abraxaslogs | I don't trust, but I see right in front of me

Istredd bows his head respectfully to her, having also noticed that glance away, and he didn't plan on pushing more. Lingering would only continue the pain, and she has the log and money now. He follows Lucifer without argument, musing on it himself.

I suppose I can't be surprised that they would loathe the crown with how little they care about this place or its people. Istredd of all people understands well, as he's already explained he dealt with villagers who welcomed a conquerer when he gave them an easier lifestyle. Life was hard on the continent, he could hardly blame them for seeing a bad person as a hero for giving them food when they were starving.

There is no conquerer here that can take over Thornee, so Nott has no option for that. They simply have to continue existing as best as they can. Istredd frowns as they walk. His instinct, as always, is to be helpful. Just as he wanted to save the elves however he could, his heart does go out to Nott and the civilians there.

I tried to save as many of the natives as I could. We all did. But there were so many dead, and no one searched for them. Josselyn said the cult hadn't been in action very long, but if they hadn't captured Summoned, they probably could have continued killing civilians.

Of course taking the Summoned was the entire point of the plan, so she could try and steal their connection to the Singularity, but it doesn't change how bad that is for the others. Istredd is Istredd, so he feels a momentary sense of guilt.

There were two natives I brought back with me when I took Wilhelm, he says. So others did continue to make it out without your vigilance, and that comes with a touch of annoyance because seriously Istredd, fine, you can be 'responsible' for the new Summoned or whatever mantle you felt like taking up but literally taking up responsibility for everyone else is pure idiocy.

Abraxas' own people were out to get them. You can't change that. There's always gonna be some bigger fish taking advantage of the guys below them, finding whatever 'in' they can get and use it.

It's a fact of life as far as he was concerned. He didn't have to make humanity flawed. He just fast-tracked the inevitable. Their flaws were there; he took the highlighter to them.

"You want to try and find your bookstore?" I don't want to be in this city for longer than we have to be, but... He's not going to deny Istredd books, even if it was just to window-browse.

Istredd gives him an equal touch of annoyance look. Feelings are not logical, as much as I wish otherwise. Meaning he knows that there is no logical reason for him to feel guilty or responsible for anything outside of his ability to control. They kept as many people alive as they could. He's told the others who have lingering feelings of guilt that they should let it go.

Very do as I say not as I do of him.

It's a little sad that every sphere seems to hold the most depressing qualities in common. Turmoil, conflict, the powerful stomping on the powerless. Istredd is not an optimist, there cannot be one of those coming from his cold and cruel sphere, but it would only be natural to hope for better out in the multiverse.

He doesn't want to linger in melancholy though. It's unhelpful. Istredd almost says no, they should go back, he also doesn't want to linger out here. But that would mean not finding the bookstore in Nott right now, for when he has money he can maybe spend. They might have uncommon texts. Since Nott cares a little less about the scrutiny.

"Are you sure you don't mind?"

He supposes if feelings were logical he wouldn't have such a problem with figuring them out, but then again Lucifer is likely the most illogical of the angels, so...

Lose/lose no matter what for him.

It's inherent, he states. A fact in stone.

Humanity is all the same no matter the 'sphere.' Lucifer may like a handful of them but he still sees, easily, everything that makes him scoff, everything that still keeps him firmly on the side that he was right. Show him a world where that's different and he'll crow 'fluke.'

Now though he blatantly rolls his eyes at Istredd instead of the mental pushes from before. He gives him a near-pitiful look. "Yeah," he says, clipped. "Let's go back instead. Forget all about the books you've never seen before."

Humans aren't the only corruptible species. Because he knows exactly where Lucifer's mind would jump to. Other spheres have multiple species too, some just like Abraxas, like vampires and werewolves. There are elves, dwarves, and gnomes in his sphere. It's not so cut and dry that only one type of creature in the multiverse is the problem.

Since Michael seems to think they're all God's worlds anyway, one could argue it would then be all of God's creations are the problem. But Istredd doesn't know that he believes that their God has made everything. No clarified truth. Just a theory like any other.

Remember when I said you're only sometimes annoying? Technically what he said is he likes Lucifer even when he's being a prick, and that was watered down into annoying. Istredd rolls his eyes and just walks away from him because he has to get the book scent. And it probably will look like he's literally following some kind of energy, his sharp eyes looking for something in particular.

It is mostly cut and dry for Lucifer because everything under the monster category falls to Eve. And demons were naturally corrupted by nature of what they were.

Angels were........ the more difficult category to sort. He wishes it was easier to corrupt them.

But he doesn't have much more fight towards it either way. He's met more species on Abraxas than he has anywhere else.

He beams in delight instead of taking offense. Lit up through his mind, an ease to his steps, more carefree seeming--though a piece of him is aware of his surroundings. That won't ever stop. I had to make sure to remind you, he sings, purposeful. Everything about him is purposeful, hidden under a cover of nonchalance, that you're wrong and I am in fact most of the time a prick.

Is he having fun? Yes.

Is he playing his own secret game that he's 100% winning? Also yes.

"I hate you." It is about time for them to do their call and response line, since the last time Lucifer wouldn't give him the right reply. His irritation is genuine although he also deeply hates how hard it is to hold onto it when Lucifer's good mood is a stark contrast.

You have no idea how infuriating it is that I find it as attractive as I do annoying. It is why he was always doomed. Istredd's just open about the extent of his doomed state these days. He did tell him his impulse was to either strangle him or kiss him. So those feelings are permanently intertwined in him.

Some part of him is aware that Lucifer's doing it for a specific reason. And it is working. He is more relaxed in terms of thinking someone is going to snatch him. At one point though Istredd stops entirely, and then backtracks his steps. He has that feeling. His already bright eyes seem to brighten more and he walks toward what appears to just be a closed shop and locksmith.

He smiles, satisfied, and slips into Oks.

Hilarious that those three words send a tingle down his spine more than Istredd's 'I love you.' Maybe because that is, really, something that has stuck out between them for months on end, since the bond could correctly indicate what Lucifer was actually feeling when his words said something else entirely.

He nearly leaves it hanging on empty air. A response left unsaid is better than Lucifer's struggling 'I know.' That there was no point of it unless Istredd could find something in himself to survive and pull them out of the fragmented Horizon connection and back to their mental link.

He doesn't. He doesn't think he's capable of it.

"You don't," he says, and his response may even be stronger than his proclamation of 'you're mine.' Charged in a way two words shouldn't be.

He doesn't follow Istredd in right away, but it's only a feel seconds for him to take a look behind them, checks their entrance, and then slide in.

... He's going to lose Istredd in here if he's not careful.

Edited (I thought I murdered all my extra 'actuallys') 2023-05-14 04:40 (UTC)

In many ways that saying is where they bond locked into place, and not only the magical one. The emotional one between them, when everything blurred together and they never managed to pull back from there. It was the first time Istredd was completely confident when he said 'you don't' because he felt it. Lucifer felt everything but hate for him.

It's why it felt harsh when he didn't get it back, when it suddenly seemed like shaky ground when before it never was. To have it solid again is nice. Istredd glances over his shoulder and the smile he gives Lucifer is solidly his because there is no reservation in it. Just pure affection.

Stop that or I'll kiss you again. Not in front of the books. As if the books are sacred and he must give them all his attention now! If Lucifer irritating him didn't already help him relax from his anxiety, this makes it temporarily disappear entirely.

The woman, clearly the owner, within looks up at him when he cheerfully asks her about history, and she points toward all the way in the back. The non-fiction section is apparently deep in there. Unsurprising, most people prefer fiction. Lucifer could lose Istredd in there since it is a bit winding but there are many more books than he actually expects. He's absolutely delighted, he may as well be glowing on the bond.

"This is a gold mine," he says gleefully, fingers reverently touching the books as he searching the titles.

He's briefly distracted, turning, looking out towards something like he thinks he missed it, but shakes away whatever it was, nothing there, and focuses on laughing instead, Oh, the books are innocent, are they? I'm guessing your world wasn't about book banning then.

Istredd is not going to want to know those details.

"I don't suppose you take IOU's," Lucifer says to the woman as he passes and the look she gives him says it all. What? He had to ask, see who he has to deal with here? Joked about you dating the Singularity but maybe it's bookstores that should be the real concern.

Book destroying happened when people wanted to wipe out knowledge. When humans learned magic and then killed the elves that taught them, they rewrote history to say it was always them. Not banning so much as utter destruction.

And this is on the tail end of Istredd saying 'not all humans' but he never said he thought humans were good. They weren't the only bad ones, that's all. This is why most people on the continent didn't know about the elves being the root. And why the elves prophesized their savior. Their anger was justified. Other them, but not to make them seem better.

When Istredd thinks about how many books must have been burned to hide all kinds of truths, he gets sad about it. He thinks it's likely Thorne has done the same. They must have known more about High Magic earlier.

Giant rocks and books were my first true loves. He laughs and goes deep into the back shelving areas to pluck out a history book and look through it. He wants to see if there are any differences. Or I should say knowledge is. It always comes back to that. Monoliths and books are connected to the same.

He knows he can't take any of this today but he will note the ones he wants. And people who are pricks, attractive ones.

Yeeeeeeah there was some book burning in Earth's history too. Good times.

Maybe what he should lean towards more now, given different people and their worlds, is that civilizations are flawed. That's non-discriminatory, groups in whatever mixed species is roaming about a planet. All equally flawed!

He chuckles to himself as he pages through a random book and does not comment as to why.

"We do have time," he says. "Our 'curfew' isn't for awhile." Get back before sundown, the Thornean way!

So lose yourself to your heart's content. The woman up front didn't balk at Lucifer's blatant show that they had no money and were just perusing, so they can likely get away with being here for a bit.

You'd love me if I was unattractive, he says plainly, matter-of-fact, but it's maybe the first time he's really acknowledged Istredd's feelings so simply.

Istredd would readily agree all civilizations are flawed. It seems inevitable. And that the civilized aren't that far away from being uncivilized, depending on what is going on. He doesn't hate people but he's fairly realistic. He has a more positive outlook on the Summoned solely because in a way they have to find some connections with one other in order to get through this alive. It's why he thinks even the Winchester group and Lucifer and Michael could make an ongoing ceasefire. They have more to worry about than each other here.

Istredd probably wouldn't want to stay here past dark anyway. He is currently more soothed and distracted by books to be concerned about someone coming for him, but his anxiety would spike after sunset. He's been uncomfortable with the dark ever since the Pit. They could barely see for pieces of it, until the shrines turned the torches on. It's why he hid under Lucifer's bed and why he's been relieved they sleep together now.

"I love old books the best." Istredd is full out nerding at this point. He does love the smell of old books. His reasoning is probably tied to what he said before, that since so many historical texts were destroyed, it feels like the older they are, the more valid their details. It is probably not true, but it feels that way. And this place has endless older texts. Kid in a candy factory.

Of course I would. Why do you think I use the term attractive instead of handsome? Handsome would be about your vessel, attractive is all of you. Istredd rarely compliments Lucifer's body or looks because he knows very well that Lucifer has body issues due to being stuck in a human form. While he does think his vessel is handsome, it's not on the list of things he likes about Lucifer himself.

Things I like about your vessel are really about you. I like looking at your eyes because I can see through to your mind. I like when you lounge or smirk or have that singing tone because that's your personality shining through. I obviously liked how you were dressed at the ball because the style is your taste, and I knew you wanted me to find you attractive.

They both kind of did that. There was an intention to dressing the way they did. That's why it was a first date. Istredd says all this to him while flipping through a book, he can multi-task very well. If he had money he would be stacking them to decide later, so now he has to browse while he has the time.

And I know for you it's similar. Lucifer wasn't attracted or interested in people before him. He smiles as he changes books. Except for my eyes, apparently.

Edited 2023-05-14 16:20 (UTC)

You shouldn't tell me these things I will in fact use them against you.

Which is at least odd insight that he hasn't purposely done it before, except the most recent stroll outside with his singing; that he picked up on, and did use it.

So, an accurate example.

He takes to perching up on a stool that barely pokes up out of a particularly precarious stack of books.

It is a good thing Istredd can multitask because while Lucifer would preen from compliments about power and prowess Actual Personal Compliments are new. None of his fanatics would know him that closely... Thank Heavens, too. That would be miserable.

It's funny to me you didn't already know these things, I'm really not subtle. Every time you've lounged a particular feline way for the past few months I was blatantly looking. The worst was that night, you were stretched out on the bed only a foot away, it was inevitable I'd ask to kiss you.

Istredd was down so bad at that point he was never going to make it after they were sitting on the bed together. He wanted him too much, and every time Lucifer let him get closer, and allowed him in his space, it got worse. He probably wouldn't have been able to wait a hundred minutes let alone a hundred years.

I like your vessel because it lets me physically show my feelings without killing me. Lucifer having a human body means he can sweep them up into lust or cuddle in bed. Physical affection does mean a lot to him, maybe it's a love language. But it doesn't really matter what it looks like. I've been with people others would find ugly. He's not going to mention Yennefer because they don't need to bring her up, she would hate him if he ever mentioned how she looked before, and since he always really did find her beautiful.

Istredd passes by him to look at the stack of books nearby and ruffles his hair affectionately. And yes, you can definitely use that against me, but I like it so who cares.

They've already established how oblivious Lucifer is. Istredd had to, quite literally, spell it out for him and even then Lucifer didn't believe him for the start.

It's wonders that he's accepted it well enough now.

'Probably' without killing you, he corrects. There's some concern there that he could accidentally do so. Mages are still very human, after all. He'd likely be the first to defend Istredd to anyone else that the man is strong enough, but there's a difference between strength and your body is not stone.

He smirks. He thinks Istredd might regret those last words.

Then continue to try not to kill me. It's funny because he did say something like that when they were first working out how to share thoughts when Lucifer was concerned about breaking his brain in the process. Istredd isn't worried about his life in Lucifer's hands. It may be irrational and Kyle did warn him, but if he spends too much time concerned about that, it feels like it's a waste. Unless.

He considers and leans against a shelf carefully, they're not entirely the most stable, and flips open a magic book.

Is there a way I can put on some extra protections so you worry less about that? Something on his side that can soothe those concerns, basically. He knows his lover is a powerful primordial creature underneath. I don't want you to have to worry about breaking me all the time. It's possible there is no way, obviously, but he thinks it's a good idea to at least ask. Communication and all.

Lucifer did shatter all the glass in the room and that's not the last time Istredd plans on setting off the 'nuke.' It seems smart to ask.

He's never tried to kill Istredd.

But all it takes is one distraction, one wrong move.

Through all of this, he is going through the stack of books by his stool.

I don't know, unless you can find a way to fortify yourself, even temporary. He'd really like it to be a joke but it's really... not. Abraxan magic does come with a lot of options, so maybe. Maybe just not the use they'd expect. That kind of thing could actually be useful in sensible things like, y'know, combat.

Edited 2023-05-14 19:52 (UTC)

Istredd's brushed off concerns about his safety from others because he trusts Lucifer and he doesn't particularly like seeming like he can't handle himself. Something Lucifer is well aware of. But his conversations with them are different than his conversations with Lucifer, which can be more direct and honest. Outsider opinions don't matter.

Fortify how? Defensive shields both physical and mental? I'll look some things up, see what we can test out. Magic isn't perfect right away after all. They can go through a few options. Istredd considers it important to try if it puts Lucifer more at ease.

I'd like if we could be together without your fear of breaking me. So you can relax for once. He picks up a fiction book and makes a face, setting it to the side. It gives him a moment with his hand free to reach over and cup Lucifer's cheek, caressing his jaw gently, before moving on.

Edited 2023-05-14 19:59 (UTC)

Physical more than mental, he says, I'm less worried about your mind. He has technically attacked Istredd mentally before, although not to a complete extreme, but he knows the man can hold his own there.

Lucifer does have a penchant for putting his fist through people's chest. He still has those strength levels.

I don't know, he repeats, likely surprising them both when he turns his head into the touch while it's there. Need to figure out my own power. He's been fine fighting, one of the reasons he's always in the Hunting Grounds when he can get there; fine-tuning himself.

But while he compared fighting and dancing and sex, that last one has a lot more distractions than he's used to dealing with.

Istredd nods, he already assumed his mind was probably fine. They have been handling their mental side for far longer than the physical, so that's different. They are still new to this aspect. It's good that they're talking about it, there is no reason this has to be an unspoken conversation.

He likes when Lucifer leans into the occasional touch. It means something to him. And there is nothing he wouldn't do for this creature he loves. Fighting in Nocwich helps you figure it out in violence, not when vulnerable. And that is sex, at its heart. Vulnerable. Lucifer did have to let go a little in order to experience it. I'll work on some physical safety spells. We'll figure it out.

Istredd pauses and reaches over to tap Lucifer's chin, encouraging him to glance up so their eyes can meet. But remember that sex is not a requirement for our relationship. I know I've been flirting and complimentary, but it's important that you know you can always communicate your concerns or take a pause. The only thing I truly want is to be yours, whatever that looks like.

They probably should have talked about Lucifer's strength problems in bed before they actually did anything, but this is something they're still adapting to. Talking about things after they've already done it. Istredd shares the feeling of wanting Lucifer to be happy with him, to be glad he chose to do this. That's all.

He does very much hate being vulnerable.

And yet.

You'd be hard-pressed to get me to do anything I don't want to, he says, which is both his way for reassurance... and a warning.

Because for all well-behaved that Lucifer has been there will come a time where he's set towards one thing and no amount of anything from anyone will stop him.

But that's not what this is about right in this moment.

(At least they have made notable improvements when it's come to talking.)

Istredd likes to think of all people, Lucifer knows he can be vulnerable with him. He has been over and over again, throughout their friendship, but he wants that to continue. He wants to be the safe port when it comes to them.

He knows what the warning is and it's a fair one. Istredd caresses his cheek again and then releases him. I don't know, you've bent a few notable times for me. I think you have a soft spot. It is a light tease but he also is taking it seriously. He knows that it doesn't mean Lucifer will always bend for him, or that he is in a position where he can control him. That's not what he wants either.

Also for a few other people. The kids. Wanda. Kyle and Jack. Even Yennefer in a way. This is why Istredd will stand by his belief Lucifer has changed in many ways. Changing for only one person wouldn't be real change. It's the community he is starting to protect.

Istredd will definitely research what he promised. He means what he says about shrugging it off, but after a taste of Lucifer, he continues to be down bad for him.

He is very gentle as he runs fingers over titles and picks one, always careful with old books, they can break apart so easily. "This is even better than the Hayle bookstore I went to." That one was fancy and very pretty, but this is probably more Istredd's style to be honest.

It's possible Istredd is right. Lucifer's become far more mercurial than he used to be. He almost wants Istredd to be right, but he has his doubts. Keeping those doubts is likely the safest bet. But it's there, it's out there. If he thought it something easily ignored or not a concern, he wouldn't have mentioned it.

But because he did mention it he wonders if some part of him wants to be stopped if his whims take him too far.

"I bet even Hayle's bookshops were pristine," he says. "Projecting an image to the world, keeping the old stuff behind red tape. You should ask on what the price range is for some of that." The ones that caught his interest, Lucifer glancing back their way having felt those little curious sparks. "So you know what to save up."

Istredd thinks he is right. He won't bank everyone's lives on that, but it also won't stop him from throwing himself at Lucifer if he thinks it's the only option to help him or others. This is just who he is, which is something they both know. He would rather hope and try than be negative and suspicious about it. There are worse ways to die or get hurt than risking it for a loved one. He almost experienced that worse way.

He suspected this store may be of more interest to him than not, which is why he stayed and looked for it, with Lucifer prodding at him in the meantime. In his experience, he's always found more interesting things in unsuspecting locations than the royal or fancy libraries he would have to peruse. That's how he found himself in Codringher and Fenn's store and found the answers about Cirilla. No official library was going to give him that.

"I will." It may be a situation like Thevan, where bookshop owners end up liking bargaining with someone who knows the values of the books they offer. He'll have to introduce himself to the woman when they're closer to leaving. "I need to slowly refill my collection anyway.

I want to go back to Hayle. I want to pitch Ambrose allowing me access to more High Magic books. If all goes well, maybe I can claw my way into Hayle too. It's not immediate plans, it's future plans. Istredd is methodical, he'll find a way to his goal eventually.

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HE IS SUCH A NERD

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wow this ended up long he just likes a lot of things about him lol

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