Reality doesn’t always give us the life that we desire

[magicalarchaeologist]

WHO: Istredd and anyone!
WHAT: Catch-all for April
WHERE: Thorne, Horizon
WHEN: EARLY April for now, will put later prompts up as time goes on
WARNINGS: PTSD from the event, NSFW thread in comments





Starters Below!

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[magicalarchaeologist]

The lack of static is appreciated but then he gets an emotional wallop from him, an intense feeling that takes him by surprise. Indignation at him, about him. He's felt it for Lucifer too, usually about how his family treated him. The words mean a lot to him. It lands hard. His self-worth during this experience took a serious hit. He did what he could to make himself useful but it was always in the back of his head. He always gets set off by what he perceives from other people as underestimating him, and it's because he does it to himself.

And that is why it matters. He's told himself before when it comes to Ciri, she's important. Geralt and Yennefer are important. Lucifer sees more to him. Just as he sees him, he is seen. It makes him stupid. It makes him emotional. Istredd leans a little closer, his hands tentatively reaching out to cup Lucifer's face, so gentle.

"What am I then?" If he is bold, it could be because he is so tired of holding back. He looks into Lucifer's eyes, more visible now with how close they are. Istredd is searching for something, that much is clear. Hoping.

[thedevilwhorose]

The innate reaction is to withdraw, react with a dismissive word.

Lucifer knows intimacy; he's used it as a deception for so many of his vessels, even when he was burning rapid-fire through anyone that could hold him for moments. It was always so easy, more simple than offering power, or revenge. Just dressing up as a loved one and playing at the heartstrings until they broke.

He took those emotions and made people bleed for him. Who was that blonde? Doesn't matter. She took a knife to her skin and carved her flesh just to 'show' her love for 'Vince' and Lucifer soaked up all the adoration, worship, even if it was for his host. Desperation to please, enough to put her in the hospital.

It's easy to put distance between him and other people when literally none of them--Kelly especially--ever knew it was him. The devil, lurking under the shadow of false identity.

He's never had to deal with someone knowing him.

Oh, he wants to just opt for misunderstanding. Talk up Istredd's value in general.

He knows it isn't what Istredd's looking for.

That doesn't mean he has an answer.

His lack of grace has made him so close to human that it's stomach-turning. Less himself, less angelic, and it opens their kind up to the same things humans feel, experience. Hunger, cold, loneliness.

Vulnerability.

It's a wonder humans can cope with all the loudness in their minds; Lucifer sure hasn't. To have fear so overwhelming for so many weeks. Istredd was supposed to die. He was planning to die. Because to him he saw himself as expendable. Because to him that's how he could prove to be useful in saving everyone else.

Because he isn't accustomed to people caring about what happens to him, same as Lucifer.

"I don't know," he says, adding to the pile of how many times he's said those exact words to Istredd. "But it's unparalleled."

[magicalarchaeologist]

Istredd has communicated to Lucifer before that no one has ever put him first. That no one really even cared to think much about him. Yennefer and Stregobor, yes, in different ways, but he wasn't going to be top of their list. Out of sight, out of mind, discarded for one reason or another. Justified, in her case, but she still didn't seek him until she was at her lowest decades later.

A main difference is the lack of complications and backstory. Not to say they don't have complications, the two of them have gone over quite a lot of things together, but they were new to each other. Their bonding was in a sincere and brand new way, finding one another from opposite sides of the universe. He believes Lucifer and it is a compliment like nothing else. He is important to someone. Vitally important. His heart beats faster, hungry for so many things, and validation is one of them, fed.

"Lucifer, I ---" He wants to pour out his heart and tell him the truth, the truth that everyone else already knows. He keeps avoiding it out of fear, but he is so tired of being afraid. A true love confession probably wouldn't go over well anyway.

He runs his thumbs in a caress against Lucifer's cheeks like the last time but he is holding on tighter, not wanting to lose this. And then Istredd just gives up. He lets the bond communicate the mess of feelings, maybe not the words, but the feelings that are far past friendship. The mixture of want and need and desire that he's been guilty about even now because of how unwanted it would be. The pain of unrequited affection.

Maybe if Lucifer wants to brush it off and say it's emotions from what happened, he can, if he puts that space between them again, Istredd can't stop him, but all he can think about is that he wants to be closer. Closer, closer, closer. He finishes all that emotional honesty up with guilt again, a release of a burden that was never asked for. And yet he is pathetically hopeful too. Because he could be wrong. What if he's wrong? What if it's not only him?

"I want to kiss you, but only if you want me to." On a whisper. This is terrifying in its own way because of how much he is putting out there and how brutal the rejection could be. And yet, after he says it, after he's expressed his feelings, even if they are unwanted and hated, there is a rush of relief.

Either way, it's over. It can't be taken back, although it can be dialed back and pushed aside and stifled again.

[thedevilwhorose]

It's truly amazing how much of Lucifer's future problems would have been solved if he didn't let his mind get to its current state. If even this moment just waited another week, where his openness would be so simply shared between them again, so much trouble could've been dealt with.

But it's all such a mental trashfire and it hides Lucifer's doubts. Despite the barrage of complicated emotions from Istredd's end, it's easily misconstrued when it gets to Lucifer. Crossed wires, the similarity bleed between Lucifer and Yennefer; and Yennefer isn't here, but Lucifer is, vulnerable with an equally vulnerable Istredd who just has a need to be filled.

Wrong place, wrong time.

He's never the one anyone would purposefully choose.

He's seconds from messaging Yennefer to properly deal with this, but why shouldn't he be selfish? Istredd knows what he is, it's not Lucifer's fault that he indulges.

So screw it.

He'll deal with the emotional consequences of his actions later. Or, more likely, he won't and it'll bottle up unhealthily. Same difference, isn't it?

He reaches up both his own hands, nails dragged across skin, over Istredd's collarbone to wrap behind his neck and pull him in that last small distance left between them, teeth before lips meeting Istredd.

[magicalarchaeologist]

There is a part of Istredd that wishes Lucifer's mind was as open as his too. He can't read him clearly which means so much of this is a risk. There is no guarantee that he can sense mutual attraction or interest. He is wildly and foolishly guessing at this point. Hoping, really. He is truly not thinking about anyone or anything else other than Lucifer. He is the only thing in his mind and his heart right then.

It wouldn't occur to him that Lucifer could have doubts. Istredd thinks he is being so obvious, so pathetic throwing all his feelings out there. They could be unwelcome and annoying to Lucifer. He didn't ask for this, for his roommate to catch feelings and push them at him like this. And yet because it's them, he trusts Lucifer. He might be an emotional trashfire, this angel of his, but he has never intentionally hurt Istredd. Even if this goes poorly, he wouldn't be so cruel.

He is so tense as he waits for a decision. He is truly surprised by what that is, since his hopes seemed so ridiculous, and then Lucifer's mouth is on his and he sinks into it. Istredd didn't expect gentle in this situation and he frankly doesn't want it, there are too many feelings going on, and he wants to empty his mind. He wants to feel this.

Istredd kisses him back fiercely, leaning into him, fingers sliding through his hair, the other hand dropping to his shirt to dig in and hold him close like he's afraid of how fast he'll disappear. He has wanted this for months, wallowing in his longing, and it's his now.

Lucifer, the name a far gentler caress in his mind than the greedy way he's holding onto him. A softness to his feelings that aren't as selfish as his hunger. Istredd's got it so bad. I want you. And Lucifer can sense the force of that, layers and all, not only one thing like desire, which is simple, but adoration too. Everything. He wants everything.

[thedevilwhorose]

His mind may be on Lucifer now, and it would be awfully rude if it wasn't in this moment. Focused on what's in front of him, Lucifer will give him that much.

It's the adoration that turns the switch off from Lucifer's shitty self-loathing thoughts. Always would be the trigger. It's what he longs for most, seeks out, claws out of the dregs of humanity for just a lick of it. He may not believe the accuracy of Istredd's other tangled emotions, but he latches into that one strand and allows himself to let go of control until his exhaustion will give a nasty reminder.

His mind buzzes and skitters, nothing new. Unfocused, only humming in response to Istredd's words.

One hand still pricks fingernails at Istredd's neck, five small grounding points, curling in deeper. Knuckles from the second run along Istredd's spine until he finds the dulled ache of his side that had tripped through their minds. Skimming under clothing and splaying a chilled touch against the remembered injury, nearly tender, far more than Lucifer's teeth dragging from Istredd's mouth and along his chin.

[magicalarchaeologist]

In a way their connection makes it harder to fake anything, not that Istredd would anyway. At least on his end right now, since Lucifer is still so hard to read. Lucifer has felt his affection before, his happy and fuzzy thoughts toward his friend, but this is stronger. Nothing holding him back, no attempts at hiding it, his adoration unfiltered may as well be throwing a blanket of weighted emotional warmth all around Lucifer.

Istredd doesn't know if he's special or if he had taken something Lucifer said and run with it, assuming all this time that he was a closed door on this matter. It is why he has been so tentative and now it seems that particular concern never mattered. He wishes that he could have Lucifer's connection right then though, he wants the confirmation of shared desire, although the actions are saying something.

Their touching has been so limited that the movement of Lucifer's hands under his clothing makes him shiver regardless of his touch being cold, starved for it himself. It does make it ache a little at the touch but the tenderness is the true surprise. He sucks in a breath sharply between that and Lucifer's teeth on his chin and his fingers clench in Lucifer's hair.

"Do you...?" Istredd sighs and his grip tightens and he pulls Lucifer's head back to look at him, a little more forceful than someone might expect. Istredd has claws and passion, it's just pushed under the composure. His hand releases Lucifer's shirt to slide under, taking advantage since Lucifer did it first, his fingers far warmer as they moved over his spine.

"You want this, right? I can't ... I can't read you." Lucifer's actions are saying so but maybe Istredd is insecure too, that he could be just as unsure if Lucifer's being swept up in desperation. He falls in love with people who are withholding, so he craves reassurance even now.

[thedevilwhorose]

God, Istredd, you can't even shut up in this, can you? Lucifer's trying very much not to think here for his own sanity, but he can't even be allowed that, can he?

The problem is that he does want it.

It would be so, so much easier if he didn't.

Give or take a few months, Lucifer's quickly coming up on a year being in Abraxas and starved from his grace that it's made him into just another version of himself that he didn't like. Always versions that he doesn't like, but this one... This one hurt the most. The version that had to adapt, pulled away from everything he ever knew and really, this should be better.

There's a very small percentage of people that know what he's done, what he's never and will never apologize for. There's a handful of people that understand his name, understand his title, and for the most part they see it as a misfortune, for him. Piss-poor parentage and a bad hand drawn. It's what he wanted. All the slights he's ever made on humanity just to be balled up and tossed in a waste bin.

He's been taking things for himself but it all seems like wicked tricks. Stealing something that doesn't belong to him, like he should be cackling in an alleyway, all cartoonish evil.

He was never supposed to be allowed any of this; and not just him, but all angels. Look from above, never interact. Love, never interact. So separate from Daddy's spinning marble, but oh, you'd better worship.

"Yes, well, I told you I needed time to recover my mind in Thorne and it's been, what, a few days? So, really, that's on you. You know what I do want? I want sleep. But for just a few, fleeting moments, if you can stop talking, that can wait." He chases into Istredd's space after he's withdrawn but he doesn't completely close the distance again. Kiss me, Istredd, he instructs mentally.

[magicalarchaeologist]

Istredd's been with people other than Yennefer but it always felt like it was either avoiding deep attachments because of his heartache or filling a void that was impossible. It wasn't lack of want, it was more that he built a nice wall around himself full of logic and books, and he couldn't imagine how he'd ever get the type of intimacy and trust that was lost to him. So he didn't bother. With anything.

It happened accidentally. All of his relationships here did. He told people before that just being here requires change, and he likes to analyze other people according to that theory, but it's true of him too. And here he is in the type of situation where it could be awkward but Lucifer is dryly talking at him instead of answering the question, and Istredd actually rolls his eyes as if it was any of their other conversations.

"You are lucky that I want to kiss you more than I want to point out that you didn't answer my question." Istredd smiles at him despite the waspish words, a part of him maybe liking that they are still being them in the midst of this, and he closes the distance eagerly this time. An arm slings around Lucifer's back and he pulls him, wanting as little space between them as he can get, greedy and selfish.

Make me shut up then, he challenges, still smiling. He parts his lips, drawing Lucifer in, wanting to stop thinking too. A terrible night turning into something wonderful is frankly the type of thing that might make him question if this is real later.

[thedevilwhorose]

He's sure then that question will come back to bite him and he's sure his response will be equally misleading. Except the smart thing from Istredd would be to wait until Lucifer's mind has restored itself.

He debates locking that information up in the same hidden depths where the truth of his son exists.

Maybe he won't. Lucifer's feelings Istredd may try to track down.

He has no reason to look for anything about Jack and Lucifer needs to keep it that way, much as he loathes to.

"I do like a challenge," he answers in amusement, no sign of his continual inner turmoil. But honestly. His mouth resumes where he left off before Istredd interrupted them. I do think that is impossible. Istredd being capable of shutting up. It's said with the utmost kindness, of course. He hums again, and grins, and though his thoughts are as messy as they are, the mischievousness manages to spread through.

He'll regret it later when it catches up to him, but power laces through his veins, drawn up, eyes a brief red firelight. Likely unneeded; his angelic strength alone is naturally enough to overpower Istredd, but in an instant he has Istredd on his back and Lucifer smoothing over atop him, yet so impossibly aware and careful of that injury.

Still need to be between you and the door, he lulls in offering, that gleam flickering and fading.

[magicalarchaeologist]

All he wants is to be wanted, that is why he longs for an answer and a certainty. His lack of confidence is permanent, but at the same time Lucifer is giving him more he could ask for. He is giving in, taking, and he would never do this if he didn't want to. That Istredd is positive about. He has every opportunity to stop. As long as his hands are on him, his mouth, it is certain.

The tease is fun. There is a lightness to them, hanging on top. Part of his hesitance has always been about not ruining their beautiful friendship, and that could still happen, but the dam burst. Friendship as a foundation makes this smoother. He knows him. He knows so many details no one else ever can. Yet nothing slowed him down.

He laughs quietly and hums his own agreement. Shutting up is not an easy request. His hands move over Lucifer's torso just enjoying the freedom. Istredd gets to do this for now. After months of lusting after him, he can be open about it. Not only that, it's welcome.

Istredd is surprised by the sudden change but in no way resists, he completely puts himself into Lucifer's hands, settling back and letting Lucifer climb on him like the cat he is. The playfulness about the safety of being like this only means he gives a flirtatious smile back. My protector. His tone is droll.

Then Istreed is arching up toward him and tugging him down, no space at all between them, radiating heat himself. Lucifer runs cold but Istredd is a furnace at the moment, warmer than the rest of their room. He touches his back and digs his nails in a little so he feels it, lowering down and snagging the bottom of his shirt. He slowly lifts it in a clearly suggestive way, wanting it off, his hands simply twitchy with need to get all over him. If allowed, he will pull it off, but if not he doesn't take it personally. This is all so brand new.

He tilts a foot around Lucifer at the knee, planning on squeezing when he wants to keep him. He isn't thinking clearly. He is only listening to his body. "You are so attractive." Talking in this way should be allowed. It's not critical, it's compliments. He desires. This can't the only chance. Istredd won't allow it now that he's had a taste. This is not his real form, he knows that, but he has seen that and admired it too. That form probably would not be able to do this. Allow a human to lust, maybe even have it.

He pushes up toward Lucifer and pulls his head down at the same time for another kiss, drowning in it. Lucifer, he says on a soft sigh. Haven't stopped me from thinking yet. A further challenge in their little mischievous game, two can play at that.

congrats to waking up to another round of Lucifer's Existential Crises

[thedevilwhorose]

'My protector.' Arguably not Yennefer.

'You are so attractive.' Simple, nonsense, from anyone else. Not a misguided fool issue. Even an Istredd not-firing-on-all-cylinders wouldn't be so lost to forget Lucifer's personal issues with form and appearance, and that he can feel, just under the surface layers of Emotion.

So the more Istredd gets words in--short, nearly pointless--the more Lucifer's created narrative doesn't quite fit and that's.

Alarming.

Because he knows he's right. He has to be. It's what makes the most sense. Lucifer wants something, ergo he's disallowed. Istredd isn't in the most stable state, using him--though certainly not on purpose--as a replacement for Yennefer, because they're practically the same person most days, and she is not here right now. Istredd will eventually wake up and realize the mistake and that'll be that.

It's how this is supposed to go. Lucifer indulges, gets some fun in while it lasts, and then it's up in smoke.

Lucifer...

Doesn't like being wrong. Even if it's in his benefit. He puts a lot of value in being right and that's quickly crumpling under his hands despite losing himself in the warmth of Istredd's touch.

He needs to take a step back and look at this from an angle that he'd really prefer not to, as that involves the sole problem with everything that is currently happening. Gee, Istredd, maybe if you didn't forget you were bonded when you slept with someone that was definitely intent to lay claim, this would also be simpler. (Maybe if Lucifer had ever brought up That Moment instead of burying it down with everything else, this would also be simpler.)

Billions of years and he's never been so hot at playing an adult.

He licks and presses his tongue in right under Istredd's chin, sucking at the pulse point, hands both moving around to cup his face much like he had done to Lucifer. You keep adding rules like that, he sings, though Istredd might catch just the faintest flutter that something is off. And I might have to make a scoreboard.

He pulls his mouth away and rests his forehead to Istredd's, breathing unevenly as he looks into his eyes. "I can stop you thinking," he says, as though he's accepted another challenge, only his gaze is revealing. He knows it is. He smiles, brief. Sorry, he murmurs. He means it. Before Istredd can question it, Lucifer brushes pointer and middle fingers feather-light against Istredd's temple, and drops him completely, blackout, into unconsciousness.

The small mercy: this way Istredd will actually sleep without thinking.

Lucifer groans, displeased, his own mind now abysmally quiet, and flops down alongside Istredd. Pauses. Shuffles. Pulls out awkwardly the pillow that had ended up somewhere beneath Istredd, and shoves it under the man's head, and then he resumes his position alongside him.

"I hate you," he says, loudly, folding his arms over his own face. He throws his voice, imitating Istredd, "'You don't.'" Lucifer grumbles. "You can't possibly..."

He has to know for sure and the person to ask is not Istredd himself. Funny how that works out. He's sure Istredd will take some offense to that. But there's also a little 'issue' on claim to settle and two equally-obtuse people need to learn to share. May as well get both problems out of the way. "Where did I go wrong? That's the big question here."

Is he talking to an unconscious body? Yes. Shut up. He's processing something and psyching himself up for something else.

"My life was easy before I met you, you know."

Was it, though? No. Just different problems.

He sighs. Bemoans his existence for the umpteenth time, stretches his arms out above him, and then messages Yennefer. Which is going to be real fun if she's not awake in these pre-dawn hours, but with how difficult all the Summoned have been dealing with sleep, he thinks he has good chances.

And, anyway, he can easily keep Istredd knocked out until he has his chat.

i couldn't resist shhh

[magicalarchaeologist]

It's a risk to say things so true and there is some shyness in it, calling him attractive, so openly desiring him. Maybe Lucifer hates that, maybe this is all so tentative that doing a single thing he doesn't like would ruin it. Istredd has been holding back the biggest problem and truth, the depth of his feelings have only been shared to an extent, because it is much more difficult to talk of love. Lust can be requited. Love? That's going to wait.

Attractive as a word can't even encompass all he desires when he looks at Lucifer.

He has this though. He does, somehow. Lucifer on top of him, close, their bodies pressed together, a fantasy he thought impossible. Warm, solid, his mouth sending shivers down his spine. Istredd's near-death experience got him here, taking the risk, being rewarded, and he holds Lucifer possessively to him.

In the haze of desire he can detect something off in the way Lucifer sings. The look in his eyes is very revealing. Lucifer? He questions in a baffled tone, and by the time he hears sorry it's already too late. Any response is impossible, he's out.

There will be a reckoning.

[takeatrip]

Jayden has also been spending a great deal of time in the Horizon, and for similar reasons; it gives him something to do, a distraction, somewhere to focus his attention that isn't navigating the aftermath of everything that happened. It's been a welcome refuge, and he's been able to develop his own domain, to practice creating and then changing what he wants to have there, and successfully not think about the last month.

But there's only so long he can spend messing with the colors of the chairs in his domain's lobby, or deciding what kinds of birds are hiding in the trees, or playing the piano, before it isn't as distracting as it once was. And so he decides to start exploring, wandering around the Horizon, and that's how he ends up at the Tower.

He can't begin to guess whose domain this is, or if they might be around, but his curiosity easily outweighs any caution that might've been warranted. So when the door opens, Jayden wanders in, and whatever he might've been expecting, the library is not it. But the library is way, way better.

Although he is not quite as much of a nerd as he's often accused of being, he's been known to spend a lot of time in a library, and this is like... A dream library. He can't help but stop just inside the door, staring up at all the shelves, absolutely amazed.

[earthborn]

If there's one thing Shepard hates, it's starvation. As a child, her entire world had revolved around hunger; how long you could withstand it, how many days you could last without food, how you could acquire it. Nothing mattered more than the next meal, if not for yourself, then for someone else. Getting her biotics hadn't changed that: if anything, it had made the point that much sharper.

Her time in the cave had been— it had changed things.

So when she visits the Horizon she doesn't sequester herself in Normandy, anymore. It's almost painful, somehow, to sit in Starboard observation and try to pretend it's real. Her mind keeps going back to hunger-pangs, thinning wrists, filthy hair. Cuts that don't heal. Shepard simply walks, most evenings, and tonight she wanders into Istredd's library almost without purpose— but then she sees the pets.

"...Hey, there," She says to the nearest bird, gently easing herself towards it, trying to entice it to touch her hand, "What's your name, big guy?"

She likes pets, you see. Ironic for a spacer, but there you have it. When Istredd sees her he will surely recognize her— she startles and turns, visibly embarrassed.

"I, uh... Nice pets."

Nailed it.

→ ꜱᴡᴇᴇᴛ ᴅᴇꜱᴄᴇɴᴅ ᴛʜɪꜱ ʀᴀʙʙʟᴇ 'ʀᴏᴜɴᴅ

[the_keeper]

It is, in fact, hard to locate the man named Istredd, whom Sabine has been on the lookout for since hearing a few things about him in passing. There's no ire or impatience for this fact. Those same words had come with the warning he'd been among those taken in the last big altercation, which deserved much latitude. Healing was a long-term course, and even the adjustment to returning to anything, even partially once normal was its own first stretch.

(She would know.)

She decides against the imposition of the large, impersonal dining halls; against the too intimate nature of the baths she's still a touch askance about on her own points; against interrupting him when he's busy with others, or settled within insularity, with his reading, or his writing. But it leads to a narrow valley of options, and Sabine settles on waiting until he finishes a class one day. Until all his other pupils have filed out.

She steps inside as the last person is leaving. Contained in good posture, effortless grace, and a peaceful demeanor that is far more true than it is any facade. "Apologies if I'm intruding, but would you happen to be Istredd?"

Sabine knows he is, but politeness as a first offer costs her nothing.

[magicalarchaeologist]

Istredd did not have serious and deep wounds like the others in the Pit but he still feels unclean. He's never been so dirty in his life and his wound got infected because there truly was no way to get around having muck into it. He has dreams now and sometimes wakes up with the same muddy smell around him, all in his mind of course, but it's still very real.

Trauma is not new to him, this was just a specific kind of trauma. The way mages are raised in his world is deeply messed up but they get so used to it that they can't really see it clearly. It's simply something that happened to them and then they graduated and moved on. Always in service of the Brotherhood in the end, the place that did it to them in the first place. But he's been decades removed from that feeling, so he simply wasn't ready for it.

Because of his skittishness, Istredd's taken to putting out very light telepathic vibes around him. No one would notice, it's more that he wants the awareness of another mind before coming into view. He doesn't go into minds, just senses them, something he never did before but he definitely wonders if he could have stopped their capture if he did. So he knows someone is coming otherwise he would have jumped, glancing up instead to seeing Urianger.

"You're always a welcome intrusion, Urianger." It's sincerely said, Istredd is not someone who says niceties without meaning them. They bonded pretty early, both being natural academics, and then went through a few things together of importance.

Istredd's injuries may be light in comparison, but he looks pretty bad. There are large circles under his eyes, he lost weight and even more since coming back because he's still not eating as much as he should be. There is a scar on his side, barely viewable, but he's sensitive there. He moves and makes more room for Urianger, not that it is lacking in space in Thorne's extravagant baths.

"How are you?"

[magicalarchaeologist]

Istredd is glad to be back teaching. A strange feeling after he hadn't been sure he should in the first place, but it turned out to be very natural for him. Ban Ard Academy is a ruthlessly competent school for mages and his teachers were cold but experts. There was no kindness in those walls, for them or the female mages in their sister school, only preparation and a hardening of their hearts and mind. Istredd's a far gentler teacher, having found (surprise surprise) that people responded better to polite and calm instructions than harsh.

He started teaching to find his place in Thorne and now he chooses it actively. This is also a place where he is less defensive and skittish, so it's a good place to approach him. Istredd feels safe within the walls that he teaches others how to not burn down. She also caught him before he went back to his books.

"Yes, that's me." Istredd looks a little puzzled at her, tilting his head. "I know most people here, you must be new." Did he miss new Summoned coming in? He has not been himself, so he must have. Usually he tries to be a welcome wagon for them, but obviously this is just not the right month for it.

[magicalarchaeologist]

Istredd is on the third floor at the moment checking over a few of his Academic Magic texts since he promised people they could find them in here to read. Thorne's advanced magic is harder to find in the other places so he wants people to have access. Also it's just something more to do, a reason for him to stay.

Ceylon the raven is currently on his shoulder, a warning peck occasionally given for how long he's been in there. But she has been more understanding. As understanding as a fake creature Lucifer created with some of his mind could be. They don't fully understand how all the animals work, but they do.

Istredd senses someone come in and moves over to the balcony to look down instead of teleporting which he sometimes does. "Jayden!" he says and it is with genuine interest, not with polite inattention as it usually is. They went through Some Shit in the pit together so that immediately gives him some leeway in here. He does disappear and reappears on the first floor a second later.

He shoos the raven off his shoulder and it flaps away, settling nearby and staring at both of them. "Welcome to my domain."

[magicalarchaeologist]

Istredd has gone through a lot in his life, but starvation was never a problem. He's lucky that way, he fully realizes, and experiencing it first hand was a traumatizing situation. He helped control the supplies and water too, hoping that he could maintain rations that everyone could survive off of. It was the only thing he could think of for himself to do.

The ravens all have different personalities, trust Lucifer to create unique creatures, but she lucks upon meeting Rooibos first, the most friendly of them. The others would watch her or fly away, but he seems content to let her come closer.

Istredd does recognize her immediately, he knows everyone who was in there with him, and he smiles faintly, closing his book. "Rooibos is his name. He's friendly, you don't have to worry about him pecking you." All of the ravens are named by Wanda after different kinds of teas. If she puts out her hand he'll prove that by willingly stepping on it.

"I haven't seen you since the turtle, how are you, Shepard?" Istredd learned everyone's names while he was down there since he figured they'd all have to be a team eventually. And she was one of the people who stayed behind too.

[takeatrip]

Jayden startles at the sound of his name, a reaction that's decidedly unusual for him, and he has to quickly suppress the flash of irritation he feels toward himself. It's surely just because he hasn't actually been encountering other people in the Horizon so far, and nothing else.

A deep breath later and he's able to offer a small but genuine smile at Istredd, relaxing just a little. They've definitely been through a lot, and jumpiness aside, Jayden feels... Maybe not at ease, but at least as though he doesn't need to be on guard.

Even if he has a feeling that raven is judging him.

"Do all of these books have writing in them?" Maybe a ridiculous question, but still probably better than saying wow, this place is cool like first crossed his mind. He is genuinely curious, though; he hadn't bothered making the books in his own domain readable, and there are definitely far fewer there than here.

[earthborn]

"Fine," A little too sharp, too certain. Istredd might or might not catch it— he might know her face, but he doesn't really know her, just yet, "Takes more than that, to break me."

Well, she'd spent most of the turtle-ride unconscious, so don't mind her for being a liar. Physically, she had been at her limit, very nearly beyond it. Between biotics, training, and various augmentations, Shepard was well equipped to cope with nearly any hardship... except starvation. Hunger, again, sharp and hard behind her bellybutton. Shepard tamps down on it ruthlessly— this isn't her Domain, and she's got a reputation to uphold, dammit. A pokerface then, if nothing else; the phantom pain subsides.

"Istredd, right?" She had looked everyone up, once upon a time, but matching names to faces isn't the same as being able to look up a service record, more's the pity, "How about you, then? Everybody where you're at get back safe and sound?"

pit brother reporting ♥

[mobezon]

It would be an understatement if Louis opted to admit he didn't take to the horizon immediately after he returned. It started out small, having visited there prior. His memories of his first visit came back. What he sees is a distraction, one that might end up becoming a replacement to what Louis is always feeling. His hunger is endless, and in it he finds a way to keep going back and building, to mediate, to exist, to find purpose. The pit had raddled him, and he hasn't been quite so since Paris. It brought it all back, the freshness of loss. He hates it, but also he relishes in it.

He started spending time in the horizon on his own, away from others. He needed to clear his mind, but the longer he attempted to clear it, the more he realized it only meant he was doing it again. Louis was isolating. No amount of going to Claudia's shrine in the process or restoring is going to will all what he's kept inside. Recovery is a strange concept to him. Finding what it means in Abraxas is a whole other matter. He realized he needed to go somewhere else.

The tower of books, he recalls. Istredd had talked about it. He'd also felt bad he hadn't sought out the people he had begun to form connections with, but his reunion with Lestat had raddled something within him that he didn't want to show near others. Could he just explore? Some part of him wonders if it is his will calling it forth when he does explore along the edges of domains, or if it had been the bright instance of having a brief mind connection that has him exactly where he wants to be.

When he does see Istredd among what he thinks are notes, he speaks.

"I knew you'd make it out."

on the way to the city

[ushiri]

"I have some errands to run. Want some company?"

At the gates and the portals, Kahlil offers an easy excuse for Istredd, sidling up next to him and cocking his head to one side. The Summoned in Thorne - at least the ones who reside in the castle, practically live on top of each other. It's easy enough for someone like Kahlil to notice changes in behavior and habits.

He's noticed how little the man has left his room since he's been back. Some of that can easily be attributed to the physical toll of what Istredd went through, but there are smaller tells that might imply otherwise.

[thedevilwhorose]

When Lucifer allows Istredd back into consciousness, his back is once more against the wall, but this time his legs are overtop Istredd, not quite pinning him. His mind is already speaking before the first spark of waking: You're not in the cave. You're still in bed.

And even before those thoughts finish, he's speaking aloud, almost subdued, "You know I'm not very strong, right? You lament so much, afraid you're as weak as many mistake you to be, but you're just lying to yourself like the rest of us."

If Istredd tries to move, Lucifer will not allow him.

The strange thing is Lucifer's mind is much more normalized now than before. It begs the question: how long has Istredd been out?

There is faint coloring of the sky outside their window.

But because his mind is so steady Istredd will be able to tell that there's a wall up between them. The thing is, it's not to block Istredd from Lucifer's mind, but to block Istredd's from Lucifer's. There is a loose indication surrounding it about that very purpose.

"I understand what will be your need for wrathful fury, but let me talk first, will you? I need you to understand, Istredd."

He's keeping his eyes straight ahead, thumbnail picking at his other nails.

"I hardly expect you to be purposefully cruel. But I also found it hard to believe that you were thinking rationally. It's not about trust. I trust you--on a normal, non-traumatized, non-emotional state from... whatever this is. Was, maybe."

He has a permanence problem, alright.

"And if I asked you... it doesn't matter if I was right or wrong in my initial assumption... the pit of emotions that I would have brought into being from you were not going to give me the answer I needed. And I needed an answer. And I needed someone to tell me--not in the words, but the motivation behind the words--that I was being completely, and utterly, goddamn stupid. And there is only one person that I trust to do that."