Zhou Zishu (周子舒) (
meiren) wrote in
abraxaslogs2022-03-21 09:06 pm
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Entry tags:
[open] as the water grinds the stone
Who: Zhou Zishu and Open
What: Exploring Cadens, poking around the Horizon, event nonsense
Where: Cadens, Horizon
When: March
Warnings: References to chronic pain and sense loss
[ Starters in comments below, open unless stated otherwise. Hit me up at
talkincodes or PM for something specific or plotting. ]
What: Exploring Cadens, poking around the Horizon, event nonsense
Where: Cadens, Horizon
When: March
Warnings: References to chronic pain and sense loss
Horizon
But following the path will lead to the base of the mountain, and Zhou Zishu himself can be found at the bottom of the waterfall, staring up towards the top of the mountain with a complicated expression. He turns as soon as someone else walks into the clearing, unsurprised to find someone else there. Almost as if he already knew there were other people in the space. You didn't feel as though you were being watched while making your way around, did you? ]
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Wen Kexing is outside of the beginning of the valley, scrutinizing it as if he's appraising some artistic sculpture, his hand pressed against his back. ]
...Can it really be hell if they are all empty?
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It's somehow a surprise and yet not surprising at all to find the figure in front of them. ]
Lao Wen?
[ Of course Lao Wen would be at Four Seasons Manor, that only makes sense. The rest of it, though. ]
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[ He turns at the sound of Zhou Zishu's voice, breathing in quickly and raising one hand to check that his face is in order before it can be fully seen. It's silly at this point to mourn something that he'd largely hated for most of his life. He'd spent years fantasizing about the destruction of Qingya Valley, and now that he's standing before the empty shell of it, without its thousands of bitter ghosts, it seems... small. Not unlike the farmhouse that used to just house three lost souls and a single dog.
He smiles as he faces Zhou Zishu, reaching out to touch the side of one arm. ]
Isn't this wandering awfully far from the grounds? Why is our Manor Lord so far from his home? Did you get lost?
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Instead he lifts an eyebrow and makes a show of glancing back over his shoulders towards the flowering rows of plum trees. ]
It seems to me that I'm still on my grounds. [ Or close enough to it, at any rate.
As much as he'd prefer to leave it alone, it's a bit hard to ignore the massive stone stature hovering over them both. Schooling himself into nonchalance, he nods towards the gate. ] This is new.
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Well, they wouldn't be right without you.
[ He's happy to see his zhiji returned to his place, even if this turns out to be some illusion. Wen Kexing knows how important the manor is to him. He shifts to stand next to Zhou Zishu, looking up at the great statues and the stone gate giving its warning to anyone below of what awaits beyond. ]
Heh. It is a little unexpected. But I guess ghosts won't be dismissed too easily.
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Do you want to show me?
[ If he wants to avoid the place, that's his right. But that it's appeared in this space, well. Hard not to think of the place you've spent decades in as home, as ambivalent as he might be feeling about the rest of it.
To be honest, Zhou Zishu still hasn't been able to bring himself to go near the manor itself. Perhaps they'll both just stay down here in the trees. ]
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He should say something. Wen Kexing always has at least nonsense to fill his emptiness with. But for some reason as he stares into the Valley, he can't find the words he wants. With another squeeze to Zhou Zishu's palm, he starts walking down the narrow path, steps falling stiffly as he leads the way.
It's empty. None of the ghosts are anywhere in sight. Somehow, he almost feels like an intruder again. ]
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Or at least a much of a recreation of it as Wen Kexing has brought with him. Zhou Zishu isn't entirely certain of how these spaces work, but he's learned to keep an open mind about things that should be incredibly strange.
The passageway they're walking through is certainly oppressive, if nothing else. If he thinks too long about a child walking past the looming stones, something a little like rage boils in his stomach. Useless emotion, for a number of reasons. All he can do is stay close and remind Wen Kexing that he has someone here with him. ]
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Even though he walks softly, his footfalls still make sounds, echoing in hushed whispers as his soles brush stone. Eventually he stops the two of them in the open hall below the high cliff where he used to preside. It's small, even though it could hold an army of followers before and always felt terrifyingly large even when he grew up. He can hear his own breathing, heavy air rising to his throat and trembling as it escapes. ]
I wanted them all to disappear. To burn.
[ The words come out mournful. ]
I used to dream of a time when all of this would be left barren and abandoned. I didn't think that this place could hold anything worth having. Only pain.
[ But as he looks around at the empty stone places that once held people, some very familiar, Wen Kexing notices now how much they are missing. ]
She took care of me. And she lived here too.
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But it's always going to be complicated. The Ghost Valley may have been a constant horror, but it had still been home for most of his lover's life. Zhou Zishu had spent so much less time in the capital comparatively, and his own feelings towards the place are mixed at best. For someone like Wen Kexing, who feels so deeply, he can only imagine how much more of mess it must be.
He's told Zhou Zishu a little of the end of the Ghost Valley. Probably not all, and he hasn't pressed. But it's clearly been weighing on him more than he's been willing to admit. ]
They would be happy that you managed to walk free. [ It's quiet, but firm. ]
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Should he be happy about that? Angry? Wen Kexing clenches his hands at his sides, squeezing his fists together tightly... and finds none of the familiar rage that kept him alive for so long. Every new direction is just an empty spot, not even leaving a shadow of someone that used to stand there. The ones he hated and the ones he loved haven't even left a memento behind them. ]
They're all gone.
[ He can't help sounding a bit bitter at that. He sucks in a breath, but refuses to let any tears fall. He laughs quietly instead. ]
But I'm still here. I guess it didn't disappear like that old monster wanted after all. He'll be angry.
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It hurts to watch. But Zhou Zishu has never been particularly good at being reassuring, especially not for hurts this deep and old. ]
Lao Wen. [ And then, softer. ] Xing'er. You're here with me.
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A-Xu.
[ He goes back to him, stopping just short of too close. ]
I didn't mean to.
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Didn't mean to what?
[ He isn't entirely here, that much is obvious. But if Zhou Zishu wants to help him find his way back, he's going to need more information. ]
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Iridescent cloud scattered and glaze shattered, who will cry with the ghosts of Mount Qingya?
[ It comes out as a verse, a piece of the song, but then fades back again as Wen Kexing goes quiet. He has to find the words himself, piece through the mess of emotions strewn out like broken bits of a mosaic he hasn't looked at in full. ]
I hated them. I would have been happy to let the sects come and kill all three thousand ghosts. They deserved it after what they did.
[ His voice rises slightly with a harsh rasp to the words, threatening and tight. And then the tension snaps like a wire. ]
But I didn't want them to take her. Why? Why did I let them in?
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Enough that he can make some pretty good assumptions. ]
Lao Wen. [ It's firm and impossible to argue with, the leader of Tian Chuang surfacing for a moment. ] Wen Kexing. Listen to me. Are you listening?
It wasn't your fault. You didn't do this.
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He opens his mouth to say something, maybe to protest, but his grip tightens on his lover's arms instead. ]
I can't be left behind. And I can't leave them behind. Even though I want to... They don't deserve it.
[ It's a strange thought to have. He had always been happy to blame the Valley ghosts for their crimes and abandon them to the judgment of the rest of the world, be it Ye Beiyi or anyone else. But staying with Zhou Zishu had been what really made the difference. Maybe Mount Qingya didn't deserve to stand right next to the beloved Four Seasons, but Zhou Zishu had never left him. Wen Kexing breathes out, letting the anger and sadness fill the empty space around them. ]
I'm sorry I brought it here.
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But Wen Kexing's eyes are clearing, saving him from the subject for a moment longer. Like the coward he is, he'll take it.
Instead he uses the grip on Wen Kexing's jaw to shake him slightly, something wry in his eyes. ] Do you think I don't know it's a part of you?
[ But isn't he the same? Hasn't he been terrified to go to the manor on top of the mountain just in case he might see that he's brought a piece of the capital along with it? Eighty-one painted red blooms in a place they have no reason to be. Even the thought makes him shudder. He understands. ]
You can change it. This place. That's what they say. Make it anything you want.
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Tsk, A-Xu, you know I am a man of good deeds. What do I have to do with this place?
[ But even Wen Kexing can't keep that act up. His smile fades as quickly as it comes and he steps closer, finding comfort in Zhou Zishu's shadow. ]
Can we leave? I don't like to see it when it's empty. I don't... know what I would do to change it.
[ After decades of only wanting to see it destroyed, building is definitely a new concept. But maybe with Zhou Zishu he could try. Maybe- some other time. Almost like a child, Wen Kexing feels the urge to flee instead. ]
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It's as much Kexing's home as it is his. Or it should be. ]
You always have a place here.
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Standing in the middle of the Siji orchard, surrounded by bright lights and endless trees, he feels far less alone. The Ghost Valley Master with no ghosts is a pitiful title to hold. Wen Kexing takes several long moments of slow, heavy breaths before he manages a smile for Zhou Zishu again. ]
I should be happy that it is empty. No one has to be trapped there anymore. I'd rather live on the mountain with A-Xu, holding you in my arms every day.
But... I guess it shouldn't be left like that.
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As it is, all he can do is tug Wen Kexing into his arms and hope it won't spook the man into running away again. ]
It's whatever you want it to be. [ Murmured soft as he hooks his chin over Wen Kexing's shoulder. ] You're the Valley Master. Make it into your place.
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They took care of me. All of them.
[ He lifts his hands to Zhou Zishu's back, afraid the man will lean away and see his face. He can't bear that. What Valley Master? He feels utterly ridiculous in that moment. He had worked so hard, clawing his way to the top of the pack, and somehow he's still helpless. ]
All that time I thought everyone was my enemy. I only looked after myself. But they and you were looking after me too.
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You can still hate them.
[ And me, he doesn't add, even if he has wondered what Wen Kexing thought of him all the years they were separated. If his shidi resented him for not doing better at the one job he'd been given.
But this sort of mixed emotion, respect and hate all bundled together, that's something Zhou Zishu knows well. With all the time Wen Kexing has spent doing nothing but protecting himself and his family, he wonders if the man has had time to work any of it out for himself. ]
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