abraxaslogs | Closed Log

Who: Nadine, Julie, Lloyd
When: Beginning of February
What: Working through family stuff
Where: Nott

[Things have been tense and awkward since the Dimming, Nadine trying to give Julie her space and avoiding Lloyd more often than not - at least during the day, it's hard to avoid someone when you're currently sharing sleeping arrangements with them. It's been a difficult month, to say the least. And much, much too long.

And Nadine owes apologies to both of her companions - though one is far more pressing than the other. But she doesn't lock the door of the room she's been sharing with Lloyd, as she's been prone to do when she gets home from work - just to give herself a couple of hours to deal with her feelings as best as she can. He's been as helpful as he can be, and she's grateful for that, if she's been awful at expressing it lately. He deserves better. So she leaves the door unlocked and reads through a book on local medicinal herbs, hoping to get a chance to talk to him.

At some point, late in the evening, she makes her way to Julie's door. She has no intentions of trying to justify herself or excuse herself, but Julie deserves an apology. Even if the other woman doesn't forgive her, Nadine didn't do right by her and that needs an apology. She knocks as she announces herself, preparing to be turned away but hoping otherwise.]

Julie? Can we talk? Or at least...can I talk to you? I just want to apologize.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Heh. Nothin' like a dishonest day's work doin' shit because I can.

[ Lloyd shucks his jacket and tosses it onto the floor, reclining on the bed with his legs dangling over the side. He looks up at her from his position.

Oh. He's not really sure what to say. Yeah, things have been shit recently for everybody, but an apology's probably last on the list of things he's expecting. ]

Darlin', I dunno how to tell you this? This whole place fuckin' sucks. [ He gestures vaguely to everything around them. Nott, essentially. Mostly because it's easier to poke fun than to look at his own feelings. Those are messy. ]

Yeah...yeah it does.

[Nadine sighs. Sure, things could be worse. This world, this city could be worse. They're relatively safe, they're well out of the way of whatever designs various world leaders have on them and the Singularity. But it still sucks.

She reaches out to ruffle his hair lightly, offering a tired little smile. She has missed their closeness, and wonders why she kept him at such a distance. Ever since her first night in this world, Lloyd's been a comfort. But she's supposed to be stronger than this, and maybe a part of her just didn't want to let Lloyd see how rattled she's been, how undone.

But she needs to stop treating other adults like they're children.]

And it's probably going to keep sucking for a while. But as long as we're still around, we've got a chance to make it a little bit better. Things are going to work out, Lloyd. I know it's been tough, and I know you've probably been feeling a little bit...lost, this last month. But is is going to get better.

Yeah, well. [ He shrugs. ] Ain't like our lives were a picnic before we got here.

[ He doesn't mention the Flagg-shaped elephant in the room because most of Lloyd's self-worth was tied around being his righthand man. He's doing his job (terribly, because Julie's pissed at him so he failed that part.. but he hopes he's doing okay by Nadine at least) as best he can. Lloyd smiles when she ruffles his hair, letting his eyes close briefly. ]

Not like that's anything new, either. [ He goes quiet, staring at the fire. ] Kinda feels like I got the rug pulled out from under me just as soon as I knew what I was doing.

No, they weren't.

[Nadine can't deny that fact. They'd been better off than plenty, but...no, it hadn't been a picnic.]

Look, I know it's been hard, these last few months. And especially lately. We've been floundering a little bit. But...we can take care of ourselves. We can figure things out ourselves. And maybe...maybe it's not so bad, not having someone always telling us what to do and how to live. Not...being expected to do horrible things.

[There had always been drawbacks to being high in Flagg's court. And she knows, if he was still here, the path before them would be soaked in blood. Lloyd isn't made for that. Neither, she thinks, is Julie. Or herself for that matter. She thinks she could grow numb to it, or that maybe whatever Flagg had been doing to her would eventually erode what morals she has left. But she doesn't think she really wants that. She'd only wanted it because of him, and on her own...

The idea that maybe, finally, she does have a choice is powerful and enticing.]

And you've still got me. I know I'm not him, and I can't look after you the way he could, but...he left a little piece, with me. I'm going to look after you as best I can, I promise.

I don't want you to be him. I'm glad you're not? I just.. [ He drags his hands down his face with a frustrated growl. ] I don't know what I want. You an' Julie both have your thing and I feel stuck. Like I've got nothing better to offer than stealing shit.

[ He squeezes his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose. This is not how he meant the conversation to go and his mouth got the better of him. It's not untrue, but fuck. They were trying to patch things up again. ]

You shouldn't have to look after me. Should be the other way around.

You want the same thing we do, Lloyd. What you were promised. It's just that now we need to make it happen for ourselves.

[Rearranging herself on the bed, Nadine stretches out on her side next to him with her hands tucked under her cheek.]

And don't discount being able to steal things, we'd be in a lot worse shape if you couldn't. We look after each other, now.

[And are probably better off for it. Some things don't need to be voiced, though. She's trying to make Lloyd feel better.]

It's okay to feel lost right now. We'd barely adjusted to the apocalypse and now we have to adjust to this world? That's not going to come easy. Don't feel down on yourself because of that. Besides, we're not exactly in a major hub with a lot of opportunities right now. You'll find your thing.

[ What he was promised. Right.. That pretty much went out the window when Flagg disappeared. Just when Lloyd was satisfied that he was safe and had been forgiven, that things had started looking up? Fucking nothing. Knocked back down to his knees. It's such a frustrating cycle that he's not sure that it won't happen again.

Being important and not being society's fucking garbage is turning out real nice. ]

It's about the only thing I'm good at, been doin' it since I was ten. Better now than I was, but it ain't different.

[ The only difference is he hasn't wound up in jail yet. Lloyd scoffs, brow knit in dismay. ]

Yeah, real fucking good job I did lookin' after Jules. [ That frown deepens. ] What-- uh. What if I don't have a thing? What if I ran out the one thing I was good for?

We both made a mistake there. But mistakes are learning experiences. And I don't believe that for a second, Lloyd.

[Nadine props herself up on one hand.]

You have a lot to offer. You're loyal and you're sweet and you're determined. You're a lot smarter than you give yourself credit for. And you get things done. Just look at how much you've done for me. I couldn't have made it through our first few months here without you.

[Lloyd's just young and out of his element. But he'd been Flagg's right hand for a reason. He only needs to find his footing, she thinks, and he'll be alright.]

And now you can figure out whatever you want to do. Hell, you are a really good thief, you could be Robin Hood if you wanted to. If nothing else, this world has more possibilities than ours did.

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