abraxaslogs | ( open + closed ) this world is gonna end

I don’t think I’m being annoying.

[ There’s a feigned look of innocence on his face that is definitely annoying and he knows it. But there is something in the way that his expression also softens when he sees the way Bob Cat curls up onto Annabeth’s lap.

The whole image gives off a sense of peace - peace that he feels like he’s only ever been able to grasp a handful of times over the course of his life. Moments with Maarva sat in her chair with Bee charging beside her while he was in the kitchen making her caf or tea. As the years had pressed on and they had both grown older those times had grown far and few between, dragged down with a heaviness that lingered after Clem’s execution.

It draws an unexpected lump in his throat and he’s quick to shake it off. ]

Just let me know what supplies you need for the cat tower. I’ll get them when I’m in town next.

That's what all annoying people say. [ and she would know. she has experience being both older and younger sister, even if both are marred by severe emotional trauma. ]

[ she doesn't really feel any of that right now though. mostly she's just content to hang out with cassian and his cat, and if her mind drifts a little to the mass illusion, she can't be blamed. it feels a little like that, albeit with far different circumstances and no curse of godhood - but she feels comfortable, and that counts for something. ]

I'll sketch up some designs later. [ when she is no longer trapped by cat. ]

[ she pauses, scratching being bob cat's ears and idly looking up at cassian, her tone just as idle. ] I could just come with you. It'll probably easier.

[ what if she just invites herself along. ]

[ Cassian's gaze slowly shifts from the floor to Annabeth with a bit of a curious expression. It's not that he didn't want her to come along - he didn't really care if people tagged along on the scattered number of errands he had to do on any given day.

It was more like he was surprised that she wanted to tag along with him even if the goal of it was for to build a cat tower for Bob Cat. Maybe she just wanted it done properly which he couldn't blame her for. If there was anything he quickly learning about Annabeth it was that when she was doing something, she wanted to do it right.

That didn't mean her presence, her company, wouldn't be unwelcome though. ]

I'm heading into town on deliveries tomorrow. You can come if you don't have plans.

[ when she notices him watching her, annabeth finds herself straightening, almost like she's daring him to say no. it's instinctive but ultimately not necessary, and deep down she probably knows that. ]

[ still, she's relieved anyway when he agrees. ]

Maybe just a magic lesson, but I can skip it. Bob Cat deserves a tower.

[ she absolutely wants it done properly and will have a lot of say in the supply choices, but it is very much pushing her way into spending time with him too. so there. ]

[ The sound he lets out is something akin to a laugh. First River, now Annabeth - what was with them skipping classes for what he thinks are one-off, rather insignificant things with him? ]

Tomorrow then.

[ He leans back into his chair, his body language relaxing that much more. ]

Hopefully you're not skipping anything important.

[ she made him laugh?? somehow?? it's a win. she relaxes a little too. ]

Don't you know I'm a juvenile delinquent, Cassian? [ he probably doesn't, actually. ] I can skip a class or two.

[ just because annabeth likes learning doesn't mean she subscribes to a classroom is the be-all-end-all method!! besides. cassian's important too or something. ]

[ The same flicker of amusement remains as he regards her. ]

No, I didn't actually. I got the impression that you were more or less by the book.

[ Considering her penchant for knowledge and how she'd reacted to his and Percy's joint stunt at Jongo, Cassian had every reason to believe that those similar habits of sticking to rules (most) of the time followed over into her academic life. ]

[ she snorts. ]

I've never attended the same school two years in a row. I didn't even go to a public school for five years - I stayed at Camp all year round for a while. [ does cassian even know what public school is?? ]

Just because I know the books doesn't mean they're always worth following. [ books, obviously, being a metaphor for rules. it's important to know the rules so you can figure out how to bend or break them. sometimes, annabeth very much thinks she simply knows better. ]

Demigods don't usually have great track records in education.

[ Not everything in space is that different from Earth, Annabeth!! But that's a fair question to wonder. At the very least she can be comforted knowing that there's no flash of confusion on his face at the use of the term.

She had shared with him that she had spent time at the Camp; he just hadn't realized how much time it had been. That there had been so much transience and impermanence in her life because she always seemed so grounded and sure in spite of her young age. ]

Because it was hard to stay safe outside of Camp?

[ her camp record exceeds... everyone else, she's pretty sure. she's been attending in some capacity for ten years now. most kids arrive around eleven or twelve. ]

It can be dangerous when you're not prepared for the monsters. Some kids just use the summer to train and prepare for the rest of the year at home, but sometimes they're year-rounders instead, for various reasons. [ explaining it like it it's a fact and not a personal experience, despite literally just telling him it is. ]

[ she absently continues to pet bob cat, finding a softer comfort in him. ]

I've been going since I was seven, but I only stayed year round until I was about thirteen. We attract a lot of negative attention in school, so we have a tendency to get kicked out or drop out. I've cycled through a bunch of schools in the last few years.

I don't think anyone can ever be prepared for monsters for the first time.

[ While the wildlife had also been driven out of Kenari no thanks in part to all the harm the Empire had done to the planet, there was still enough unknown lurking out there that you had to approach it with some level of caution. Sometimes lessons come by experiencing something for the first time. Even if that is the hard reality of how he'd grown up, it doesn't make it any easier to wrap his mind around the idea of Annabeth - a much younger Annabeth - needing to learn how to defend herself against monsters.

It only dawns on him a beat later that they had been around the same age when she had arrived at camp and when Maarva and Clem had found him. ]

And these monsters - they know how to find you?

That's probably true no matter what universe you're in. [ even when the monsters function differently. ] Did you ever fight any, back home?

[ her very first weapon had been a hammer at the age of seven, guided by her mother as she lived on the streets before luke and thalia found her. but she'd been attacked by monsters before she'd left home. it was part of why she'd left in the first place, after all. ]

They can smell us. Apparently we have a very tasty aroma. It's easier for them to track us down once we're aware of what we are, and the more powerful your godly parent, the more delicious it is too.

[ she pauses. ] Usually we start figuring it out when we're about twelve or so. I knew earlier than most. That's, um, part of how I ended up at camp so young.

Edited 2024-08-28 02:18 (UTC)

Not intentionally.

[ And they weren't monsters like the demigods they had fought together in the dreamscape. Sometimes monsters took on the shape of people. And if that were the case, then his answer isn't entirely truthful.

There's probably some stupid joke he could make here about the smell being that of a teenager, but the subject matter is a little far gone past that point. Nor is he someone like Percy where levity came easily to him. Everything she's told him thus far turns over in his mind. He doesn't want to assume, but he's always trusted in his instincts and the conclusions that came from that so he asks - ]

Why did it start so young for you then?

It's not always intentional for me either.

[ she looks down at bob cat with a small frown and rubs his ear, feeling a vague undercurrent of anxiousness, but at the same time she doesn't really feel discomfort from his question. maybe if he'd asked a month ago, or even so immediately after the illusion, it'd be different, but as she's already established, hanging out with cassian is something she simply enjoys now. ]

[ and she trusts him, even if she's still working through the leftovers from his time as her brother and what it means now, how much she still kind of wants it. it doesn't stop her from answering his question at the cat instead of the person. ]

Well. My dad explained what I was, though I was kind of on the verge of figuring it out already too. So... the monsters started finding me. [ she really was so small. ] My dad got married when I was about five. They had twins. The monsters kept coming and I got blamed for putting them in danger, so I left and eventually made my way to Camp.

[ Cassian hadn't looked away during their conversation so he sees this internal thought process play out. Watches as her gaze turns downwards to focus on Bob Cat who already seems so enamored with her despite not having spent that much time around her. The look she gives the creature is vastly different from the one from before.

There's a nervousness to it, but one a little bit different than what he'd witnessed in the Horizon several months before. Just like last time it had been directly related to the topic of her parents, leaving him wondering if he should tell her that she doesn't have to answer that if she doesn't want to. But then she answers – and he hates that his hunch had been right in some ways.

Cassian's gaze sharpens, jaw tightening at the thought of a young Annabeth, someone who was far too young to have any blame placed on her for a choice that was not hers, deciding that running away from home was the only choice she had available to her. Protectiveness turns his voice into a knife's edge. ]

They blamed you? He didn't try to take you there himself? Your mother didn't do anything to protect you?

[ annabeth glances up at his tone, finding herself surprised at it and at the look on his face. her hand stills briefly against bob cat, who lifts his head to nudge her back into petting, how dare she stop. she absently continues, drawing comfort from the purring creature in her lap. it's not that she doesn't have people who care about her, but given the topic at hand, perhaps it jars older feelings of that loneliness and her journey to find those people. ]

[ she doesn't really know what to do with his protective reaction. she supposes she forgets sometimes that not everyone knows her camp arrival story, just one more in a long line of demigod struggles. but it's not like most people know the details how of how and why she left at seven either. ]

[ given cassian's anger on her behalf, perhaps she's reminded it really was kind of awful. mostly she tries to put it behind her, but it's impossible to do so wholly when so much of that experience has played into her path to today. ]

The gods don't really... involve themselves in raising us. We're supposed to make our own way to Camp. Athena helped guide me to some other older demigods, but she didn't interfere otherwise. As for my dad... I don't think he really knew what to do with me back then. [ considering when she'd been a baby, frederick had tried send her back to athena. she pauses. ] We're working on it, now.

[ Cassian has never had children of his own but he doesn't have to to know in his gut that how her parents - both human and god - had treated her isn't right. He's only known children with hard upbringings, who had to survive by cutting their teeth instead of having any sort of normal childhood. Not being involved, not knowing what to do, thinking that having a child fend for themselves when there was and are other options, simply isn't good enough.

This only further proves to him that gods are careless. He he had been careless but that was why he had clung so desperately to humanity and desired to help them even if it was a helpless cause. They didn't deserve to suffer at the hands of those who thought themselves above consequences. Above responsibility.

In Cassian's eyes they had failed her. ]

That's not an excuse. Why have children if they aren't going to take care of them? To protect them?

[ He's sitting ram rod straight in his chair now. ]

You shouldn't have had to go through that on your own.

[ in spite of herself, annabeth's eyes well up, between what cassian says and the conviction in which he declares it. ]

[ she likes to think she's over it, insofar as she and her father have been trying again to figure out how to be father and daughter, entirely on her own terms, now that she is closer to adulthood than childhood. but that seven year old who ran away is still there, and sometimes annabeth only wants to protect her too. she had to, because it was recurrently hard to find someone else who would, someone with the consistency to never leave. everyone had. ]

[ until percy. ]

[ and, perhaps cassian. he'd had every chance after the illusion, but he's still here. given the current state of things with her mother, she's rather inclined to agree with his hostility towards divinity, but mostly she's a little overwhelmed by his support. few people tell her much she hadn't deserved any of that. ]

The Greek gods have always run around having children. We're like a bridge between the worlds. [ it continues to be easier to talk about objective facts in the nature of demigods. ] We live in the mortal world, but can touch the divine.

[ her experience in the mortal world just hadn't been great for the first half of her life. ]

I - [ she sniffles and stiffens. ] I'm not alone anymore.

[ Both Bob Cat and Cassian have similar reactions to Annabeth's sudden wave of emotion. They both still, Bob Cat's head turning towards her suddenly aware that the gentle petting he had been receiving had stopped. Seeming to realize that something is amiss he burrows into her, head butting up against her hand.

And Cassian is glad for it. It's not something he can do that would be remotely appropriate, nor is he the type anyway. He had shuttered himself to physical affection, and now it feels distant like the last time he had shown any had been in the dream.

So instead, shamefully he stays rooted to the spot, hands clenched into fists in his lap caught between his desire to do something to comfort her and the anger he feels towards her parents that he's unlikely to ever meet.

There's a beat of silence that follows what she says before he draws in a breath. Despite his indecision here, words don't fail him, reassurance woven through them that he hopes will comfort her instead. ]

You aren't. Not in your world or here.

[ bob cat's affection pulls a small laugh out of her against her will, and she looks down at him smiling, scooping the cat out of her lap to cuddle him closer. ]

[ she's fine, mostly, because sometimes her parental trauma pales in comparison to other kinds - like tartarus - but it doesn't mean the emotional wreck of her early childhood doesn't linger, doesn't infect the way she interacts with the world. it's part of why she clings so hard to the people who do come to care about her, a constant battle against her abandonment issues. it's better too though, now that she has percy, and sally, and piper, and everyone else that keeps the count going. ]

[ and cassian, who as good as tells her he's one of the number that counters the loneliness of her youth. it means more to her than she can say, which is why she won't say it. ]

I owe you an apology. [ that's what she'll blurt instead. ]

[ Cassian knows all too well that just because someone says they're fine it doesn't truly mean that. Hurt takes form in all sorts of ways, some more subtle and quiet than others. It's hard not to see how it's affected her now that he's seen it. Because their last interaction as gods, the one where she'd thrown him into the water after he had tried to tell her that it was all a dream - some of that now makes sense. What Annabeth says next draws him from his anger towards figures and circumstances that he hasn't been able to control. ]

For what?

[ There's nothing that he can recall happening between them that would warrant something like this. Not even being thrown into the water because that, somehow had felt deserving. ]

[ she will focus all her attention onto bob cat, who is currently purr-fectly content in annabeth's arms and in fact loudly purring. the kitten is very warm and very cuddly and she will take advantage of that. ]

[ she can't quite bring herself to look up at cassian, so the cat is the next best thing. she's been thinking a lot about the end of the illusion, about how it took three separate people and ultimately percy's stubborn loyalty to break her out of it - and in the face of this conversation it lingers in conjecture with how connected she feels to cassian now, and the guilt she feels about how hard she clung to it despite how much everyone tried to break her out of it, because they cared about her. ]

[ why not apologize at random, to get away from the cacophony of parental and sibling feelings stirred by her telling cassian even minutely about her past?? maybe he can even understand now, why she reacted like she had. ]

For not believing you, about that stupid illusion. For throwing you in the water, when you were trying to help me. I'm sorry.

[ Annabeth's attention solely focused on Bob Cat who has burrowed closer to her no doubt to steal her warmth doesn't escape his notice. Not that he can blame her; sometimes being able to distract yourself in some way makes it easier to gather your thoughts which can only mean that this is something important. For that he has no desire or urge to rush her.

Funnily enough, Annabeth throwing him into the water is the topic that surfaces. He'd find amusement at the irony were it not for the fact that she was being serious. Were it not for the fact that he knows she's being sincere and that this must have weighed heavily on her mind ever since they had emerged from the dream.

His confusion softens into understanding. ]

You don't have to apologize for that. We were trapped in something greater than anything we had the power to break on our own. [ There's a pause, his tone lilting a little. ] But I do appreciate the apology for being thrown into the water.

[ annabeth wrinkles her nose at the light teasing, but appreciates it none-the-less. it makes her feel better that he doesn't blame her - even if she still blames herself for her struggles in escaping. ]

It took three people to get through to me.

[ and even then, it took percy and his stubbornness. she still harbors guilt about hurting him too, even though she knows he probably isn't even thinking about it. she can't help the way she dwells on it, knowing exactly why the illusion clung to her as hard as it did. ]

[ and given what she's shared with him, perhaps cassian has a better understanding of why she reacted to him like she did. he was her brother. he told her suddenly he wasn't. ]

So. It wasn't you. It was me. [ she tries for a dry tone but it doesn't quite hit. ] Throwing you was a kind of dramatic reaction. I just - I've been wanting to say sorry. [ so there. she plucks at bob cat's ear gently. ]

[ Hearing that it had taken not one but three people to help Annabeth realize that the dream they were living was the farthest thing from their reality doesn't come as much of a surprise to him, nor does he begin to pass any sort of judgement. The magic that had held them captive there had been strong.

Nor can he blame her when the dream had mostly been a sweet one compared to the things she had experienced in her short life.

Which is why he approaches this with some levity. ]

It was a little dramatic. [ In the next breath however that levity gives way to sincerity. ] Thank you. But like I said, it's not necessary. We weren't really ourselves. What matter is you woke up in the end.

( open + closed ) this world is gonna end

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