( closed ) this year taught me how it feels to be lost and ambitious

[diametrically]

Who: Cassian & various
When: September to October
Where: Around Thorne and the Horizon
What: Catch-all for September and October
Warnings: N/A, will update accordingly

🌌 💫 🌃
( closed starters below! ↓ reach out on discord @ cardialloyed for plotting! )

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— september

[diametrically]

— river 🌌 castle thorne, backdated to august

[diametrically]

[ Despite the effects of his sleep deprivation beginning to settle in, Cassian begins to notice something is really off when he feels the chill run up his spine and instead of it leaving, it persists. He knows someone is watching him, trailing him silently through the castle halls, through the grounds and into Nott. It drives his paranoia through the roof leaving his nerves raw. It's like he had never left home.

He's under no disillusion that it makes him unpleasant company to be with as a result. An already quiet demeanour turns heavy and morse and sleep eludes him. The only saving grace to all of this is that Merrin has seemingly returned home which means their once shared room is now vacant save for an angry kitten and his ghosts.

Cassian doesn't particularly believe in ghosts. But what else could they be if not that? Why else would he wake in a sweat every time he finally drifts off to sleep only to be woken a moment later with visions of his loved ones burned into the back of his eyes, filling every corner of the room?

Tonight he wakes with a shout calling out Maarva's name, sending Bob Cat hissing and spitting off of his place at the foot of his bed and right towards the small lump sleeping in the bed across from him. It occurs to him that River had opted to sleep in his room this evening and he hopes that he hadn't woken her. But that's probably wishful thinking and a fleeting thought as he curls into a ball in an attempt to steady his breathing and stop himself from shaking. ]

[thoughts]

[ sleep has never come easy for river. of course, this was by design; 'we do some of our best work while they're sleeping,' and how is she supposed to tell the difference when her memories are nightmares and everyone else's dreams are poison? cassian hasn't been sleeping well since - well, since ever, but it's been especially bad of late. tensions have been high across the kingdom, fear and paranoia and death inching ever closer to their hearts.

it's been eating him alive from the inside and tonight, it burns through them both as river abruptly sits up in her bed and shouts at the same time that cassian cries maarva's name. ]

Go!

[ her eyes are wide and unseeing, somewhere in that halfway lucid state of dreaming as more words spill out of her. ]

Go on, I want you to go - want you to go on.

[ her heart races and awareness comes to her slowly, mostly in the form of bob cat climbing into her lap in active disregard of her elevated state. she feels soft fur beneath her fingertips and remembers whose room she's in, whose dreams she was having, and then river finally turns to the other bed in the room. ]

Kassa? [ a beat later, with maarva's image on her mind and the name she gave him - ] Cassian?

[ she knows he's awake but she doesn't leave her bed, staring at the back of the curled up ball in his bed instead as she wonders if he would consider this memory of his mother a dream or a nightmare. ]

[diametrically]

[ His name, the name his mother gave him all those years ago on Kenari, makes him flinch despite himself. A part of him almost snaps at River, tells her that she shouldn't be calling him that within these walls or utter ever while they remain here in this world but he catches himself before it leaves his lips. The sharpness isn't something she deserves. Not when he'd woken her up and when she was merely checking on him out of concern.

There's a beat where he doesn't reply, drawing in a haggard breath instead in an attempt to steady his voice. In his head he tells himself it's fine. It's just a dream and nothing more. An unpleasant one, but a dream nonetheless. This world and its gods wouldn't trick him into believing that Maarva had died any other way than peacefully after one act of defiance. ]

I'm okay. Sorry. Go back to sleep.

[thoughts]

[ it lances through her anyway, the hurt that lingers in his silence. then he says 'i'm okay' and really, at this point, he should know better than to lie to a psychic.

river stares at his back for a long moment, steadying her and breath and waiting for the light to fade from her veins. a trait they now share, connected across the infinite cosmos and distant galaxies and the distance between two beds. she doesn't give him any warning before crossing the dorm room to place a reluctant bob cat directly on top of where cassian is curled up beneath the blankets. the cat gives a low noise of discontent until river lays down too, at which point he eagerly settles into the scant space between them.

the beds provided by the castle aren't overly large and maybe she's too old to be doing something as childish as crawling into someone else's bed after a bad dream. but river has always seemed younger than she really is and this is what she would do with simon, sometimes, when the nightmares are at their worst.

she didn't get permission and she'll leave if he wants her to, but instead, river stares at the back of cassian's head and asks: ]

What did she do to help, when you had bad dreams?

[ tonight, he cried out for his mother and woke up in a castle far away from home, with a sister that is not his curled up beside him. what was it like for him as a child, to wake up in another world where all he had was maarva? ]

[diametrically]

[ A single nightmare won't be enough to make him forget that River is a psychic, but maybe a part of him hopes all the same that she'll allow it to pass because the last thing he wants is to disturb her. He has no problem being the person that people rely or lean on. In the same vein, it doesn't matter if he admits his weaknesses.

And yet that couldn't be further from the truth right now. He doesn't want River to know that something like this could so easily break him. Not when he's vowed to be there for her. All the same, the warmth of both Bob Cat and River is comforting and he can't bring himself to send her back to bed or continue to lie to her that he's okay. His own reaction is enough of an indicator of how much it had shaken him along with the erratic pulse of starlight that glows from underneath his skin. ]

She held me. Told me stories.

[thoughts]

[ there's a momentary pause as river contemplates it before she scoots just a little bit closer to press her forehead to his back and pinch the fabric of his shirt in one hand. it's not quite holding him, but in all honesty, she's not really used to being the one comforting someone else and she knows cassian has walls up to rival ancient china. she's crossed those boundaries a thousand times, but...

tonight, there's a scream in his chest and he's bleeding starlight. hopefully this is enough.

she closes her eyes, listens to his thoughts and his heartbeat, and tries to press as much of a sense of safe and family as she can into that space between his shoulder blades. ]

What kind of stories? Which one was your favorite?

— percy & annabeth 🌌 borrel

[diametrically]

[ The decision to leave the castle always been a flicker of an idea in the back of his mind ever since he had arrived here in Abraxas in the dead of winter. At the time all he had cared about was getting home to his galaxy, back to the fight that he had committed himself to after finally having the blindfold ripped off him. But then his bleeding heart had made connections to the Summoned and those around him.

His desire to leave has never wavered or changed. But his definition of what leaving looked like while he was here had. Cassian knew that he could no longer leave and disappear like he was so used to doing in the past. There were people he cared for now. People he had made promises to that he was unwilling to break.

It's strange for him to feel as conflicted and guilty as he does now. The entire trip to Borrel for one last fishing trip with Percy and Annabeth before the autumn chill sets in has him quieter than he normally would be. The feeling in the pit of Cassian's stomach is akin to the way he'd told Maarva that he had been leaving Niamos which doesn't bode well for him. Not because he worries about their reactions to the news he's about to tell them but because leaving once before had thrown him into the eye of a storm that he had barely begun to climb out of, dragging along those he loved into it as well.

He waits until the pair of them are in the boat they'd rented for the day before hopping in himself and pulling the anchor up. ]

Ready to set out?

[seaweedbrain]

[ By nature, Percy enjoys a good fishing trip. Obviously he does, his dad is the god of the sea, and Percy can — and has — literally talked to the fish. And the eels, and nymphs and cyclopes, and the mythical creatures that call the ocean their home.

It's fine, don't worry about it.

He can't help but remember the last time he'd gone fishing with Cassian too — they'd been different people then. Godly and eight hundred or so years older, and Percy had been so disconnected from the person he's comfortable being now that it still sends him reeling when he considers it for more than a moment, even now. But he remembers how familiar it felt, how close they'd been even when they didn't really know each other before then.

Talk about an icebreaker, huh?

It's easy enough for Percy to climb into the boat anyway; and he's on his feet, balancing without difficulty and feeling the stillness of the water's waves beneath him to hold a hand out to Annabeth, to help her in.

Once settled, he gives Cassian the thumbs up. ]

Hope you brought your A-game 'cause the fish aren't going to make it easy for us today.

[ Does he know that for certain? Who knows? ]

[sophos]

[ annabeth's not the biggest fan of fishing out there, but she is a big fan of percy and cassian both, so that's what has her agreeing to give it a whirl today. she might have packed a book in her bag, in case she gets bored. ]

[ she takes percy's hand easily to help lift herself into the boat, giving his fingers a squeeze once her feet are planted firmly inside. ]

Did they tell you that? Should we be re-scheduling?

[ she's mostly teasing, making her way over to pick what she perceives as the best seat in the boat. she doesn't even think about helping handle any of the boating needs, because usually being on a boat with percy means he does everything. it's very easy on her part. ]

[diametrically]

[ Cassian can say quite confidently that it had been a very long time since he had fished. Kenari had some lakes but they never really ventured out onto boats. They hadn't seen a need for it when what few fish remained in that lake would bite all the same if they were fishing from the shore. And while Ferrix was all rocky outcrops and mountain ranges, he never really bothered to go fishing in the oceans there. He'd never had much of an interest after Clem died.

It's entirely possible he could have gone the rest of his life not having any interest in fishing again. But then their time in the dream happened and he'd be lying if she said that he now came to see the activity as something that he associated with a distinct sense of calm thanks to Percy's influence. That's part of the reason he chooses this activity. The other is that he knows Percy likes it. And as for Annabeth? She likes Percy.

He huffs at the banter but continues with his task before settling down, assuming like Annabeth that Percy would handle it all. That's what he remembers him doing anyway.

Following off Annabeth's question he adds one of his own aimed at Percy. ]

Isn't that we have you for?

[seaweedbrain]

[ Percy lets out a wholly exaggerated, entirely exasperated, and far-too-dramatic-to-actually-be-real sigh. ]

I always gotta do everything around here, huh? [ He shakes his head, settling down in his own spot on the boat before he looks between Cassian and Annabeth and not-so-subtly says: ] You know one son of Poseidon and it's like, suddenly you're the fish ambassador!

All right, fine!

[ But he can't help the slight twitch in his lips as he finishes with a flourish of lifted hands raised above him. ]

So, which way are we headed?

[sophos]

[ if cassian's not used to the banter by now, she honestly doesn't know what to tell him. ]

[ annabeth only snickers, leaning back comfortably on her hands as she grins at percy. it's not her fault he can control boats! ]

You're the Fish Ambassador. [ can you hear the way she capitalized his self-proclaimed title? ]

You probably know best where to take us, unless there's a secret cove Cassian staked out. [ don't worry she can tease him too. ]

— river & yennefer 🌌 nott

[diametrically]

[ They leave the castle as the sun begins to set. True to what they had told those that needed to know that they were leaving, there was no particular rhyme or reason that they choose this day to slip through the portal with their (minimal) worldly belongings on their back. Similar to the Summoned who had left before them for Nott, the less that people knew the better. Plausible deniability was as good a defence as any and if they left without fanfare then the best case scenario they could hope for was Thorne leaving those they associate with alone. And besides that, they were both anxious to leave and put even just a little bit of space between them and the ever watchful eyes there.

They act as normal as they can, the guards seeming none the wiser. They barely blinking as "Alyx" and River make their way for what looks like a night in Nott dressed as plainly as they can. It's a camping trip, Cassian explains when they see the bulk and heft of his two packs; one is filled with his and River's clothes while the other is Bob Cat's dismantled cat tower made to look like camping equipment.

The only thing that might raise some eyebrows would have been Bob Cat - but thankfully they had figured putting him to sleep in a satchel with his toys and treats carried by River would keep him quiet enough until they arrived at their destination. Once they're through and they've put some distance between the portal Cassian pauses, casting a glance towards River. ]

Do you know where we're going?

[thoughts]

[ the decision to leave isn't a frivolous one; river has been thinking about it since the night of the coup, from the moment yennefer knocked on her bedroom door and a wave of despair crashed over her. her heart aches for all that they're leaving behind. her studies, her friends, istredd, wǒ huí shǒu wàng jiān lí -

but cassian is here with her, going on this adventure together as they promised each other they would, and they'll be reunited with yennefer soon. away from the castle, with the people she loves and trusts the most, this is her best option right now. so river takes a deep breath, clutches the basket in her arms that carries the sleeping bob cat, and shakes her head. ]

No.

[ they've been careful when they visit, avoiding highly public spaces and never where yennefer has been staying. but river seems unperturbed; if they truly needed instructions, surely they would've been given at some point. she doesn't know where they're going, exactly, but she thinks she knows how to get there.

so she simply starts walking. even at this time of night, there are still plenty of people out, like guards and workers on the docks, bright taverns and inns with their various patrons, and plenty of skulking figures in dark alleyways. river takes it all in with wide eyes as she guides cassian along what might seem like an ambling path with no real direction. it's hard to explain how it works, how she can tell where yennefer has been or what buildings she passes most often, faint impressions of her that linger long after she's gone.

eventually, she stops in front of a building with a strange certainty that this is the one. river stares at the windows and reaches out mentally instead of knocking on the door. ]

Yennefer.

[ a telepathic we're here, if you will. without saying anything aloud, she looks to cassian over her shoulder and makes a face, nodding toward the door as though urging him to be the one that goes up and knocks. he's the adult here, after all!! ]

[diametrically]

[ Not knowing where Yennefer had decided to settle with Thancred and Stephen had been by design as well. So long as they remained at the castle, the less they knew the better. Not just for their own sakes but for those that had already gone ahead of them. He isn't so arrogant to think that he and River are influential in any way. It's his nature to stay unassuming and out of the way, preferring to observe or if he had to do things, he would do things that weren't memorable. But he knows better. He's learned both at home and here that if he feels a prickle on the back of his neck, it's because someone is watching. Even if they aren't physically there. 

Just because they had made it this far doesn't mean that the castle isn't aware of them slipping away in the night. Cassian can only hope that they aren't tracking them down and that if they are reported missing they'd be easily written off. That's the hope anyway.

It's why he doesn't question River when she begins to walk. He trusts her and the bond she and Yennefer share. River navigating means that he can be left to be hyper aware of their surroundings, keeping his dagger close and an ear out for any sound or hint of someone following them. He wouldn't endanger River. And he wouldn't endear the Nott Summoned.

When they come to a stop and River stares up at it with those big eyes of hers, it dawns on him that they may be here. But then she turns to him with that look on her face and it cuts some of the tension like a knife. He almost cracks a smile. That expression is enough to give him a hint and he reaches out to give the door a sharp rap with his knuckles, putting her slightly behind him just in case. ] 

[vixening]

[ the house has been a relatively new development, a combination of her and thancred and stephen's connections, a merger of their meager funds to pay for the first month's rent. it'll be worth it in the long-run, yennefer knows, just to have a more private place to work on her alchemy - she can't make more money until she has the stock to satisfy. it's not a large, or even all that nice of a place by any means - but it is a private space with a door that she and stephen can ward and that, compared to what yennefer has been putting up with so far, is an improvement.

it isn't as though they have much in the way of belongings, so that isn't the problem, but it is cramped. doable, but small. yennefer doesn't mind too much, though, just glad to not be in a shared space with so many other bodies or living among fish barrels. the place needs some work, something that she thinks they can manage under the nose of the landlord, but it will do.

she's awake when river's telepathic message makes it to her, working on some of her potions in the living space that she's all but taken over until she can move them into her sleeping quarter. it strikes her, suddenly, that it's night - not late enough to be alarmed, necessarily, but still too late for...

still, yennefer freezes in the small room and all of the materials and magic around her freezes in turn. she doesn't know exactly what it is that draws her eyes to the door, but it is only a couple of moments later that she hears the rap across the wood. stephen and thancred are elsewhere- either asleep or on errands or gods know what else- so it is only yennefer in the home. it doesn't bother her, she can protect up against anything that might happen, but it puts the entire house in a hold. one second, and then another, before yennefer rushes to the door in a few quick step and pulls the door open.

she's known river and cassian's intentions. they'd spoken about them following yennefer and why that wouldn't work at the time. but now- now they're standing out in front of her door, in traveling clothes and holding bags, and yennefer's eyes go wide for a single moment before she's checking the road behind them and ushering them inside without a word. it isn't until they make it inside and the door is closed that yennefer flicks her wrist, setting up one of the many wards, before turning and immediately pulling river into a tight hug. ]

This is it, then? [ she says, eyes on cassian as she hugs river. ] It worked?

[thoughts]

[ in the seconds that pass between cassian knocking and yennefer opening the door, river feels like she's teetering on the edge of a blade. she can't see or hear anything coming from the house, which means that it must be warded; there's any number of reasons why a building might be warded, especially in thorne, but it screams of yennefer's paranoia and preparedness, things that have kept her alive for this long both here and in her own sphere.

then the door opens and there she is, and river is immediately flooded with such a deep sense of relief. of course, there's still the fear and anxiety of leaving the castle, the uncertainty of remaining in thorne at all, and the existential dread of never knowing how long they'll be in abraxas altogether -

but river has missed yennefer every day since she fled to nott, and being here now with no intention of returning makes it that much more real. they left. they're here. yennefer is here with her and even though the dangers of this world still remain, even though nowhere is truly safe, river can't help but feel safer in yennefer's arms.

when they're ushered into the house, she quickly finds somewhere to set down bob cat's basket so she can turn around and lean into the hug. she squeezes yennefer tightly, unable to keep herself from crying quietly with the drop of adrenaline and flood of emotion that follows. her voice comes thick and muffled against yennefer's shoulder where river hides her face. ]

Qǐng yuánliàng wǒ de dǎrǎo. We're here.

[ they're here. gǎnxiè shàngdì cìyǔ de yīqiè but they're actually here. ]

[diametrically]

[ This isn't the first time he's seen Yennefer since she's left but the moment that his eyes meet hers he feels a part of himself fall into place. There's no time for their reunion however. They're still outside in the open. He and Yennefer seem be thinking along the same lines and he doesn't miss a beat in ushering River in first before following her inside as the door closes quickly after them.

Much in the same way he had given them room to say goodbye, he lingers by the door now allowing them a moment to bask in reuniting. His hands stay tightly wrapped around the straps of his backpack as if the tension between the castle and here hasn't quite left yet. ]

No one followed us.

[ But a lingering thought floats to the top of his mind that is easily picked up by both of the women if they try. Just because they've left doesn't mean that those at the castle won't be aware that they've slipped away. They'll have to keep a low profile until they're certain that they won't be sought after though he can't imagine why he would matter to them when he's done nothing remarkable. His hands shift slightly against the straps as his expression softens. ]

It's good to see you again.

— annabeth & percy, questing time 💫 nott

[diametrically]

[ While he would never admit that the prospect of leaving Annabeth and Percy behind in the castle is difficult for him, not even all of the affection that he has for them can erase the usual mix of annoyance and exasperation he feels. What is causing these particular feelings to rise you may ask? Somehow he's been dragged into trying to complete a bizarre task with them. One that involves (allegedly) haunted dolls.

He'd heard the rumors and whispering about dolls going missing but he hadn't paid much mind to it himself. Cassian didn't have any interest in toys let alone dolls. And seeing as they could leave any day now, he isn't about to volunteer himself for something that didn't quite make sense to do. But Annabeth and Percy had other ideas.

Or rather, two demigods nearly half his age and some combination of the universe, the Singularity or whatever stupid gods out there had deemed it fit to have a whole toy store's supply of dolls go missing. And of course they were the ones that were tasked with finding them. ]

The owner didn't say where we could find the dolls? That we just have to look?

[sophos]

[ for all her mixed feelings on cassian being in nott, she still sees him with semi-frequency, and questing to figure out the creepy doll mystery with him feels like a non-issue. he agreed! clearly he doesn't have any qualms with it either. if he didn't deep down appreciate percy and annabeth's tomfoolery, he wouldn't keep agreeing to it. ]

[ she does what she deems an appropriate amount of reconnaissance on the task at hand before the three of them meet up to officially start - though there really hadn't been much more to go on besides 'find the strange and creepy missing dolls.' she feels like she saw this plotline in a horror novel or something. ]

If they knew where they dolls were, they probably wouldn't be asking us to find them. Maybe we just have to think like a creepy doll.

[ because that's obviously something people can have experience in. ]

[seaweedbrain]

Think like a creepy doll?

[ Honestly, Percy had thought this whole quest was supposed to be a prank on the silly Summoned who foolishly volunteered to go for it, but then all the shopkeepers looked so earnest and their sob-stories were starting to sound less like sob-stories and more like ... well, stories.

So what could they do but agree, right? Dragging Cassian along for the ride seemed like a good last hurrah before they really went their semi-separate ways, and Percy still feels kinda weird about it but only because this whole place still feels too new, too foreign, too full of unknowns. So sue him for wanting to keep his favourite people and familiar faces near at all times to better protect them. ]

Yeah, sure, okay, I'll just channel my inner-Chuckie. What are the rules on heads turning three-sixty degrees? 'Cause I might have some trouble with that one.

[diametrically]

[ Percy was just voicing what Cassian was going to say. But he may as well have said it in tandem with the hard side eye that he gives Annabeth. Granted, he has no idea what Chuckie is (or maybe it's who), but the sentiment is still there in his pointed silence as Percy continues doling out sass.

The only reason he hasn't walked away is because he's already experiencing more guilt than he's typically does. And because deep, deeeeep down, a small part of him does in fact appreciate their tomfoolery.

So with no other choice than but to stay and see this task through he contributes to said tomfoolery. ]

I can't levitate either. [ Just in case they needed to rule that out. ] If we ask around we can probably find some leads. Nott is too big for us to search between the three of us. And if they move on their own they're probably going to try and stay ahead of us so they don't get caught.

[sophos]

[ she rolls her eyes at both of them. two for one deal. ]

Well, they're small. If they're really moving on their own or through some kind of weird magic, their perspective on the world is going to look a lot different from ours.

A staircase might be more like a mountain. They probably can't reach things like doorknobs without assistance. Maybe if we think of it like places a smaller animal could get into?

[ gotta start somewhere... ]

And if someone is moving them with the intention of being spooky, then we just need to think of spaces that would freak a person out if they saw a surprise doll.

[seaweedbrain]

Hold on, did you say move on their own? I was totally kidding about the Chuckie stuff but —

[ Percy shakes his head, sighs, thinks about lifting his hands to his face to scrub, and remembers that however creepy this might be, nothing will ever be as creepy as literal hell.

So. Yeah.

Priorities, let's go. ]

Okay, okay. So we'll ask around, but maybe keep it on the down-low, and while we're at it, we'll casually snoop around any weird crawl spaces or nooks and crannies too. [ He gives their immediate surroundings a quick scan before turning back to the others. ] Just a regular Scooby Doo Halloween Adventure Special. I get dibs on Shaggy, though.