abraxaslogs | Reality doesn’t always give us the life that we desire

It takes Istredd an entire week before he is willing to leave the actual castle, and even then he is very timid about it. He wants to go to book stores and pretend to be normal again, although it is not always obvious, but he has a heavy magical shield around him at all times. It takes a lot of energy to keep it going, but it is worth it for some semblance of defense. It is invisible to the eye but anyone familiar with magic can probably sense it, and if they get to close it will feel like something is pushing them away.

Istredd is always looking over his shoulder and seeming a little uncomfortable, although he seems a little better once inside the Dragon's Keep. He avoids the Winking Cauldron and its many people. At one point people can see him going close to the walls of the city but stopping instead of attempting to go through. It's not about whether or not he's allowed, obviously they are keeping everyone inside after an ordeal like this. It is more about Istredd proving to himself that he is not afraid of going this far, although there are guards and the like, so he's protected, but it's the principle of the thing.

Edited 2023-04-04 17:22 (UTC)

"I have some errands to run. Want some company?"

At the gates and the portals, Kahlil offers an easy excuse for Istredd, sidling up next to him and cocking his head to one side. The Summoned in Thorne - at least the ones who reside in the castle, practically live on top of each other. It's easy enough for someone like Kahlil to notice changes in behavior and habits.

He's noticed how little the man has left his room since he's been back. Some of that can easily be attributed to the physical toll of what Istredd went through, but there are smaller tells that might imply otherwise.

Istredd startles despite probably having been able to sense a new presence if he focused hard enough, and instead he is using his energy to keep the shield going. He's mad at himself almost immediately for being so easily frazzled. This is a mind over matter moment for him. He glances over at Kyle, who does make him feel safer almost immediately though.

The offer is probably out of kindness and he appreciates it. Istredd feels confident that he might eventually have left by himself, although it may have taken a few more hours. "Yes, thank you." It's not as if having Urianger with him spared them from what happened, but it is still better than being alone.

Istredd is mostly on the mend having not been in the ritual, and his gut wound and infection has cleared up. He doesn't look well though, in the sense that he's lost weight and he was already lean to begin with, and there are heavy circles under his eyes from lack of sleep. Lucifer's helped as much as he can, but some things take time.

"Did you see Castiel's post about the shrine monster? And information gathering."

He shoots Istredd a look like you have to ask? as they pass by the guards and the gates into the castle city. It's early in the day, with many natives out and about on the streets. Some notice the pair and give friendly nods, especially those merchants closest to the gates and most used to seeing Summoned on their way in or out. It's a noticeable shift in mood from when sentiments had been slightly less friendly after the omens...

"My world has nothing like that. Even the normal creatures here are much larger than what I'm used to."

Had he told (lied to) Istredd that he was from Earth? Or just let him assume? He's started to lose those many, many threads he started nearly seven months ago. Unlike Julie, he wouldn't expect Istredd to take any initial falsehoods to heart. The man rooms with a master manipulator.

What he says now, though, is the truth. Basawar's fauna is lesser than what is here in Abraxas, even Nayeshi. The Rifter destroyed the demon armies long, long ago, and the church had destroyed whatever remained. The last demon he'd fought was no bigger than the dog whose skin it wore, even if its teeth were laced with curses.

Istredd is trained polite enough to incline his head back, although he stays fairly close to Kyle just in case. He knows eventually this vigilance will relax, but until then this is how he is getting through it. He is not good with strangers in the first place so it will take time before the icy exterior softens again.

"Mine does, monsters are somewhat common, but I'm uncertain if anything that big exists. I did see a terrifying giant winged creature shortly before coming here, so I suppose it's possible."

He wouldn't really know what Earth was in the first place, outside of that it's a common name for some spheres and their planet. It isn't for him. Even if he caught Kyle in a lie he wouldn't blink twice about it. They all have their reasons, and they were all unknown to one another once. It's only smart to hold some things back. Istredd's intelligent, but he isn't particularly wise, so he had to learn that the hard way.

"I don't know if the creature was what spoke to us from the shrines. It seems that it must be, perhaps it is more intelligent than it looked like from far below. Between that and the very aware giant turtle that saved us, it is probable these beasts have minds of their own."

And he doesn't mean in terms of animals having minds. He means that they may actually think coherently and have the ability to recognize allies and one another. So the shrine creature? Could come back around easily, with more of those whispers. Classic that Istredd would probably rather face that than the acolytes.

Knowing what he does about Geralt, and that they come from the same place, that tracks.

"I wouldn't be surprised," he replies, meaning its intelligence. "Given the kind of transformations you all were describing..."

Who's to say there isn't something that was once human about the beast? The shrine one, not the turtle, anyway. But he lets his words peter off as they continue walking, moving through the relatively sparse crowd. It's not exactly the best place to speak these theories, unless Istredd has the energy to make a bubble around them.

"How is your roommate doing?" he asks, raising an eyebrow. Sometimes it's easier to ask indirectly how someone is doing.

"I know Castiel is hoping to get more answers about that creature and where it came from." Meaning what it was, what god it represented, etc. Istredd has no idea what, although he knows others are on top of it. Castiel got in touch with people from Solvunn, side-stepping his own brother Michael to do it. It's best not to get involved with the angels and their nonsense, in his experience.

Speaking of.

Istredd pauses at the question because it has a complicated answer. And also because he's trying not to smile like the besotted idiot he's become since they became official. Something they haven't necessarily said since everyone already assumed they were a couple. "Better. I finally got him to sleep and eat. He hates having to do any human-adjacent things." He can last without them longer, but it's unhealthy for him.

Istredd glances over to him, considering. "Is there something you're concerned about?"

Kahlil hasn't yet completely figured out the whole Lucifer-Castiel-Michael connection.

He gives Istredd a sidelong glance.

"No reason. You've both just been, ah, sequestered."

Which isn't really strange, all (recent) things considered. But still.

"I've been sequestered, and he doesn't like me being out of his sightline." The flat out truth. Istredd is hiding in the room and writing notes or living in the Horizon. He hasn't been doing well mentally to say the least. Him going out here on his own is more of a stubborn insistence that he can handle this. That he doesn't have to be fearful hiding under beds instead of dealing with it.

So arguably, Lucifer should be with him right now, and might not love that he put himself in jeopardy where he couldn't see. But this is more about proving to himself that he isn't trapped in a cage of his own making. Lucifer being panicked about Istredd not in his sightline is an admittance of how important he is to the angel.

"We're possibly going to Nott soon. He got a fisherman there killed and wants to pay the family." Which probably sounds surprisingly kind of him. Istredd thinks his insistence of maintaining a good relationship with Nott is only part of the answer.

He hums at that, but doesn't push. Maybe when Istredd is feeling better he'll tease him a bit. More seriously, he remains worried about the man. While Kahlil can't hold what Lucifer did on the mountain against him, he also can't fully trust that the divine being won't lose control again in the same way again.

(a flash of Jath'ibaye/John's fist through Kahlil's chest, the Rifter's face pale with shock hanging over him - the impossible memory flares again now)

He shakes his head suddenly.

"Did he?" Kahlil frowns deeply, feeling a small stab of guilt. But even if he could've prevented the man's death, he couldn't reasonably have shadowed Lucifer everywhere while they were trying to cover as much ground as possible...

"No offense intended, but - does he have money...?" So few of them do. Kell has a job, he knows. And Kahlil would offer some of the coin he earned, if needed. He's not really surprised that Lucifer would want to maintain decent standing in Nott, he's more surprised that he'd intend to follow through.

"Collateral damage, unfortunately. When they were investigating Lake Circinus, a sea monster ate him." So there was nothing Kyle could have done, he would have just witnessed it too probably. There was a lot of collateral damage in the middle of this entire experience. Istredd can't count how many people died when the shrine monster was released. There were many more natives who died from the same things the Summoned survived.

"He saves all the money Thorne gives us sometimes instead of spending it." A little secret fact there, but hoarding money is something that makes sense. Istredd would be doing it himself, if he didn't have things he wanted to buy. "And that's part of why I'm going in town. I'm seeing if Thevan will buy my books. I have some from him but also from Nocwich and Luna." Istredd scraped and saved for one or two, not an extravagant amount, but they are his few belongings.

"It's fine, I memorized them and put them into my domain." So they aren't necessary for him to have. As he told Lucifer, his debts are Istredd's debts, it's as simple as that. "It's still not going to be enough to replace the primary provider, but it'll be something."

Oh. He does remember hearing about the sea monster in the lake now. He rubs at his brow, slightly irritated. The fact that this doesn't rank even the top three weirdest things that happened in the past few weeks probably says something.

"It's too bad you can't recover the bones for the family," he says, somberly. He vaguely remembers that the creature had eventually died outside of its natural waters, but any recovery of remains from within its belly would be unlikely - unless the man had something... indigestible on him when he was swallowed that his family might want returned.

"Have you thought about asking for a regular stipend from the castle?" Kahlil knows he teaches Summoned, but he could probably make a good argument to be paid as an instructor for apprentice mages, or even his work with wards. There might eventually be a need for more coin than what can be scrimped and saved from their allowances.

"I agree. We are bringing them one of our logs too, I'm doing a lasting heating enchantment on it, hopefully that will give ... something for the winter. I'll see if they can communicate anything else we could do when we go." Lucifer will be there to make a good show for Nott, and maybe secretly to also do a good thing, but Istredd will try his best to go the compassionate route. They are limited in what they can do.

"If they won't pay Yenna for her work, they're definitely not going to pay me." Yennefer teaches people on a higher level and she also has two assistants of her own, and they are probably paid. But she is not. Istredd always uses his familial nickname of her when around friends, but he is more careful to call her Yennefer or the Lady Yennefer in Thorne Castle. "She got more access in exchange. Maybe that's how I get the same to certain texts."

It's about proving himself skilled and useful and knowledgeable first. He wants to get access to the books about other forms of magic. He'd like to get more about the history of the continent too, more than what they allow. "That's what mages do in my sphere. We don't get paid, we get knowledge or power or both."

That is strangely wholesome for the two of them, though he can't predict whether or not the family will interpret it the same. Depends on how believably sincere they come across, he supposes.

Yenna trips him up for a second, hearing the nickname for the first time. He frowns to himself.

"Then can you ask to be paid in portal spells?"

He's only being half facetious, considering Istredd is likely already looking or at least hoping to get similarly locked access to spells. A pause, then he raises an eyebrow.

"Who do you serve, as a mage?"

What power?

Istredd doesn't always remember who knows about him and Yennefer. The two of them are close and she has stopped pretending otherwise. It was a statement of a kind when she met him at the portal in front of everyone and took care of him. But until then they did keep it quiet, outside of them spending time with magic and talking.

They are probably one of the best well-oiled machines people will ever see in action when they have to be. Their training can kick in after decades apart.

"That isn't a terrible suggestion. No harm in asking. It is strange not to be able to teleport everywhere I want." Istredd usually can cross entire lands in the blink of an eye back home. Not really common knowledge, since he barely uses portals here.

The question is a fair one, he opened the door. "The Brotherhood of Sorcerers, a very old organization of mages. There are two schools, one for men and one for women, practically next door to each other." Thus why the young mages did get to know each other no matter what. Permanently linked. "They attempt to politically control kingdoms through court-appointed mages. We're trained for court intrigue, I just didn't take to it."

Istredd can do it though. He could even be good at it, if he tried. "You get taken and trained as children and serve for your lifetime, hundreds of years."

There's more than a few things to unpack from what Istredd says, but the thing that actually makes Kahlil physically stop in his tracks is the last part.

"Hundreds of years?"

He squints at Istredd.

"... how old are you?"

Istredd never remembers who knows this information or not. He doesn't keep it a secret, it just sometimes comes up or not, depending on who he's talking to.

"I'm in my late eighties I think. I don't know when I was born." Istredd doesn't remember a life before the Brotherhood, he was young when he was taken, when he first showed his gifts. Any family he might have had is lost to him. He doesn't know the year he was born because of that, but all the mages in his class were around the same age.

"We're still considered essentially children or youths until we're past a century. My mentor is closing in on five hundred soon, and he probably has a few more hundred years ahead." Unfortunately for the rest of them, he's not going away any time soon. "Our magic sustains us, we age very slowly. I'll look the same for hundreds of years."

That explains some things. And also raises many, many more questions. The middle of a busy street probably isn't the best place to get into them, though, and after a moment of studying Istredd he starts walking again.

"My world had nothing like that," he says, still frowning. The holiest of divine mystics were said to sometimes have lived longer lifespans, but who knows how much of that was actually true. Only the Issusha'im could live beyond a mortal life, and it wasn't their choice.

Them, and the Rifter.

"Women who use magic used to be burned, or worse. Boys that have god's own bones are taken by the priests to be trained." Like him. He shakes his head.

"It was that way. Not anymore, now that the church is gone and things have changed. This world was very strange to me when I arrived, though."

Everyone using magic so openly. Even the type and strength of their magic, what they could accomplish with it were only things the mystics dreamed of. Kahlil had been deeply uncomfortable for a time, but he quickly adapted.

This is more detail than he's told Istredd before. Something in him has shifted, either from what happened these past weeks or the way his conversation with Julie ended. He doesn't know. If he looks too deeply into his own thoughts he'll only get lost.

Kyle has not really opened up to him this much before and Istredd is fascinated, listening intently. It is always interesting to see how different spheres approach similar things. Women burned for the type of things men can do without problem? Ridiculous.

"That's why I don't know how old I am. I was taken as a child, they can sense when magic is used for the first time, and they come for you." To some people that sounds a little unsettling, but Istredd says it factually. It sounds like Kyle went through something like that if he was taken to be trained too. "I agree though, I've never seen anything like this magic wise. There are very few people born with the gift in my sphere."

Istredd pauses and as they start walking, he pulls down the protective shield that has been circling around him. He instead puts that protective sound bubble around them again, something Kyle can probably sense the difference in when he does it now, like the sound is closed in.

"You either become a mage, die by magic gone wrong or Chaos consuming you, or they turn the weaker of us into eels and absorb their potential through a lake of magical power." Lucifer was confused about the eels part, specifically the animal of the eels, which Istredd's never really questioned. But it gives some kind of image of how unnerving the process was for a child. Your options are very limited.

"In exchange, we get to live a very long time, have magic at our fingertips, and get to choose how we look for those centuries. For some, they transform themselves entirely during ascension. Eyes, face, body, everything. I chose not to change." Though to be fair, Istredd also was born relatively good-looking and healthy. Not everyone had that reason to shrug off the transformation. AKA Yennefer.

"What kind of training do god's own bones boys have, if I may ask?"

Kahlil can feel the protective bubble in a different way now that he knows what to look for. It's subtle, but similar to the way he senses the currents that allow him to open the Gray Space, or to know where protective wards stand to block his path. It makes him wonder what it would look like from the outside if he were to stand in the Gray Space now.

"Eels?" He pulls a face. What Istredd describes sounds more inhumane than simply killing them.

Which, sadly, leads to the question about his own training, even though he has plenty more questions about the transformation. He makes another face at god's own bones boys, he's never heard anyone phrase it that way and he doesn't particularly like it, even if Istredd is only paraphrasing his own words.

"It's hard to explain. We're taught to manipulate invisible currents between space." He hesitates for a second, waiting until they are turning the next corner. Between them he lifts his right hand, touching his forefinger and thumb together, then parting them. Something like a thin wire stretches between them, near invisible at this size. Kahlil has no idea what it looks like to an otherworld mage, this sharpened edge of the Gray Space.

As they pass by a lamppost he stops again, dragging the thread between his fingers in a line across the thick metal, leaving behind a deep cut.

Istredd can probably understand why he keeps this hidden. Banning Kahlil from carrying a weapon is a meaningless rule when he can sever a major artery with his fingertips in the blink of an eye.

"Yes, Lucifer also found the eel detail strange. I suppose it just suits the pool of energy in their mind." It was all strange. Istredd can acknowledge that. Not a great way to live or be raised. It is why he has such a hard time understanding the teenagers and youths, the mages were all practically adults at twelve years old. They had to be. When looking at the giant pool of glowing white energy, it was a reminder every time, how easy it would all go away.

Istredd looks closely when Kyle shows him what he means, and he does see something, invisible currents in the air around them is something he is tapped into thanks to Chaos. It is not obvious but he can feel it more than see it. Something that is not quite supposed to be there, on this plane.

He watches Kyle show the quick and efficient way that can be used as a cut, a dangerous one at that, and his eyebrows raise, impressed. Neither of them needs weapons to be dangerous, but everyone knows that about Istredd due to his magic. Kyle has managed to keep it secret, under the surface. Smart.

"Raised by priests, that explains some things." His domain being a temple, the implication of his faith. Istredd's never really had faith, but gods are spoken about in his sphere. Religion exists. Not to the extent it does for Lucifer, or for Kyle.

"Your god was from another world, you said, brought to yours by a gate. I wonder, given hundreds or thousands of years, if we stay in this sphere, what will we be considered?" Some of them are powerless or on par with the mages here, but people like Wanda? Like Lucifer? They are extremely powerful and overworldly. "I hope the comparison isn't offensive."

"I think most people would find the eel detail strange."

For once, Lucifer is not an anomaly.

With that part demonstrated, the Unseen Edge vanishes from between his fingertips. Unless Ambrose has secret knowledge of them in that book of his, no one but a handful of the Summoned know the offensive capabilities of his power. He kept them hidden even when he was finally forced to show his hand in front of the guards that followed them on their searches. He intends to keep it that way.

"It is." Offensive. Blasphemous. Heretical speech. Even admitting that, he just kind of shrugs in a very un-priestly manner. It could be interpreted any number of ways, but it's only that his belief is so strong that it's hard to be offended by non-believers and talk like this. "It's something I've wondered about too."

He'd tried to allude to it when the three of them talked once before, but the conversation had drifted elsewhere, and at the time he hadn't been as willing to push the theory for lack of proof.

"We have no access to any records of the previous Summoned."

The ones before this modern batch. Only that something bad had happened.

Edited (Introspection ) 2023-04-22 12:51 (UTC)

If it was offensive, it doesn't seem to make Kyle angry, so Istredd assumes the question is fine. He does understand that people have reasons to have faith. For example, the gods and heralds in this world are real, they have demonstrated proof. This is not speculation or blind faith, it is reality. He may not be interested in building shrines to anyone, but he can see what is right in front of his eyes.

His partner also is some holy creature whose father is literally God in his sphere. Religions are real in some worlds. That is fact. He's fine with it, even if he isn't in a hurry to call on any gods himself. It seems like a bad idea inherently.

"I started thinking about it since our conversation in my library." Istredd hadn't forgotten. They did get sidelined by other things, like the experimentation of the Summoned, but he rarely forgets a conversation that gets him dwelling. "There are people in the Summoned right now who have powers far and above what is normal here. Given time and legends? It would be easy to see them as gods after a dozen generations."

So basically, Istredd thinks they are probably right. Or at least on a track that could be right, except no easy way to prove the theory. "Let's say, theoretically, when the Summoning happened thousands of years ago, a few of those people had the same kind of power. And Solvunn, where that mage settled, is the only place that still believes. Maybe they lived there, like we live here."

"I wanted to look into it when I was in Solvunn, but there wasn't much time for that."

The history of the High Mage in exile, the founding of Solvunn. But that stood as a far second to the rescue efforts. He doubts he would've gotten to speak with the council member without Wanda vouching for him, too.

He's left most of what he found in Istredd's mind library, so this is retreading some of the same ground.

There's also what Lucifer had said back then during their talk. The connection to Horizon, the visions and strange places they were stuck in when the heralds first arrived. Trapped spirits...

"We really only have two options. Steal the information we want, or somehow leverage it out of them while they're feeling somewhat generous right now."

He shakes his head, taking in Istredd for a second with a strange look. Kell was the one who talked about trust first.

"I can't teleport the same way that you can, but I can walk between those currents I told you about, undetected in a space parallel to this one. In my world, only god could locate and tear me out of it." Which is why he's semi-confident about the undetectable part still being true here. "That's how I kept up with Lucifer when we were covering ground in our search."

"Luckily we have contacts in Solvunn with the type of influence who might be able to get answers we wouldn't." Kyle could have tried, but the council likely would quiet up around outsiders. Polite answers at best. Solvunn was also on the defensive due to Josselyn Creed and how she altered the continent's view of them.

"I don't know how we would steal it. Thorne is secretive, and I plan on asking Ambrose about it, but I think they are dangerously ignorant on this issue." Meaning he doesn't think even their private volumes will be helpful. They've refused to take seriously something that is now proven to be real. Foolish.

"I do wonder if this is all true, and some of the gods used to be Summoned, them reaching out to us or the Singularity showing us strange things, it might have never meant to be destructive. They could just be trying to talk to us but are no longer human enough to do it well." By destructive he means the heralds who tormented their minds or trapped them in strange situations in the Singularity with no explanation. All the things that happened to them over the months could be misconstrued. "Of course if that is the case, we'll have to figure out a way to make that communication clearer."

He doesn't mean only the Solvunn Summoned as we. Sooner or later, the rest of them really should try to find access. Maybe the answer is in the Singularity during these strange experiences. Istredd would open his mind to that, if he could only find out how.

Istredd nods in understanding about his abilities. He does vaguely understand, the current remind him of how he refers to channels, how he visualizes the way Chaos flows around them. "Have you been able to leave Thorne? How long have you managed to stay in that space?"

Out in Castle Thorne city and near boundaries

on the way to the city

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