abraxaslogs | Reality doesn’t always give us the life that we desire

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Reality doesn’t always give us the life that we desire

WHO: Istredd and anyone!
WHAT: Catch-all for April
WHERE: Thorne, Horizon
WHEN: EARLY April for now, will put later prompts up as time goes on
WARNINGS: PTSD from the event, NSFW thread in comments

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"If even that long," Sabine agreed, thinking about a tiny town rarely given that much and a world where that was truer than the rabble let itself believe. It was so easy for people to cling to what they lauded from the past while forgetting, and making sure not to pass on, the history they didn't want.

"I don't even know how long it would take me if I tried to recall every book I've read into some location there." It was amusing to consider—the time and the creation. Not to mention that it could have been decades of them, book voraciously read every year since she was so small. Her parents have never bothered with the quirk of her fascination, and then, Jack has so readily loved them after she found him, too.

"They all stay in the Horizon, correct? Nothing made there has been pulled back here?" There's a second level to the question, and it slides without any earlier intention to lead to it. It'd be better for this strain of thought if they could, but it might betoken so much worse in several other ways if it could.

Since his return, Geralt has yet to enter the Horizon. He isn't avoiding it. Just—preoccupied with other shit in the tangible world.

Only when he's home—really home—and things have settled a bit does he go inside. Kaer Morhen stands, unchanged. He hesitates to venture downstairs. Finds it as he left it after all. No nightmares spilling out, no dark locked doors. Just the temple and the light scent of spring blooms.

He doesn't know what makes this time different. (He knows.) Doesn't spend too long dwelling. Instead, he mounts his motorbike—been a spell since he's taken it out—and rides down the snowy slope towards the open path of the Horizon. These days, he's as at home on it as he is on a horse. It's not the same as a companion, but he's learned the appeal.

It wasn't his intent, at first, to go here. But when he passes by a familiar structure,, he slows. The bike rumbles outside. Hm.

He cuts the engine. Possible, that Istredd heard the roar of it, but either way, Geralt isn't discreet as he walks towards the door and knocks.

Edited 2023-04-20 04:15 (UTC)

“I’m undead. Everything I make a home can be my coffin.” It’s said in a light tone, not at all serious. Just as Louis knows very little about magic beyond the belief of superstitious matters, he recognizes the mention of a coffin might seem abnormal. He’s become used to it that when he did get rid of it in a sense, he still saw it as such. All Istredd gets is a slight chuckle from him. He’s sure little by little they’ll understand one another’s world, to an extend. He’s met other vampires and he’s begun to see even they are a variant, different in nature despite the commonality.

Knowing it’s the tower Istredd grew up in strikes on questions he holds back on for now. Even two months in he's still figuring out his part. He won’t actually adjust for a while. Louis easily follows Istredd to the staircase, finding investment in the books that they see as they walk. Once he finds himself in front of the door, there’s slight disbelief to the concept, then he realizes how real it feels despite his body being in mediation far away. Louis opens the door, and he pauses.

He's met with a replica of a particular area of the home he shared with his immortal companions. There’s a vintage outlook to it, one that matches Louis’ attire (which could seem strange to someone from another world). There’s the tasseled lamp that never changed throughout the decades, looming over the long red couch that'll overlook into the other room where he sees the outline of a piano. One side of the room has browns with reds while the other holds emerald walls with gold. There's a peculiar armchair on the other side of the couch, one lined with a pattern that could be catholic stained glass windows from the colors alone. It stands out. It's right next to a fireplace, and he currently sees a fire crackling. It's all contained, but this time there are no stairs that'll lead upstairs or a doorway taking him into the streets of Nola. It's as if a part of his past has come alive just for him.

“I read many a books here. How is it possible? Does your tower hold endless amount of rooms for everyone?”

Oh. He does remember hearing about the sea monster in the lake now. He rubs at his brow, slightly irritated. The fact that this doesn't rank even the top three weirdest things that happened in the past few weeks probably says something.

"It's too bad you can't recover the bones for the family," he says, somberly. He vaguely remembers that the creature had eventually died outside of its natural waters, but any recovery of remains from within its belly would be unlikely - unless the man had something... indigestible on him when he was swallowed that his family might want returned.

"Have you thought about asking for a regular stipend from the castle?" Kahlil knows he teaches Summoned, but he could probably make a good argument to be paid as an instructor for apprentice mages, or even his work with wards. There might eventually be a need for more coin than what can be scrimped and saved from their allowances.

"He was giving inspirational speeches down there. Or attempting to. He did stop after a few days which was for the best, the heckling was going to turn into mud throwing."

Istredd thinks on some level everyone appreciated him doing it for those first few days. Having someone attempt to reassure others was appreciated, especially as Istredd wasn't doing so well at trying it himself. He was doing it on a smaller level with the boys. He did eventually end up speaking too, but the opposite of inspirational.

"He's a good man. It turns out I like everyone from your sphere, at least so far." Istredd was close first with Wanda, and he knows she isn't particularly fond of Stephen, who he also works with regularly. It's an interesting group, all very different from each other, and yet bonded in their own experiences.

"Yes, I don't think I realized how much I rely on it." So many things just came to him naturally with his magic. "The interesting thing is how they managed to cut us off like that. My magic isn't like learning spells here, it is in my blood, my genetics. I know others there who said their abilities were physical, they shouldn't have been able to get scrambled like that." And yet.

Istredd knows this is rather bleak information and he says it very flatly and factually. This is simply how it is, no reason to dress it up. Thorne is an oppressive regime and they are more or less trapped there. He has no love for the faction.

"Some people do. The original group who fled to the other places do, and they've told others. We also don't pretend otherwise if people ask. We try to inform new people as they arrive there, it's important they understand. Being critical of Thorne or the monarchy where they can hear you could lead to an arrest or detainment."

Istredd has said before that none of them can really understand the difference between being in Thorne and elsewhere. There is a constant paranoia and anxiety that dogs all of them. Istredd has learned how to succeed within the castle but it's a survival tactic on top of trying to protect the other Summoned. The ravens make some cawing noises that sound strangely like agreement. He glances over at them, amused, before back at Jayden.

"There isn't anything you can all do as of now. The queen already destroyed one of your cities over an assumed attack, trying to mess with their Summoned would be an act of war."

Ugh. Politics. He wishes he could say that it's the factions' problems if they want to fight with each other, and that's true of the leaders, but it isn't really true of the people. They don't deserve what would happen if there was a war, and he does care about that.

But he also cares about the Summoned in Thorne, and this doesn't seem like something that should just be acceptable. Of course he's under no illusion that the Free Cities is without fault, likely instead just taking the tactic they think might benefit them when it comes time for them to want whatever they ultimately brought the Summoned here for, but the conditions Istredd's describing at Throne feels like a pressing issue.

"Aside from the political side of things, is there anythin' stopping you from leaving? People travel around through portals, right? Any reason you can't get through one of the portals, like from Nocwich?" There's visits there every so often, right? Is there some sort of magical warding that stops travel between factions? He presumes there must be, or at least something similar, but this is one more piece of information he doesn't know for sure.

Istredd is the opposite. He's been spending too much time in here, neglecting the real world, but he also doesn't have as much shit to worry about in Thorne. Being in here, filling up countless notebooks and making yet another conspiracy board, it may not be long-term healthy, but for now it's helping. Since Castiel's mention on the network a few people have shown up here but it is quiet at the moment.

Istredd does glance up, confused, having heard the engine but not knowing what that is. Strange. The door opens as soon as Geralt knocks and he happens to be on the first floor stacking up a few texts. They're all of the same thing, so he is keeping them together. Geralt will see a leosylph identical to the one he dropped in Istredd's room is on the bannister a floor above, currently asleep. The ravens are all on different floors, but he might spot them all looking at him for a moment before fluttering away.

"Geralt." Istredd is actually surprised to see him, and his first instinct is to be wary, despite the fact they managed to make some semblance of peace in the pit. Outside of some mild violence that was more miscommunication in the middle. The last he saw of him, he was escaping, and Istredd's focus had been on Ciri getting out alive. A little stabbing didn't end up killing him, so all's well.

His guard drops a second after he tenses. What can he really do in here, anyway? "Was that sound you?"

"Is that why?" he jokes lightly.

This is not going to sustain either of them.

In fact, Lucifer's pretty sure Istredd is metaphorically shooting himself in the foot for this. Not a taste to last, but an addiction that they won't be able to truly satiate. Well, Lucifer isn't doing any grand displays at the party, so he can afford to be distracted until he can make the notable claim to the dance floor. A claim that everyone already assumes they have to each other, but that's besides the point.

Lucifer mentally thrums with appreciation, soaking Istredd's thoughts in, greedy in a way that Istredd always was, but not Lucifer. He took advantage of their open minds but never pulled for more than was offered.

He is not fixing his hair after this.

Five minutes isn't nearly enough, don't be too out of focus for your performance, Istredd. He nips at Istredd before pulling away, amused and very interested in the man being some of the way distracted during the illusion show and Lucifer with full attention on him.

It definitely is not sustainable if they are going to actually go anywhere, and Istredd knows that. And he does want them to go. He may be nervous and maybe intentionally trying to build up his confidence, make himself feel bigger and better than he is. Being Lucifer's chosen does give him that ego boost he desperately needs at the moment.

He sighs and smooths down Lucifer's clothes from where he was just gripping a little too hard, gesturing for the coat. "Put it back on, troublemaker." Istredd does intentionally muss Lucifer's hair even more though just because, although it only looks better on him, which is truly enraging. He makes an annoyed tch noise about that, while sharing with Lucifer mentally why.

"You are not going to distract me. Dancing with you will be a reward for putting on a good show." See if he can focus on being on the other side of that attention, and maybe make Lucifer a little proud of him, he can get through it. Once he actually begins, Istredd will seem perfectly confident and competent, using magic always is so much easier than getting himself there.

"Stunning, you said?"

"I always try to make sense of things, but I'll admit, religion is a blind spot. I've never really engaged with anything like what we saw, or what Solvunn is typically like." There are definitely cults and religions like that in his sphere, it's not as if it is missing zealotry, but he is an academic. Istredd sticks to his libraries and his books that sometimes talk about these things, but it's not been an experience until now.

"My partner understands it very well. He and his brothers are part of a major religion on his sphere. The holy books are written about their family." To Istredd, angels and the Bible are as alien as her spaceships and reapers would be. He does know some Summoned know about those stories, but not all of them. Lucifer isn't really reflected well in them, so he's only given a cursory look over the books Michael added.

"I would agree with you though. I don't think the majority of them knew what they were doing. The acolytes on the whole seemed to be very much taking orders. From Creed, perhaps. It probably isn't only her though. One ringleader in a very effective and out-sourcing cult? That sounds unlikely."

Istredd is hoping to speak with her before whatever happens. And by speak to, he really means rip apart her mind if that's what it takes to get answers out of her. He is normally very mild-mannered and calm, but she has a great deal to answer for, and he's been trained to break apart minds when he needs to. He won't have any qualms about it when it comes to Josselyn Creed.

A little leosylph rubs up against his legs, he is black with red eyes, and Istredd reaches down to pick him up. He crawls up his shirt to sit comfortably on his shoulder, looking at Shepard and her raven friend. Istredd went from having no pets or animals in his life to clearly more than he actually knows what to do with. The ravens aren't his so he can't really do anything about them.

"Yes, they will execute her. Knowing Solvunn, it will be something particularly unsettling too." He doesn't have to know about the sheep ritual execution to guess they were going to do something creepy. "She didn't just embarrass them, she was someone in charge. A politician, elected and everything, and made these moves right under their noses."

Not embarrassment, straight out incompetence.

He could distract Istredd, but he wouldn't, not at any public event. Their daily lives in Thorne are putting on appearances, showing their value in dazzling displays of power and bloodshed (well, that last one was more of a Lucifer Thing). He would never risk causing that confidence and showmanship to falter with their officials looking on.

Lucifer doesn't look away from the performance, keeping cross-armed, leaning against a wall. He imagines for as long as Istredd had his magic bound up, this release must be a relief. Necessary, even. He's kept himself so cooped up to an unhealthy degree, Lucifer's not sure Istredd has done such a burst of magic use.

"Flawless," he says. "It's good to see you in your element again." After hiding for so long.

It's true that for all his nerves, the moment he gets started, it all falls away. Istredd has never really shown off to this extent before, to a point where he could cover an entire ballroom with illusions as easy as breathing. After all that time without his Chaos, he did need this. There is actual joy in him as he watches it all come alive, as if he remembers now that magic wasn't always about necessity. Sometimes he truly does love to be a mage. Yennefer craves the power of Chaos, but Istredd craves the beauty of it.

For someone who usually avoids attention, Istredd allows himself a good fifteen seconds or so of smiling at the applause and soaking in the approval. Then he is moving aside for someone else to take the spotlight and beelines straight for Lucifer. He did keep himself intentionally from noticing his partner, just in case, but he feels good.

"What, hiding under your bed wasn't my element?" Istredd grins at him and they're in public again so he doesn't touch him obviously. He leans against the wall next to him instead and then bumps his shoulder in a way that would be friendly if it wasn't the after now.

"I've never done that without feeling under the scrutiny of the wrong person." He means Stregobor, who taught him, whose approval of Istredd's skill was always narcissistic. "Until now." Until you.

"I agree. We are bringing them one of our logs too, I'm doing a lasting heating enchantment on it, hopefully that will give ... something for the winter. I'll see if they can communicate anything else we could do when we go." Lucifer will be there to make a good show for Nott, and maybe secretly to also do a good thing, but Istredd will try his best to go the compassionate route. They are limited in what they can do.

"If they won't pay Yenna for her work, they're definitely not going to pay me." Yennefer teaches people on a higher level and she also has two assistants of her own, and they are probably paid. But she is not. Istredd always uses his familial nickname of her when around friends, but he is more careful to call her Yennefer or the Lady Yennefer in Thorne Castle. "She got more access in exchange. Maybe that's how I get the same to certain texts."

It's about proving himself skilled and useful and knowledgeable first. He wants to get access to the books about other forms of magic. He'd like to get more about the history of the continent too, more than what they allow. "That's what mages do in my sphere. We don't get paid, we get knowledge or power or both."

It says a lot about a person what they actually imagine in their space. Istredd made Wanda a room that she prefers to use when she's in here. His changes depending on what he's working on. Lucifer uses the one that he turned into his conspiracy board. Istredd's seen some as he wanders looking very different from what he himself knows, so he simply accepts someone else probably made it.

He very curiously looks into the room. It is strange to him for certain, Istredd is from a time that would probably be called medieval to Louis. The style isn't fully modern in the way he's seen from others, that he's adapted to, but it's unique. And it feels fitting for Louis, more so than any giant coffin tower, to be honest. It is very lived in. He knows that Louis had a vampire daughter, so he assumes this was in their home.

"I really wish I could tell you how it all works. If any of us could explain how the Singularity and the Horizon work, we would." Istredd's been to the Singularity and it gave him no answers about what it is, although he does know for certain it's alive and real. It is the most incredible thing in all the spheres. Istredd's obsession with the Singularity has never ended, he will be happy to study it here for centuries, if he never gets sent home.

"My guess has to do with my psionic magic. My mind is more open than most. So I'm allowing other people to create within my space, as if they are designing their own domains, but inside here." Louis could make all of this for himself in his own domain, it's simply filling in here within the walls of the greater library. Istredd's domain is looser than most, it can be changed and modified and used by other people. That is how he wanted it.

"I don't think there is a limit to what we can do in here. Have you made your domain yet?"

If they weren't having a good time he'd be tempted to push the issue. That Istredd boxing himself into their room is just pushing into his own fear. He remembers how the mage reacted when Lucifer showed him his Cage, it wasn't only rage for what happened to Lucifer, but there was his own terror underneath it, and it's not the same but it's close enough that Istredd is putting himself into that.

But not here. Not now. When they get back he'll push. Even if it's just sitting high up on the walls as Lucifer still does. He's less inclined to bring Istredd with him to the Winking Cauldron.

He does not want to be put under Mildred's scrutiny.

"Unless you were secretly born a cavedweller," he jokes, "then no, it seems a bit of a stretch."

And I'd say you're still under mostly the wrong scrutiny. Ambrose has already returned to Thorne, but Jolene may still be around. She may be a winner to keep around, but time will only tell. He leans into the bump, keeps their arms pressed together, sign enough that he doesn't mind. He's listening only absently to the next performance. "Now you just have some highlights. I hope you know I'm not the only one to appreciate your talents." Oh, his ego would say he's the only one that matters, but Istredd is deserving of other recognition.

Istredd knows without it needing to be said that Lucifer is concerned about his continued withdrawal and he agrees it is going to be a problem if he can't shake out of it eventually. He is here though. He is trying. He even went into town with Kyle once, although that meant he was more withdrawn once he got back, despite it being successful. Istredd would rather not talk about it, but both of them are attempting to talk more. It is part of the deal.

"Born one, no, but did I tell you I was an archaeologist as well as a historian and scholar?" Istredd is glad their arms are still allowed to be pressed together, it's nice. Urianger and Stephen are both doing their own presentations at some point so he'll try to not be distracted for those. "I was in many digs and caves." His love of rocks is eternal.

It's an intentional scrutiny. I can hold up under it. Probably. Hopefully. Istredd has to play a lot nicer with the mages here than he would against Stregobor, to be fair. Him being the favorite meant he could call him a liar in a full room of mages and only get a gentle rebuke. He isn't about to show that attitude with Ambrose.

"Don't encourage me to get an ego, Lucifer, we'll all regret it." He runs his fingers along the back of Lucifer's hand but doesn't hold it.

"You know I don't think you did, but honestly if you said it in the beginning I likely ignored it, and it wasn't an addendum after your list of magical specialties where I tripped over your psionics mention and almost threatened to kill you if you dug around in my head."

Despite the bland statement, he is completely amused by the sentiment. He'd been annoyed and angry about it the first time he let Istredd into his head, and resigned exhausted fight when they formed the bond.

Now he's just laughing, internally full-blown, externally just quiet chuckling to not rudely interfere with the performances.

And you're right, probably not an instance Istredd would like to hear those words, you with an ego would be hard to live with.

"You didn't threaten me though, which in retrospect, is a bit of a surprise." They weren't as close then, although they were harmoniously living together and on the verge of being friendly.

Istredd tries not to laugh which is difficult with Lucifer laughing inside his mind, but it really is incredible what a vast change from that sentiment it became. I would like to point out that I never pushed to be in your mind, you always invited me in. He was perfectly polite about it and followed his promise not to dig into Lucifer's head.

Though as they both know now, Istredd is guilty of making the bond what it is now.

"I wouldn't know what to do with one, don't worry. That's why I find confidence attractive in other people." False confidence counts, since they both know some of Lucifer's is put upon. And so is Yennefer's.

"If you could've read my mind then you'd have known I definitely wanted to." He reaches up with his hand that's further from Istredd, making a pinching gesture. "Itty bitty death threats rolling around in my head." But no, the actual threat fell to the side. Given the conversation that had lead into it and that he didn't really want to vet another roommate, and that Istredd--relatively speaking--cared about boundaries unlike all of angelkind, Lucifer included... acting out just hadn't been worth it.

Although even if he had issued the threat they still likely would have ended up in the same place. Istredd shook off all of Lucifer's irregular, violent behaviors.

I'm aware, he says. Lucifer knows everything he freely gave, just as he knows the few things he's held back. Everything the light touches... What about that shadowy place way out there? You must never go there, Istredd. Lucifer's divine presence is so strong that its hard to see the shadows that do exist in his mind, and he'll keep it that way, keep them safe.

"Is that how you dress it up? Here I thought you were just attracted to trainwrecks in-motion."

"You didn't need to, I got the message. I'm glad I didn't tell you right away though, you might have abandoned me, and then where would we be now." He was safe as a placeholder as long as he was tolerable and easy. And non-threatening. By the time Lucifer knew, they liked each other better. Istredd's proven exactly why he didn't mention it by now, he is very respectful of boundaries.

I definitely fell in love with your mind first. I thought it had to be obvious when I called it beautiful. That was before Istredd knew that he was developing feelings really, although it probably should have been a sign things were headed in that direction for him. As soon as the bond happened, it was inevitable. Access to that beautiful brain at all times. Impossible to resist.

Istredd is casually referring to his love now because it's clear and they're both aware of it. No reason to be shy about it now.

"You could say that, I would say tempestuous and intense personalities mixed with brilliance and beauty."

"Why would that be obvious!" Whoops, that was a bit loud. And vocal. It gets them some glances, but mostly from locals. He should maybe be annoyed that the Summoned just easily brush it off. Logically my mind is amazing. And a surreal sight to behold. Oh, and divine, let's not forget that. His feathers are only mildly ruffled. Metaphorically. (Probably). Some things should, I don't know, actually be spelled out.

For silly little angels that aren't supposed to change or have relationships or anything like that.

Sheesh!

Now you're just sugarcoating it and I can't dance with you yet.

Whoops that was out loud. Istredd does dart his eyes to see who noticed but luckily anyone who did was back to looking at the shows. He waits until he's sure that no one is staring at them before he sneaks his hand out and takes Lucifer's, threading their fingers together like he gets to do sometimes now.

Would you have listened back then? Or been open to it? It was only a month after you said you weren't interested in people. That was before Luna and the ship, which is where things took a major turn for them, but that didn't mean Lucifer would have been receptive to his feelings. He mentally soothes Lucifer's ruffled feathers to the best of his ability.

But I put a lot of work into making sure you didn't know, so it wasn't obvious, you're right. I didn't want to ... disgust you. Or risk us. Especially not after the bond. Istredd did have to use effort to block his longing and adoration and it did bleed out all over the place, obvious to people who knew where to look. Lucifer had reacted to the idea of being interested in Yennefer with disgust. Why would Istredd be any different?

"I mean every word." About his type and the rest. "But again, a reminder, two people having similar traits doesn't make them the same person."

That is strangely wholesome for the two of them, though he can't predict whether or not the family will interpret it the same. Depends on how believably sincere they come across, he supposes.

Yenna trips him up for a second, hearing the nickname for the first time. He frowns to himself.

"Then can you ask to be paid in portal spells?"

He's only being half facetious, considering Istredd is likely already looking or at least hoping to get similarly locked access to spells. A pause, then he raises an eyebrow.

"Who do you serve, as a mage?"

What power?

Istredd doesn't always remember who knows about him and Yennefer. The two of them are close and she has stopped pretending otherwise. It was a statement of a kind when she met him at the portal in front of everyone and took care of him. But until then they did keep it quiet, outside of them spending time with magic and talking.

They are probably one of the best well-oiled machines people will ever see in action when they have to be. Their training can kick in after decades apart.

"That isn't a terrible suggestion. No harm in asking. It is strange not to be able to teleport everywhere I want." Istredd usually can cross entire lands in the blink of an eye back home. Not really common knowledge, since he barely uses portals here.

The question is a fair one, he opened the door. "The Brotherhood of Sorcerers, a very old organization of mages. There are two schools, one for men and one for women, practically next door to each other." Thus why the young mages did get to know each other no matter what. Permanently linked. "They attempt to politically control kingdoms through court-appointed mages. We're trained for court intrigue, I just didn't take to it."

Istredd can do it though. He could even be good at it, if he tried. "You get taken and trained as children and serve for your lifetime, hundreds of years."

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Page 7 of 18

Reality doesn’t always give us the life that we desire

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zooming in late, sorry!!

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never too late for these two :D

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