abraxaslogs | Open Log - I feel like I should be cackling

"Oh, you are simply betrothed to someone, often before meeting them. Marriages are made for alliances. Love matches are a luxury of the lowborn, I'm afraid, because someone like me was always going to get married off to the highest bidder. My lord father would not have let it be someone cruel, though, and I think that is the difference," she says.

"My parents did not know one another when they married but they grew to love one another. I always wanted that for myself. I wanted to marry someone brave and handsome and strong and my father assured me that this man existed. I am not so certain about that any longer but I certainly believed it once. I was fond of the romantic songs and tales when I was a girl."

Chris looked at her for a few moments, slowly digesting the information and trying not to completely hurl. "I'm sorry, did you just compare marriage to an auction? Like....human barbie dolls?" No wonder she thought she was an object. She'd been raised to think of herself as a very expensive barbie doll.

"I know you're probably not going to believe me, but you are more than just your body parts, or your land, or what you can give someone. Good and decent people do exist, I promise. It's probably a lot harder to figure it out though when everyone is treated as nothing more than the sum of their parts."

Chris was still stuck on the fact that he was having a date with someone who basically believed she was a walking vagina. He could imagine the types of guys she was used too. Gross, super gross.

"I know it must be difficult for you to understand that I was raised to learn how to keep a house, to be a wife, to bear children. That is how it is in Westeros. It is not that way here which is unusual for me but I think, in many ways, it is nicer."

Sansa frowns a bit, embarrassed she's even talking about all of this.

"It was not a role I was ashamed of until certain events came to pass. I would have loved to have been the wife to someone kind and handsome. Unfortunately, other than you, I have not met many handsome men who are also kind."

Chris reached over to try and take her other hand as well. She deserved so much more than she thought she did, or had been given, and it pained him that she didn't realize it.

"I don't want you to feel embarrassed or ashamed of your life, or who you are. But you do deserve to be treated with kindness and respect and it just sucks that you haven't been. And that most of the men you've met don't see how special you really are. And I mean that as more than just the fact that your a woman who may or may not have land or whatever."

It only occurred to after him his little rant that she called him handsome. It was his turn to blush. "Wait, you think I'm cute?" He was almost loathe to tell her she was beautiful herself, because she already thought of herself as an irreplaceable beautiful doll. "I want you to be happy Sansa. If being someone's wife makes you happy, that's okay. I just want you to be sure that's what you want. You. Not someone else."

Edited (words that make sense now) 2024-09-29 18:59 (UTC)

"One would have to be blind to think you are not handsome," Sansa says, simply stating the fact. She blushes a little and squeezes his hands. It is not something she's ever done before with someone and it feels quite nice, actually.

"I think I have had enough of husbands for now," she says. "Provided that does not offend you? I would like to be free of another man's name for the time being."

"Um, thanks," Chris wasn't used to getting complimented. "That's actually just what I wanted to hear." He wanted to her to have time to be Sansa. To discover who she was and what she liked, without being trapped by another person, or another name. "Although, in my family, the women are the ones who keep their names. Not that I'm proposing to you." He added in a hurry, because her world and culture was weird and he didn't want anything he said to be taken wrong.

So, he just held her hands, squeezing back gently, threading his fingers through her own. It felt nice, and calm and warm. "I really do enjoy spending time with you though," Chris settled on saying that instead of 'I really do like you,' so she didn't flee out the nearest window.

"I also enjoy spending time with you," Sansa says. She does not take her hand away, which surprises her, because she does not normally engage in so much physical touch. It feels nice, though, and she realizes that she's been quite lonely for a long time. Perhaps spending time with someone is not a frightening prospect after all.

"I did not take it as a proposal, just so you know. It is not your culture to propose upon first meeting someone and I would imagine you would do that after a long courtship. I just never have had the luxury of being courted."

"There aren't as many rules where I come from. It's more when ever people feel is the right time. Not that it matters here." It was probably a good thing they were in a public place with a table in front of them. It kept him from reaching over and touching other than just her hands. He'd only known her for a short time, and what he'd learned, well, he didn't want to startle her. Sansa deserved better than that, she'd been treated horribly, and was only starting to trust him. He didn't want to betray that trust.

"Being kind to someone regardless of courtship or dating is the least anyone should do. I hope you let me show you how should be treated." As far as she could tell, her dreams of romance and kindness and having a relationship that even bordered on civil had been crushed. Beyond crushed. Crushed, bombed and set on fire.

"What do you like doing? What do you usually do in Thorne?" He was fishing. Slowly, fishing. He couldn't get her gifts if he didn't know what she liked.

"Quite a bit of sewing, which you may have gathered," Sansa says, laughing softly. "I also ride horses every once in a while. I suppose that makes me very boring. It isn't such a bad life, though, to not have quite so much excitement."

Sansa thinks for a moment. "I spend time practicing what little magic I have learned as well. I think it is a useful skill in this place and Thorne encourages the Summoned to do so. Magic is thought of very highly there."

Sansa realizes suddenly that she has become something of an insular person now, someone who draws close to those she trusts, and that is something she would like to change one day. Not everyone is terrible.

Chris had a brief moment of recall, and smiled. "I don't think it makes you boring at all. I can't ride a horse at all. But I do remember my mom sewing, and being pissed she wasn't better at it because she spent all her time fighting instead of doing regular mom stuff. Do you think you could teach me? The sewing."

That's right Sansa, you found a man who wanted to learn to sew. Sure, he wanted to learn to sew so he could create poppets and such to use magic with, but it was still sewing. Also he couldn't keep using magic to fix buttons and stuff without some serious backlash eventually.

"Do you want another drink?"

"I could teach you to sew. I've never taught a man to sew before but there is a first time for everything," Sansa says. He asks her if she wants another drink and she finds that she nods quickly, unable and unwilling to end this particular evening. It is nice to just talk to someone for once and not be on guard.

"I would like what you had," she says. "To try something new? I think it would be nice to have something new for once and to stop being so dependent upon the things that I know."

Chris doesn't fight the smile building and orders them another round of cappuccinos. He can feel her relaxing in the back of his mind, although he doesn't need his powers to tell that. She's gone from wary to outright holding his hand. Hands, plural, and not to eager to let go. He wondered when the last time someone showed her basic human decency was, considering how affection starved she was. What her life must have been like. And was like, if she's been holding onto that fear for the nine months she was here.

He was quite sure he was the first man Sansa had ever had to teach to sew, the caliber of the men from her world did not seem stellar. She wanted something new? Alright, he was going to get her something new every time he saw her. Which, really shouldn't be that hard considering what a force of habit she seemed to be. That she felt she had to be.

"No man has ever asked you how to sew before?" Shocked, yeah he was shocked. The men in your world, suck Sansa. "What happens when something needs to be fixed?"

Sansa arches a brow and laughs lightly. "A man would get a woman to sew it for him. That's what we're meant to do, after all. Of course, as a highborn girl I often spent my time embroidering tapestries or making my own gowns but there are servants who repair clothing all the time. There is man's work and women's work."

It is different from here where the sexes seem to do as they please but not in Westeros.

"Women cook and keep the house. Men hunt or work a trade or rule their lands. I was taught to be a lady of a castle and manage everything about how it works to make my husband's life easier. Of course, women also bear children."

There was so much wrong with the words that just came out of Sansa's mouth that Chris actually gagged. His eyebrows shot up to the top of his forehead. He knew her world was whacked but this was. Well. Really whacked. "Okay, see, my grandfather just told me to get a new shirt. You've obviously figured out it's a little different where I from. Men and women aren't separated like that."

He sighed, trying to let it go. It was her world--and her life, if she chose it. "Does it make you happy? Does sewing and having children and embroidering tapestries make your heart skip?" And if so, did it make her happy because that's what she was taught to do, or because that was what she actually wanted? "I was always taught that whoever your partner is, you're a team. No one exists to make another's life easier. You tackle problems together."

"It is my duty. My happiness has never been considered as part of who I should be," Sansa says. "I was meant to do my duty by my husband and by my family. Things didn't happen that way, however, and I was not arranged a marriage to a kind man. My parents died, the world fell into war, and I was a chip to be bargained with."

Sansa sighs a bit.

"I don't expect you to understand. I...I've never considered what would make me happy. Life is not a song, Chris. Joy is not something I have been allowed to have, not since I was a small girl. Spending this time with you is a luxury I've never had."

"Maybe we should talk about something else," Chris didn't understand, or didn't want to understand. And he really didn't want to fight with her. Her upbringing was her upbringing, but it hurt for him to hear her say that joy wasn't something that factored in to living.

"But, since you are here, now, maybe give it some thought. You can try to be happy here, even if it's only for a little while. Joy and love shouldn't be something you have to bargain for. They're not luxuries. They're what make life worth living. I was brought up on duty too. It's not quite the same as yours but it's who I am. But you can do both."

"I did not mean to offend," Sansa says, wincing a bit. "I only know my duty and I am sorry. This place gives me time to think about other things and that is true. Perhaps I should try to think of them more than my duty back home or my past."

Sansa curls her fingers against his palm. "I did not mean to ruin this. I am simply very different from you, I think, and my concerns and my life have all been much different."

"Sansa, you haven't offended me. I'm just worried. That's it."

And now? Now he was more worried, about what she had been through, and what she struggled with her. And? Well, Chris was a crappy whitelighter. He didn't know what he was doing, he hadn't read the manual and this was so out of his usual that he felt like he was failing.

He curled his fingers around hers again, not letting go, trying to let her know with his hands that she still mattered to him, that he was worried because he cared.

"You haven't ruined anything. I'm just not that good at this. I just care about you Sansa. You deserve better. I just want you to realize that." There. He said it.

Sansa blushes a bit at that because she suspects he means caring in a way that isn't simply friendship and perhaps something more and she has no idea what to do with that. In Westeros, courting is rare and something she never got a chance to experience even though she desperately wanted to.

"So you intend to court me? Is that what you mean?"

Sansa thinks it isn't so formal here and certainly not from the world Chris describes but she needs a word to put to it.

Chris briefly wondered if Sansa would get the wrong impression if he just dove through the nearest window. Then he wondered if he could spontaneously manifest Piper's powers because he really, really, really needed a moment to think. How had she jumped from 'i care about you, to courting'? What was courting again? And how was that different than dating? Or simply, liking someone?

"Woah, back up. I know you've kind of explained courting but I don't really understand it. Why don't we just say I'd like to get to know you better? If you'd like to get to know me better?"

He sighed. "What's courting again?" He wasn't agreeing to marry her right?

"Courting is getting to know someone when they aren't exactly a friend," Sansa says. "I always wanted to have that for myself but circumstances did not allow it. At home, it would either culminate in a marriage or a decision to be simply friends but I think here it can be something quite different. Marriage isn't the only path for a woman anymore."

Sansa is nervous, however, and her normally cool voice is trembling a bit. Perhaps she has frightened him away.

"I think we want the same thing by a different name."

Chris is actually quite nervous too. The last relationship he was in ended with her death and him being gift wrapped into his brothers deadly care. He knows Sansa isn't that type of person but, does he really know her? She's a queen right?

"Okay....okay..." Yes, he was stalling, because wasn't sure what his decision was. This seemed like a huge leap between 'i think i like you, and 'courting'. Maybe it was the word? He did like her though......

"Yeah, maybe we do. I think the name is just tripping me up. Where I'm from, we call it dating."

"Then we will call it by the word you know," Sansa says. "If that is a word you are comfortable with? I do not wish to frighten you away. I would like to get to know you better. I just am not normally so comfortable with men, is all."

This is a rarity for her and feels like the silly dreams she had as a girl. Perhaps those dreams weren't so silly?

"It does not have to be serious. I am different from you, I know this."

"You're not going to frighten me away." Okay sure he was ready to jump out the window a few moments ago. Ignore that small failing. She could probably feel him mildly shaking through his hands, and he gripped hers tighter, careful not to hurt her.

"You deserve lovely things and I want to give them to you." Chris half wondered if they had made the coffee right because now all he could think of was that scene from Aladdin. Was his brain melting? Was he avoiding answering her? Yes, because he wasn't entirely sure just what he was feeling. Except that he cared.

"You're doing just fine. I'm nervous too. You're the first queen I've been around." He could almost hear Grams' voice in his head going 'she should get a dog instead. More loyal and they die sooner,' Thanks Grams. So much.

"Wait," He smiled. "Not normally? So you're comfortable with me?"

Edited 2024-09-30 01:41 (UTC)

"I imagine queens are quite rare," Sansa says, laughing softly and squeezing his hands back. "We have an excess of them in Westeros - or did - but I imagine there are few elsewhere. Not so many places have as much political turmoil and people declaring themselves lord paramount every few moments."

She bites her lip a little, nervous, and she hasn't been nervous in a while before today.

"I have never been with a normal person before. This is very new. I suppose I must get used to lovely things."

Open Log - I feel like I should be cackling

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