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Doesn't everyone say things like that? It's not an easy question to figure out especially when you're ripped from one world and put into another.

( things change. relationships change, priorities change, responsibilities change. )

Do you have an answer to that question? Do you know who you are? Or whatever the better question is there?

[There is no reply for a moment. Crane simply watches and awaits a better moment. Matt either wishes to relate from his experience or is projecting the issue. Perhaps both not that he realises it. Or perhaps he does. He is a lawyer, after all.]

Well, I think this world has a strange effect on our dreams. Normally, I would advise you to analyse your question from that perspective. But dreams in this world have a supernatural connotation.

[He grimaces and sighs.]

Perhaps you should consider your problem from the perspective of a man who is on borrowed time to find a solution. The world will ask who you are, and if you do not know, the world will tell you. Oh, you can be back home or at home in this world. It doesn't matter.

The world will tell me?

( he doesn't think he believes that. he's been in this world for years now and he hasn't been told anything. he listens, he listens a lot and he hasn't gotten an answer. )

I've been in this world for awhile now and I still haven't had a conversation that tells me who I am. I don't know if I'd listen anyway. This place doesn't seem like I should trust it.

Trust is a universal concept. Trust - and mistrust as its opposite - exist in minds here as much they linger in ours.

[He closes his eyes and listens to the rain for a moment. But his gaze returns after a time.]

Present a particular image and people will form an impression of you. Then once they have a picture it is incredibly hard to persuade them it should be changed. Why would you not want them to get a picture you have decided is appropriate for the public?

I wouldn't.

( matt knows that he does that a lot. he puts on a mask and hides all the broken pieces behind it)

I do that. I think everyone does that. They cultivate an image that they want people to see. Maybe it's close to who they are and maybe it's not. I think that's where the difficulty comes in. How far away the two actually are.

[How far away, indeed. But those public images people are happy to share?]

Well, I can tell you that side of yourself is less removed than you think. Everybody wears a social face in their daily lives. You are simply creating an acceptable side to share with the public based upon your lived experience and knowledge of reality.

[His hands come together upon his lap.]

You have learned to interact with society through the lens of a lawyer. But that career here is over so how do you interact with people now? Perhaps should think less about how people feel they know you and question more about what you know about yourself.

I interact with them like a human being.

( is that a cop out answer? maybe slightly but still. it's true. he tries to interact with them as matt murdock. it's hard to not let the lawyer slip in sometimes. )

What I know about myself? Shouldn't I know everything about myself?

[Crane raises his brows. His expression looks very much like surprise but is entirely planned.]

It is not a matter of whether you should. It is the case you don't. And if you did know everything about yourself...

[He pauses to change one point he has in mind, creating a new and unexplored question.]

Well, you wouldn't be here, would you?

Maybe I would be.

( yeah, that's not true. )

Maybe I wanted to visit and check in. I could have been aiming for that.

I can't say I agree with you.

[His face wears an unshakably calm and clinical expression. The fact Matt cannot aim for anything makes "that" unlikely.]

You are struggling to find your purpose but you did have one in coming here today. Perhaps you should question why. If your purpose for this visit is not to learn about yourself, then it is to distract you from yourself.

[Is he wrong?]

I sometimes wonder if you can have a regular conversation.

( matt doesn't really like being exposed like this but he can't say what crane's saying is untrue. he'd come here for some reason though he's just not sure which one of the reasons it was.

his jaw tightens. )

What if I don't know what I want to learn about myself?

[Crane refuses to clench his jaw but the feeling is there; sliding and swimming below the surface. He unclenches his fingers and clears his throat.]

I would suggest seeing a therapist.

[His light smile and tone suggests he is not entirely serious.]

But that's not why you're here. My advice is to make yourself uncomfortable: find new situations that stimulate you. The more you respond, the more you learn.

Well, I might be considering that and I didn't even need someone to tell me.

( he snickers and shakes his head. )

Thinking about taking a job in a bakery. That'd be about as outside of my comfort zone as I can get.

[Crane settles in his chair. His body language is still prim and proper and upright - but there is a comfort and passion behind his eyes.

Because now they are encroaching on a subject he holds dear.]

Well, I could say you're being optimistic, but really now: you're being pedantic. What actually frightens you? What would be challenging?

The fact that I don't cook?

( or was he looking for something a little deeper than that? matt shrugs. )

I'm not frightened. It's just new for me. I'd rather not be terrible at something I'm getting paid for.

Well, many people share those feelings, but you stopped being a lawyer.

[Unspoken words are there. What stops you pursuing the same career here? Other than devoting your time to observing society and reading law.]

You chose to pursue a new career with minimal investment. But, as you are learning for yourself, it is difficult to plan your future.

Edited 2024-10-31 22:45 (UTC)

I didn't stop being a lawyer.

( he is definitely going to contest that. )

I am still a lawyer and I always will be. Just because I'm not practicing doesn't mean that I'm not still a lawyer.

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