abraxaslogs | OPEN: We Vow To Keep Pressing Forward

Well, that's quite a reaction--he watches the tension leave Jayce's shoulders in real time, and it's surprisingly satisfying, to be reminded that he still knows exactly what to say, even when Jayce's anxieties are only implied, rather than communicated outright. He imagines that if their roles were switched, he might feel similarly. It's daunting, to arrive in a strange new place only to discover that Viktor has made his own way in the meantime. He's sure Jayce is still wondering where he might be able to fit into this new life, such as it is.

Luckily, he doesn't have to address it further than that, because there's business to attend to. Viktor doesn't want to sit here with his shirt off for longer than he needs, but the good news is that both of them are efficient. Still, Jayce is warm in his proximity, and he feels him hovering, waiting for further instruction. He lets out a soft breath, adjusting to the closeness before he re-focuses on the task at hand and pulls the leather brace around his torso. It mostly secures in the front and on the sides for ease of removal, and Viktor makes quick work of the shoulder piece, then the various buckles, looping the leather straps through them and pulling them tight. Then, he reaches behind himself again to make sure that the top clamp is lined up with the aforementioned implant. Jayce can likely do the rest.

"You'll need the screwdriver--the small one--and wrench. Do you see the fasteners on either side of each panel? Those are the ones to tighten. I'll let you know when to stop."

It's a difficult dichotomy because Jayce is genuinely glad that there are people who value Viktor, that he is getting the attention and connections that he always deserved but Piltover was too snotty for. He is Viktor's biggest fan and has been frustrated before at how prejudices still hold things back. None of that is here. Viktor isn't seen as anyone other than himself, and of course that means people with intelligence would value that. So it's a very good thing. But it also means that Jayce is anxious about his place if Viktor can get what he wants from other people. He doesn't need him, but maybe that's okay, maybe it's never been about needing him.

Viktor's friendship has been the one thing he felt he could always count on, and maybe that means he took it for granted. But it's still nice to be reassured that they are still them. It should be obvious considering Viktor invited him to live in a tiny bedroom together, share the workspace, literally design his Horizon around Viktor's. It was Viktor's idea to keep them close, or he let it all happen, so those are all his ways of showing he wants Jayce with him. But sometimes Jayce needs to hear it out loud to let it sink in.

Jayce leans over to pick up both tools and he chuckles. "Viktor, I'm a world-famous engineer, I know how to screw in an implant." He's teasing to lighten the mood and to make it less awkward, he's never been put off by Viktor's braces or anything else. It is difficult to see how thin and sickly he is, obviously, looking at him is a reminder of his illness every time. But it's still him and Jayce will do anything to make it all easier. It is a way of letting him in too.

He puts his hand on said implant to make certain it is secure and where it needs to be since Viktor can't see it, only feel it, there's no harm in double checking. He may not be as good as Viktor at precise work, but he can handle something like this, placing the screwdriver into place and starting to tighten one side of it. He resists the urge to let his eyes travel over free skin (where are all the moles) and focus on the work and then on what he really had to talk about.

"So this is the part where I bring up that I've researched Goro and I think we should talk about it."

"It's a medical device, not some kind of clockwork gadget. I need you to pay attention."

He's serious, but not stern or annoyed. Of course he trusts Jayce to do this--it's why he asked in the first place. Once it's properly fitted, they won't have to do this again and Viktor can put it on and take it off like normal, so all he really has to do is weather the next fifteen minutes or so. As Jayce works, Viktor handles the similar adjustments in the front and on the sides, stopping him every so often when he feels the appropriate degree of tightness. Then, it's on to the next one.

A conversation about their funding is probably not very conducive to paying attention, but he knows they were going to have to breach this subject sooner or later. Jayce can likely feel him tense under his hands as he weighs how he wants to go about this.

"I already told you I find his politics disagreeable." His tone of voice indicates that he finds them more than disagreeable, but Viktor needed to get back to work as quickly as possible. "Technically, he's paying me to work on an agricultural project. Environmental restoration, which is a potential application of the Hexcore anyway. I am taking...precautions. To ensure it cannot be used outside of that intended purpose."

"I'm paying close attention." Jayce is able to do this and have a conversation, it's one of his many skills. He would never be sloppy working on something as important as Viktor's back brace. It's essential that his partner is as comfortable as possible. Talking is more to stop him from getting distracted by other things.

He rarely gets to be this close to his bare back so he also is very interested in it in a general sort of way. The idea of caressing fingers along his spine isn't only an inappropriate one, it is curious. But he is good, he is doing this very efficiently and not lingering at any point. He is an expert at both screwdrivers and wrenchs, he can do all kinds of things with them, so they're as familiar to him as his own fingers while he tightens where Viktor wants.

"I can't believe I'm the one pointing out we shouldn't be working for a warmonger, and yet." Listen, Jayce is very aware that he made bad choices, more than Viktor knows, but even before that he was the one of the two to start considering the wrong path. He's always been more corruptible, and he has the ability to see that more clearly now. Viktor is supposed to be the one who draws very firm lines.

"I know you needed money to get started and there was limited time involved, but I'm here now. I'm only telling you what you would say to me if our positions were reversed." If Jayce had gotten there first and he was frantic to get money so he could try and get a spell to send him home to Viktor. He would make this type of choice. And Viktor, when arriving later instead, would be annoyed by it. "This is not a person to attach your name to."

Jayce is right, of course, but Viktor is desperate, even now. He needs the money, he needs the workspace, and he has limited time. Even with a new income, returning the funding at this point would set them backwards, to say nothing of the fact that Viktor doesn't think it will go over well.

All he can do is push forward, knowing that what he's making will not only save his life, but be a net benefit to the Free Cities as well. If he threads the needle, it will be impossible to weaponize, because he will not allow what's happening--what happened to his work in Piltover--to happen here. What better use for dirty money, than to turn it into something unequivocally beneficial? He knows more now. He'll do it right, this time.

"How is it any different than taking money from the Council?" Unfair, perhaps, but given what Councilor Medarda requested of them right before he arrived here, Viktor is starting to feel like weaponization is the inevitable endpoint of all technology, and all he can really try in the face of that is to do the most good possible, while safeguarding his work to the best of his ability. He still believes he can do this with the Hexcore. "How was I supposed to predict that you would show up? If I wanted to work, I needed money, and a workspace, and I needed it quickly. I have no time. Do you think I'm proud of this?"

He pulls on a strap with some force, enough to make him wince, a betrayal of the frustration he feels and is otherwise trying to hold in. Jayce says it so easily--if our positions were reversed--but Viktor knows he can't understand. Not fully. That isn't his fault.

"If our positions were truly reversed, and you had--had months, and you were removed from the one thing that could save your life, with no indication that you would ever see anything or anyone from home, ever again, what choice would you have made?"

Edited 2022-04-14 00:27 (UTC)

"Viktor--" Jayce starts to reply and then he keeps talking, and Jayce waits, letting him say exactly what he already assumed he would say, and then he winces from pulling the strap too hard. Jayce reaches out and grips Viktor's bicep from behind, his hold still gentle, trying to stop him from pulling anymore. He won't use any force, so Viktor can push through it, but he is trying to make him hesitate. "Vik, hey. Please. Just ... pause for a minute."

Jayce moves his hand up to his shoulder. He would try to look him in the face, but he wants to be sure they finish the brace safely. "Listen to me." His voice is soft, close to Viktor's ear as he makes certain he puts everything in place, moving the wrench to tighten the last screws. "I am not judging you. I know why you did it. This is not recrimination for what you did in a bad situation. The entire point is this is exactly what I would have done." So Jayce has no room to talk, this is his playbook, but it's not Viktor's.

He waits for the last of the screws to be turned and he briefly leans in to press his forehead into the back of Viktor's hair. A light bonk, not dissimilar from Viktor's exhausted bonk into the chalkboard, when they're at their wit's end a gesture. "I would have done anything to get back to you, and I will do everything to help you now. So I get it." As solid as that nudge is, it's gone a second later, not lingering, stepping back now that he thinks it's all set.

Jayce sets the wrench down. "But you aren't alone now. That's what I'm saying. So my suggestion is that we put it as one of our financial goals to have enough to pay him off and extract ourselves out of it before anything goes wrong." Jayce raises his eyebrows, looking back to Viktor. "I am not letting you make my mistakes, Viktor."

He hates this--it seems like all he ever feels anymore is anger and helplessness and then he can't stop himself from lashing out. Jayce, mercifully, lets him work through it, which of course he does until the hand at his arm snaps him out of his rant and slowly grounds him. Viktor shuts his eyes. Breathes. Listens to Jayce's voice. Thinks about how, just a few weeks ago, he was certain he'd never hear it again.

There are no more bolts to tighten. His shoulders sag and he puts his wrench back on the worktable. Jayce's touch is fleeting, and he finds himself missing it immediately as soon as he pulls away. After a long moment, he spins on the stool and turns to face him, though his eyes are downcast.

"Your mistakes?" Again, that unspoken, terrible thing from those missing few days. Viktor can only begin to guess. "I have...wasted my life thinking I could change things for the better, when all I did was line the pockets of rich Pilties who thanked me by asking that I build weapons to use against my people. I won't let that happen again."

He can't. He has a plan. They have a plan--but he can't cut the strings just yet, not when so much is unfinished.

"We can set aside the money. That's why I've been taking other jobs." In case he needs to extricate himself from the situation--they're on the same wavelength in that department, at least. He reaches for Jayce's arm, an apparent attempt to provide some reassurance, even as he makes a difficult request. "But, I have to complete the Hexcore. The possible applications, even beyond my condition, are nearly limitless, and the potential to do good is--it's immense. I need you to trust me. Please."

This is what they do well for each other, being touchstones, able to shake each other out of bad places. Even with their moments of tension, this is their core. Jayce doesn't want to get into his mistakes, all of his mistakes at least, but he doesn't mind acknowledging that he made plenty of them. He looks stricken for a moment, his eyebrows furrowing. "You think you wasted your life?" It's a casual way of saying something that rips out Jayce's heart and stomps on it. Because that wasted time, it was their work, it was everything they built together and everything they were.

His inner turmoil and anxiety shows on every inch of him and he pinches his nose between his fingers, a common action when he's dealing with too many contrary thoughts and struggling. He hasn't started pacing yet but it's about to start when Viktor grabs his arm. Jayce manages to pause, startled as always by Viktor making intentional choices to touch him, and his hand drops down.

It is a big ask. Jayce's gut is very clear with him on this subject, but Viktor says please and he can't ignore that. "It's not you I don't trust." Jayce takes a risk and he pulls his arm out of Viktor's grasp, but only so he can snake out a hand and take Viktor's into his. He doesn't thread their fingers, only holds the outside of it for a moment. "I already told you. I'll do anything you need from me. Saving your life is my only priority." He's compromised his morals and ignored his feelings for worse reasons.

He drops Viktor's hand a few moments later, again trying not to linger. "I'm still saving money on the side. This is his lab, not ours." And he doesn't like that. He is feeling a bit internally bruised at the moment, looking away.

Edited 2022-04-14 14:35 (UTC)

Viktor realizes what he's said just a split second too late, but Jayce's expression says it all. He full-body cringes, eyes squeezed shut as he feels an instant wave of regret that he tries to let out as a protracted exhale.

"I didn't mean--" Not you. No time spent with you was wasted. "It's complicated. None of this has played out the way I imagined. I thought I would have accomplished something for the Undercity, by now. I thought I had more time, I thought--"

Viktor trails off. If he says more, he runs the risk of digging himself a deeper hole, and Jayce doesn't deserve that. Jayce pulls his arm away and Viktor can't exactly blame him, but actually taking his hand is something of a surprise. It only lasts a few moments, but the assurance is enough, and he knows all of this is sincere. They're in a bad situation, that much is obvious, but he knows that they have a much better chance of navigating it if they can do it together.

"Thank you, Jayce."

"No, I know. I shouldn't take it personally." Jayce is sensitive and he knows that, and Viktor in particular could rip him apart with a few careless words. But intellectually he does understand it wasn't Viktor saying their partnership was wasted. It only felt that way. "I wish we could have done that, I agree. We both thought we had more time." Jayce literally thought they both had lifetimes to get to everything. If he knew it was limited, he might have pushed more for things to move.

"I know I let myself get distracted and I wasn't the partner I should have been lately." Lately for him, months ago for Viktor, but it still stands true, and he still feels the weight of it with his guilt. There were a lot of other things he was dealing with, a lot of power, a lot of responsibility, he thought it was great at first and then all he could see were his failures.

Jayce lets out a breath and looks at Viktor. "I just need you to know that I'm always on your side. Even when we disagree with each other or I'm being an idiot. You're my best friend, and I want to be there for you, no matter what happens." Or whenever Viktor will let him be there. So much of his heart is out there and after a beat he smiles wryly, shrugging.

"And I know my intense sincerity makes you uncomfortable, so ... we can just go home now and get some sleep."

He shakes his head, as if to emphasize, again, that he didn't mean it like that. It's too late, of course, because he's said it and now the sentiment will linger between them, but sitting here and beating themselves up over missed opportunities and things they could have (or should have) done differently is not a productive use of time.

"You don't have to keep apologizing to me for this." Viktor knows Jayce is guilty--for neglecting their work, for so easily falling into the political quagmire of the Council--they don't need to re-litigate the argument. "You were thrown into a bad situation and we've both made...mistakes. Let's just--we have a second chance, here. We should take it."

And he means that wholeheartedly. Of course Jayce is on his side--he doesn't want his partner to think that he doubts that.

What they can agree on is that they both need some rest. Viktor reaches for his shirt, pulling it back on over his harness, then starts on his new leg brace, which had been easy enough to fit on his own. He'll be quick about it, but it does mean they can't head out immediately, leaving him to try and find the best response to Jayce's casual shrug. It comes surprisingly easily.

"Your intense sincerity is what I like most about you." Jayce's passion is what drew Viktor to him in the first place. That hasn't changed. "Among other things."

Equally wry. Equally joking, maybe, except for the fact that he means it.

Edited 2022-04-16 04:20 (UTC)

"Okay, okay." Jayce's guilt isn't something easy to push away, but he gets what Viktor is saying, and if he does believe him, at least there's that. The more significant things he feels guilty for they'll have to talk about separately, but as long as Viktor knows he regrets taking him for granted, that is something they can move on from.

"There's a lot of things on the political end I'm still struggling with, my feelings about us are simple in comparison." So it's easier to put those into words and apologize. Jayce doesn't want to get involved with politics. Sometimes he thinks the worst part is being too good at it. He thrived for a little while there, climbing the limits of power to the top. His intentions were good but that doesn't matter. It's why he's low key being set off by them having a connection to someone else in politics. He sort of word vomited this at Alucard already, poor man.

Jayce assumes if Viktor needs his help on anything else he'll tell him. He collects his sketch book so he can take it hope, holding it to his chest when Viktor says something sweet yet again. He flushes a little in the best possible sense, letting that warmth flow through him. "You are literally making me blush." He might as well admit to it so he's not hiding it, laughing quietly.

"A list with all the things I like about you would be a mile long." That is the truth. Jayce has only a few things on his 'do not like' list, and they're ones that he also understands. Secretive, withdrawn, reluctant to share. He playfully reaches out to pat Viktor (carefully) on the back. "Maybe I should write a few out. See if I can get you to the be the egotistical one." Viktor's teased him for that before, like the night they met, and he doesn't mind now.

Viktor offers a brief, wistful glance that indicates he agrees--everything made sense, back when it was just the two of them in the lab, making breakthroughs and talking about what seemed, at the time, to be endless possibilities. Things only became more complicated from there. He knows himself well enough to realize that it wasn't necessarily Jayce's meteoric rise to fame that angered him, or made him jealous, rather, the decisions he started making once he was in a position of power.

The sting of it isn't going to go away anytime soon. What he can do is focus on the way Jayce practically comes apart in the face of a single compliment. (He knows, on some level, that it's because Viktor is the one offering the compliment--that it means so much more, coming from him. He tries not to think about the implications.)

"You're ridiculous." This time, he does roll his eyes. "Suggestible. No wonder everyone wants your ear--they think they can flatter you into giving them what they want."

He hopes that isn't too mean, given the rest of their conversation, but Viktor has always been an expert in taking Jayce down a peg, when he needs it. With the straps on his leg brace tightened, he hauls himself to his feet and gather his own notes. New braces, new crutch--already things feel a little better. "Unlike you, I am impervious to that sort of manipulation."

As he told Alucard, at the time he thought maybe he could use his new power to help people, that their inventions couldn't be enough when stacked up against the corruption of the Council itself. It was naive to think he could fix their entire system, but it is very Jayce. He who is determined to passionately push things until it works, and therein lies the problem. The only thing that ever made perfect sense was them. Until he realized they had limited time and then he'd be alone. Caitlyn, Mel, his mother, none of them could fill the hole that Viktor did, he'd never have this again. He couldn't lose him.

Looking at him now he's even more aware of it, wondering if his promise to Viktor would be possible for him. They have a chance at a cure again. That's all that matters now. He laughs again when Viktor rolls his eyes, some things never change, and he rolls his eyes right back. "If everyone was as difficult as you are about giving compliments, maybe." It isn't too mean. Viktor taking digs at him is familiar and good for him in the long run.

Jayce puts out his hand in a silent offer to take Viktor's notes too so he doesn't have to worry about them and the cane at the same time. That's the whole point of having a giant best friend. You never have to carry anything again if you don't want to. "Oh so you're manipulating me. To what end? So I'm always willing to do all the heavy lifting?" This may or may not have a slightly flirty edge to it.

"Yes, Jayce. You've caught me. The entire time I've known you, everything has been transactional. I keep you around for your good looks and stroke your ego so that you'll lift unwieldy objects for me."

Clearly, he has been using Jayce all along, but after a moment he relents and hands off a few things, though he still slots a few notebooks under his arm as they make their way out. He does, at least, let Jayce get the door. Now that the sun is down, the temperature is much more pleasant, and Viktor allows himself a long exhale as he tries to shake off some of the stress of the day (and the last twenty minutes).

He locks the door behind them. Then, as always, he pushes forward.

"I'm in agreement with regards to our financial situation, but we need to do something about our living arrangements. Having you sleep on the floor is untenable."

Edited 2022-04-17 00:03 (UTC)

"You think I'm good-looking?" Yes, that is absolutely the only thing he takes out of that reply, although he also just likes when Viktor is being sarcastic at him. He takes whatever he's handed and gets the door. The cooler temperature is always appreciated because he runs so hot, but it hasn't stopped him from wearing their formal looks. Although he has looser clothes for forging. Jayce has ridiculously long strides but he is very skilled at always going Viktor's speed no matter what without it looking awkward. Years of training.

"Trust me, that is financial priority number one. Since we will have pretty regular funds coming in, there will probably be rent options soon enough. An actual bed would be ideal." Jayce is young enough that sleeping on the floor doesn't actually hurt him, but it is awkward and he worries about Viktor tripping over him in the middle of the night and hurting himself.

They could absolutely get a second room for Jayce, he could stay at the inn itself, but neither of them have brought it up nor would they.

"They put your face on an airship. They sell it on merchandise." Viktor sounds entirely disbelieving--surely Jayce is aware of his own objective attractiveness. "You're incorrigible. One day, I'll beat you to death."

He does not go so far as to actually whack Jayce with anything while they walk, but that's more a function of his hands being full than anything else. It's comfortable, falling into step as they've done a thousand times before, and he can already feel the argument of only a few minutes ago slipping into the background.

"We can find you a cot, in the meantime. If we sleep poorly, it's just going to affect our work."

It's not lost on him, that the events of this evening were, perhaps, brought about (at least partially) by their increasingly uncomfortable living situation.

Edited 2022-04-17 02:54 (UTC)

"I didn't ask if other people think I'm good-looking." AKA yes he is absolutely aware that he is objectively attractive. His face is on an airship! Jayce may be pretty oblivious to being hit on or complimented, he probably only notices 15% of the comments, but Viktor thinking it would matter most. "No, you won't, you'd miss me. Because I'm impossible to dislike and you adore my intense sincerity."

And yep that's Jayce intentionally volleying back the compliments Viktor gave him in a playful way. He may be tired but when the two of them get bantering, it's always fun. This was them for seven years, it was just the past week or so in their world that became more complicated.

"I'll ask the inn owner and see what she says, if she has one I'll just carry it up." He wouldn't need help for that. These muscles have to be good for something. "You're thinking that we're being snappy with each other because of lack of good sleep." Telepathic, no, they know each other. "I think we should sleep in tomorrow. To test the theory." Also because Viktor is worn thin and he is the worst at letting himself sleep.

Viktor gapes at Jayce in disbelief for a protracted moment, then sticks out his crutch to whack him on the shins. It's not enough to hurt, of course, but maybe it's enough to trip him up. Make his point that this conversation is growing increasingly ridiculous. He wants to get back to the inn and get some rest.

"I think we both have a lot on our minds." Which is true--but the lack of sleep likely isn't helping. Even Viktor can admit when he needs to tap out. This is definitely one of those times, though suggesting that they sleep in is, perhaps, a bridge too far. "We'll see. I'm not committing to anything."

If he's up early, he's up early, and he'll get to work! That's just how it is.

Jayce does in fact stumble for a moment thanks to the whack and gasp in dramatic horror at it, only to laugh since he was messing around. He is considering that an unspoken 'yes I find you good-looking' answer and therefore going to feel smug about it.

"Fine, fine." Jayce gives in, because making him sleep in is very difficult, but maybe if he blots out everyone option of the sun getting in, it'll make it harder for Viktor to get jolted out of sleep. That's the plan as they head back, exhausted.

OPEN: We Vow To Keep Pressing Forward

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