abraxaslogs | [open] as the water grinds the stone

[ Zhou Zishu is quiet himself as he's lead inside, in deference to Wen Kexing's obviously unsettled mood. But as much as he'd like to keep his focus on his lover, instinct has him keeping a close eye on their surroundings. No fear of an attack, not here, but to take in the mysterious Ghost Valley.

Or at least a much of a recreation of it as Wen Kexing has brought with him. Zhou Zishu isn't entirely certain of how these spaces work, but he's learned to keep an open mind about things that should be incredibly strange.

The passageway they're walking through is certainly oppressive, if nothing else. If he thinks too long about a child walking past the looming stones, something a little like rage boils in his stomach. Useless emotion, for a number of reasons. All he can do is stay close and remind Wen Kexing that he has someone here with him. ]

[ Wen Kexing treads lightly. He used to march himself through the gate, head held high and eyes staring cold death at anyone that dared to meet them. He used to reign over the other ghosts with fear, a dangerous predator among other dangerous predators.

Even though he walks softly, his footfalls still make sounds, echoing in hushed whispers as his soles brush stone. Eventually he stops the two of them in the open hall below the high cliff where he used to preside. It's small, even though it could hold an army of followers before and always felt terrifyingly large even when he grew up. He can hear his own breathing, heavy air rising to his throat and trembling as it escapes. ]

I wanted them all to disappear. To burn.

[ The words come out mournful. ]

I used to dream of a time when all of this would be left barren and abandoned. I didn't think that this place could hold anything worth having. Only pain.

[ But as he looks around at the empty stone places that once held people, some very familiar, Wen Kexing notices now how much they are missing. ]

She took care of me. And she lived here too.

[ It's nothing he hasn't suspected, although Zhou Zishu might be slightly surprised at hearing it actually said out loud. If Wen Kexing had been trying to hide the fact that he'd been intending to burn everything down he hadn't done a great job of it, and it didn't take much to to intuit the rest.

But it's always going to be complicated. The Ghost Valley may have been a constant horror, but it had still been home for most of his lover's life. Zhou Zishu had spent so much less time in the capital comparatively, and his own feelings towards the place are mixed at best. For someone like Wen Kexing, who feels so deeply, he can only imagine how much more of mess it must be.

He's told Zhou Zishu a little of the end of the Ghost Valley. Probably not all, and he hasn't pressed. But it's clearly been weighing on him more than he's been willing to admit. ]

They would be happy that you managed to walk free. [ It's quiet, but firm. ]

[ Wen Kexing frowns, wondering at the truth of those words. Would anyone be happy that the Valley Master had left the Ghost Valley? He wanders into the center of the room, looking around the open space like he's never seen it before. For all the years he spent in the Valley, it suddenly looks completely unfamiliar and new.

Should he be happy about that? Angry? Wen Kexing clenches his hands at his sides, squeezing his fists together tightly... and finds none of the familiar rage that kept him alive for so long. Every new direction is just an empty spot, not even leaving a shadow of someone that used to stand there. The ones he hated and the ones he loved haven't even left a memento behind them. ]

They're all gone.

[ He can't help sounding a bit bitter at that. He sucks in a breath, but refuses to let any tears fall. He laughs quietly instead. ]

But I'm still here. I guess it didn't disappear like that old monster wanted after all. He'll be angry.

[ Zhou Zishu watches him go, falling into the sort of silent observation that's old habit now. The energy that seems to have nowhere to go, tied up in too many emotions. Wen Kexing has always been a physical sort of man, the open expression to Zhou Zishu's quiet reticence. He hides so much less than he thinks he does.

It hurts to watch. But Zhou Zishu has never been particularly good at being reassuring, especially not for hurts this deep and old. ]

Lao Wen. [ And then, softer. ] Xing'er. You're here with me.

[ Wen Kexing is lost in the cold gray walls and the open cavern of the lair where the ghosts used to hold their meetings. He's still looking up, around, to each side, trying to find something he already knows won't return. When he hears Zhou Zishu say his name, he startles, turning around sharply to face him like he was stung, but smiling, because the Valley Master is still standing in Ghost Valley. He doesn't notice the quickness of his own breathing. ]

A-Xu.

[ He goes back to him, stopping just short of too close. ]

I didn't mean to.

[ He frowns at the look in Wen Kexing's eyes as he turns back to face him, tilting his head back slightly too keep eye contact despite the slight height difference. After a moment he reaches up slowly to cup both hands against his jaw, holding him in place. Keeping him close. ]

Didn't mean to what?

[ He isn't entirely here, that much is obvious. But if Zhou Zishu wants to help him find his way back, he's going to need more information. ]

[ His hands come up instinctively to hold Zhou Zishu's elbows. Either to pull away or brace himself, although Wen Kexing doesn't do either. He remains frozen in place, looking at Zhou Zishu like he's much taller and stronger than he is. Even though Wen Kexing could pull back, he doesn't try. ]

Iridescent cloud scattered and glaze shattered, who will cry with the ghosts of Mount Qingya?

[ It comes out as a verse, a piece of the song, but then fades back again as Wen Kexing goes quiet. He has to find the words himself, piece through the mess of emotions strewn out like broken bits of a mosaic he hasn't looked at in full. ]

I hated them. I would have been happy to let the sects come and kill all three thousand ghosts. They deserved it after what they did.

[ His voice rises slightly with a harsh rasp to the words, threatening and tight. And then the tension snaps like a wire. ]

But I didn't want them to take her. Why? Why did I let them in?

[ He lets out a soft breath and closes his eyes for a moment. He has no memory of this but Wen Kexing had haltingly spoken of it once. Not much, and in the roundabout method the man usually used when he wasn't willing or able to confront something head-on. But enough that Zhou Zishu can put the pieces together.

Enough that he can make some pretty good assumptions. ]

Lao Wen. [ It's firm and impossible to argue with, the leader of Tian Chuang surfacing for a moment. ] Wen Kexing. Listen to me. Are you listening?

It wasn't your fault. You didn't do this.

[ Wen Kexing stays in place, held by Zhou Zishu's hands and by the echo of another that once comforted him. At first he doesn't know who he's really looking at, staring up at Zhou Zishu's face as if he can't quite make him out. But after hearing his name and hearing that question, the confusion clears and leaves behind wide-eyed pain.

He opens his mouth to say something, maybe to protest, but his grip tightens on his lover's arms instead. ]

I can't be left behind. And I can't leave them behind. Even though I want to... They don't deserve it.

[ It's a strange thought to have. He had always been happy to blame the Valley ghosts for their crimes and abandon them to the judgment of the rest of the world, be it Ye Beiyi or anyone else. But staying with Zhou Zishu had been what really made the difference. Maybe Mount Qingya didn't deserve to stand right next to the beloved Four Seasons, but Zhou Zishu had never left him. Wen Kexing breathes out, letting the anger and sadness fill the empty space around them. ]

I'm sorry I brought it here.

[ Something in him flinches as Wen Kexing demands not to be left behind, as little as it appears on him physically. He wants to promise that he won't, he wants it so badly, but even more he wants it not to be a promise he'll break. That much is out of Zhou Zishu's hands anymore.

But Wen Kexing's eyes are clearing, saving him from the subject for a moment longer. Like the coward he is, he'll take it.

Instead he uses the grip on Wen Kexing's jaw to shake him slightly, something wry in his eyes. ] Do you think I don't know it's a part of you?

[ But isn't he the same? Hasn't he been terrified to go to the manor on top of the mountain just in case he might see that he's brought a piece of the capital along with it? Eighty-one painted red blooms in a place they have no reason to be. Even the thought makes him shudder. He understands. ]

You can change it. This place. That's what they say. Make it anything you want.

[ The grip on his jaw and familiar harsh words manage to make Wen Kexing smile despite the heavy weight in his chest. He can laugh through it, shaking the pressure loose by being his typical, rough self. It's reassuring, knowing that Zhou Zishu is there to comfort and tease him, and it's a reminder to Wen Kexing that he has to be strong, to hold on so he can ensure this man keeps living. ]

Tsk, A-Xu, you know I am a man of good deeds. What do I have to do with this place?

[ But even Wen Kexing can't keep that act up. His smile fades as quickly as it comes and he steps closer, finding comfort in Zhou Zishu's shadow. ]

Can we leave? I don't like to see it when it's empty. I don't... know what I would do to change it.

[ After decades of only wanting to see it destroyed, building is definitely a new concept. But maybe with Zhou Zishu he could try. Maybe- some other time. Almost like a child, Wen Kexing feels the urge to flee instead. ]

[ He studies him for a moment longer before reaching to take both of Wen Kexing's hands. And then unerringly leads them back out of the cave, out of the valley. Back into the endless rows of flowering plum trees.

It's as much Kexing's home as it is his. Or it should be. ]

You always have a place here.

[ He's ashamed of how relieved he feels to be out of the Valley. After this long, Wen Kexing isn't afraid of the Ghost Valley any more than he's afraid of a group of stray dogs. He knows his own strength, and the valley itself isn't anything he can't tear down if he wanted to. But what he's really afraid of is the loneliness it brings.

Standing in the middle of the Siji orchard, surrounded by bright lights and endless trees, he feels far less alone. The Ghost Valley Master with no ghosts is a pitiful title to hold. Wen Kexing takes several long moments of slow, heavy breaths before he manages a smile for Zhou Zishu again. ]

I should be happy that it is empty. No one has to be trapped there anymore. I'd rather live on the mountain with A-Xu, holding you in my arms every day.

But... I guess it shouldn't be left like that.

[ The attempt at a smile is better than the blankness, but it still makes one of Zhou Zishu's eyebrows twitch slightly. He's no good at being comforting or reassuring, things Wen Kexing clearly needs at the moment. If he could tear down the entire Valley, he would.

As it is, all he can do is tug Wen Kexing into his arms and hope it won't spook the man into running away again. ]

It's whatever you want it to be. [ Murmured soft as he hooks his chin over Wen Kexing's shoulder. ] You're the Valley Master. Make it into your place.

[ The words sting, even though they are offered with surprising gentleness. Wen Kexing knows how hard it is for both of them to be kind or soft, and as awkward as Zhou Zishu must feel pulling him close, Wen Kexing appreciates the gesture. It's just difficult to find the right words. He usually avoids them for nicer, more flowery options. ]

They took care of me. All of them.

[ He lifts his hands to Zhou Zishu's back, afraid the man will lean away and see his face. He can't bear that. What Valley Master? He feels utterly ridiculous in that moment. He had worked so hard, clawing his way to the top of the pack, and somehow he's still helpless. ]

All that time I thought everyone was my enemy. I only looked after myself. But they and you were looking after me too.

[ He hums softly, relaxing almost imperceptibly as Wen Kexing clings closer rather than trying to pull away. If this is the best he can offer, then he's going to do his damned best with it. ]

You can still hate them.

[ And me, he doesn't add, even if he has wondered what Wen Kexing thought of him all the years they were separated. If his shidi resented him for not doing better at the one job he'd been given.

But this sort of mixed emotion, respect and hate all bundled together, that's something Zhou Zishu knows well. With all the time Wen Kexing has spent doing nothing but protecting himself and his family, he wonders if the man has had time to work any of it out for himself. ]

I hate them.

[ He certainly hates the ghosts, and when he says that, Wen Kexing's stubborn, sharp determination returns. He'd said before they all deserved to be wiped out, and part of him still believes that completely. After all, the Qingya Valley ghosts would have killed him if they could have. ]

But- but sometimes I hated her. She let my parents die. She watched the others treat me like the old Valley Master's pet. Like nothing. She let it happen.

[ He can hear the anger in his own voice, rising up from some corner of his chest. Wen Kexing holds on tighter, clinging to the stability Zhou Zishu provides. It helps, even though he hates to admit that. ]

She still took care of me. She wanted the best for me, but I didn't notice. Ghost Valley was her home. It was just my hell.

How can I make it anything else?

[ Zhou Zishu is quiet for a long moment, pressed close as if he can tuck Wen Kexing up into his chest to protect him.

He's not someone given to flights of fancy, never was even as a child. He can parrot philosophy and spirituality, but it doesn't come easily to him if it all. But what has Wen Kexing ever done but made him want to try to be better? ]

This...place. It's not real. Not the valley, not the mountain. [ He sounds almost uncharacteristically hesitant, but Zhou Zishu makes himself push forward anyway. ] It can be whatever you want it to be.

[ Wen Kexing is quiet, standing in Zhou Zishu's arms as he tries to digest the words of encouragement. The first people to really accept him as a person, without fear or disgust, had been Zhang Chengling and Zhou Zishu. Even Gu Xiang, as loyal and devoted as she was, held some fear for the Valley Master. It was ingrained more than anything, and he knows she always loved him, but who could really understand Lunatic Wen or his fickle moods?

This man, apparently. Wen Kexing squeezes tightly, suddenly pushing back as he makes up his mind. He looks firmly into Zhou Zishu's eyes. ]

I want it to be a home. Your home too. If this place is anything, then I just want it to be something you can accept. It's not a sect, but it can be a place for you too.

[ If he still sounds desperate, it's only because he knows how long he's been someone else. This is a new life. ]

Both of us.

[ Because that is a point he's not going to budge on, and it's best to make it as clear as possible. There is nowhere Zhou Zishu will go without his deeply annoying zhiji, and it's time the man starts figuring that out.

He holds Wen Kexing's eyes for a moment, before letting his expression slide into something openly amused. ]

Together, then?

[ It feels strange to think of the Valley like that, but Zhou Zishu's stubbornness is a lot like the mountain his manor is built on. Even Wen Kexing can't possibly hope to win against this man. He draws a breath, considers arguing, then releases the air from his lungs with a wry smile. ]

Both of us.

[ The words taste new, but he doesn't dislike them. Actually, he might even get used to them eventually, as long as Zhou Zishu is beside him. ]

Will the Manor Lord bring this wayward ghost into his home and instruct him? Teach me how to keep men. I only know how to chain up monsters.

[ That earns him a thorough eyeroll instead, forcibly pulling the atmosphere the rest of the way into something less fraught. There's more that he could say, on the subject of homes and who belongs in them, but they're neither of them so good at emotions that they can keep this up for too long. ]

You know how to be annoying, is what. You stalked me up and down the jianghu and now you think I'm going to let you go? [ One hand darts out to punch him in the shoulder, barely hard enough to be felt, as Zhou Zishu snorts. ] Take responsibility for your actions.

Ow!

[Wen Kexing's protest is definitely louder and more exaggerated than it needs to be. And he quickly follows up that dramatic wince with a smile.]

Haven't I taken responsibility yet? I thought I treated you very well. But if I'm failing in any area at all, I'm sure my husband will teach me. I don't mind practicing at any hour, Manor Lord Zhou. If you want, we can train all night.

[He's quickly up against Zhou Zishu's side as if he never felt a moment of doubt in his entire life, hands reaching out to travel his sides and arms in curious exploration.]

My home is with my love, flying wing to wing.

[ He bats halfheartedly at Wen Kexing's hands, not trying to make him let go so much as to register his irritation at the pawing. Not that it will stop him, they've done this dance far too often. But it does require at least some response or Wen Kexing will just get worse. ]

I should teach you manners. Like a child.

[ Still, he can't quite hide the fondness in his tone and to be honest he isn't really trying. He tugs at one of Wen Kexing's trailing sleeves instead, pulling away just slightly. ]

Come look at the rest of the mountain with me.

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