abraxaslogs | Closed Log

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Closed Log

Who: Nadine, Julie, Lloyd
When: Beginning of February
What: Working through family stuff
Where: Nott

[Things have been tense and awkward since the Dimming, Nadine trying to give Julie her space and avoiding Lloyd more often than not - at least during the day, it's hard to avoid someone when you're currently sharing sleeping arrangements with them. It's been a difficult month, to say the least. And much, much too long.

And Nadine owes apologies to both of her companions - though one is far more pressing than the other. But she doesn't lock the door of the room she's been sharing with Lloyd, as she's been prone to do when she gets home from work - just to give herself a couple of hours to deal with her feelings as best as she can. He's been as helpful as he can be, and she's grateful for that, if she's been awful at expressing it lately. He deserves better. So she leaves the door unlocked and reads through a book on local medicinal herbs, hoping to get a chance to talk to him.

At some point, late in the evening, she makes her way to Julie's door. She has no intentions of trying to justify herself or excuse herself, but Julie deserves an apology. Even if the other woman doesn't forgive her, Nadine didn't do right by her and that needs an apology. She knocks as she announces herself, preparing to be turned away but hoping otherwise.]

Julie? Can we talk? Or at least...can I talk to you? I just want to apologize.

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I know. I was trying to look out for you how I thought you needed it, when I should have been paying attention to what you actually needed.

[She'd heard Julie, but she hadn't listened. Not well enough, not to what Julie was implying and saying between the lines. She'd gotten so caught up in what she thought was important, what she thought would serve them best, and she hadn't taken Julie's fears seriously enough.]

I, um, I'm not used to looking out for other adults. I was treating you the way I'd treat one of my kids, and I can't do that. I won't do that anymore - or I'll try, you'll probably have to metaphorically smack me a few times. I'm just so used to being on my own and only having to worry about myself in the long run. But you're right.

[Nadine shakes her head a little, body language open rather than defensive. It hurts, yes, but Julie is right.]

I'm supposed to be queen, I'm supposed to look out for you and protect you and do right by you. I messed up badly this time. All I can do is promise to try and do better, if you'll let me. I know we didn't get off on the best foot, but...you're important to me, Julie. Not many people are, but I hate that I caused this and I've missed you. And I swear, I did not mean for anyone to come with me. I planned to go by myself, and...I should have stepped up and said 'no'.

[She can say 'no'. And she can certainly tell Lloyd what to do, even if she's loathe to do so. It just doesn't seem right to her, telling another grown adult what to do. But that is her right, technically.

Everything's so clear in hindsight.]

[ Julie doesn't want to be emotional. She wants to be cool, detached, the one who keeps it together. But it all hurts, and it hurts more because none of this had to happen, not a single bit, not if Flagg had just stayed with them like he was supposed to.

(She knows, knows it wasn't up to him, and it doesn't matter. He's supposed to be above the whims of a stupid rock, could have fought it or something. Anything. He's supposed to be here with them.)

Turning away, she swipes at her face, makes a snuffling noise and then there's a muttered, "Oh fuck," and she walks away from the door, leaves it open. There's a small storm cloud forming over the bed and she has to catch it before it soaks everything. Her voice calls from inside, where she's standing on the bed to try and break the cloud up with her hands. ]

Sorry, I just... everythin's gonna get all wet.

It's okay.

[Nadine steps inside, chewing at her lower lip as she watches Julie attempt to dissipate the very localized little storm system. That alone says a lot about what Julie's thinking. Or at least feeling.]

Can I...help? If you open the window, I might be able to blow it outside.

[She rarely uses that little wind spell she first learned when she was one of the Summoned being shown off to visiting dignitaries. It doesn't do much more than push loose doors closed and blow out candles, but it should be enough to push a little cloud a handful of feet.

Then it's anyone in the alley below's problem.]

[ For the moment, Julie does, at least, seem to have enough of a hold on the cloud to keep it from pouring rain. It's still growing, threatening to drench her as she breaks through it with her hands, but it mostly wants to reform as soon as she moves.

Nadine enters, and as Julie looks over at her, the cloud flickers from within, lightning that stays inside the cloud, doesn't yet strike down. Julie (who is now, understandably, terrified of lightning) backs away from the darkening cloud, steps down from the bed to pull open the shutters. It's still freezing outside, and the cold wind sends goosebumps up her bare arms. She trembles, and even she's not sure if it's from the chill or the continued flashing. ]

[Nadine just nods, taking the open window as agreement. She does note Julie's expression, but doesn't comment on it. She just raises her hands and mutters a few words not in English and a wind begins to rise inside the room. It's been a while since she used this one, but apparently she hasn't forgotten any of it.

Eyes narrowed in concentration, Nadine turns it to the little storm cloud, using her hands to direct it. It wafts towards the window, building speed as it goes, until the cloud is banished outside the building. She releases the spell with a little sigh and a slump of her shoulders. Directing it like that is a little more energy consuming than just bringing the wind up.]

There. Now it can do whatever it wants.

[ She slams the shutters closed as soon as the cloud is out, quickly enough that the rumble of thunder is muffled from behind the wood. Latching them closed, Julie crosses one arm over her chest, rubbing the opposite arm anxiously. ]

Thanks. I -- [ She pauses briefly, reaches behind the open bathroom door, and lifts up two glass lanterns, which she sets on the bureau. They contain not candles, but smaller versions of the storm clouds, safely locked behind glass. Both of them occasionally send down their own little bolts of lighting, illuminating the lanterns. ] I've been makin' these to practice with, but... y'know, they're smaller. And in there.

You made those?

[Everything else is, momentarily, forgotten about once Julie brings out her lanterns. Nadine leans in to look closely, amazed at the shifting and flickering of the tiny storms. They're beautiful, really.]

That's really clever...I never would have thought of doing something like that. You've literally caught lightning in a bottle. Or...lamp.

[And beyond it being clever...it's useful. More stable than a traditional flame, and less dangerous. Julie's really come a ways in her mastering of magic - Nadine's impressed.]

I got tired of messin' with fire. [ Which, while she has improved her grasp over it, is still more fickle and prone to changing with her emotions. Also there was like a whole thing over Christmas, and it just seemed better to make little things she could keep in containers. ] Plus, I like... I like bein' able to control it.

[ Because she can't control real lightning, shakes when she sees it in the sky. She grew up with storms and tornados being a constant threat, knew when to run to the cellar before she knew how to read, and now she can't look at a storm in the distance without fear. Having her own little source that she can manipulate, destroy if she chooses, it helps.

Scratching the back of her neck, Julie pushes the lanterns back against the wall. She's not sure what to say, really, because she's not even entirely sure how she feels. ]

Look, Nadine, I don't... I don't wanna be mad anymore. I'm not even really mad, I'm just... what happens next time we don't agree? You gonna leave me in the dust again?

[ And it's childish to think that way, because even Julie knows that's not what really happened, but in the end, it is. Everyone leaves her, literally turns their back and walks away from her. And she's tired of feeling that hurt. ]

[Nadine nods, understanding Julie's reasoning - even if she doesn't fully understand. But she understands wanting control, and how important that is. Particularly to people like her and Julie, who have so often had so little of it.]

No.

[She's quick to answer, and shakes her head to emphasize it. There are a lot of things she's unsure of, but not this.]

No, I'm not going to do that again. I'm probably going to mess up sometimes, I can't promise I'm not going to make mistakes or mess up. I've...I've never had a friend before, Julie, not really. But I can promise I am not going to make a choice to leave you behind again.

[There's no way to promise she'll never leave - that's not always going to be in her control. But she can sure as hell promise not to make that choice again. And mean it.]

Anywhere we decide to go or not go, it's together.

[ It's not that she doesn't want to believe Nadine. On the contrary, Julie actually wants nothing more in the world than to believe that it's the truth. But she's a big believer in "fool me once", and, well, she's been fooled. She's been fooled and much worse than she ever thought, as it turns out; her trust is, understandably, very thin at the moment. With everyone.

She sits at the edge of the bed, back pressed to the headboard, and clutches a pillow to her chest. Her knees are drawn up, bare toes just peeking out from under the edge of her chemise -- her toenails are a sort of faded pink, the small jar of primitive polish still left on the bedside table. ]

I was thinking about going to Cadens soon. [ Her voice is quiet. ] I sold Susan's horse, so I have enough to get there, me and Baron. I wanted to save some more, so I wouldn't have to rush to get a job, but maybe it's better to just go.

[Well, this saves Nadine bringing it up herself. She'd been planning on broaching the subject, whether or not Julie was open to forgiving her. But this makes it easier.]

That's the other thing I wanted to talk to you about. I think the Free Cities would be a lot better for you. And probably me, too. We have people there. But you specifically have a lot of people who care about you there. Lloyd and I have been saving up, too. Just added to the fund tonight, actually. If you want to go in the next couple of days, we can.

[She would have liked more time here to learn, but...Lloyd can grab her a book before they take off. Academic Magic is just as easy to learn from a book as from another mage - not that either is particularly easy. This is more important. Getting Julie somewhere she feels safe and has a wider immediate support network takes precedence over any other plans or ideas Nadine may have had.]

And I can make sure we have a financial cushion. I have a key to the shop where I work, I know where the money is. I can send Lloyd the night before we leave, there's no one there at night. It's not going to ruin my boss or anything.

[Otherwise she'd feel guilty. More guilty, anyway.]

I actually don't really wanna be in the Free Cities. [ She sounds hesitant, her brow furrowed. ] I don't trust the government. I mean, I don't trust any government, because who would, right? After... after everythin' ours did to us. But with the royals, you at least know what you're gettin' into. And Sam's told me about his talks with their president lady, and she sounds like a fuckin' liar. And I'm really worried they're gonna fuck with the Singularity. I don't love it like they do up at the castle, but I don't think these idiots should be messin' with it, either.

[ Julie sighs. If she had a choice, she would move everyone to Nott, where they're left alone and no one has any grand designs on a potentially universe-destroying rock. But nearly everyone she knows wound up in Cadens, and it's been pointed out to her that while Nott itself may be pretty neutral, it would be the first place that any of the factions try to stake a military claim if a war comes. It's closest to the Singularity, it's not particularly loyal to the crown, and it's resource-rich. It's a risky place to be simply by virtue of what it is.

She bites the inside of her cheek, tries to find a silver lining, and does perk up a little. ]

Ciri told me that she went to Aquila, though, and there's a beach, like the ocean. I never been to a beach before, not a real one. I always wanted to go somewhere like that.

I'm pretty sure anybody who makes it into that high a position of authority is a liar.

[Nadine offers a tired little smile. Julie has a point, she doesn't really trust any of the governments here. When had a government ever been trustworthy? But they don't have much of a choice, they have to live under one of them. They can't just go live in the woods in the middle of nowhere.]

But at least as far as we know, the Free Cities' leaders aren't torturing any of us or overtly trying to use us. We're really not safe anywhere, at least in the Free Cities we have people we can rely on if something happens. Here...

[It's just them. They're isolated and alone here. It's safer to be with people they can depend on, people who can help if need be.]

The ocean's a lot more impressive than a big lake. I've heard that one of the cities there is the fashion capital of this world, too. And there's museums. And it's warmer there.

[There are, at least, things about the Free Cities that are appealing.]

That torture thing was more complicated than that. It's insane bullshit, but they ain't just torturin' anyone they could catch. And Free Cities is fuckin' enlistin' us! Thorne wants us alive, they need us to get the Singularity. Free Cities wants cannon fodder.

[ And she doesn't know what Solvunn wants -- it kind of sounds like they just didn't want to be left out of the fun. Either way, it's where everyone else she knows decided to stay, so it doesn't feel like there's much of a choice, unless she makes a whole bunch of other close friends within the next few days. Maybe they can at least leave Cadens if things get bad, go to one of the other cities.

But she nods; it could be worse. From across the room, a small stack of papers, wrapped in string, floats toward them, carried by her third hand. She sets them down in front of herself, and the top sheet is tightly written script. Notes. ]

So, I have these... I wrote down everythin' I was able to learn from Polly, and the stuff I learned on my own. [ The innkeeper's wife, Julie's boss, had been her main source of magical guidance, had taught her the basics of better directing the magic once she'd managed to harness it. She'd told Julie the methods that the natives of Nott used to teach their children to control their magic, the little techniques and tricks to regulate themselves while they learned. In the other cities, she'd said, they taught their children to suppress the magic, to not use it until they were in school and could learn from books, that most of them lost touch with the innate ability to simply do it. Like learning to speak multiple languages, it's something that children simply pick up as they go, but only in Nott do they bother encouraging such a thing. ] It's not like, a lot, but it's what I got. She says that I must have a knack, 'cause she said most people can't find as much magic as I can.

Yeah, I uh, I did get all the details on that. But it proves that at least one of the leaders here in Thorne doesn't think we're all too precious to seriously harm.

[That alone is unnerving, even if they likely have no reason to think they're in any danger. It just shows that being Summoned isn't any sort of protection in Thorne, if it serves some ruler's personal agenda.]

And it sounds like the Free Cities aren't forcing anyone to do anything, so we probably don't have to worry about being drafted, at least.

[She likely wouldn't be so amenable to the move if the local authorities in Cadens were requiring service. It's no surprise they want to use Summoned, everyone here does.

That doesn't mean they have to help.]

I had no doubt that you'd be good at wild magic. You've really figured out a lot, from what I can tell. And it didn't take you long. I'm going to have Lloyd grab me a book or two, I doubt I'll be able to find a teacher in Cadens, do you want me to have him grab something on wild magic?

[ Julie's face very clearly says she doesn't agree, that she still finds the Free Cities to be the more dangerous option. The queen doing shit on the sly, to her, reads as much, much less dangerous than an entire kingdom who's gung-ho on expanding the military and potentially going to war. Not to mention their approaches to the Singularity, which Julie very much worries might be the actual center of the universe (or at least something akin to it). The Free Cities has made no secret of their desire to harm it.

But her trepidation is not competition for her desire to be with the people she knows, cares about. Who will take care of her. So she sighs again, shrugs. ]

If he sees somethin' worth grabbin'. A lot of the books are for kids, 'cause they start teachin' 'em real young here, but I already read most of the kids' books. I think there's a higher-level book about conjurin' objects, like an actual textbook, it would be good if he can get it. It's the hardest thing to do, I can usually only make really simple stuff, and half the time, it's still broken in pieces. I been tryin' to conjure a make-up brush, I thought that sounded easy, but I keep gettin' little piles of bristles. Sometimes the stick part, but usually not. The only thing I can really conjure... reliably, I guess, is pencils. Like just regular pencils. Even when I tried to make ink pens, quills, I still got pencils.

[ She reaches over and opens the bedside table drawer. Inside, amongst various belongings, is an oddly large collection of stubby, primitive pencils. Julie doesn't know how to get rid of them without just throwing them away, which seems wasteful. ]

I'll have him look for that. And hey, maybe all you can conjure well is pencils but that's a lot more than I can do. I can't even begin to think about trying to conjure something solid.

[And Julie has clearly been practicing. That's a lot of pencils. Maybe not particularly useful, but as far as a foundation to build on, it's impressive. Nadine had been sure the younger woman would show talent for wild magic, but she's already surpassing expectations by leaps and bounds.

One way or another, they need to find ways to continue their respective magical educations in the Free Cities.]

It shouldn't take more than a day or two to get everything ready. Unless you need more time.

[It doesn't matter to her, she's happy to do this on Julie's schedule. But Nadine has very little to pack and prepare, and she knows the same holds true for Lloyd.]

Oh, I'm not goin' fuckin' anywhere with Lloyd Henreid right now. You wanna travel with him, that's your business and I'll meet up with you later in Cadens, but I don't want him within ten feet of me.

[ Julie was hurt by Nadine. She was infuriated by Lloyd. He made his choice and doesn't even have the balls to admit he regrets it, so she assumes he doesn't. If he can't choose her over Nadine, then he serves no purpose as a boyfriend.

She shrugs and puts the notes in the drawer with the pencils. She doesn't care how petty it is -- as far as she's concerned, Lloyd no longer has any place in her life. ]

If it makes any difference, I think the only reason he hasn't tried to talk to you is he's scared and doesn't know how. You know Lloyd, he's not good with heavy conversations and conflict.

[For all that he was Randall Flagg's right hand man, Lloyd is not a hard or cruel man. He has the heart of a loyal dog, but his nature isn't violent or uncaring. Nadine can't entirely blame him for not knowing how to approach this situation.

But she also can't stand here and say Julie doesn't have a right to be mad. It's different between Julie and Lloyd and Nadine can't say one way or another if Julie's is justified. Maybe it is. But she knows Lloyd is hurting, too, and both of them are important to her.]

I'll admit, I don't really understand the relationship you two have, and I'm not going to tell you that I think you should talk to him or forgive him, I can't say that, I don't know if you should or not. That's between you two. But I do know he cares about you, and there was no malice in his choice, and he hasn't been doing too good this last month.

[It isn't as if Lloyd were off galivanting and ignoring what had happened.]

[ In all honesty, Julie doesn't really understand her relationship with Lloyd anymore either. It was easy back home, simple -- he had power that she wanted, so she twisted him up in a web of sex and flattery, playing a role to solidify her place in Flagg's society. The second he began to break under the pressure, she was there to talk him back up, to keep him exactly where he was so that she didn't fall too. And when he finally betrayed Flagg, she'd hurled abuse, made her feelings clear. Made them clear again when he found her in the dungeon, but then she was... stuck in the dungeon, where she was scared and confused, and he'd told her that he would get her out.

He failed. He's failed her time and time again now.

But she's afraid to be alone, to not have a safety net. Lloyd is the backup plan for her backup plans, but that doesn't mean anything if he's willing to abandon her on a lark. She'd rather be on her own than rejected.

Julie scoffs, rolls her eyes. ]

If he's gonna be so chickenshit that he can't apologize, then what point is there in botherin' with him? He ain't pulled through for me even once since long before we got here, so what good is he? I'm not his fuckin' mommy, it ain't my job to coddle him and kiss his boo-boos and tell him it's all gonna be okay. He can man up or he can kick rocks, 'cause I'll be just fine either way.

I guess the only advice I'd offer is if he does man up and apologize...at least hear him out. I know he screwed up, too, but...

[But he's one of them. He's family. Julie has a point, though, she's not obligated to forgive. And it's not her job to make sure Lloyd feels good about himself. Nadine already spent the first half of the night trying to do just that.

But it's between them.]

Practically speaking it'd be safer and easier to travel together. Either way...just say the word on how soon you want to leave.

[ She sighs, and she seems much less angry overall with everything. She just seems disheartened, really, a bit defeated. She's angry at Lloyd and throwing his supposed role in his face, but at the same time, she doesn't know that he fits into any role now.

Her head falls back to thump gently against the headboard. ]

I dunno. Maybe. You got a mage in mind? It can't be that guy with the wonky eye. He dumped Geralt out in the middle of the desert, so I threw a rock through his front window.

I think I know someone. She's a frequent customer at the shop, every other day, and the stuff she gets pretty clearly says she at least dabbles in the black market. If she's already doing shady stuff, there's a good chance we can pay her to do another shady thing.

[It just makes sense to Nadine. Someone who's already bending and sneaking around laws likely won't be averse to a job like this. Especially when they'll pay. She can put feelers out the next time the woman comes in, it'll be either the next day or the one after.]

If nothing else, she'll likely know someone who can help.

Just make sure she understands we don't wanna walk a fuckin' week to the city gates. [ She's still very salty about the whole thing with Geralt. And speaking of -- ]

Hey. So, before we leave, I gotta tell you... um, I found somethin' out. It's... So it turns out that people who disappeared can come back. Like, for real. I mean, I knew that it could happen theoretically or whatever. But it's actually happened. Geralt says a few times, for sure. [ And she doesn't need to voice out loud that it would not be good for any of them if a certain someone shows back up to find out what they've all been doing in his absence. ] And... and I think I might know what he is. Not just a guess or suspicion, but for real what he is and how he came to us.

[Nadine is quiet a moment, nodding. She takes a seat, not entirely surprised at confirmation that those gone may return but not comforted by it much. More pressing than that however is what Julie follows it up with.

She's never quite decided whether he's a demonic entity or a chaotic lesser god of some long forgotten pantheon, but she's long been sure he's one of the two.]

Do you want to talk about it? I don't know everything, not by a long shot, but...I know some things. Have someone in your head for twenty six years, you pick things up.

[Impossible not to, he'd been in her life for the majority of it. Even still, she likely only knows a bit more than Julie.]

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