abraxaslogs | promise me

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promise me

WHO: Jayce Talis and close CR
WHAT: Jayce coping with the decline of Viktor's life and general feelings
WHERE: Cadens, Nocwich, Horizon
WHEN: January
WARNING: Will be TW for loved one with medical condition that could mean death and feelings surrounding that.

Starters Below

Fanart from here. If you want a specific starter message waftingcurtains on plurk or go wildcard!

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Honestly Jayce doesn't know how he's standing right mow. How he's talking and thinking and existing. He doesn't have the best track record at knowing how to respond to trauma so perhaps he's going through the motions and that has to be enough. He is keeping sane. Viktor still has time. They can still fix the Hexcore. He feels far away for a moment and then back to her when she touches his arm, and he remembers to breathe.

"Yes, the Hexcore. It's almost complete. I have to get the crystal to power it." That is his task. He can stay on task. Jayce knows in order to get it he is going to do something shady, that is a reality they have already acknowledged to one another. But anything is worth it. "Then there are weeks of testing as he steadily declines, it's a race against time." Viktor has to make it, the weaker he is when they do it, the worse it'll be.

Jayce finds that his legs don't feel that solid so he is wise enough to find a chair and sit in it heavily. He put on a brave face for Viktor, acting as confident as he ever can be, but he puts his face in his hands. With Caitlyn, it's another story. "If this doesn't work there's nothing else. I can't do anything else."

"Right. The Hexcore." Which honestly? Caitlyn knows next to nothing about the thing. Other than the fact that it's clearly important and that it's clearly the main pivot for the plan to keep Viktor from dying. So whatever it is, it's clearly powerful. And priceless. Which means there's any number of things that could go wrong with it.

"But if it's a race, that means you can win, Jayce." Her tone is no nonsense, Caitlyn at her most confident projection. The best reassurance she can be. "There's a chance and you're going to take it. And if I know anything about you two, which I do, then beating the odds and creating a miracle right when one is needed? That's what you two do."

The best part about this speech is that she honestly believes it. When it comes to Jayce, there just might be no one (except maybe Viktor) who has more faith in him than his little sister.

"If this doesn't work." Taking her coffee she settles into a chair next to him. Taking a seat with a much more delicate perch. "Which it will. We'll just find another way. Sometimes it's when things fail that you found the answer you were looking for before. If this doesn't work... that just means there's a different solution that'll present itself."

Is it that simple? Not exactly, but the premise is sound. In failure comes success. Caitlyn knows that all too well, as should Jayce. For now? For now, she's going to focus on keeping the faith. For all of their sakes. Someone had to do it. Funny it's the one who's often the most pragmatic, but sometimes events change people. Or people change people.

The Hexcore is honestly hard to explain even to people who know technology well. Tony has an explanation for it that makes sense in his technological jargon, somewhat, but since it is an item of both tech and magic, it is unique. Jayce knows better what it is now, but it will always be Viktor's first and foremost. His mind, his creation. It is connected to his body and the cure he's designed for himself.

"That's what I keep telling him and telling myself. We've made a name for doing the impossible. There is nothing we can't do together, and even more than that, we now have help from others." Nadine, Tony, Alucard, Stephen. It used to be only the two of them against the world. Jayce is relieved to have a bigger pool of people to lean on. "We have the best chance we've ever had."

A chance. But not a surety. Jayce has been good at being the optimistic one, stubbornly refusing to see anything else but an end goal they can both live with. He never shares his doubts.

"Back home, he tried to do this alone, and he got worse. The last time I saw him there, he had accepted he was going to die. And made me promise to destroy the Hexcore." The only thing that could save him, but Jayce agreed. It was a hard thing to ask of someone who so desperately wanted to save you. "I kept hoping maybe we could make this stop-gap last forever. So we didn't have to take the chance. This operation could kill him just as easily."

"A place that shouldn't be possible," Which is honestly a fair assessment for this world they've found themselves in. To Caitlyn, this new world still defies all matter of rational explanation. "Full of people who can make the impossible happen," Because this strange place seems to be full of people who defy the odds on the regular.

"If there's ever a time and a place for this to work, it's here."

Caitlyn is firmly in the optimists camp on this. The alternative something she's tried hard not to think about. It's been strange, but she's gotten used to her weird, new life in this place and she's hoping against the odds that nothing changes it for the worse. Which, Viktor dying? Would definitely rock her new, fledgling life to its core.

"But things can be different here. And you're taking this chance together now." Which to her is an important difference, both that they're together and that they're stubbornly taking the chance instead of just accepting that this is just how life is. Honestly, Caitlyn envies them this. Because in the end when her own life had come down to it. She hadn't fought hard enough to keep her chance and had let it, let her just walk away.

"Whatever comes next, we'll face together." Because she's committed now, no more walking away.

Jayce is usually firmly on the optimist camp with this too, mostly because of the concept of losing here is too much to bear. But he's been different since the Shimmer plant. A lot of his optimism died there, with the results of his actions, enough that he made a deal with Silco. And then accepted Viktor's death, he was at his lowest. Coming here seemed like a chance he didn't deserve but wanted to accept, but it didn't last forever.

"I'm going to have to make something I don't want to in order to get that crystal. A weapon, probably. It's my only way in. I promised it would be something we could both live with." Jayce has been approached already by this person to help make something for the army, and he refused before. Now he is the one asking, so he is the one who will have to make a lot more ground. "But there is nothing I can't live with, in exchange for his life." The question is where will the line draw for Viktor instead.

He takes in a deep breath and lets it out, reaching for her hand. Jayce often craves small gestures of affection when he's in turmoil, just something to ground him in the now. It's important that she's here, because he can't talk about this with others, not without Viktor's permission considering his condition. So much of this has been internal, something for him to carry alone.

"I'm thankful you're here. I feel very alone with all of this."

"A weapon for a chance at life." Familiar in a way, only in her case she'd had to give up her weapon to save a life. Not create one. But still, there was something all too familiar about the price. After all, a rifle as advanced as hers in Zaun was probably going to have unseen consequences in the future.

"It's not ideal certainly, but it's understandable." She'd do the same in his position. So it honestly makes sense. Sometimes you have to bend your morals. Morals aren't worth more, overall, to her than the life of someone she cares about.

As soon as he reaches out, she extends her hand towards him. Because she knows. And since being moral support and a sounding board is seemingly the largest thing she can contribute right now, well, she's not going to object. Instead, she's going to do everything she can to give him the support he needs.

"Well, you're not alone." Caitlyn squeezes his hand lightly. "And you won't be alone. We'll get through this. Together."

"Turns out I'm really good at making weapons." There is some bitterness in that tone but it's all at himself. He learned a lot of bad things about himself during that fight, including that he's incredible at designing and creating violence. It is not something anyone would want to know, let alone Jayce.

"Back home I ... I meant to tell you but things kept happening." They were always busy or she was adjusting or they were kidnapped away on a ship. "I waited too long to tell Viktor and it almost broke us up, as friends. I don't know if he'll ever forgive me." This was before their relationship. It required Viktor to forgive him before they could move on together.

"I made a Hextech weapon, a hammer. Your friend from the Undercity, Vi, she asked me to help her take on Silco off the record." To get around the Council who she knows refused either of them the ability to attack. But Caitlyn probably saw how angry he was, how desperately he wanted to do something. It didn't take much. "We destroyed a Shimmer factory. People died." They killed them. "He wanted me to promise I'd never do that again."

Make weapons. Choose violence. Jayce feels enormous guilt over what happened, it made him spend many months completely wrapped up in self-hate, in disgust at himself. Despite coming off as arrogant, he has a lower self-esteem than it seems, so it was easy to hate himself. He's come to the other side of this as a learner.

"I need you to ...." He sighs and holds her hand. "I'm telling you because he's afraid if I lose him, I'd go down a dark path." And Jayce hasn't exactly dissuaded him. He just doesn't know what to do with all of this pain. His anger has never been safe to go anywhere either. "I don't want that either."

"When it comes to making things, there's very little you're not good at, Jayce." Normally, she'd never praise him quite this openly to his face, but with everything that's going on she'll make an exception. This once.

"You're one of the smartest people I've ever met. When you put your mind to it, you'd be good at creating anything if you really wanted to do it." So that happened to include weapons, well... maybe try being less of an amazing genius inventor and scientist then.

"Go on." She's reserving her judgement for now. Wants to give him time to explain, give herself time to listen and really absorb what he's clearly been worried about telling her. As if he hasn't had enough issues without this. So she does. There's a small pause before she speaks, picking her words with caution.

"That sounds like a plan Vi would make." For all Caitlyn can't imagine killing anyone or any of the people she knows killing people. Tackling Silco off record? Is exactly Vi's style. If there's a hint of fondness to her voice as she says this? That's her business.

"We all make mistakes Jayce. Have things we regret. There's nothing I can say or do that you haven't probably already told yourself since it happened. Except this." A soft squeeze of her hand, the smallest of smiles. "I'd say I forgive you, but really the main person who's forgiveness you need now is your own. You've learned from the event, grown from it, and have helped loads of people since. You're not the same man you were then, now. Maybe it'll never really be okay, but... forgive, and don't forget?"

Maybe she's never killed anyone, but given her career path and recent events, she's put a lot of thought into how she'd feel, what she'd do, if she ever.... she'll spare him the 'sometimes there are necessary evils to accomplish good' life talk, because she's still not sure she believes that one either.

Then she stops, listens, and nods. She understands, can see why they'd both think like that. If she wasn't here...but she is, and that means she has a certain amount of sway and power over that hypothetical future.

"You can trust tHat no matter what happens, I'll be there for you. And I won't let you do anything that's against your beliefs. Or that's just outright bad for you." Which might not be the easiest task, but out of anyone she's probably the only person outside of Viktor who can say those words and actually accomplish them.

"Usually I'd do anything for a compliment like that." Caitlyn doesn't give them often and he can be heartfelt about that while about to confess something dark. Jayce can create incredible things. His mind has always been so bright, his hope so high. He saw things that to everyone else were impossible. But he didn't have the wisdom yet to understand that isn't always a good thing. It was a bitter realization, knowing in some ways Heimerdinger was right about him. Moderation has never been his way.

"It was her plan, but I wanted it too. I just wanted to do something, anything. I was so tired of feeling helpless." Jayce was thrust very suddenly into a position of power and authority, and yet he found out immediately he couldn't really do much with it. That came with red tape and he found himself trapped faster than he expected. Between what happened on the bridge, when Caitlyn herself nearly died, and the reality of losing Viktor, he was out of control. Nothing he did was good enough. Vi gave him the easy way out and he took it.

Maybe a part of him wasn't sure what Caitlyn would say, but in the end, he's not surprised at how kind she is, how forgiving she is. That's why she has always been the better person.

"I'm not sure forgive is something I can do, but I've tried to find a way forward. A better way." Jayce wonders if forgiving himself would mean that he's just decided it was okay to kill a child, if that's holding him back. But he has turned it around to focusing on doing the right thing now, on doing penance by remembering the better parts of himself.

"It's not either of your jobs to keep me from making mistakes, but ... I'm still grateful to have you." And if she leaves, if they both leave, he'll find a way forward, in their name. Jayce does hate himself a lot less than he did months ago. That self-hate turned into normal guilt, and it remains, but it's bearable. He's able to get through weeks without having bad dreams now.

"He said he kept us from going here before in part because he thought it was selfish. Being with me when he knew he was going to die." Jayce learned so late, Viktor never planned on telling him at all. "I'm not sorry though."

"I'll keep that in mind." Maybe it'll be a present one day. Compliment vouchers. Good for one sincere compliment of Caitlyn's choice when he wants one. Though when he needs them, she's usually pretty good at being there. Because being there for him is kind of her thing. Has sat in the rain for hours to prove it.

It's something Caitlyn knows all too well. Jayce's issue with moderation, more or less. But as he's said, it's not her place to keep him from making mistakes. Plus, she has her own issues too so it's not like she's Little Miss Perfect or anything.

"I know the feeling. All too well." That feeling of helplessness. The accompanying anger, yes she's all familiar with them as of late. It's part of what drove her to the undercity in the first place. Forsaking her job, her oath in the search of answers and the truth. Consequences be damned. It's only luck that her excursion doesn't seem to have had the terrible outcome of Jayce's... yet. Though, perhaps the events recently are partially her fault. For pushing. For going. But... well, that's the past and it's not like she can really tell here.

"Sometimes forgiveness comes with time. You might not be ready now. But maybe one day. No one said healing was a quick process." And if they did, they were lying.

"You're right, it's not and I don't particularly want it to be." Because that'd definitely impact their relationship and dynamic. Something she's pretty happy with how it is already. "It goes both ways. I can be there for you and you can do the same in return, but we can't live each others lives for each other."

Which is a good thing, because they'd have both picked very different lives for each other. ~~That were probably comp het even and how weird would that be?~~

"And as long as I'm here or there, you'll always have me. Even if we're not physically together." A bond like theirs isn't something to be hampered by something as insignificant as time or space after all.

She winces slightly in commiseration at those words. The good old 'I decided this for your own good' kind of thing. But at least this one was a little more understandable.

"I know what it's like when people decide things for you, even if they think it's for your own good." A pause, a small twist of her lips. "Maybe especially so then." After all before Vi it was Jayce and her mother. Often trying to make the choices for her. Keep her from the dangerous things and the like.

"I'm glad you got another chance, despite his initial reservations."

Honestly, she's a little envious of this. That they got this second chance. Maybe one day she'd get to have one too. Oil and Water her bum! Just let her see Vi again, she'd tell her what for!

"After, when I saw all the carnage I created, I told Vi it was over. She pointed out to me that it was never going to be over, and that I was responsible for putting my head in the sand like everyone else." At the time Jayce had been so angry, he wanted to put his rage places, and in truth, if he was anyone else, it might have been easy to blame her for everything. That it was her fault. But he's never thought that, not for a second. It was his responsibility, through and through.

"I know she was right, but it just wasn't something I could keep doing. I let her take my Hextech gauntlets. She said I'd have to kill her to get them back, and I didn't want that. I guess, in a way, I was still rooting for her." That sounds crazy, he knows, it didn't make sense really. Nothing he did during that time makes proper sense. It was a lot of emotions and pain and bad decisions. They were all children who inherited the damage of their elders. Only the Undercity felt it.

"She said she came to me because you trusted me." And even if what they did was not something Caitlyn approved of, in that moment, the two of them were on the same page. Which is to say that Jayce doesn't disapprove of Vi, if that is what Caitlyn could think from their bad actions together. He doesn't know if they could be friends, but they did get each other.

As for the doing things for your own good, Jayce does have the good sense to look guilty. He knows that he was one of those people, trying to curb Caitlyn to 'protect her' in his mind. And he still feels that drive, it's difficult not to, but he knows now it can't happen. "I promise, I don't plan on making that mistake again with you." Besides, Caitlyn can beat him up! She can handle herself.

"Me too. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but we have to save his in order to do that." Otherwise Viktor will be spending the rest of his life with Jayce, it will be a tragically short one.

Caitlyn winces in sympathy. That... definitely sounds like Vi.

"She can be.. a little blunt." Which is , of course, putting it lightly at best. "But she's also wrong." Which wasn't new for Vi. Who had a tendency to be a little short sighted sometimes. The immediate future was all that existed and was all that would ever be. "Maybe it didn't seem like it then, but Piltover won't always be in such chaos. Things will be put to right and the people will have peace, safety."

After all, it's not like they live in Noxus or something. No one in Piltover, or even in Zaun, craves constant conflict. Not really. Not enough of them to matter anyway.

"She's good at that." There's a warmth to Caitlyn's voice, a genuine fondness. "It's easy to believe that she can do anything, isn't it?" Bigger than life really. Kind of like Jayce. So much more and when they said they'd do the impossible Caitlyn couldn't help but believe them.

For a moment Caitlyn just listens, processes. If a flush covers her cheeks at his next statement. That's her business. "Well, she's not wrong. Because I do." But hearing that her opinion was enough to sway Vi to a specific course of action? That's a little flustering. She's not even entirely sure why.

Okay, maybe she is, in fact, entirely sure why, but it's not something she wants to dwell on right now. Too embarrassing.

"Given a chance, I think you'd get along. If things weren't like they were." Or at least she sure hopes so. It'd be awful miserable for her if they don't.

"I didn't mean you. Well, not just you anyway. But it's appreciated." That's right. She can beat him up. Remember that! She might be youngest, but she's only slightly littler now. Something her mother might have bemoaned privately, her tall, lanky daughter who'd rather shoot things than politic.

"And you will. A nice long one at that. We'll make it happen." Nope. No dark thoughts allowed. He'd recover, they'd have a long time to be all sorts of sappy and in love and gross about it. Maybe even enough to chase Caitlyn out into an apartment of her own to get away from it.

"I don't mind blunt. I'm tired of people saying what they want me to hear."

It was extremely harsh to hear at the time, especially considering how low he'd fallen and how filled with self-hate he was. But Jayce also didn't give in and keep going on their path of violence and death. If she continued hers, that was her choice, but it was too much for him. Jayce doesn't have the stomach for actual violence, he learned that much, especially after Libertas. He also doesn't want to be a politician anymore, for the same reason.

"Maybe we could have gotten along, but I planned on making peace with Silco, which obviously is counter-productive to what we did." Although in many ways he thinks what they did is exactly why the man agreed to show up. Or he thought he would. Jayce knows it sounds insane set out like this, but he sighs. "I planned on offering the Undercity the independence they needed. Let them govern themselves, have their own trade routes, and not be under our thumb. I don't know if the Council will listen to me anymore, but I thought that was the only way."

Silco was evil and dangerous, but as far as Jayce knows, there was no one else in the Undercity that he could negotiate with. If there was, he would do it in a minute, to stay away from the man. He didn't know how they could destroy Silco and then offer the same thing to a broken leaderless Undercity. It was all shitty options at that point.

"Piltover has failed them, you said it yourself. I don't think we can fix it, and I don't think the Council would have actually bothered." So this was his way of trying to outflank their indifference. Maybe it sounded like a horrible deal with the devil, and it was, but Jayce thought of every possible angle. He just wanted to make things better, but the Council broke everything too much. It couldn't be pieced back together by them.

Jayce stands again and this time he pulls her into a hug. He could use the contact and his fears haven't gone away but she has managed to inspire some of his optimism and confidence again. "I plan to marry him, if we make it on the other end of this. Don't tell him, it'll be hard enough trying to get him to agree." Viktor agreeing is the problem, mostly because as much as he loves Jayce, it's just so formal of a thing. Much more Jayce's style, to want a commitment, ring, and wedding.

"The life of a politician, so I've heard."

Despite Cassandra Kiramman's desire for Caitlyn to follow in her footsteps, the negatives of the job haven't been spared her. Caitlyn's heard far too many lectures about reading between the lines, finding out what they don't want to say behind what they're actually saying. Which... she'd actually used in her job as an Enforcer. Which wasn't what her mother had intended, but it worked well enough for Cait.

"Peace with Silco." It's said in a neutral tone. Caitlyn never being one to really jump to conclusions one way or the other without time to consider things. Could it work? Should it? What would peace with Silco really entail? And how would it change things that desperately needed to be changed? She's not sure anything tied to Silco could end well, but maybe that's her own prejudice speaking.

"Independence is a good first step." That, at least, she can agree with. She's just not sure what an independent Undercity would look like under the thumbs of its Chem Barons.

"You're right. There's only so much we can do." More and more it was looking like there would be no easy option, no way to really win at least not any time soon. Not without some radical changes. But honestly? Those changes wouldn't come from people like them. Maybe that was part of the problem. People from Piltover thinking they knew better. Maybe it was best left up to the people who knew. People like Ekko and his crew, like Vi.

Hugs are good. Jayce hugs are especially good. She leans into him, squeezing him close. He's been a rock for her time and again over the years, being one in return? Least she can do.

"You should." She smiles at the thought. "I think if you keep the spectacle low, it'll help." No grand ceremony. No large reception. No real fuss. None of those are things that are really Viktor. "Once he agrees that is."

And he probably would. Eventually. Just maybe not at first. Either way, she'd help out the best way she could when it came time. Plus, it's nice to think about their future instead of worrying about their present. Focus on the possibilities. The things that would happen.

"Yeah. Turns out, it really wasn't for me." Honestly, Jayce never thought it was. From the start he felt very strange about it. He liked the attention, he convinced himself that any ability to make change by new power was good, but it never fit him. He was pulled away from his work, from what he really saw as his dream and meaning for being. Jayce was attracted to elements of it, and he thought he could make a difference, but in essence, it never suited him. In a lot of ways, he wished it never happened. He can't go backwards.

"I know. It wasn't my first choice, but I didn't know how else to do it. In our negotiation, I planned on forcing him to destroy the rest of the Shimmer factories. I know it'll never be perfect, but it's been wrong for a long time, Piltover controlling them without caring about them." This war started long before either of them were born, and yet they were born into it, with privilege. But it still wasn't their mistake. It would only be their mistake if they let it continue on. That he was sure of.

He holds her in his hug, glad to have it. When he thought he'd never see her again, Jayce would put in his mind his memories of her, so he could find some comfort in there. Now he can have it for real. He's shared more of his real life with her here, because they both have the time.

"You're not wrong. I don't care about the spectacle. Just him." Jayce smiles faintly. He has to believe in the future. He has to believe that they can be everything they were supposed to be. He promised Viktor he'd live in the now with him, rather than off in the future, but he's going to allow himself this one fantasy. A ring on their finger, a promise on their lips.

"I have to go meet him at the workshop, want to keep me company?" On the walk at least.

"I know I didn't react.... very tactfully to your appointment." Caitlyn admits. Because it's kind of true. "But it never felt like the right fit." At the time she'd wondered if it was just because she's so many personal biases against the position, but with time she's pretty sure that's not true. At least, not entirely.

"I'm not blaming you. Unlike what I thought when we were younger, sometimes maybe you really do just have to choose the lesser of two evils." Which is a big concession coming from Caitlyn, but that even when you get to the extremes there are still shades involved. Gray doesn't just exist in the middle. "And if it doesn't work....well, then we just try something else."

Maybe life isn't technically like Jayce's experiments, but maybe there's something to be learned from all that time in a lab.

She doesn't have the prolonged absence, but even the small one she'd had back home had been strange. He'll always be a place of grounding for her, a touchstone if you will. And she's glad of it, hopes it'll never change.

"I know. It shows." After all, she's got a front row seat considering her living arrangements. Not that she's complaining. It's sweet, when it's not tinged with sadness and desperation. Something that, maybe, she envies a little bit. It looks nice. Not now of course, but... one day perhaps.

"Always." For all the teasing and grief they give each other "Perhaps I'll stop for tea on the way back." Maybe do some shopping, pick up a new book to read for fun. If she doesn't get distracted with something duty related in the process.

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Maybe we can wrap on this one since we have the newer one :)

Completely fine by me!