steve harrington. (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hairington) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
abraxaslogs2024-07-28 11:19 am
hairington) wrote in abraxaslogs2024-07-28 11:19 am
[ open ]
Who: steve and you
When: july-august
Where: nocwich, horizon, solvunn, etc.
What: steve is forcing himself back into some form of life/routine, at least he hopes so
Warnings: n/a
When: july-august
Where: nocwich, horizon, solvunn, etc.
What: steve is forcing himself back into some form of life/routine, at least he hopes so
Warnings: n/a
no subject
But right now - there is none of that. Not solvunn, not the upside down, not the fact vencna- Henry- is here and has been for years and still it all happened back home. Steve doesn’t think about the people they’ve lost- max, dustin, robin- or about the ones they still might. a part of him knows this won’t last forever, but maybe that’s why it’s easier to pretend it can just be for now.
And so Eddie does a terrible job parking, and Steve shoots him a look- because really, really, this car deserves better. They both know that. But it is fine, in the end. The car will survive as will they, for now.
Eddie is nervous, Steve can tell by the way he seems to turn the nervous energy up to eleven. Steve watches him for a second, before shaking his head. ] It’s not Olympic, dude. I wasn’t even close. Just vice captain and honestly the quarry during the summer was kind of- actually, it doesn’t matter. You coming?
[ it’s hard to think of anything from Hawkins not carrying with it some kind of weight, considering the last memory Steve has of skull rock is the same as Eddie’s. But before then, before that point, it had been something else.
Jesus, a hike too?. Steve rolls his eyes at the grin, at the dip. But his smile is still fond, excitement still fluttering in his stomach, his chest. He does start walking, his arms full of the bottles they’d taken from the roadhouse, and it’s only a few more steps before he’s looking over his shoulder, brows up. ]
It’s not that far. And if you don’t stop complaining, I’ll carry you there, and I don’t know if either of us want that.
[ before Eddie can even think about taking Steve up on what was definitely a bad idea from Steve’s perspective, he’s walking off towards the rocks. It’s not a far hike, only like ten minutes or so, before they’re both arriving at the stack of rocks and Steve lets out a breath, finally, and drops the bottles and beer off to the side before he turns to Eddie, checking his expression.
He grabs for one of the bottles and twists off the cap, taking a long drink and letting his face screw up at the taste of it before passing the bottle off. when Eddie takes it, Steve lowers himself to sit, and whether or not there had been moments before, a kind of softer grass and ground replaces the sand and sticks of the Kansas horizon. Almost like this small corner of the horizon is taking more and more after Indiana. ]
C’mon, sit. I’m almost out of surprises so we might want to work on the getting wasted bit.
no subject
[ It probably isn’t, and no one did ask him, but he knows Steve is unlikely to attempt to convince him otherwise at this point.
He is insanely nervous. No part of him feels any sense of calm, but it’s nice to feel a different sort of anxiety for once. This isn’t fear, it’s just…anticipation and uncertainty. The talking helps, though he’s aware that it isn’t subtle and his nerves must be stupidly easy to read.
If you don’t stop complaining, I’ll carry you there, and I don’t know if either of us want that.
Well, Eddie chokes, goes red, and he counts himself lucky that Steve turns and just misses the opportunity to watch him stumble oh-so gracefully over his own feet. By the time he’s steadied himself, Steve is already out of his immediate earshot, and Eddie could easily let the entire thing go…but he doesn’t. He’s not quite buzzed, not yet, but the stolen sips of alcohol he’d had in the car haven’t had no effect on him. He cups his hands around his mouth and calls: ]
Well, Harrington, you know what they say about assumptions…
[ He lets his words dip into laughter, leaving it up mystery and interpretation just how serious he’s really being. Either way, he keeps any and all complaints to himself, joking or otherwise, and the two of them make it up to the rocks without further incident.
Eddie does sit when he’s bade to (he’ll pace anxiously for the rest of the evening if he doesn’t), but as expected, he doesn’t sit still. He never does. He’s eternally restless, a quality that even death could only quash for all of two minutes. All that nervous energy has to go somewhere, and the result his his leg jittering, enough to shake his entire body and to rattle the chains and zippers on his jacket.
That and the soft clinking of glass bottles are the only sounds between them for a moment, as Eddie watches the landscape shift into something more familiar. It’s an unexpected feeling, the way it tugs at his heartstrings and makes him yearn for a place that he left on the worst terms possible. Hawkins may have no love for him, but it’s always going to be his home, and part of him truly does miss it. But even if he could go back—
He shakes his head. This isn’t the time or place. Finally, he clears his throat. His gaze flickers to Steve, and he grins as he passes the bottle back. ]
So, uh…It was pretty cool.
[ As promised, he’s stubbornly held onto his compliment for so long that it barely makes any sense with the context is so far behind them, but it’s clearly important to Eddie that he says it, and he’s happy to provide a reminder, unprompted: ]
The car thing. Back there. With the—
[ He makes a gesture that is seemingly meant to mimic the movement of someone sliding across the hood of a car. ]
Yeah. I was very impressed. Just so you know.
no subject
[ steve's not all that worried about it, really. his swim career is far behind him, just as most of his jock years are. it only came up at the lake when all of their lives were at stake and he was looking for a legitimate reason that nancy couldn't argue with, and- well. yeah. she didn't, in the end, and considering how things went right after...
god. that was what...two and a half years ago? three? it's been long enough that steve very nearly doesn't remember it, not really, and that's a weird enough thought in and of itself. instead, for once, steve feels like he's more focused on the stuff that's happened here, with the two of them, than he is on hawkins and all they left behind. and that's a weird thing, something that steve will probably have weird feelings about later, when he decides to actually ruminate on it more than a half second or so.
for right now? he's barking a laugh at eddie's you know what they say about assumptions. ]
You want me to carry you, you're gonna have to ask. [ and it doesn't really matter, because eddie is laughing, and steve is grinning, and he's left wondering if the flush on eddie's face that he barely catches when he glances over his shoulder is because of the beer or the fast car that's brought them both here or if it's actually something else. steve, feeling confident, feeling like he had a pretty good idea the right answer to that question, turns his attention back to the walk (and yes, misses eddie nearly falling over himself, as sad as that is). but it is okay, it is, because steve settles and eddie joins him. steve sets about their drinks and gets comfortable, and eddie buzzes with nervous energy.
it's possible that steve's own movements are trying to deal with his own nerves, the fact he sets the bottles out and tries to make it look...he doesn't even know. organized? less like he's thrown everything around them? he fiddles with setting them in one place, and then another, grabs for one of the bottles and works open the cap before handing it over. he might not be jittering like Eddie, but steve isn't still, either, focused on... well, it's not hosting, exactly, but there is a method to all this, and something about the shifting of the space around them seems to match. to slowly shift, and change, a little faster, and then a little faster, and then finally stopping somewhere else.
it's enough like hawkins - the dirt and the trees around them, the stones and the open sky. but the sky is a little brighter, a little different, and the weather is nicer than it ever really was. the colors a little more clear, the feeling a little more...
( it's been long enough that some distant part of steve might recognize he's almost started to idolize what he does remember, nostalgia wrapped up in just enough time that it feels better, feels safer, feels more like home than it did when they left it. )
he takes the bottle back, his brows lifting at eddie starts talking. it was pretty cool he says, and steve's brows furrow just a smidge, like he can't quite place what eddie's talking about. it's actually not until eddie mentions the car, and makes the gesture, that steve's expression softens, and then his face splits into a grin as he - seamlessly, casually, really really smoothly - shifts a little closer to eddie. ]
Very impressed? Seriously? Man, I didn't take you for a Dukes of Hazzard guy. I feel like I've gotten you all wrong.
[ steve tips back the bottle, taking a long swig of it himself. it's definitely nerves, he's nervous, and it's been a long time since that's been the case around eddie.
but it's fine- this is fine. they're here. it's fine. when he looks back to eddie, he feels his own cheeks getting a little warm, his smile less grin and more... sheepish. he gestures around them - the sky (too bright and too full of stars to be from home) and the trees (too full, too clear, too tall) and even the rocks. ]
Well. We made it. My big surprise.
[ steve, feeling that voice in the back of his head go all this build up? this is going to be disappointing, looks away from eddie and instead up to the sky, his free hand fiddling with the trinket he's had tied on his belt back in solvunn for over a year now. ]
no subject
He remembers early on being told not without him. Steve wouldn’t go back alone. But that was half an eternity ago, and it feels cruel and unfair to still hold him to it. It would be like losing a limb at this point, sure, but Eddie won’t be the one to ask him to stay.
But he frets about that almost daily, and for one moment, he can put it on the back burner. Right now, he’s happy, truly happy, where he is and who he’s with.
At the mention of Dukes of Hazzard, he rolls his eyes and shoots Steve a haughty look, narrowed eyes and a scowl, as if he’s truly offended that his television-watching habits have been called into question. ]
Don’t insult me, Harrington. You know I have better taste than that.
[ As usual, his stony expression doesn’t last more than a moment. He breaks and he laughs, trying to relieve a little of his lightheadedness and ground himself once more.
Because as he looks around, looks at this beautiful, idealized version of home, a version that actually feels like home for once in his life, it really begins to set in that this is all for him. Of course it is; the two of them are the only ones here, the only ones who can truly appreciate this, but up until this moment, he didn’t allow himself to dwell on it. None of this just happened. It was all planned to some degree, whether on the fly or days in advance. He’s not disappointed, not by a long shot. He’s overwhelmed in the best kind of way. ]
Hey, so…
[ He finally begins, twisting a lock of hair between his fingers in yet another clear display of nerves, but he can’t seem to form the correct words. He doesn’t even know what the correct words are. He knows he’s searching for an answer, confirmation that this is what he thinks it is, but he knows that if he opens his mouth, there’s no going back. There’s no putting the lid back on that box, no making things the way they were before, and if he’s totally wrong about all of this, that’s going to be disastrous.
But he can’t be all wrong, right? Eddie would move heaven and earth for his friends, but this feels pointedly different than using his own gas money to drive someone into Indianapolis, or constructing a Hellfire campaign specifically around one person’s character because they’ve been having a shitty time. He’s never bent the Horizon like this for someone, no one ever bent the Horizon like this for him, and no one has ever looked at him quite like this.
It would all be blatantly obvious to anyone else (and probably is blatantly obvious to everyone else), but this isn’t something Eddie has a lot of experience with, and it’s hard for him to know how much his anxiety and their time in the crater is coloring his perception of things. Maybe it’s all wishful thinking.
He tries again. ]
I, uh—
[ Nope. And again. ]
This has been—
[ Again, his word catch. He snorts at himself and his own inability to form words, covering his face with a hand and shaking his head, mumbling “Oh, Jesus Christ, get a goddamn grip” into his palm.
It takes a deep breath and pulling the bottle back for another swig, but he manages to center himself just enough to try again. It’s his turn to move closer now, to bridge the gap between them just a little more. He’s not so smooth about it, and their knees knock together just a little harder than Eddie intends.
Screw it. If it goes south, he can try to blame the alcohol. ]
Okay, man, so…maybe I’m way off base here, but, uh…this feels like—something? And if it’s not and I’m just wildly misguided, I, uh…I’m gonna need you to tell me I’m an idiot and break it to me real quick and clean. Bullshit-free, you know?
no subject
but that isn't really what steve is worried about. no- no right now his mind is elsewhere, on whether or not everything is too much. on whether or not eddie's frantic movements are part of his nerves or because he's actually really uncomfortable. if the entire purpose behind all of this is because steve has actually taken a social cue in an entirely incorrect direction and all of this is-
well. actually. his mind if on eddie, who shoots steve an offended look that isn't actually offended, and steve just kind of laughs - the sort of surprising, caught-off-guard sort of laugh that has his head falling back just for a moment. because they both know its fine, but also eddie's offense, eddie's laughter that follows, it makes all of this feel easy. makes steve feel like this can be easy, even if just for right now.
and everything feels... good. it feels okay. the world around them isn't real, even the memory it tries to evoke is shifted in a better direction, but steve feels like it fits. like it's reminding them both of what they share, of where they came from, even if the reality was something very, very different. eddie's version of hawkins is not steve's version of hawkins, up until that very end, and after the years they've spent in abraxas - for all of its nightmares, for all of its hellholes and magic and insane, unimaginable things - maybe that's okay. maybe the things they do remember about hawkins, Indiana, can be this idealized version instead.
this, he decides, can be their hawkins. and he thinks he's pretty okay with that.
which is right when eddie shifts the conversation, starts off with a hey, so... and steve freezes in place. or- rather, he doesn't really freeze, because this is kind of the direction of conversation all of this was going to lead to in the end, but his thoughts do - every suddenly - shift direction. just as his eyes do. before, they'd been on the scenery around them, on the little details that steve had almost wished he'd changed, and maybe he did change, and maybe all of it was fine. but with two words, and then two more, and then steve is watching as eddie goes from- well. maybe not relaxed, but goes from a different side of the sliding scale of happy and feeling good and feeling at ease to now fiddling with his hair, and glancing at steve and then very much not at steve and-
he can't help it. whether it's the way eddie covers his face in his hands or the fact that steve feels a little like he recognizes every micro-expression eddie is making, but this? this makes sense. even down to the way eddie grabs the bottle, the way he shifts closer - too - and their knees knock together. steve works hard to just listen, to watch eddie as he works his way through his words, and his thoughts, even when steve knows that this moment, this exact moment, is all the confirmation he really needed. he doesn't smile, not at first, but then eddie says something like wildly misguided and I'm an idiot and steve can't really think of much else. ]
Munson- Eddie. [ steve says, and waits for eddie's eyes to turn to him before he takes the bottle and sets it aside. there's a lot more cool and confidence to his movements than he's actually feelings, but that also feels like it's fine, because eddie is sitting right up against him and steve knows, officially, that they're both thinking... well. maybe not the exact same thing, but something close enough.
( clarisse, somewhere, is laughing. loudly, maniacally, and proudly, as she points at them both and calls them stupid. just as she should, probably, given how long it's taken them to get here. ) ]
You're not off base. [ he says immediately after, giving a small pause, just enough time for steve to catch eddie's eyes and smile. and maybe the smile is charming, maybe it's a little practiced, but it's also genuine. it's also filled with just enough nerves, just enough fluttering, and just enough attention to how steve's eyes flick across eddie's face. ] It's something. I mean- I literally took you on a date, dude. That's what this was supposed to be. And I wouldn't have done that if- yeah. Anyway, right now? I really want to kiss you. I am going to kiss you, if that's- if you're okay with it? Okay?
[ steve won't wait for very long - maybe just a widening of eddie's eyes, maybe a lack of the way he pulls away. it's not even a full second, before he's leaning forward to press their lips together, to slip one hand around the back of eddie's neck as he does it. just so that eddie, nervous and jittery and likely to pull away just because something is happening fast, feels steve there, too.
because steve wants to kiss him. so he does. and it's not some kind of memory, or some kind of distant future. it is right now, and he's doing it, he's finally doing it and it does feel like it's been a long time coming. ]
no subject
You’re not off base.
Oh.
I literally took you on a date, dude.
Oh.
It’s what Eddie suspected, sure, but it’s entirely different to hear it from Steve’s mouth. Eddie’s racing mind could easily have written it all off as delusional or wishful thinking, but now—Steve’s just made it into something concete and real.
Anyway, right now? I really want to kiss you.
Eddie doesn’t get an opportunity to respond, and that’s probably for the best. His thoughts are sent into a wild flurry, and his voice catches in his throat once more, and it’s not as if he’d be able form any known English words if he tried.
Wait. What? Yes. What? Yes. Goddamn, yes—
He thinks he manages a nod, or at least gives some sign to let Steve know that it’s okay because it is, but Eddie is a live wire. His mind buzzes and his heart races and he nearly jolts away out of sheer panic because this is all happening so fast, and—
They’ve been on the precipice of this for awhile; the better part of a year, at least, both of them too afraid or too stubborn to take the leap. But as the space between them closes, all the pieces fall neatly into place. Eddie’s uncertainty and hesitation dissipate. Because he wants this as well, has wanted this, but the fear of destroying something important and sacred was holding him back. But this? This is just…right. It feels right, and it’s real. It’s not some memory or a technicality brought about by the Singularity, it’s the real deal.
Steve’s hand is warm on the back of his neck, and it’s just enough to still some of Eddie’s restlessness. Not all of it. His hands struggle to follow suit. They curl into the fabric of Steve’s jacket at first, but eventually loosen and drift upward. His fingers skate across his neck and jaw and then slide through his hair, and Eddie thinks that messing up Steve Harrington’s perfect hair may have been at the top of his bucket list this entire time. His heart is fluttering—goddamn fluttering—in his chest, and all of this is a thrill he’s never felt from anything but an incredible song, and he knows that this is one he wants to hear again and again.
(Clarisse is absolutely living for this moment somewhere. Wherever she is, she’s bound to have felt a massive disruption in the force.)
Eventually, unfortunately, he has to pull away. He doesn’t want to. He’d live in this single moment for an entire lifetime if he could, but he needs to breathe, needs to process this for just a moment. ]
Holy shit…
[ He mumbles softly, eyes wide. Then, ever the jester, he clutches his chest and faux-swoons, falling backwards into the grass with a soft thud. He lays there, eyes unblinking and heart still pounding in his chest. They’re his usual theatrics, sure, but tinged with a hint of truth. He might have some worries later, some “what-if”s and “what about”s, but for now, he thinks he could probably die a second death right here and now and he’d be happy. ]
Yeah, you can just leave me here. Nothing is ever gonna top a kiss from Steve goddamn Harrington.
no subject
part of steve wishes he could have been more patient, that maybe he could have seen more of eddie's reaction. more of that small, precious moment where eddie realized what steve was going to do before he did it. but at the same time, he knows he can't really wait any longer. eddie's answer is pretty instantaneous, and that's all that steve is really waiting for. the jolt is expected, steve very nearly was prepared to be punched, but then they're kissing, they're actually kissing, and part of steve feels like this might be the only right thing he's done in weeks. months, maybe. more than that? who even knows, who even knows.
he wishes he could follow eddie's hands, wants to know what eddie reaches for when he's not really thinking about it, but steve loses himself in the kiss, too. more than he expects, more than he even realizes, until eddie is pulling away from the kiss to breathe. until steve realizes how much he needs to breathe. eddie's hands are- were? still are?- curled in eddie's hair and its good, god it's good.
holy shit eddie says, softly, eyes wide, and steve can't help but smile. somewhat sheepish, somewhat guiltily, somewhat nervous as to what eddie's reaction is going to be. the voice in the back of his head tells him he shouldn't be, he doesn't have to be, and as eddie clutches at his chest and swoons, steve laughs. ]
You're such a nerd.
[ he says, but he's laughing, too, and after a moment he leans over where eddie's lying out in the grass. leans over eddie, with one hand propped next to eddie's ear, and just kind of smiles. the hand he's not using to pop himself up reaches over and curls around one lock of eddie's brown hair, something he's kind of belatedly realizing he's thought about before. probably a few times before. and now he's... allowed? or at least, allows himself to. ]
What about a second?
[ he hopes clarisse can feel this, and is screaming - off in some other universe - about how right she's been. steve will let her have that, he thinks. he's feeling pretty on top of the world right now, so he thinks he can give her at least that. ]
no subject
[ That really might have been the cure for Eddie’s anxiety all along, because he seems almost entirely zapped of it now. He’s still buzzing internally, and he’s sure that his heart is still beating louder than a snare drum, but you’d never know it by looking at him. There’s a languid, self-satisfied smile on his face, and just for a moment, his eyes drift shut as Steve’s hand curls into his hair.
Because he knows now that this is okay. What they’re feeling is mutual, and he doesn’t need to be terrified by it anymore. What they have isn’t going to be lost or destroyed—it’s just changing, and it has been for awhile.
If he were to think for a moment, he’d realize there have been several little moment over the past two years that predicted this—skipped heartbeats and strange feelings and gazes that lingered a little too long to be normal. But if he had to pinpoint the event that really set things in motion for him, it happened long before the crater. It was last year’s birthday gift, his literal prized possession in Solvunn, that really made him stumble and fall for Steve Harrington. ]
How about we don’t keep count?
[ He eyelids flutter open again and he grins as he locks eyes with Steve. He props himself up on his elbows, pushing himself up for another kiss, but before things can get too serious again, he pulls back quickly to tack on: ]
But uh, Steve? You kiss me again and you’re absolutely gonna have to carry me out of here, you are aware of that?
[ Listen…it was on the table and he’s not just going to pass it up. And his knees…they’re weak… ]
no subject
[ Steve tries to sound unimpressed. Almost like he might roll his eyes. It’s not eddie’s best work, but he’s not even all that invested in making fun of him for it, too interested in the languid, happy expression on Eddie’s face.
That’s what all this is for, really, and if that isn’t the sappiest thing Steve has ever thought, he doesn’t know what is. But it is the truth - that some anxious, worried, tightened part of Steve’s chest unfurls just because of the way Eddie watches him back. How easily his eyes fall shut, content, safe, happy.
Steve keeps watching him, stealing those few seconds to just let his eyes wander. It’s a weird feeling, knowing they’ve been this close, knowing that they’ve kind of been this kind of casually physical, but this somehow feels so different. Steve likes the feeling, the kind of content, proud, satisfied swell in his chest when Eddie’s eyes flutter open and meet his own. ]
I can get behind that. [ he says with a matching grin, letting Eddie lean up and kiss him that second time, testing the waters just a little before Eddie pulls away and mentions the whole carrying thing again, and Steve does roll his eyes at that.
There is a sigh, he puts up a good fight, but it doesn’t last very long. ]
Yeah, yeah. Pretty sure I was always carrying you out of here.
[ he steals a kiss, as if to prove his point, but then it’s his turn to lean back - catching Eddie’s eyes and doing his best to look at least kind of serious. ] But only if we get to make out in the back of the Pontiac. I have always wanted to make out in the back of a Pontiac. [ Steve doesn’t give Eddie a chance to answer, instead leaning in to kiss him again, the hand playing in Eddie’s hair moving to cup Eddie’s jaw, and cheek, and maybe even move behind his neck again. He doesn’t want to be pushy, so he’ll let Eddie dictate the speed and intensity here - but Steve isn’t really interested in stopping, either.
They’re in no rush. ]
no subject
[ He is well aware none of it is his best work, thank you very much, but he laughs at himself regardless. He’s too happy and too content to think up something more clever (though “freak fraternizer” isn’t half bad, you have to admit), and it really is incredible how in the span of moments, everything can suddenly be made right. Things haven’t felt right for a long time.
The last year has been more difficult than Eddie will ever admit, with event after event just stacking up to an unbearable weight. The eternal threat of a war that never seems to come, all the bullshit the gods seem to be stirring up, and even just bearing witness to the way Nero’s death has so deeply affected Steve.
Then there was the crater. The way it sparked a fear of abandonment in him that he’s sure was never quite so blatant before, and the way his brain kept playing tricks on him long afterwards, when again and again he’d think about reaching for Steve’s hand but he’d stop himself because the knot in the pit of his stomach would remind him that what they’d experienced wasn’t real no matter what Clarisse La Rue said—
And sure, most of those things aren’t gone. The gods and war and his fear of being left alone haven’t disappeared just because two guys got their shit together, but in the grand scheme of things? They don’t feel quite so crushing anymore. ]
Yeah, well, it’s kind of the least you can do considering this is all your fault, Steve.
[ He grins wickedly, but he’s not being totally dishonest. He’s convinced that if he tried to stand now, he’d fold at the knees like a newborn deer, and that feeling isn’t going away anytime soon.
The gap between them is getting a little too large for Eddie’s liking, and he chases that stolen kiss, leaning back in as Steve leans away in an attempt to close it. He begins to say something, or begins to laugh about the comment about the Pontiac, but Steve steals his breath away for a second time (but they’re not counting), and whatever it was, it’s not so important anymore.
He melts into the kiss, revels in the feeling of Steve’s hand in his hair, or on his jaw, and the thrill of being allowed to touch him without be afraid of what might happen. And as they lock together, he comes to the immediate conclusion that he’s never going to be able to live without this again and it would be cruel to deprive him of it.
Though he can’t help but think, now that Steve brings it up...making out in the back of a Pontiac could easily be a newfound lifelong dream of Eddie’s as well. ]