now, he feels like he can embrace this and let himself be. He can enjoy the fact that they're kissing in a way they haven't ever before, not relegated to just a dream or a non-physical plane. The Horizon is all well and good, to at least see her as often as he can, but it isn't this.

There's none of his fumbling as their lips meet, there's no wondering where to put his hands, there's only an equal desire for more of this as his hands anchor to her hips and lower back. When she pulls back to push his jacket off, though, he moves his hands, threading them through her hair tenderly before letting his thumb stroke along the length of her jaw.

"Oh, very much," he smiles, his voice a little husky. "I have wanted you, Julia." Since she's begun to remove his clothing, he feels more confident doing the same with her, now reaching out to begin unzipping her dress, while his lips press a soft kiss to her bare shoulder as it's revealed.

There will always be nerves around a first time. It doesn't matter that they had many times in the future, this is their first time and it's supposed to feel nervewracking and also thrilling. And it does feel that way now that they've started and they're both showing more confidence and certainty in the way they move together. She is glad this is in person too. The Horizon feels real but it's not and she wants to know that when he moves in her, it's as physical as it can be. Not in their minds.

She found love again. It's still such a shock to her. She found someone she wants carnally and loves in her heart and she isn't afraid of him at all. She isn't even afraid to give him her heart, to worry about him smashing it, not the Doctor. She turns her head toward his hand to brush her lips against it, smiling at him. She needs to be wanted, to feel beautiful and seen and not some broken thing. She's whole under his hands.

Her head tilts back when his lips brush her shoulder and she runs her fingers in his hair, stepping out of her dress when it's undone, no longer nervous about it. Unfortunately there is no fancy lingerie in Solvunn but Julia's still looking cute she thinks in matching underwear and her glowing red eyes gazing up at him. She undoes his shirt and pushes it off his shoulders next, running her fingers up his chest.

"Admit it, a part of you did think that we might be setting the mood tonight." Julia grins at him, her hands dropping to his pants. It's clear that she doesn't mind if he did, she was doing the exact same thing. "I was thinking about it when we were dancing. You felt so good against me."

[ open & closed | july & august ]

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Sorry for the wait I was on vacay AND I PRESSED ENTER TOO SOON

you're golden!

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talk about emotional whiplash from the other one to this!

total contrasts!

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skipping time!

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I am so sorry for the wait thank you for being the best!!!

thank you for the same <3 no apologies ever needed!

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