abraxaslogs | [open] september/october catchall

i. the aftermath

[Probably this guy shouldn't be doing search and rescue. He has little to offer physically, and, in fact, is slightly a hazard to himself, trying to navigate the rubble and largely unable to handle the very strong, very driven working dogs. Still, he seems stubbornly committed to playing some kind of part in this operation, even if it’s just spot-repairing tools and equipment or calibrating the communication devices meant to call in the “professionals”.

He's fiddling with one now, in between supply distribution and (inadvisable) ventures out into the disaster zone. Viktor has set up an area for himself, which is already strewn with wrenches and screwdrivers and various parts that he’s torn out of sub-par equipment. He barely looks up if and when he’s approached.]

Is it malfunctioning?

[Viktor does not even wait to find out what is or is not malfunctioning. He holds out his hand for it anyway

ii. oh no who could have possibly seen this one coming

[Viktor, it turns out, is not cut out for this kind of thing. Even keeping to the logistical side—organizing transport, making repairs, distributing supplies—is draining. The sheer exertion of long hours and the emotionally draining situation, and the state of the environment (read: smoldering) means that he reaches his limit fairly quickly. For someone so intensely private as Viktor, any moments of vulnerability are unacceptable, but in a situation like this, he ends up not having a choice, running up against his own limitations at the worst possible moment.

The smog, the rubble, the sheer hopelessness of it all reduces him to inaction. He has to find somewhere to sit, and it’s not long after that he produces a handkerchief, coughing into it, a rough, wet sound that shakes his slight frame. When he pulls the cloth away from his mouth, it’s spotted a vibrant red, though he can’t seem to bring himself to care, instead simply letting his forehead drop into his waiting hand.]

Jayce had to separate from Viktor once they arrived because the reality is he is far more helpful in the hospital itself and doing medic aspects than handing out supplies or repairs himself. The skill that he learned to help Viktor can now be used to help many others, and he kisses his love before leaving. Neither of them care that it's in public. This is the sort of situation that calls for occasional public affection.

When he finally finds his way back to Viktor, he is not looking great himself. He's covered in sweat, dust, grime, blood (not his), and exhausted. His small satchel is almost entirely depleted (it's bigger on the inside) of medical supplies he handed out. He's been carrying a crowbar and shovel on his back like others do a weapon but those were given too. He's been at the hospital, the shelters, walking around the city to help with his brawn and his medic skills pull people out of buildings. He was called to an emergency to save Dean's life.

His magical energy is not fully depleted but it's not at its strongest, and he has used his normal medical skills whenever possible, but he is worn out. His strength and energy has really been utilized without rest but even Jayce Talis has a burn out point. It doesn't help that he is too soft for war and he had to keep it together in the face of death and despair. The emotional wearing out is serious too.

The medics tell him to go take a break. He can come back and do more later, but everyone needs to keep themselves alive if they're going to help others. Jayce hears break and thinks the only reason to do one is to find Viktor, so he goes to do that. At first he can't, which scares him, but it's because Viktor has found a quiet space to sit and no one saw where he went. Jayce eventually spots him, he has Viktor radar to his very core, and rushes over to him.

Jayce kneels in front of him, brushing dirty fingers through his hair gently. "Hello love." Worried eyes brush over his face. "Can I?" He places a hand on his chest but waits for Viktor's consent.

Viktor is, generally speaking, good at hiding the more acute aspects of his illness. He knows that when people look at him, they can see that he’s ill, but more often than not they’re too polite to pry, which means he can get away with never addressing it unless he chooses to. Now, however, having worked himself to exhaustion, there’s no real getting around it. The most he can do is find somewhere quiet to recover, and for a while he’s left alone, which is probably the best he can ask for. When he is interrupted, it’s not unwelcome.

Unsurprising, that Jayce is the one to find him. The urge to suggest they leave is overwhelming, but he’s not one to leave a job half-finished. They still have work to do.

“Hi,” he says a little weakly, making some room for Jayce to sit down, even when he chooses to kneel down in front of him instead. Viktor leans into his touch, more a reflex than anything else, at this point, though when he’s offered healing, his first inclination is to shut his eyes and shake his head. “You should save your energy.”

Viktor was good enough at hiding that Jayce didn't know and he spent every day with him for years. Or maybe he didn't want to see it. He never wanted to pry. He noticed Viktor wasn't doing well, but he also knew that he would be offended or annoyed if he brought it up. He's always been prideful. At least he's started to open up and not hide it with Jayce, it means a lot to him. But he can tell things are bad if Viktor isn't able to mask it.

"I have plenty of energy, V." Jayce kisses his forehead and for a moment there, knelt in front of him, touching and close, he can pretend it's just the two of them. They're in a quiet corner and that means they can take a few seconds to exist. He is exhausted too but he thinks more of it is from sadness than anything else.

"Please. For me." If not for himself, Viktor knows that Jayce would only worry and fret until he agreed anyway. He's more likely to give in if he makes it about Jayce's comfort than his own.

"You clearly don't," he replies with a raised eyebrow, indicating that perhaps Jayce should take a look in the mirror. They're both run ragged, and sweaty, and dirty, and emotionally exhausted, but at least Viktor hasn't been expending magical energy to heal the injured. Despite the fact that he knows Jayce is the less likely to collapse from exhaustion of the two of them, he would rather not see it happen on his account.

A fundamental disagreement, and Viktor's pride is betrayed by the fact that he coughs into his handkerchief, again, probably the only thing that makes him relent.

"Try to restrain yourself." That is, only heal him a little, or something. There are still plenty of people that need their help. "You don't want to make yourself useless."

"I am not uselese, I have medical training and ridiculous muscles to lift things."

Jayce would probably insist after that cough, his anxiety level spiking instantly, but he still waits for Viktor's permission. He assumes he will relent, even if he might protest at first. He leans their foreheads together and he does cheat because he does not do a little healing. His power flows into Viktor's lungs like it usually does, although not any more intense than their usual gentle sessions. He is not going to go halfway now that there is blood in a handkerchief.

He can't deny that his magic is starting to strain, but if he is going to store any of it, it's going to be used for Viktor. He plays favorites. That's just the truth. If he has spent all day helping other people, he deserves a few moments focusing on the person he loves.

"Still plenty left over." He reassures so Viktor doesn't get in his head about Jayce giving him a big hit of it. "Are you willing to leave in an hour or two? They want us to take breaks and take turns so no one burns out." Willing because Viktor resists it, and normally Jayce would too, but he understands why.

"Which you can also wear out."

But it's all posturing, at this point. Jayce is going to heal him, and no amount of arguing will convince him to put his energy elsewhere, so he nods, as much permission as he's willing to give. He closes his eyes as the familiar warmth of healing spreads through his chest and alleviates the pressure, and when he feels it ebb he lets out a long breath.

Saying thank you at this point feels slightly superfluous--all of this has become part of their routine. Their current placement makes it easy for him to bring his hands up to Jayce's face, wiping away some of the dirt and grime.

"Only if we're not needed." This is a break, isn't it? "I can go back to the equipment staging area, see if there are repairs to be made."

Jayce knows it's only a matter of time before all of him is worn out. His strength and endurance are impressive, so he may last longer than most, but as Viktor's pointing out, it's inevitable. Even Jayce can break. He feels better once he can see Viktor breathing easier again, it will make going back to the hospital for a little while less fraught with concern.

He closes his eyes briefly at the touch on his face, he always feels better when Viktor's close to him, giving him affection. The small gestures are sometimes the best ones.

"V, we're always going to be needed. But if we collapse, we're no good for the cause. They'll have to take care of us instead of other people." That is what Jayce has been told several times, so this isn't necessarily coming from him. He probably would go until he dropped, just as Viktor would, but healing and medic work, it is dangerous to do it while exhausted.

"I'm not being given a choice so I'd like it if you would come with me. Make sure I don't pass out while washing off and drown." He smiles faintly at that and leans forward to kiss him gently.

"Working on your lungs all the time turned out to be really helpful today. Dean almost died of smoke inhalation out there."

“That’s what I’ve been—I was telling you that.”

Viktor gestures impotently into the air, but of course he’s not going to get into an argument about which of them is going to collapse first. Jayce clearly thinks it’s going to be him, and he has no real argument against it, given the fact that he’s here at the end of his rope, coughing into a handkerchief.

The fact that the officials are literally sending Jayce home probably says enough, so he doesn’t belabor the point further. Instead, he nods, then manages to look surprised at the mention of Dean.

“I’m glad to be helping you with practical applications of your skills. Will he be all right?”

"Good, then you're in agreement that we should go home in an hour or so, after finishing up we're doing, get some rest, and come back when we're a little more recovered."

See, perfectly reasonable. Checkmate for them both, so they don't keep going on about how they can take it or how they can't leave because they're needed. Honestly, they both are more inclined to do it on behalf of the other person than themselves. It's typical. But if they take a little time after this to finish their projects, they'll feel better about not leaving at the drop of a hat.

Jayce runs his fingers through Viktor's dirty hair, not that his is any better at the moment. It has ash and dirt in it, he meant it when he said he needed to wash up. The idea of being clean and resting for a little while with Viktor sounds incredible at the moment. And they'll be back at it soon enough. Neither of them is lazy by any means.

"He will, but I have to tell you, V, he's lucky Ciri ran to get me and I was nearby. He wasn't breathing right but was acting like he was okay, it would've been easy to miss until his lungs gave out." Jayce thought it was probably mostly that Dean wanted to pretend he was fine, gasping through it, but Jayce had to move quickly and efficiently for a reason. "I've always done this gently with you, but I couldn't with him, I had to get the smoke out. Pretty sure he wanted to punch me a little."

Instead of arguing, Viktor lets out a long-suffering sigh to indicate to Jayce that he's made his point. Yes, they can go home. For now, anyway, and only because Viktor increasingly feels like he's actually reached his limit. Jayce's fingers catch in his hair and he wrinkles his nose at the pull. Not painful, just a reminder that they could both use a wash.

He should get up, and actually make good on the promise of going home, but he finds it nice, just to sit. Jayce's story gives him a good excuse to do just that, and the thought of Dean being so angry about having his life saved makes him laugh. Just a little.

"Somehow I think he'll get over it." He'd better get over it. "He should be thanking you."

Jayce decides to stay kneeling because he always feels better when he's in Viktor's orbit. It's not as if he has to care about his clothes, they're dirty as it is. He leans his head down onto Viktor's shoulder and breathes easier, sliding an arm around his back and pretty much giving him a light hug. This has all been terrible and while he's kept sane, he is taking this quiet moment to recalibrate everything.

"Oh he was grateful, just freaked out. I'll check in on him later. I wasn't far because we'd been out with Nadine and Jo getting people out of buildings." Jayce has been all over the place today, so it's no wonder he's basically fading in energy. He closes his eyes and rests his head on Viktor's shoulder, content for a moment.

"What about you, love? How are you?" Outside of the obvious fact that he is not doing well physically, they both know that. Jayce wants to check in before they get their things together and try to drag themselves home.

Viktor doesn't pull back from the embrace and just lets it happen, figuring this is just as much for Jayce's benefit as it is his own. The physical contact is grounding, and he finds himself lingering in the moment, even though the two of them are supposed to be heading back to the portal.

"He was lucky, then." That Jayce was so close, and that most of his healing skills involve the respiratory system. Speaking of--he wants to tell Jayce that he's fine, but they both know he isn't. Physically, emotionally. It's all too much, and Viktor is succumbing to his own limits.

"I may have overdone it."

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