abraxaslogs | Reality doesn’t always give us the life that we desire

Hmmmm?

Istredd's mistake, likely the last time he might ever make it, is to assume anything about Lucifer.

He hovers his touch so impossibly close that if Istredd tries to move in his grip he might just barely get a graze. Lucifer continues to watch him, his eyes lidded.

He says each word very distinctly, a minor light backing his irises: "I didn't hear that." He wants the words, spoken.

It is the last time he'll make it because he is very much realizing the (very exciting) danger he's in. Lucifer getting to explore a very willing lover for the first time? Just because Istredd's more experienced doesn't mean Lucifer can't catch up quickly.

Istredd's body is already flushed with arousal and he whines a little, trying to move toward Lucifer to get that graze. I should have tormented you. He gave in too quickly, but he was so eager. This is so bad (good) for him. Istredd is not too proud to beg, which he's already proven, but he makes eye contact.

"Please, Lucifer."

Edited 2023-04-28 20:33 (UTC)

Yeah, is the playful, gremlin response, you probably should have. But then, I wonder, if I would just get exponentially worse?

There is no wonder he very much would have drawn this out longer. Equally given torture opportunities!

But he may as well be purring in response to the two spoken words and he won't make Istredd suffer any longer, wrapping that icy touch around Istredd and laughing a little about how much Istredd very much was correct in it not being a problem. Is this man ever not molten?

"You might have to do some of this work yourself," he murmurs, though he does start in on an experimental rhythm. It should be from Lucifer not knowing how to set the pace. It really is more echoing that desire of Istredd's--wanting to see someone unwind so thoroughly out of need, desperate desire unspooling between them, his mind pressed more closely into Istredd's than he would usually dare.

Lucifer could very well sync in and feed off and shudder apart again just from that alone.

This is our first time. I won't be so nice next round.

And by not nice, he means it in the wonderful desire-ridden sentiment that they will really get to break each other in with time. Istredd is mostly matching him in playfulness. There is something special about being friends with a lover, because all the qualities that make their friendship work can be used here. Warmth, humor, understanding, trust.

It is very cold and he hisses but it isn't in a bad way, it's a mix of the chill and the sensation of Lucifer touching him this intimately. Istredd drops his head back, eyes temporarily closing, moaning as Lucifer starts to explore a rhythm. He understands the invitation though and does lift his hips to guide some of it. He is already wound up from what they've done and that intense need bleeds between them.

Istredd's telempathy means that Lucifer can feel what he feels, it would be easy for Istredd's desire to become his, the pleasure rolling off him a taste Lucifer can swallow down too. "Faster," he rasps, "please." In this moment he can't help fantasize too about more, about Lucifer inside of him, his need for orgasm mixing a lot of needs together.

I expected as much. They challenge each other daily in all things, that it would come out in this, too, is only right. It's good. He's been spoiled, allowed to be himself. But there are benefits to that. They match up quite nicely, after all.

Besides, Istredd still needs to break this body; Lucifer instead broke everything around him.

We're both so careful about losing control. He kisses Istredd, swallowing down his moans, and shifts his grip and speed. He releases his restraining hold on Istredd's wrists, unable to keep focus, pulling it down to lay it over his face, another cool point of contact. Let go for me, Istredd.

Istredd isn't capable of keeping up banter right then which is why it works better for him that Lucifer is whispering the right things to him. His hands immediately move when they are free, one to dive into Lucifer's hair and hold onto him, the other to his shoulder, digging fingers in.

He tries to kiss him but simply can't maintain it when he's gasping in breaths, sharper and sharper, holding onto Lucifer for dear life. Istredd doesn't break anything in the room but his mind does seem like it builds up into agony before it finally explodes into bliss instead.

His death grip on Lucifer relaxes and he nuzzles into his cold hand on his face. It's a relief, since he seems to be burning in comparison. Hazy blue eyes open again to look at him and he smiles. You'll have to lie for us tomorrow and apologize, I'm not even a little sorry. Smug.

He is looking at his hand with minor discomfort about what the heck he's supposed to do with this and just sorta slaps it somewhere to the side of the mattress which he may regret later on sometime in the night, but hey.

Or I can lie and not apologize. Thorne knows what to expect from me by now. Relatively. Ish. With some mixed feelings. Easy. It was a magic accident. A combination of abilities that had explosive results. He stretches out besides Istredd. When you think about it, it's not even a lie, aside from I don't appreciate being referred to as a magic being, but in this case I'll let it slide.

He shuffles around and yanks the blanket up from under them and primarily cocoons it around himself on one side and allows Istredd to get under it if he'll suffer the extra heat for the benefit of skin contact.

Side of the mattress should be fine. This was impulsive, in the future Istredd will be prepared, because he is very pragmatic. There was the possibility that their getaway would be romantic enough for this, but he didn't want to assume. Lesson learned.

I'm a magical being, blame it on me. Istredd kisses his cheek and partially sits up as Lucifer gets the blanket. He uses his telekinesis to pick up the blanket from the bed he techically was supposed to sleep on, and makes sure to shake it out in case of glass shards, before bringing it over too.

"Here, extra layers, in exchange for you staying naked." Usually he's a good enough furnace that Lucifer can be content with his body heat and blankets, but they're naked currently. Which isn't a problem for Istredd, but it is for Lucifer. He murmurs a spell along the new blanket too for extra padding and only hands it to him. He'll be fine with half of the one and them.

Going the extra mile to keep him naked is absolutely worth it. Once Lucifer manages to cushion himself, Istredd will snuggle up and pull him close. He feels loose and relaxed and happy. A hand cups Lucifer's cheek to lean in for a long slow kiss.

"I love you. We are not getting out of this bed until it's light out. To make sure we know where all the glass is." Yes, logically Lucifer stepping on glass would mean literally nothing to him, as he can be stabbed and it means nothing. Let him show his care even if it's pointless.

Yeah but also hundreds of tiny shards on a bare foot is like stepping on a bunch of LEGOs. That worst irritant that you don't want to deal with accidentally. So! Not all that pleasant, a surprise, and then continued walking on coals because there is glass everywhere. Despite the fact that, oh, Lucifer can fly.

He sighs with satisfaction into the new heat, satisfaction in general, really. Satiated cat devil.

"Yes, definitely about the problem of seeing glass," he says, flicking a hand up through the air and summoning the basic Academic light spell with a few whispered words. He tosses it to hover over the floor for it to gleam over all the glass. He snaps and the spell winks out again and he flops the arm over Istredd. "No other reason at all."

Istredd laughs quietly and tangles their legs together, fingers playing loosely in Lucifer's pale hair. He is definitely going to end up overheated, even if Lucifer has most of the blankets, but it's worth it. He doesn't even look at the spell Lucifer does, he already knows that he's calling him out.

"Maybe I'm just avoiding facing the music as long as possible." As funny as it is to him now, he'll probably be a little more embarrassed about it tomorrow. Not about what happened, but having to acknowledge the awkwardness of the situation to strangers.

Istredd keeps his head far enough away that he can actually admire Lucifer's face, he likes to look at him, see him. I'm glad I'm your first. First relationship, first man, first sex with feelings, first sex in this vessel, take your pick, they all count. And I'm really glad I asked you to kiss me, even if it took us a roundabout way of getting here. No he won't bring up the knock out this time. That whole thing was a bit of a mess. They're here now.

"They already talked about us before we were even friends, man," Lucifer chuckles. "Now at least they'll be closer on target. Still likely getting some things wrong, though. That's the nature of people talking." He nibbles lightly at Istredd's arm, up towards his shoulder. It's becoming an idle action the more he's able. It's all about rockin' it. Confidence, presence. Disregard about anyone's reactions, normal or otherwise.

He's got a lot experience at ignoring rumors and chatter. This came up to some degree the last time when rumors about them were discussed. Actually the rumors in Thorne are the nicest he's ever had to deal with, how about that. And now, they just make him grin in quiet delight instead of Just Ignore Anything Happening.

Sentimental, he lulls, not uncaring, nearly light. We've never done anything in a linear way. It only makes sense.

Edited (finally the word I wanted came to me ) 2023-04-29 07:07 (UTC)

"I don't care if everyone knows we're together. People with half a brain and eyes could see it tonight, we aren't subtle. I also started calling you my partner openly and most people know what that means." It's not roommate anymore, which could be more nebulous. Partner is a statement, a claiming. Lucifer is his. Istredd lets him nibble to his heart's content, his hand caressing him.

But some details are private. Their sex life specifically. Maybe some of the more important and secretive emotional parts he wants just for them. He and Yennefer were secretive because they weren't supposed to be together, and to keep their unique connection only theirs. Although you exploding everything in our room when you orgasmed is a compliment. Istredd laughs and leans in to kiss him gently again, nuzzling his nose.

"Very sentimental." He agrees. Promise me in the future instead of making assumptions we'll just talk to each other. They could have avoided some very serious emotional pain for Lucifer if they were better at communicatin. Lucifer pointed out they don't talk. Well, they need to. If you ever wonder about something or have a question, ask it.

"Yeah, no," he laughs, "you misunderstand. They already were guessing about our nonexistent sex life." Not just their relationship status; if he cared about that he wouldn't have made such a show at the party.

He pats the back of his hand at Istredd's side.

"Just continue the claim of magic accident. Most will just go with it. Our friends on the other hand..." It's an unusual ease that he says 'our friends' with, and says something that he doesn't even notice. "There's likely no sympathy there."

Istredd's last comment gets a slight wince from him. His immediate reaction is that he can't promise that, because he knows himself. But... "You too, you know. It's not just a 'me' problem."

Istredd had a 'we'll' in there but it still felt like a Lucifer Problem. Lucifer had a meltdown and yes, Lucifer said he wouldn't have acknowledged a relationship months ago, but it was still months. His friendship is valuable, yada yada... MONTHS.

To really emphasize, he adds, Were you going to ask about Kyle if I hadn't said anything?

Istredd takes that in with a sigh and then shrugs. "I don't actually care, now that I think of it. I'm glad you're mine and everyone can know it." He may be a little prudish in some ways, and not openly talking about sex, but they can mind their own business. If he really cared, he wouldn't have so openly devoured Lucifer with his eyes all night. It's the worst kept secret at this point.

"I know it's not just a you problem." Istredd reassures him, his intentions genuine. They're both at fault for the lack of communication. Istredd's the one who has been keeping secrets from him for months, after all. Maybe for good reasons, fear is always a great motivator, but he's the dishonest one.

Like that. That makes him internally want to cringe. No. Istredd closes his eyes, running fingers along Lucifer's side, not looking at him intentionally. Right away calling me out, hmmm? He smiles wryly.

"Alright, let's just ... talk about the Yennefer situation." Because that's what part of this really is about. "I didn't want to talk about Kyle because I understand it's very irrational for me to get jealous of anyone touching you, when sometimes you may have to share me with her." Istredd hates that. He hates being irrational and illogical, and jealousy is only that.

He shifts to sit up, separating much of their points of contact enough for Istredd to notice before he is thumping down on top of Istredd, his arms folded and expecting to catch Istredd's eyes when the movement no doubt takes the actual wind out of him. If it works, Istredd will see him grinning down.

Serious topic? Yes. But Lucifer's exceptionally good at being the one to hide and close off. Step back. He would maybe even let Istredd do it if he wasn't already still the equivalent of a caveperson.

Also Lucifer is feeling good, physically and mentally. It isn't often he can share and offer that.

"So you were going to do what I did and bottle it up. I'm not sure if anyone's bothered to tell you, but taking emotional pointers from me is unwise."

Keeping his arms crossed atop Istredd, he pokes a finger between his ribs. There is no real reason for this other than some strange way of his to keep Istredd from sinking into his head.

"I know where you and Yennefer stand, to at least some degree. In this hypothetical scenario of yours: you knew nothing about Kyle and I." He draws out, almost a song, "Which makes... your feelings... ?"

Valid. The answer is 'valid', Istredd.

Istredd's confused at him moving and then he does indeed manage to knock the wind out of him. Always surprising, his partner. "Lucifer." He scrunches his nose up at him but he secretly loves it. Not so secretly, since Lucifer can feel that he appreciates the physicality of it, it's continued reassurance.

This is the equivalent of spray bottle technique he uses mentally, only physically, and it's successful. He sighs and looks up at him, feeling very vulnerable but all the more reason for Lucifer to not let him pull back.

"Yennefer and I most of the time are friends and allies who trust one another and rely on each other to have our backs. Sometimes she gets the itch for me and it's more than that. It's important for her to feel like I'm here if she needs me." That could arguably be non-sexual, but the way they are, it is inevitably sexual sometimes. Not all the time. "I don't want to lose you, Lucifer. Or for you to feel like a placeholder or secondary or anything like that. But I also can't abandon her."

Yennefer did warn him that if he couldn't handle her existence then he shouldn't bother, but Istredd himself was avoiding putting that point out there, because of his fear. Losing Lucifer at this juncture would be devastating, but he would understand. In a way, it is making a choice, and he knows that for Lucifer who never feels like he's the choice, it could be painful. He can't tell him all of the reasons he and Yennefer need to be a team, that he made a vow to make up for what he did before, to be her port in a storm.

"It wouldn't be right for me to say all that and then say I'm jealous of anyone touching you." But it is absolutely what his heart is saying. He doesn't want anyone to touch Lucifer. He feels guilty now, deeply so, and apologetic. "I'm so insanely in love with you, I can't see straight. I can't be reasonable, I'm sorry."

Edited 2023-04-30 03:01 (UTC)

"I know nothing about love," devotion, yes; love, no, "but I'm pretty sure it's not supposed to be 'reasonable,'" he points out.

He sets his head down on his arms, almost like he's snuggling in, and only for a moment turns his head so that he's looking off into the dark room. It's not dismissive; Istredd will be able to tell that he's putting some kind of thought into this, though as scattered and complex as his thought process typically is, indiscernible. After a bit, he makes an awkward nod to himself and resumes his previous position.

"If it was anyone but Yennefer we'd be done."

They likely wouldn't even have began.

He told Yennefer the only reason he cared is because he respected her. Otherwise, well. He'd do what he wanted, regardless of a third party's feelings. Maybe he'd fight for supremacy, maybe he'd just step out and not put the effort in.

"And I'm not looking for anyone else." He wasn't looking for Istredd either but that was months of being in each other's space and then months of being in each other's minds and then what felt like months being severed from both.

That isn't something that by any means should be possible to replicate.

"Believe me, I know. Every eight years or so I'd try to get something going with a more reasonable match, and it didn't work out because it never came with this intensity." The insanity of real love, the kind that has to kick the feet out from under you to even happen. Lucifer hit his blind spot full force and Istredd was helpless to resist him. Istredd had other lovers in the past, obviously, it wasn't only Yennefer, but they were always doomed. He couldn't make himself love anyone.

Istredd's breath was held through all of Lucifer's quiet contemplation, because he knew in a way it was going to be the deciding factor. They haven't straight-forwardly discussed this, which means that Lucifer has to actually consider whether this is something he can handle. He releases that breath when he talks again, all the tension in him strained and then hesitantly relaxing.

"You weren't looking for me," he points out. Lucifer could feel differently. Istredd's opened that door for him. Istredd reaches up to cup his face. He can't imagine that he will be the only person who will love Lucifer. It's already strange to him that he is. But so few people know him as he does. "I want you to be happy. I'd do anything to make you happy." He is burning with sincerity about that at least. Istredd drops his hands to his shoulders, to his arms, to his hips.

"It's still new, that's all. Very new. I never thought this would happen so I wasn't prepared. And I'm sorry I kept this secret so long." Istredd smiles faintly. "You deserved to know someone loved you even if it felt a little pathetic on my end."

Edited 2023-04-30 03:41 (UTC)

"Well, lucky you, I don't think there's currently any other psionics in Thorne that can witness and fall for my beautiful mind and link minds with mine so that I can trust them in general and trust them with my true form," he says blandly.

It is excessively obvious that Lucifer thinks Istredd is being very dumb.

But, he supposes, Istredd was already making that point in his own way.

'You deserved to know someone loved you.'

So it just figures that Istredd throws him a little off-kilter with his words. He's really good at going that, it's not fair.

"Thank you," he says, which is--well, maybe not something you're supposed to say to continued proclamations of love, but, "really, I--thank you."

"It's true, I really hit the niche market," he says blandly back. Istredd still can't help but touch him as much as possible, something to do with his hands, and his greed. So much skin-to-skin is really spoiling him. Sharing a bed in general has been spoiling him.

"I want you to feel safe to talk about it if anything does happen. I promise my irrational reaction won't last." He did manage to shrug it off, although they needed to have this conversation before continuing. Istredd hopes in truth they don't need to do that, some part of him is always going to be possessive.

Istredd doesn't expect anything from him when it comes to his confessions or words. He says them because he means them. It makes him feel better too, to speak truths. Hiding didn't feel good in the slightest. A rejection would have stung but it was survivable.

"Thank you for not minding that I'm putting it all out there. Not everyone would be comfortable with that." Emotionally constipated people for example! Which they sometimes are. Istredd smiles at him and slides a hand into his hair and then cups his neck, pulling him in for a kiss.

Are you okay with telling some of our friends? I want people to know you're my man. Also I already told Kell.

"You mean you promise your irrational reaction won't be the last," he corrects.

They are very different people who very much share certain... qualities. Lucifer is very particular about his personal space but that has been lessening over time.

Maybe he should warn him about Lenore.

... Naaaaah.

"It's as you said: it's new." It doesn't bother him, it's more interesting and surprising than anything else at the moment.

By all means. They are never going to get any sleep at this rate, not that he's complaining. They're going to wonder why you're telling them the obvious. I wasn't aiming for subtly.

"I won't have an irrational reaction forever." Istredd does have some faith in that. Most of it is about insecurity. This is new and exciting and special, and Lucifer knows he struggles with the way he sees himself. Once he gets to a place where he thinks they're solid and on the same page, he probably will relax more.

"I think I'll be fine with it platonically, half of the problem was me thinking you were going to kiss." It felt like someone walking on his turf, so to speak. He isn't mad at Kyle, that much is clear. It was panic more than fury. "Kyle's attractive and interesting." Lucifer might not actively notice people being handsome, but Istredd has eyes.

He laughs both physically and mentally. He mischievously smiles. I'm going to bang pots or ding a glass at breakfast tomorrow and announce we're in a relationship. Cue everyone going we know.

It's a good thing they're both very old then.

"If you say so," Lucifer says in regards to Kyle, on both accounts. Lucifer would give the guy 'competent' over 'interesting' but hey. That's him.

...

And then Lucifer bites Istredd's lip, enough to bleed.

I will. Throw bread. At your head. If you even try.

Both very old, but both act like children.

Istredd's spark of pain is mixed with surprise and he jabs a finger into Lucifer's side much the way he was jabbing Istredd only moments before. They are extremely mature individuals. Of course it's illogical that his immediate response outside of that is to pull Lucifer into a deeper kiss, ignoring the new sting in his mouth entirely.

As you throw the bread, I will make sure to tell them in detail how sweet you actually are. Just ruin that reputation of yours. He is 100% joking and there is no doubt about that. Considering Istredd has already stated he'd prudish about some aspects of their relationship, the idea of getting up in front of a group and being vulnerable about this precious relationship is never going to happen. Call Lucifer his partner? Yes. Acknowledge how he feels about him because it's obvious anyway? Absolutely. Not to mention Istredd wants to keep Lucifer possessively to himself. No one is allowed to know these secret things about him.

Still, he's messing with him, since he's allowed to do that. Istredd smiles and kisses him again, light and fun. I'll call you by a really stupid nickname.

He is not dissuaded in the slightest and licks up the blood while returning the kiss.

Maybe a change to my reputation would help. Everyone thinks of how 'sweet' I am while ignoring as I operate in the shadows... No one would believe it. While we're at it we'll just add how you would love to become a professional orator.

See? He can joke too.

Dare I ask what the top choices of nickname would be?

Edited 2023-05-01 02:29 (UTC)

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finally dw

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