Kyle (
ushiri) wrote in
abraxaslogs2022-11-29 03:06 pm
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( open )
Who: Kyle & open
What: Catch-all log. Open and closed starters in the comments!
Where: Castle Thorne, Nott, Horizon
When: Late November through December
Warnings: Kyle's general opt-out. Will add additional warnings if necessary.
☽ ☽ ☽
What: Catch-all log. Open and closed starters in the comments!
Where: Castle Thorne, Nott, Horizon
When: Late November through December
Warnings: Kyle's general opt-out. Will add additional warnings if necessary.
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[ Rhy slumps, elbows on his knees, and rubs his hands over his face. He keeps them there, taking shaky breaths, his shoulders trembling. At first, he's trying not to cry; then, he's just trying to keep it reserved. ]
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His voice is low and soft. ]
It's alright. [ To let this out. ]
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It's a few minutes before it passes. The numbness comes back; the anger will probably return later, but not yet. ]
I'm... sorry. I just...
Remembered something.
This isn't how I wanted tonight to go.
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He waits until the younger man regains his voice, wanting to interrupt you don't have to apologize, but holding his tongue until he seems to finish.
His brow pinches, and softly: ]
I just want to make sure you're okay. [ They can always go out again. A beat, then: ] Remembered what?
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You asked me about my lovers here. And I thought of... someone. Who isn't here anymore.
And then I remembered something I think he made me forget.
Someone I cared about very much--
[ His voice catches. Rhy shakes his head slightly, closing his eyes and taking a few deep breaths to push down more tears. ]
We disagreed over something important. I think he-- might have used magic to make me forget the disagreement. Then, he just... ignored me. For weeks.
And now he's gone.
I feel--
[ ... ]
I don't know how to feel.
[ He really shouldn't be dumping all this on Kyle, but at the same time, Kyle deserves an explanation. He doesn't know what to say. ]
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Slowly: ]
If he did all that too you... Rhy, that is an awful betrayal. I'm so sorry.
[ He knows too intimately what it's like to lose memories. But in Kahlil's case he has no one to blame but himself.
After a moment, carefully: ]
He's definitely gone?
[ His domain has vanished from Horizon?
He asks because if not - he's contemplating violence, cold and calculated and swift. The reaction is second nature, moreso than acts of comfort. He's not had many people he's cared about in his life, or been in a position to do something to the ones that directly harmed them. ]
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He's gone.
[ Him and Kylo Ren. Fitting, that they've gone together. And easier, too. Rhy doesn't think he could look Kylo in the eye either after that, knowing he'd almost certainly been aware.
It doesn't occur to him why Kyle is asking. Probably for the best, since he'd still insist against violence and would feel terribly guilty for having told anyone if Ronan ever did reappear again (Rhy really hopes he doesn't).
His shoulders sag. He turns his head further, forehead pressing into Kahlil's shoulder, and one hand slides into his lap, seeking his to hold. ]
My brother says I trust too easily.
[ Like he's doing now. The irony isn't lost on him.
Rhy lets out a soft, mournful laugh. ]
But I don't want to become the kind of person who expects betrayal.
[ That's the kind of person Ronan is. He'd known that, nearly since they met. He'd just thought, if he was open and trusting and showed Ronan how much he cared about him, just as he had for so many months, that he could assure Ronan he would never betray him. That he would always listen, and try to understand.
But there are some things even Rhy has a hard time forgiving. And the realization makes his chest feel like it's caving in. ]
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It's not your fault, what happened. Expecting enemies all around you, from those you trust the most, it's... a lonely way to live.
[ Never being able to trust anyone. Never getting too close to anyone. Alidas was his only true friend in the two years he lived in Nurjima, but they still kept each other at arms length. Because in the end, Alidas' loyalties were to his house. No amount of affection for Kahlil could change that, and Kahlil himself understood that.
It's not a life he would hope for someone like Rhy.
He shakes his head. ]
You deserve better.
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[ He sounds like he's not sure whether that's a good or bad thing. Like he might wish he could, but knows only that it isn't possible. The shock lingers, but it's the hurt that overwhelms him now.
It aches with every breath. ]
It was after the attack on Libertas. [ There's a need to say it, as if explaining it will somehow make it easier to take.
Still, he doesn't say Ronan's name for Kyle. Still, some part of him wants to protect the man who'd done so much for him when he'd been at his lowest all those months ago, newly arrived all alone in this foreign castle, half of him severed at the soul. It probably could have been anyone then. Anyone who reached out enough-- but Ronan had indulged him, made himself irresistible, smothered him in affection and pleasure and magic. And he'd ended it with magic too. Maybe Ronan thought he was indulging him again, to keep Rhy from being so upset by the revelation of how different their ethics are. ]
He... It's still foggy. But I think he was... excited about it. He wanted war.
We- we disagreed.
[ Putting it lightly. Rhy had been horrified. ]
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Then it's good that he's gone.
[ The queen doesn't need more allies for her war-mongering, especially not amongst the Summoned. They're all too connected.
Rhy will feel him shake his head after a second. He knows that's probably no solace to Rhy, right now. ]
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...yes. I agree.
[ For selfish reasons, too.
Despite him mentioning no names, if Kahlil has been paying attention to the other Summoned or asks around a little, it won't be difficult to know who Rhy is referring to. It's been a couple of months since he and Ronan were close, but they could frequently be seen together around the castle. ]
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They can stay here for a little while longer, or as long as he needs. ]