abraxaslogs | Open Log - I feel like I should be cackling

Chris has been around other whitelighters and witches for so long that he's forgotten just how weird and crazy it is for lights to form into the shape of a person. The fact that it's probably super weird for regular people hasn't really crossed his mind. So, not really getting the disoriented, weird vibe from Sansa, he just shrugs and hands her the donut, munching on his own. As for eating, well Sansa. Chris was raised by a chef. Food was her love language. He was going to feed you.

"It really works. It actually is just that simple. You say my name and I just hear you. I'll know if you're in trouble too. Even if you can't call for me. I might not be able to get to you in Thorne though."

And that, that was the problem. Chris wasn't sure he trusted Sansa's brother enough to contact him if he felt anything wrong with Sansa. At least not without meeting and thoroughly interrogating him first. Maybe with a crystal cage if he could find the right crystals. Electrocuting Sansa's brother. She probably wouldn't like that.

She didn't have to know.

"Is there anyone I can contact if I can't get to you and you need help?" ......please don't say your brother.

"Jon," Sansa says. "Though if I am in trouble, likely Jon is with me. You could also trust Nikolai Lantsov or Thancred Waters. Annabeth Chase is also someone you could ask," Sansa says. "But Jon Snow, my brother, is the person who knows the most about me and keeps me safe. If you fear I am being harmed, contact Jon. He can get to me."

Jon has never failed her, after all.

"Jon has protected me for years. He went to war for me, to protect me. There is no one you can trust more than him."

Chris was really, really trying not to twitch. He just inhaled and exhaled in a manner he hoped didn't come across as super annoyed but it probably was.

"I'm not putting your safety in the hands of someone I haven't met yet. " It wasn't that he didn't trust your judgement Sansa. Chris didn't trust anyone. He hated this. He hated this so much. "Alright. It's probably time I meet your brother then. I can probably reach out to the others individually, if you trust them. But if you trust your brother that much? I'd like to meet him."

Mostly because his family tree was completely dysfunctional, he assumed everyone elses was equally fucked up. Trust wasn't a concept he was real familiar with.

Sansa gives him a cool look, slightly incredulous. "I appreciate your desire to devote yourself to me but I assure that my brother has no ill intentions toward me. He would raze every stone in this village to protect me. You seem to be from a different time and place from me, quite different, so possibly I should explain a bit more."

Sansa hasn't explained much of her life to anyone other than her handful of friends but if Chris fears Jon isn't trustworthy, she will swiftly correct him of that notion.

"I was forced to marry someone who installed himself as lord of the castle that had belonged to my family for thousands of years. I was not treated well. I managed to escape and I ran to find my brother - Jon - and Jon built an army to take our home back. There is no one in the world I trust more than Jon. I would have died if not for Jon. You can trust him with your life. By telling this, I also have put some manner of trust in you, because this shows my greatest weakness to someone I do not know very well. I do not normally give people the opportunity to wield one of my weaknesses but I will do so in order to protect my brother and his name."

"Alright, if you trust him that much. I'll trust him." He'd trust him a tiny bit. Chris chewed on his donut as he thought about the information Sansa just gave him. Information apparently she hasn't given others. He let out a big sigh, letting go his frustration and annoyance in favor of the fact that she trusted him enough to let herself be vulnerable.

Family. Jon was her family. Maybe she had strong family bonds like the Halliwells did. Jon wasn't Wyatt. Maybe, just maybe, Jon was Piper.

Chris started to put some pieces together. This woman was really, really not from San Francisco. She was from a place with arranged marriages, castles, royalty and had probably been seriously abused. Her brother was probably the only person she had learned to count on.

"Alright. I believe you. Family is family. I won't betray your trust. And I appreciate you sharing your story with me. You didn't have too, and it sounds like you've been through quite a lot. But....." Chris just couldn't let that piece of information go without asking a bit more. "What was the name of the man you had to marry?"

Because there was definitely more than one spell in the Book to .....help with that. If he showed up. or if he didn't. Maybe magic worked through the Singularity. At the very least it would make Chris feel better.

"His name? I ended his line," Sansa says. "His name is of no importance to anyone. I suppose if you want it, it's Ramsay Bolton, but I assure you that his line is dead. I ended it. His words are dead, his house is dead. No one will raise his banners ever again."

Sansa had made certain of that in all ways. There isn't a single Bolton left in Westeros.

"I do not know if the dead can come here," she concedes. "But that is the only way that man will walk the earth again."

Well that was both extremely creepy and really, really awkward. Chris had a mild flashback to when Paige threatened to castrate him. Exactly how much blood did his new charge have on her? Not that Chris would judge her. This gigantic asshole totally deserved it from what little he could tell. Still. It was super duper creepy.

And now it was his turn to share, wasn't it? Because he couldn't just leave it like that. Not give her that piece of information and walk away like he didn't care, because he did. He cared. He cared a lot.

"So. Um. Awkward, but. I'm dead. And if I can come back? He could too." Chris fishes through his pockets and brings out some vials with multi colored liquids. "Which brings me the reason I actually wanted to meet you here. Protection." He held out the potions and pointed to them one by one. "This one will disable but not kill. This is a smoke bomb, and this one is explosive. I haven't been able to remember the invisibility potion yet." Because she had mentioned something about invisibility and he literally took it to heart.

"Oh, well, I did not expect you to have made things for me. I am not one to be good with weapons," Sansa says, taking the vials from him. She remembers which is which before carefully pocketing them so they do not break.

"I am a woman and women in my world, other than some like my sister, do not wield weapons and certainly not against men. I was never trained to use any because it wasn't important. I was a lady meant to marry a lord and keep a castle. I was meant to be bearing children, not taking up arms. Things have changed, however, and I think I need these weapons of yours."

Especially now that she knows that Ramsay could come here.

"How is it that you know you are dead?"

"I'm not that good with weapons either. I picked up a sword once it was over in less than 5 seconds. But just because you're not good with weapons doesn't mean you cant protect yourself. Besides, women in my world? And my family? They're the ones who do the fighting."

It was a little switched up wasn't it? Chris was a protector and guide but not a fighter. "If you ever meet a woman with the last name Halliwell? You can trust them. They'll teach you how to protect yourself. Also that's bullshit. What you were fed about women not wielding weapons and just bearing children. And kind of super gross." Disgusting. It was disgusting.

He took another bite of his donut to distract himself, give him time to come up with the words he was looking for. "I remember dying. I remember fading away from existence. A time period I wasn't supposed to be in. I..." he paused trying to figure out where to start his story. "I went back in time to try and save my family. And I I died before I could finish it. I was stabbed by someone I trusted. I knew he was dangerous. I just didn't....I didn't think."

"Sometimes those we have close are not who we can trust," Sansa says softly. "You think that you know someone but it turns out that they are the one you should have protected yourself against. It is something I have learned over and over and to my ruin. The hand that wields the knife isn't always your enemy."

Sansa thinks she has eliminated these people from her life, though, and she knows that there is no dissent in House Stark itself. She can trust her family. She has limited trust for people here, too, and even for Chris who seems so eager to give himself over to her in protection even if he does not understand her.

"Did you complete your mission and save your family? Did you take the knife for one of them?"

For a moment, when Sansa spoke those words, it felt like no one else understood him just as much as she did. Which words? Any of them. All of them. Something in those words and sounds echoed into his heart, ringing true. Words spoken by someone who lived something similar, who knew, who understood.

"I don't know. I mean, I know I didn't survive." That was a weird phrase to hear coming out of his mouth. "I remember just......"Chris didn't finish that sentence. It was too weird. Too new. " Mom was in labor though so....I guess I really don't know what happens. I'm dead, but I might not be? I hope that we figured everything out in time. That my father was able to complete what I started." And that he wasn't doomed to repeat this cycle, dying right before he was born.

"I really wish you didn't have to learn that lesson too. I was so certain who it could be. I had lists. I thought I covered all my bases. Except the people I trusted. I guess my aunt had those statistics right after all. Something about 50% of violent crimes being perpetrated by someone the victim knows." Thanks so much Phoebe. She was right after all. He was looking in all the wrong places.

Edited (Sorry! <3 I had to add his potential birth too) 2024-09-26 21:12 (UTC)

"Vipers like to nest where it's warm," Sansa says. "I have known my fair share of them. I never wish that upon someone else, though, because no one should have to live their life looking over their shoulder waiting for the knife to stab them in the back."

Westeros is like that, in her experience, and while some people are more subtle than others even the subtle knife cuts deep. Sansa thinks she's rooted out all such corruption from the North but time will tell.

"You are here now and we cannot do anything about our situations at home. It is both a relief and a vex at the same time. I feel as if I have left so many things undone."

The problem was Sansa, by these definitions? Chris was a viper too. Just as much of a problem as Gideon. It just depended on your point of view. He got an odd look on his face, wondering if it counted if it was pre-emptive self defense. Chris took a small step back from her, as if his own experiences might harm her. Or she him.

Then he was back, dismissing it from his mind. Fuck that. He'd done the right thing. The world mattered more. His family mattered more. And if Wyatt was safe? He'd never know.

"I'm not real good at letting go, Sansa." Then again, wasn't that his assignment from Crane? Go have fun?

"Have you figured it out yet?" Maybe she could teach him.

"Letting go is not my strongest suit," Sansa admits. "You hold onto your pain for so long that it becomes hard as ice and twice as difficult to melt. The only way to truly be at peace is to let yourself feel once more and know that it is safe to do so, that harm will not come to you. It is something I must think about every day."

Sansa isn't certain if she can ever let go of her pain no matter how much she wishes to but she does find it a bit easier here in this place where she matters little to anyone else. She is no queen, no noblewoman, no Stark. She is simply Sansa without expectation.

"Eventually, though, all ice must thaw. That is the way of things. I am trying to thaw each and every day."

"Maybe I should be going to you for therapy instead of Crane," Chris laughed softly. She was right. Granted, Crane had said pretty much the same thing. And then told him in a polite way to suck it up buttercup. Sansa understood though. In a way that validated what he was feeling with her own experiences.

"I've been on for so long, I'm not sure I know what it feels like to thaw." He thought maybe she understood what it was like. To be on guard for so long that nothing else feels right. But, here he still had to be on guard right? For Sansa? And then rest of his charges? Could he really still relax? He flexed his fingers, struck with a sudden urge to reach out to hold her hand but stayed.

"I think I should get you back to your brother. He might be wondering where you are." He didn't want her to leave.

Edited (i needed a new icon) 2024-09-27 23:04 (UTC)

"My brother is likely busy," Sansa says. "He often escorts me here to Nocwich and then goes to visit his friends from other territories. It is relatively safe, after all, and I have others that I can go to if something happens. I shouldn't interrupt him, truly, because he gets so little time to see his friends from Solvunn and the Free Cities."

Sansa doesn't want to go either, even if she likely should. They will have a few days in Nocwich after all and she has occasionally stayed over in the town and not returned to Thorne after spending the day there.

"Provided I have an escort, I should be quite safe, and I appear to have one currently."

"Oh," Chris hoped he didn't sound ever so happy about that. "I thought your brother....." what was the polite way of saying stalking? "Followed you a bit more closely than that. " But Chris wasn't real familiar with the term 'escort' unless it was being used in a sex worker type of way. Or in a 'police escort' sort of way. Maybe that was the way she meant it?

"So, you're brother just wants you to have a companion when you're away from him?" Chris was trying to break it down into the lowest possible terms because, he was quite sure they were from very, very, very different worlds and he was so confused. Also, why was her brother sticking his nose in it? Because Sansa didn't trust herself to keep herself safe? Or he didn't? Did this have something to do with that marriage she had talked about? The guy was dead.

He was so confused, Sansa.

"Okay...where would you like to go?"

"My brother provides an escort for my safety," Sansa explains. "No matter the place, men are terrible and cruel at times and beautiful women are usually unsafe when traveling alone. I was particularly unsafe back home because I was a queen with a large territory and while I am unknown here, I am still a woman and still at risk of the dangers that come with being born one. My brother likes for me to have an escort, yes, but..."

Sansa sighs a little and tries to decide how best to explain it.

"I am frightened to be without protection. Provided I am with someone that I trust, I do not mind being away from Jon and honestly, he does deserve a break from me. No man wants to be hampered by his sister all hours of day and night. As it is, I would like to go have tea with you. There is a place called the Ivory Bloom. It is a bit out of the way but the tea is very good."

Chris was doing his best to understand where she was coming from, but the first thoughts that popped into his head where 'what the fuck?' And then she admitted to being frightened and his entire demeanor changed. Which he should have figured out if he had been paying attention. He was still new to this whitelighter thing.

"Okay, first of all, being a woman doesn't mean you can't still kick ass. Trust me, I come from a long, long line of very powerful women, and none of them needed a man to get anything done. My great grandmother was actually disappointed when my mother had boys. And while we're at it," Because Chris was nothing if not a nag, " no one is hampered by anyone, least of all you. I'm sure Jon doesn't feel stuck with you at all. That's what family is for."

He held out his hand, if she wanted to take it. "But, I'd be happy to escort you. I'd hate for you to be afraid, no one deserves that. I think I'd love to have cup of tea with you, Sansa." Despite everything, he smiles softly at her, and then with a small laugh adds, "Also, I did just give you an explosive."

Sansa takes his hand and nods once. "You did, in fact, give me an explosive and those do not particularly exist in Westeros. Wildfyre explodes but it no longer exists and we do not know the recipe to make more, thank the Old Gods and the New."

"As to women being able to fight, I am aware that they can. My sister is an assassin and I know a knight who is a woman. I am not a fighter, Chris. I barely know how to hold a knife and I would not know what to do with a bow. My strengths lie with my mind and my ability to strategize, not my ability to fight. I am more suited to flee from danger than face it head on. I should practice running, I suppose, but it is difficult to run in heavy skirts."

"I suppose that makes two of us. My entire family is good in a fight, but it's not where I'm strongest. Give me a bit of time and I can make a potion. Last time someone handed me a sword I got disarmed in less than 10 seconds." Aren't you glad you're putting your trust in someone with such fighting skills Sansa? "Maybe we should start a running club."

Then Chris clocked what she had said, and was putting together the pieces of what her world might have looked like. Queen, knight, bow. Oooooh. Okay, he was slow sometimes. He looked at her for more than a moment, like he was trying to figure out her measurements beneath the layers and layers of fabric she had wrapped around her. Exactly how much did that dress weigh anyway?

Wrapping his hand around hers, he took a few steps, hoping he was going in the right direction of where ever that tea shop was. "I promise, though, I can and will protect you." If he could take passengers, it would be a whole lot easier, but he'd have to think his way through anything. Or telekinetically shove them through a wall. That worked too.

"It helps that no one is allowed into Nocwich with a weapon," Sansa says, guiding him toward the tea shop. It makes her more comfortable about being here even if she can still be easily overpowered by someone taller and stronger than she is. Without weapons, she at least gets a chance to run away.

"I was told by someone once to think about every enemy, all the time, both in my mind and not. It makes you a very wary person and makes it so you don't trust anyone at all. You're quite safe, of course, but you're also quite lonely."

"People don't need a weapon to be dangerous. They are fully capable of being horrible all on their own." At least here, if either of them needed too, there were things they could use, make their environment work for them. Stalls, items to throw, chairs and tables. Buildings to duck around and in.

Chris followed her as she guided him, trying to memorize the details as he went, keeping an eye on those around them. It wasn't that he didn't trust anyone...no, no, that was exactly it. He didn't trust.

"Yes, it is. I made lists, and lists of enemies. And even in the end, I didn't get all of them. But it did make us safer. But no one wants to spend time with someone who can't see anything else." He spoke from experience. His own family had told him they hated him, to get a life, that they never wanted to see him again. Until they realized.

Which just made it worse. He curled his fingers around hers, wanted to stop and pull her close for a kiss, but not daring. Instead, he just concentrated on the feel of her fingers against his, the feel of his heart hammering against his chest at the thought of her.

"Sometimes we try our best and fail." Sansa enjoys holding his hand, which surprises her. Normally she is wary of new people and doesn't trust them, only building trust after a while but Chris shares so many things with her in spite of being from a different time entirely and she does trust him.

The tea shop, while out of the way, doesn't take all that long to get to and she leads him up the few steps to get inside.

"I think they have something called coffee as well but they do not have that at home so I have never tried it for myself."

Despite entering the shop, Chris is loathe to let go of her hand. It feels good nestled in his own, and he realizes just how long it's been since he had any physical contact. That he'd been so busy trying to take care of everyone else that he forgot about himself.

Again.

Go figure. At least this time he didn't almost cease to exist.

So, Chris doesn't let go of his hand, but instead guides them inside, enjoying the feeling of her touch while he can.

"They have coffee?" Was that fervor in his voice? The Halliwells were addicts okay? It'd been a really, really long time. Okay, it'd been like 3 weeks. Which was an enormous time for a coffee addict. "Coffee is delicious Sansa. What do you normally drink?"

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